Chapter twenty one:
Sara smiled when she saw Mrs. Grissom sitting in the lobby.
"Gil is out in the field," said Sara.
"I came to see you," announced Emily Grissom.
"We can use his office," she offered. "Mine doesn't have walls."
Sara grabbed two cups of coffee and then guided her to Grissom's office. Sara shut the door and sat down in Grissom's seat.
"How is Father Andrew?" asked Sara.
"He wants to come home. He insists on getting up every other hour and walk."
"He's not overdoing it?" asked Sara.
"No, he's not," replied Mrs. Grissom.
"Good."
"I wanted to thank you…for being patient with my son. He's loved you for many years but couldn't bring himself to show you."
"I've loved him forever it seems," sighed Sara.
"It's that way with…Andrew. I loved him from the moment he moved next door to me," smiled Mrs. Grissom. "I always told myself I would marry him someday."
"He loves you…so very much," said Sara.
"He uhm didn't belong to me," said Emily sadly. "It broke my heart to let him go. I knew I could love Gerald if I let myself. He was such a good man…a bit older than me but I didn't care about age. It's not important if you love someone."
"No, it doesn't" admitted Sara.
"I knew the moment I watched Andrew give last rites to a young man, that he was meant to be a priest. I was selfish Sara. I wanted him…even if it meant I would never have him again. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"You slept with Andrew," whispered Sara.
"Yes, I did. I'd been waiting my whole life for that moment and when it happened, I realized we would never be together again. I knew he belonged to the church. I was so lost…Gerald encouraged me to attend this school for the deaf and I finally agreed. He was very supportive. I knew he loved me but I didn't feel worthy. I broke down and admitted what I had done. He didn't care. He proposed and then the next minute I'm writing the letter to Andrew. I felt it would be better if I was married…he would accept it and…"
She stopped swiping at her eyes.
"You wanted him to take his vows…since you did," said Sara.
"Yes. I never regretted marrying Gerald. He was a good man. He was kind and gentle. I became pregnant immediately and he was so happy. We both were. I settled into my life just as Andrew did his. I settled on friendship even though I still loved him. He did the same. I think Gerald knew this but he never once indicated he was ever jealous of our relationship. He just accepted it."
"It sounds like Gerald was quite a man," said Sara.
"Just like Gil. I couldn't give him my complete love but at least I gave him a son."
Sara's stomach knotted.
She didn't know…
No one knows except me…
Sara nodded.
"I want to thank you for helping my son and Andrew resolve their problems."
"I love them both very much," replied Sara.
"I know….that's why I'm happy that you'll soon become my son's wife. He's waited all these years for you, Sara."
Sara breathed in deeply as if she were struggling with her emotions.
"I'm glad," she managed to get out.
"Andrew is leaving the church," said Mrs. Grissom.
"He loves you," smiled Sara.
"I'm not sure how Gil…" Mrs. Grissom sniffled.
"Griss…Gil wants you to be happy," said Sara.
The door opened and Grissom stepped inside.
He glanced at Sara as he leaned over and kissed his mother.
"I just came to congratulate Sara," said Mrs. Grissom.
"None for me?" he teased.
"She's putting up with you," replied Mrs. Grissom. "She should apply for sainthood."
He frowned.
Mrs. Grissom stood. "I should get back to the hospital."
"Mother, I want you…and Father Andrew to stay with me once he's released," offered Grissom.
Mrs. Grissom smiled as she left.
Sara stood quickly. "I should get back to work."
Grissom grabbed her hand.
"Is that the only thing you talked about?" asked Grissom.
"Yes," lied Sara.
She hated lies.
She sighed. "Your mother and I were talking about…your past. I'm sorry. She confided in me and…"
"Sara, I don't mind…we have no secrets…my private life is yours now," he said. "I hope you feel the same way."
No secrets…
She gulped.
"Are you alright?" he asked coming around the desk.
"Have you made peace with Father Andrew?" she asked.
"Yes, I have," he said nuzzling her neck.
