11 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron
It was the middle of summer and temperatures had been climbing higher every day, much to the discomfort of the Temple residents. For Luke himself it was perhaps worse than for most, for while he was accustomed to the heat, he struggled with the humidity and fierce downpours of rain. While the stone Temple walls kept out the worst of it, Luke regretted his decision not to install climate control facilities and had taken to holding classes outside.
By the afternoon however his eager students had dispersed to pursue private study or reflection, and as had become their habit Luke and Valara commenced more directed training.
She stood on one of the thick vines which grew and spread along the ground, separating the Temple from the dense jungle beyond. Her eyes were closed and her arms held slightly outwards for balance, breathing slow and even. Luke reached out through the Force to touch her mind gently, and she let him in without resistance. When he closed his own eyes he could see through hers - the dark world which every day was drawing closer.
But there was light as well - Valara had developed and deepened her senses to discern the world around her through the Living Force. The Temple in the distance shone brightly, the Force-sensitive souls within giving form and structure to the building. The maze of vines almost gave the appearance of power lines siphoning light from Temple back out to feed the jungle, which was alive with variances in the Force. He saw himself, shining on the periphery and blinked back into his own head.
Valara began to walk along the length of the vine, her steps nimble and sure. "Simple," she proclaimed, pausing slightly before walking backwards, slightly more cautiously. "In Inquisitor training they used to make us walk tightropes."
"Blindfolded?"
"No," Valara conceded with a smile. "But they were suspended ten metres in the air, so there were higher stakes."
"I see." While Luke was glad to know that she had become far more open with speaking of her past, the details still troubled him. It had been many months since she'd returned, and the nights they'd spent together sharing secrets had brought them closer than he'd ever thought possible. The more she shared of her past life, the more her fear of it receded, and in turn Luke shared with her his doubts and worries, finding her understanding and advice a cool relief from his former loneliness.
"So I can see well enough here," Valara spoke up, eyes still closed as she jumped up onto a higher vine with a graceful leap. "But what happens on a planet without life in abundance?"
"I'll have to take you to Tatooine one day to see," Luke said, recalling a conversation from many years earlier. "You asked me to once, do you remember?"
"I do." Valara balanced herself as she walked the length of the vine. "Although I also remember you saying you'd never go back there."
Luke slicked damp hair back from his forehead and chuckled lightly. "A dry heat isn't sounding too bad right about now."
"I suppose-" Valara lost her footing and fell back to the lower vine, recovering enough to grasp it with her hands and steady herself. Luke knew better than to intervene - she needed to learn to get by with assistance. Eye still tightly shut, Valara righted herself and sighed.
"More focus," she muttered to herself. "Right."
"Try it with the staff," Luke suggested, picking up the metal quarterstaff he'd cobbled together from scrap metal at Valara's request, and tossing it to her. She caught it with ease, spinning it around a few times and holding it in front of her in a defensive position before starting a kata. Her balance wobbled moving into the first position, but Valara slowed down and took a deep breath to centre herself before continuing with the exercise.
There was a rustling from the jungle behind them, and Luke turned to see a young Devaronian woman emerge from the trees, her white and brown hair braided down her back. It wasn't uncommon to find her in the trees, unnoticed and keeping an eye on things.
"Farnay," Luke greeted her with a smile. "How nice to see you."
"I was intrigued by your lesson, Luke," Farnay said, coming to stand beside him as Valara continued with her kata, feet moving through the various positions with care. "She fell, and yet you challenge her with more?"
"Sometimes when you fail at something simple," Luke told her, "you need to excel at something difficult." He rose his hand and through the Force called several small pebbles up into the air. Without warning, he directed one Valara's way, and he felt her flicker of surprise before she brought up her staff to deflect it. Luke shot the rest of them through the air, and Valara wobbled a bit but kept her balance, spinning her staff to block all but one, which hit her in the shoulder.
She exhaled harshly as she opened her eyes, holding the staff with one hand and using the other to rub the spot. "Nice shot," she said with a wry smile.
"But that was very impressive Valara," Farnay told her, always supportive of her fellow students.
"90% impressive, perhaps," Valara said wryly, spinning the staff absently between her hands.
"No, Farnay's right," Luke nodded. "You asked before how to sense non-living things. You seemed to do just fine with the rocks."
Valara stabbed the vine she was standing on lightly with the staff and leaned on it, and next to him Farnay winced slightly.
