You Are Saiyajin-ly Invited
By Rob Morris

(We see Goku talking to a dumbstruck Chi-Chi, his wife)

Chi-Chi: Married?! Those two are getting married? Goku, don't get me wrong. I certainly think it's a responsible thing for them to do, with a baby on the way. But Vegeta and Bulma are just SUCH a mismatch. The marriage probably won't last a year.

Goku: Oh, that's good. Because it's not really supposed to.

Chi-Chi: What?

Goku: Ya see, honey....they don't want to be married, they just want to get married, so their son will be legally recognized as heir to the throne of Saiyajins. Plus, it's just respectable. But after he's born, they plan to get a quickie divorce. So it's like…

(Chi-Chi faints, dead away)

Goku: Gee. Some people just handle weddings differently than others.

(Vegeta looks disdainfully at his tuxedo)

Vegeta: I am a warrior born! I will not be seen in this monkey suit!

(Destroys Tux with a power blast; smiles)

Vegeta: There. Who needs alterations?

Bulma: Vegeta!!!!! That tux cost money! Can't you be even a little considerate?

Vegeta: I still don't see why we need all this pomp and legal finery. Why don't we simply declare ourselves married? It's how it was done on my homeworld!

Bulma: Oh yeah right. Your homeworld is space dust, thanks to Frieza. You live on Earth, now, and you'll do this the Earth way!

Vegeta: Woman---eehehehheeh----NO ONE LIVING SPEAKS THAT WAY TO THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYAJINS!!!

BULMA: THEN CALL ME NOBODY!!!

VEGITA: IF YOU WEREN'T CARRYING MY HEIR--I'D SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO THE NEXT DIMENSION!!!

Bulma: Oh, The Next Dimension. You're always going on about the next dimension. You sound like a parrot. Can't you just come out and say that you're going to kill someone?

Vegeta: But...there really is a next dimension.

Bulma: Sure. Goku and Yamcha went there.

Vegeta: Yes---but for true Saiyajins, it is different. A great grim mountain of eternal warfare!

Bulma: Ooh, Ick. Count me out. Surrounded for eternity by a bunch of grunting, smelly Saiyajins?

Vegeta: YOU should do so well.

(We see Kirillin, Yamcha and Tien hanging by their thumbs over a lava pit where the gravity is 50 times Earth's normal)

Yamcha: Next---uggh---time--we don't let Vegeta plan his own- -AAAGGHH- --bachelor party.

Tien: No wonder Gokou came to Earth as a baby. He and Chi-Chi had cake and shark-steaks at their pre-wedding parties. Oh, man. I can't last.

Kirillin: C'mon, guys! We gotta focus past ourselves. Focus on something that we all want. Like world peace, or an end to tyrants like Frieza's family. Let's all think of what we truly want.

(They close their eyes, and begin to chant after a few minutes' thought)

Kirillin: Killllll Vegitaaaaa....

Tien: Kill......Vegeta...

Yamcha: KILLLLLL VEGITAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

(Their faces distend from the screaming)

(Gohan nervously approaches Goku)

Gohan: Uh, Dad? I've got bad news. Promise not to lose control?

Goku: Gohan, I'm not like your mother. You can tell me anything.

Gohan: Well, yeah. But....promise me you won't lose control?

Goku: Hey, your old dad is always in control. Its people like Vegeta and Bulma that are never in control.

Gohan: Um, the news is kind of about those two, Dad. See--they kind of cancelled the wedding.

(Goku stands motionless and expressionless for about a minute)

(We then pan back and see a mushroom cloud explode up from Goo's position. He yells, and The Earth shakes.)

Goku: THOSE IDIOTS!!!!!

(Briefly, we see a napping Piccolo awaken, shrug, and go back to sleep)

(Back at the scene, we see a stunned, lightly bruised, thrown-off Gohan get back up as his Dad flies off)

Gohan: I'm glad he didn't lose control.

(Goku yells full in Vegeta's face, causing Vegeta's eardrums to almost burst)

Goku: NOW HEAR THIS!!! AFTER EVERYTHING EVERYONE'S DONE FOR YOU, YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

(As Vegeta writhes in audio agony, Goku punches Bulma in the nose)

Goku: As for you--be more tolerant. This is a mixed wedding, remember?

(As she falls back, injured but not fatally, and Vegeta continues to grab his ears, Goku scratches his head)

Goku: Waitaminute. I think that I was supposed to yell at Bulma, and punch out Vegeta. Well, as long as I can take them to the wedding, who cares?

(At the wedding, the bride's nose has been set, and the groom's ears have thickly-padded muffs on them. Both glare at a clueless Goku, who waves and smiles back.)

Kami: I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Bulma: (Nasally) Neu wahay!

Vegeta: What? I may now list the tides? What sort of nonsense is this?

(Behind him, a wildly grinning Tien, Yamcha, and Kirillin build up power blasts with which to attack the unhearing groom)

Tien: KamMe---

Yamcha: ---HaMe---

Kirillin: (All release energies) HAAAA!!!!

SIX MONTHS LATER......

Chi-Chi: Signal it again! The baby is almost here!

(Kirillin, still grinning, gives the signal. Vegeta winces from the noise)

Vegeta: WILL YOU PLEASE stop hitting that blasted GONG!!!

(In the background, Sisko, now a Prophet, views all this with his mother)

Sisko: And I'm supposed to learn precisely what from these alternate worlds?