"He's like... a father... to me," she admitted.
"I'm glad. He wanted to be a father to me…I know that now… but he could never replace my father. I loved my father very much. He was the most important person in my life. I still miss him but I can accept Father Andrew with…my mom."
Do I tell him?
"Sara?"
"Hmmm?"
"Marry me," he pleaded.
Her body stiffened. "You've already asked."
He stepped back so he could look at her.
"Marry me…please."
"Is this a test…to see if I turn green or hyperventilate again? I'm not," she said stubbornly.
"That's not an answer," he scolded.
She nodded.
"Is that a yes?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered.
He pulled out a small black box from his pocket. "I picked it up today."
He watched as she opened the box and stared at the ring.
"Do you like it?" he asked anxiously.
"It's beautiful," she sniffled.
He slipped the ring on her finger. "You make me happy."
She burst into tears as she hugged him tight.
"Sara…Sara, what's wrong?" he asked.
"I love you so much," she cried as she quickly pulled away and disappeared.
Grissom stood there baffled.
She hid from him the rest of the shift.
He wasn't sure what he had done but he felt a bit apprehensive once shift ended and she was nowhere to be seen.
He told himself not to worry when he found she had already left for the day.
She wasn't sure why she sought him out but she felt she had nowhere else to turn.
Brass glanced up and smiled at her. "Hey kiddo."
She slipped down into the office chair. "Could we talk?"
"This is different," Brass said. "You stopped talking to me when you became friends with Father Andrew."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…you're Grissom's friend and I…" she stood quickly. "I'm sorry."
"Whoa! I didn't say no," Brass responded quickly as he stood grabbing his jacket. "How about dinner? We haven't done that in awhile."
She nodded trying to hide her sniffles.
Great…
They're engaged for less than twenty four hours and he's already screwed up…
Once they were settled into the diner, he picked up her hand and admired the ring.
"It's very nice," admitted Brass.
"He uhm proposed again in his office…he gave it to me then," she explained.
"You don't seem happy," he pointed out.
"I am…very. It's just that…He's being so sweet and I Uhm…I mean he's letting me in for the first time…confiding in me…he said his private life was mine also," she gulped.
"Sara, marriage means sharing everything…even the bad. What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," she sputtered.
The food arrived and she stared at it.
"Not hungry?" he asked as he took a bite.
"Share everything?" she whispered.
"If you want a healthy marriage…yes," he replied.
He eyed her closely.
"What is it?"
"What if I know something…that he doesn't," she groaned.
"Spill it," ordered Brass.
"No."
"Sara, let me help," he offered.
"No."
"This is obviously bothering you," he urged.
"No."
"Secrets always come out," he warned. "Better to confess now than…"
"No one knows…but me," she said.
"The truth always comes out…sooner or later. How do you think he's going to feel when he finds out and you didn't tell him?"
Her head hurt.
"I'm not sure how he's going to react to the news…given his age…what's happened," she let her head drop to her hands.
"Listen, eat," he said. "We'll talk later."
"I'm not hungry," she said pushing the plate away.
"Yes, you are," said Grissom sliding in beside her.
She seemed startled at first.
"You left…without saying goodbye," he said accusingly.
"I went to see Brass," she said. "I needed to ask him something."
"You did?" asked Brass.
She glared at him.
"She did," replied Brass as he shoved a bite of food in his mouth to avoid saying anything else.
Grissom glanced at the two.
"What did you have to ask him?" inquired Grissom.
"I uhm need… someone to give me away…I wanted to ask Brass," replied Sara.
Brass suddenly stopped eating. "You want me?"
"If you don't…"
"Of course I do!" he said happily.
Grissom smiled at her. "I'd forgotten about that small detail."
"No need. It's now taken care of," she said.
"You've not eaten," he said looking at the plate. "Taken your medicine?"
"Yes," she sighed.
She pulled the plate back and shared with Grissom.
"So when is this grand event?" asked Brass.