"Sorry," Valara said, seeing Farnay's distress and removing the staff.
"A chance to test your new skills," Luke encouraged her, putting his hand on Farnay's back as they approached the vine. Valara hopped down onto the ground as Luke took a seat on the vine next to the wound. When he placed his hand over it he felt the plant's pain, not the kind one would get from a sentient being, but injury all the same. Devaronians had been maintaining the ecological balance of the planet for generations, and through much study and time spent with Farnay's tribe, he determined it was based on a Force connection with their living world. What he had been trying to teach them was a more active role they could play in the planet's recovery following the Imperial occupation.
Farnay placed her small hands over the tear in the vine. "I feel it, Luke," she said softly, closing her eyes. "Just like you taught me."
"Good," he encouraged her. "Now you can heal it."
Luke left her to the task and turned back to Valara, who had planted her staff in the ground, her hands folded over the tip and her chin resting on them. Stepping closer, Luke examined her eyes and was heartened to see the translucent film that usually covering her pupils had cleared somewhat. After concentrated use of the Force or meditation he'd determined that her vision always improved, although the effects were temporary.
"So how did you sense the rocks?" he asked her.
The corner of her mouth quirked, and Valara brushed back a strand of hair which had come loose from its tie. "Why do you want me to answer questions you already know the answer to?"
"So I know you know it."
Valara sighed theatrically, but her smile widened just a bit. "I felt every living thing around them," she said, leaning slightly forward on her staff. "So the gaps were apparent, and then I felt the shift in the wind. I could hear them."
"Good." Luke was pleased, and turned back to see how Farnay was doing. Her eyes were scrunched shut, and she murmured softly in her native language. Then she stopped, letting out a musical sigh as she removed her hands from the vine. A thin scarline remained where the staff had pierced its flesh, but otherwise the damage was gone.
"I did it!" Farnay turned to Luke, a smile lighting up her face.
"Well done, Farnay," Valara congratulated the young woman, stepping forward to pat her lightly on the arm. "The ability to heal is a true gift," she added, almost longingly. "Don't ever take it for granted."
The docking bays of the Temple were rarely used, since few students or pilgrims owned their own ships. Most came on shuttles from Chandrila or Coruscant, which docked in the primary hanger every other week and Luke always met in person. Valara had even accompanied him a few times at his request, and obtained wry amusement from the enthusiastic gushing directed at Luke followed by bewildered looks directed to herself. But that couldn't have been the reason he'd asked her to follow him after lunch, since the last shuttle had been a few days earlier.
In fact he bypassed the corridor leading to the main hanger, instead taking her downstairs where smaller, private docking bays were located. A handful of them housed personal vehicles including Luke's own ship and speeder, but again he passed that entrance before thumbing the access pad of the hanger located next to it.
"What are you up to?" she asked as she walked past him into the bay, which was large enough to hold a small freighter and open at one side where the sky beckoned. However the hanger did not house a freighter, but a ship that was almost dwarfed by the space.
It was an X-Wing - or what was left of one. Old and charred from battle, it was much like the ships that littered the junkyards of Jakku. Valara blinked, drawing on the Force to pull her vision into better focus but that did not improve the sight of the vessel or its mangled fuselage, shattered cockpit or obliterated engine.
"It's for you," Luke said, taking her hand and tugging her close to the ship. "I thought you might like a project to work on."
"You think I should fix it?" Valara ran her hand along the bent wing and then turned to him in disbelief. "That will take years!"
"So?" Luke shrugged. "You're a great mechanic, and I have faith in you." He stepped closer, cupping her cheek in one hand. "And I know right now you're thinking what happens when your vision gets worse? Well then you can go by touch, and use the Force like I've taught you. It would be a great way to hone your focus."
He was right, and yet all the unspoken reasons were clear. He wanted her to have something to call her own, separate from the Temple and its inhabitants. An escape, if she needed it, work to lose herself in and a way to recover all that she had lost. Valara took a ragged breath, tears forming in her eyes.
"I don't know what to say."
Luke grinned. "A thank you will do. I promised you'd fly again one day, Valara," he said, thumb lightly brushing her cheek. "I keep my promises."
Valara leaned up and pressed her lips to his - softly and only for a moment. "Thank you," she breathed as she pulled away, seeing the responding affection in his eyes before turning back to inspect the ship. She ran her hand over the red Rebel starbird on the hull, memories flooding back of a battle above an Imperial base.
"This is my ship," she said quietly.
