Not Mine. So fricken tired right now, going to bed before i go crazy...oh wait i'm already there!haha. Hope you enjoy the chapter.
Back at school Remus threw himself into his studies more so then usual. Many nights found him huddled down by the common room fire, pouring over large tomes and scratching notes down with a quick hand.
He seemed, however to be getting back to his regular self. Although somewhat more reserved then usual he was soon rejoining in the antics of his closest friends and the distance that had been developing between he and Tonks began to lessen.
As their closeness returned Tonks couldn't help feeling that something was still plaguing him. Something besides grief for his parents. Never one to beat around the bush, she broached the subject in early February.
The two of them were in the owlry, Tonks was sending a letter to her parents and as soon as the owl flew out of the window She turned to him. "What's bothering you?"
As soon as they had entered the large room Bethan had flown over and lighted on Remus's shoulder and begun clicking her beak for treats. Now Remus was staring out the window and rubbing her head lightly. "What do you mean?"
Tonks sighed and crossed her arms crossing over to him. She was tired of evasiveness. "Ok, I know what's wrong. What I mean is what besides that is bothering you?"
He didn't answer for sometime instead simply staring out at the growing winter dusk. Tonks was patient though; they would stand there all night if they had to.
"I keep wondering," he said slowly, "Why they had to die."
Placing a hand on his shoulder she reached for his hand with the other and interlocked their fingers. "I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore."
He nodded and turned to look at her. His face was half shadowed in the dying light, but she felt that she could see every feature perfectly. "What I mean is why them. Why would the death eaters want to kill them besides the obvious that my mother was a muggle born?"
"You think there's more to it." It was more a statement then a question.
"I do. I know there's more to it Dora. I just don't know what it is."
She reached up and gently pushed his fringe out of his eyes. He smiled slightly and she smiled back, "Remus, I know that you feel…" she hesitated looking for an adequate word. "I know that you're feeling helpless, and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. The closest thing I have to compare it to is when I thought you'd been killed too. You want to know what happened to your mum and dad, I get that. I have every belief that you'll find out one day. But love, you can't let it consume you. I know you," she added when he frowned, "You will if you're not careful. You know your Mum and Dad, especially your mum, wouldn't want you live like that."
They looked at each other for a moment after she had finished speaking then he hugged her tightly and Tonks returned the pressure.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked quietly as they stood there.
She laughed lightly. "I don't know. It must have been something good though." Then in a more serious voice she said, "I love you, you know." After she said it she silently cursed herself. Why had she said it? Was it too soon?
"You don't have to say it back or anything." She said quickly when he didn't say anything. " I just wanted you to know."
"Dora." He said. "You never have to doubt how I feel about you. You are the most important person in my life."
Tonks sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. It'll do for now, she thought. One day, hopefully, he would tell her how he felt. She didn't need guarantees or I love yous necessarily. She just wanted him to open up to her.
The talk in the Owlry seemed to help. Things went back to normal and as the months progressed, full of full moons, new marauder adventures, Quidditch games, and school work Tonks worried less and less about how Remus was coping. She felt sure that with his friends support he would eventually move forward.
When April came a notice to all fifth years appeared in the common room. It stated that all fifth year students were required to meet with their heads of house to discuss future career plans.
"You're to meet Sprout on Friday at 3:00." Cally told Tonks as she sat beside her with a flip of her long black hair.
Tonks was reading an article she had found on Werewolves, the last full moon had been bad even though Sirius, James and Peter had been there, and the article said that research was being made into how to help werewolves through the transformations.
"Oh, I'll miss potions." She said distractedly as she scanned another paragraph.
"What are you reading?" Cally asked curiously.
Tonks looked up to find her watching her with a slender brow raised quizzically.
"It's nothing. Just an article I found interesting." She folded it and shoved it into her robe pocket. She then asked, as if she had not been trying to hide the article, "When's yours?"
Cally eyed her skeptically; she hadn't missed the hastiness in the departure of the article, but answered, "Thursday, 2:00. So do you know what you want to do yet? You've never said."
"Oh yeah. I want to be an Auror."
"Really?" Cally seemed a little surprised. "Even with everything that's going on?"
"Because of everything that's going on. I've always wanted to be an Auror but this war only reinforces it. I'm related to half the death eaters as it is. I'll do anything I can to help stop them."
Cally shook her head in wonderment. Tonks was her best friend, but there were times when she felt miles apart from her. This was one of those times; she couldn't see putting herself out there to fight against you know who and all the other dark wizards.
"Do you know yet?" Tonks asked sensing her friend's feelings.
Cally shook her head. "I thought about being a healer, but I'm not sure. What did Remus decide to do? He'll be done soon."
"Oh, he's going to travel for a bit. He wants to study more." Tonks said somewhat shortly. She couldn't tell her friend that her boyfriend had no real career path ahead of him; that would lead to explaining that he was werewolf. It made her mad just thinking about it. Remus was brilliant; he didn't deserve the segregation and discrimination he was going to receive.
On Friday Tonks made her way to Professor Sprouts office. The door was open when she arrived and Professor Sprout beckoned her in with a quick hand.
"Ah, Tonks right on time. Close the door and sit down please."
Tonks sat and Professor Sprout bestowed a rare smile on her. "Now we're here to decide what subjects you'll need to take in you're sixth and seventh years in order to pursue you're chosen career. Have you thought of what you'd like to do after you graduate?"
"Yes." Tonks said without hesitation. "I want to be an Auror."
"An Auror? Well that is a high goal." Professor Sprout extracted a pamphlet from a pile to her right and opened it to show her. "They haven't taken anyone in a few years now. Lets see. They ask for a minimum of five NEWTS, all Exceeds Expectations or higher. After finishing school you would need to undergo a further three years of training, after completing a series of character and aptitude tests at the Auror office." She glanced at Tonks to make sure she was listening and Tonks nodded.
"I would suggest that you continue with Potions. I see that Professor Slughorn had graded you with an exceeds expectations despite you're frequent accidents," Tonks blushed at this and Professor Sprout smiled slightly. "If you keep you're grade up you should have no trouble getting into the NEWTS potions. You'll also need Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall does not take students in her advance classes unless they have achieved Exceeds Expectations or Outstanding. You're currently leveling at Exceeds Expectations so you should be all right if you keep you're mark up. As well, I would suggest charms and Defense against the Dark arts for certain. You are currently doing quite well in defense, but professor Flitwick says that you are only averaging acceptable in charms. You'll have to bring that up for you're OWLs."
She paused, "Do you have any questions? No? Well are you still sure that this is the career path for you?"
"Yes Professor." Tonks said with conviction. "I'm sure."
"Very good Tonks. You may go now if you've nothing to ask. Remember what I told you about you're grades."
Tonks stood and headed for the door.
"Miss Tonks."
Tonks turned back. "Good luck. If you work hard I'm sure you'll accomplish your goal."
"Thank you professor."