"We're not sure. We're waiting for Father Andrew to recover from surgery," said Grissom.
"So it's Father Andrew now?" teased Brass.
Grissom frowned when she pushed the plate toward him as she sat back.
"Sara…your weight," he began.
"That's a dangerous discussion to be having with your bride to be," chuckled Brass.
"Doctor's orders," replied Grissom as he scowled at Brass.
"Food doesn't set well with me right now," she murmurred.
"You've been overly tired," said Grissom as he accepted the cup of coffee from the waitress.
Brass stared at the two.
She's pregnant!
She doesn't know how to tell him…
"I get it! Sorry…it's just you said…I mean…I think I need to leave," Brass muttered as he grabbed the check and then left.
Grissom glanced at her.
"Going to tell me what that was about?" asked Grissom.
"Not a clue," lied Sara.
"Going to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked.
"I just took care of it," she said nibbling on a piece of food.
"I'm uhm worried," he sighed. "I'm afraid you're having second thoughts."
"I'm not!"
He seemed insecure despite her reply.
She curled her arm around his and kissed him thoroughly causing the other patrons to stare and snicker.
"Believe me now?" she asked.
He nodded as he tried to catch his breath.
The next day she started to place a file into Grissom's inbox but Brass grabbed her.
"We need to talk," he said pulling her over to a secluded area.
"I know," he whispered.
"You do?" she asked.
"it wasn't hard to figure it out," he replied. "It's a matter of time before Grissom finds out. You know he will."
She nodded.
"You have to tell him," Brass declared.
"I can't," she answered.
"He deserves to know…now before it's too late," he warned.
"But…"
"You can't hide something like this," Brass whispered. "You can't keep this to yourself."
"It would only complicate things," she said looking about to ensure no one was around.
"Sara, it may be a complication but Grissom…needs to know. Have you talked with Father Andrew?" asked Brass.
"I don't know how he's going to react," she sighed. "God, why did I have to find out?"
"When did you find out…when you were in the hospital?" asked Brass.
She shook her head.
"Before…I didn't know what to do once I found out. I mean I was worried about Grissom and Father Andrew and then…I…"
"You scared the hell out of me when you passed out. Stress is not good! Your doctor should have warned you about it," he scolded.
"He did," she admitted.
"So are you going to tell him?" ask Brass.
"Look, maybe it's best no one knows. He's gone this long without knowing?"
"You have no right to keep this from Grissom."
"I'm not convinced…that he should know…maybe after…when Emily and Father Andrew are settled…I just think it's best if I wait," she pleaded.
"He's worried about you," said Brass. "He suspects you're keeping something from him."
"I know," she moaned. "I hate secrets."
"Then tell him!" Brass urged.
"You make it sound so simple," she breathed as she tossed the file from hand to hand as a means of distraction.
"Want me to tell him?" he asked.
She stared at Brass.
"I can tell him," he offered again.
She stood there trying to figure out what to do.
"I'll tell him," said Brass.
She said nothing as she struggled with her emotions.
"I'm going to tell Grissom," said Brass.
She nodded her head slowly.
"Tell me what?" Grissom asked as he stood behind them.
Sara dropped the case file into the floor.
"Is that for me?" Grissom asked.
"For you?" she asked.
"Yes, it is," said Brass as he retrieved the file.
"So, what do you need to tell me?" asked Grissom.
Sara fled.
"What's wrong with her?" asked Grissom.
"We need to talk," said Brass.
He waited until Grissom was seated before locking the door and taking a seat.
"Why the mystery?" asked Grissom.
"Gil, something has been bothering Sara," said Brass.
"I know. She won't tell me," he admitted.
"She's afraid how you'll react," replied Brass. "I'm counting on you to do the right thing. Understand?"
"No but I'm sure you're going to tell me," frowned Grissom.
"Sara…is…pregnant," said Brass.
Note from author:
Can you see the confusion building… It's like that old skit: who's on first, what's on second, I don't know it on third…mass confusion…from crime scene investigators…
Take care,
Penny