"Yours," Luke nodded, leaning lightly against the hull and crossing his arms. "Then mine - and now yours again."
Valara laughed, her mind trying to make sense of it. "I thought you destroyed her ramming into Vader's TIE?"
"I did," Luke nodded. "But I had her recovered from Vrogas Vas."
Valara examined the extensive damage - she should have been surprised that Luke had even lived through such a crash, but he was a survivor. They both were.
"You never did tell me the whole story," she said, leaning against the hull next to him.
"About Vrogas Vas?" Luke shrugged. "It's not a pleasant tale - I came this close to being trussed up and carted off the Vader. He knew who I was by that stage, and if he'd told me then...who knows what I would have done."
"Not given in," Valara assured him squeezing his arm slightly. "I'm sure of that."
"Maybe," Luke said, a little wistfully. "Maybe I could have saved him."
"There's no point thinking about all the ways your life could have gone," she told him, a trifle sharply. "It can't end well, trust me."
Luke nodded. "You're right, of course." Yet his thoughts were still clearly in the past, performing an examination of all the choices he'd made and trying to find alternate paths.
"So who was this wily hunter who captured the great Luke Skywalker?" She nudged him to regain his attention.
"I'm afraid to say it wasn't a great gambit," Luke chuckled. "Some archeologist by the name of Aphra, she painted her droid gold and I thought it was Threepio until the blasted thing electro-shocked me."
Valara pressed one hand against her mouth to stop a laughed escaping.
"Yeah, I know," Luke said with good humour. "Some instincts, huh?"
"Well, you've changed a lot since then," Valara rubbed his arm lightly.
"I hope so. I seemed to spend a lot of time in those days needing to be rescued," Luke said, ducking his head sheepishly. "Even by you once."
Valara smiled at the memory - it had been not long before the Battle of Endor, when Luke had started to get frustrated over his lack of progress with Han's rescue plans. A mission to Carriban had gone sour, and with the rest of his squad half a galaxy away Valara had hitched a transport to the planet and tracked him down in a smuggler's den.
"Well luckily you're quite safely ensconced here," she teased him. "And more than capable of rescuing yourself or anyone else should the need arise."
"Ah, but the need doesn't arise much these days, does it?" Luke looked up at the roof, a note of longing in his voice.
"You miss it, don't you?" Valara tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. "As much as you've changed, at heart you're still that reckless farmboy who will leap at the promise of adventure."
"I suppose so." Luke gently ran his fingers over her her knuckles. "I should give him up."
"No," Valara told him firmly, resting her head against his shoulder. "Never lose him."
It was past midnight as Luke lay in bed, staring at the empty door waiting for Valara to appear. It was strange that she had not, and after making his gift that afternoon he'd felt so close to her the absence felt odd.
Unless… Luke sighed, resting his head back against the pillow. Maybe the ship had been too much, too intimate. It seemed odd to describe a hunk of metal that way when they slept in the same bed every night, but they'd held back from becoming lovers again for precisely that reason. The X-Wing had been the reason they'd met, and on some level it represented a bond between them nothing could erase.
Luke threw aside the bedclothes and rose, traversing the dark and silent corridors of the Temple towards Valara's quarters. He knocked lightly on the door before entering, and found her still awake, reclining on a chaise by the bay window and gazing up at the stars. Her hair was unbound and she wore her nightclothes and a long silk robe, her feet poking out from underneath the hem. She did not turn to greet him, but he neither did he feel unwelcome.
Luke crossed the room and cautiously took a seat beside her, covering one cold foot with his hand. "Are you alright?" he asked, rubbing her skin lightly to warm her.
"I was thinking about flying," she said, her soft voice almost a whisper. "That was the one thing about the Inquisitors - we were spies and hunters, and while we were trained to fly as a necessity it was never more than that. It wasn't until I joined the Rebellion that I flew properly and discovered the freedom of it. It was like discovering a secret that had been kept from me, the only true joy I had because it wasn't tainted by what had come before."
Luke followed her gaze to the dark skies above, littered with a multitude of stars. He'd watched them as a boy from a different part of the galaxy, but their pull had never diminished.
"I suppose I never knew any different," he told her. "I was flying almost as soon as I could walk. I think Uncle Owen always regretted putting me in that sandskimmer, but the call was too strong."
Valara turned to him, the moonlight casting deep shadows over her pale face. "You don't get much of a chance to fly now."
"No," Luke conceded. Although he often took his own X-Wing out over the jungle when he had a spare afternoon, but it wasn't the same as soaring through the stars.
"I suppose the difference is that you can go back to it if you choose, and I can't." Valara touched the scars beside her eyes.
"You will," he assured her, squeezing her foot lightly. "You have to believe that."
"I'm beginning to," she nodded, a small smile appearing. "I believe a lot of things now I never thought possible before."
Luke felt his heart leap into his throat, but quashed the feeling and desire as he had done so many times before. The truth was, as close as they were now, he still wasn't sure where it could lead, or if he even wanted it to.
"Tell me a secret," she asked, as if to break the sudden tension. "Something you've never told anyone before."
Luke pondered for a moment, for he had few secrets he had not shared with her already. But there was one, he realised, that he'd never dared speak aloud. One he thought traitorous even to his own mind.
"Sometimes I'm not sure whether I want to be a Jedi," he said softly, casting his eyes down so not to see her surprise. "I made the choice without even knowing really what it was. I just wanted to be like my father, a man he would have been proud of. I started walking the path without looking ahead and now I can't leave it."
"You can," she said softly. "The only duty anyone has is to themselves."
"That's not how I was raised," he lifted his gaze to hers again. "It's not how you were raised either."
"No," she said almost hesitantly. "But there's a difference between loyalty and blind devotion."
"True," Luke said, considering. Idly, his fingers slipped under the hem of her robe to draw random patterns on her ankle. "I followed Obi-Wan willingly with just a scrap of information and opportunity. Fight the Empire, save a princess, and become a hero - how could I resist?"
"You make it sound so trite," Valara said, her mouth quirking into a smile.
"Isn't it?" Luke asked. "I thought there was such glory in being a Jedi, to be able to harness and master this incredible power. It wasn't until Yoda knocked some sense into me that I learned some humility."
"That's not true though," Valara shifted slightly closer, causing his hand to skim up her calf. "When we first met I thought you'd be this glory-hound, but you weren't. You were kind, and humble...and you didn't back down when I tried to push you away." Her smile widened, and he was reminded of their first meeting years ago, when he'd sat on her sickbed and her smile had made his stomach flip-flop. Of course, he hadn't had his hand on her leg then, the skin smooth underneath his fingertips.
"Still, being a Jedi isn't exactly what I thought it would be," Luke to distract himself, although he did not remove his hand. "It's so much more, in many ways, but…"
"A part of you misses being a pilot." Valara nodded in understanding. "Is that what you would do, if you weren't a Jedi?"
"Probably," Luke admitted, his thoughts straying to his X-Wing, the thrill of battle, the utter confidence he always had in the cockpit. He couldn't claim the same of being a Jedi, since while he was sure of his own mind and abilities, now he was responsible for many others. The burden had fallen to him to rebuild the Jedi Order, and he could not shirk from it.
"But there are many other pilots in the galaxy," Valara voiced his thoughts. "And only one Jedi." She shifted closer again, and gently cupped his face in one hand. "But there won't always be, Luke," she told him her eyes clear and her voice firm. "The burden will not always fall to you."
"I do feel burdened," Luke admitted, her touch on his face light and comforting. "Weighed down by all that I do not know. The Jedi thrived for a thousand years before they fell. Am I so arrogant to believe I can surpass them?"
"It's not arrogance to learn from the mistakes of those who came before you." Her touch drifted lightly up his cheek to stroke the hair at his temple. "You've already proved yourself beyond the wisdom of your old masters when you refused to follow through on their plans to kill Vader."
He looked at her with some surprise, and she laughed. "I listen when you talk, you know. Even if it doesn't always seem like it."
"That's not it." Luke squeezed her thigh gently. "I'm just surprised to hear you speak of Vader."
Valara sobered, her hand dropping back to her lap as she cast her eyes downward. "Vader was in charge of the Inquisitorius, and so I will never forgive him for the part the played in my upbringing. He was a looming spectre, a threat should we ever do anything which required punishment beyond even the Grand Inquisitor's wrath. That fear is still there." She looked up at him again and blinked a few times before holding his gaze.
"But I understand your love for him," she added. "That compassion is more important than a thousand rules and codes and lightsaber techniques. So I know that the future of the Jedi is safe in your hands."
He was touched by her words and obvious sincerity, especially given her own complicated relationship with the Force. And yet other, deeper feelings arose as he gazed at her. He allowed himself a moment to examine the way her hair spilled over her shoulders, and with his free hand reached out to run his fingers through the ends. It was like silk, like her robe, which during their conversation had slipped open to reveal a thin summer nightgown. The skin of her neck was exposed; he could see the quickened pulse beating in her neck, and below…
Luke lifted his eyes swiftly back to her face, feeling warmth blossom in his cheeks. Valara smiled, having likely felt exactly where his thoughts had drifted, and he swallowed heavily.
"Your turn," he prompted, backing away from the edge although he could not quite bring himself to remove his hand from her leg. "Tell me one of your secrets - I know there's quite a few to choose from."
She poked him softly in the belly. "Not as many as there were a year ago."
He couldn't deny that, their nightly conversations yielding a wealth of knowledge "Well I hope it's a good one," he teased.
"It is," Valara nodded, her smile fading into something more serious. "A secret I've kept even from myself." Her voice quavered, and she took his hand where it had tangled in her hair, holding it in her lap and squeezing lightly.
"So what is it?"
She bit her lip, before looking up and into his eyes. "I love you."
Luke couldn't have been more surprised if she'd told him she was running away to join a dance troupe. He'd known, deep down of course, but he'd never expected her to say it, at least not without prompting. It was the simplicity of her statement that shocked him the most - without caveats or conditions.
Before he could give the matter any further thought, Valara shifted forward and pressed her lips to his. He responded automatically, warmth spreading down from his cheeks and along his nerve endings. The kiss she'd given him by the ship had been chaste, not unlike the few they'd shared since her return as expressions of affection. They'd never led anywhere, but the intent behind this kiss was unmistakable.
Luke found himself drawn in, his hand on her leg skimming higher as his other returned to her hair, cupping her neck as she pulled him down with her onto the chaise. He sighed into her mouth and shifted his weight so not to crush her, but Valara grasped at his back, pressing the length of her body against his as she kissed him fiercely. It was like renewed fire in smoking embers and Luke gave himself over to it, the touch and taste of her so familiar and intoxicating he wondered how it he had managed to keep himself from her for so long.
Reason asserted itself with sudden clarity, as he remembered why he had not pursued anything physical since her return. Luke tore his lips away from hers and pulled back, stumbling a few paces away before righting himself and turning back to her.
Valara sat up, leaning back on her hands with a bewildered expression. She was breathing heavily, robe rumpled and fallen off one shoulder, her hair tousled and lips plumped. Luke ran his hands through his hair and forced himself to look away.
"We can't do this, V, it's not right."
"What?" she asked,and when Luke turned back to her she looked even more confused. "Why not?"
"Because...we've made this mistake before," Luke tried to explain, gesturing to the space between them.
Valara recoiled. "Mistake?"
"I didn't mean it like that," Luke tried to defend himself. "I mean rushing into something physical - I know you've thought the same."
"It's been months," she said, an edge to her voice. "Where did you think this was leading?"
"I…" Luke scrambled for the answer. "I don't know."
Valara drew her robe around herself and scowled at him. "I told you why I came back. I was honest."
"I know," Luke responded, exasperated and unsure of how to articulate himself. "But I remember what happened the last time you left. And I know why you did it," he added quickly. "I understand." All of those harsh memories came flooding back, the anger, the worry, the loneliness and heartbreak. "But it still hurt."
He'd never told her that - never really admitted it to himself either. On Rakata Prime, when she'd been prepared to end her own life in order to take out the Imperial Base, he'd told her that losing her would shatter him, but her leaving had been almost as painful.
"I'm sorry for that," Valara said, but her expression was guarded. "But I can't change it."
"Then accept that I need more time," Luke insisted, not exactly moved by her apology. "Let's face it, Valara, you've set the pace of our entire relationship, the least you can do is cede some control."
Valara's mouth twisted in distaste. "That's what this is about?" she all but spat. "Pride? You want to be in control?"
"No," Luke responded with exasperation. "It's about you running when you get scared, packing up and leaving with some nonsense excuse, when the truth is things just got too hard. How can I trust that you won't do the same thing again?"
He chanced a look back at her. Valara's face was impassive, all desire and emotion stripped clear as her cloudy eyes bored into him.
"I guess you can't." Her words were inscrutable, impossible to tell it it was an admission or judgement.
Luke ran a hand over his mouth in frustration, holding her gaze until he could no longer. Then he straightened his clothes and left the room, making the long walk back to his bed alone.