CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
But as Scully closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, she could feel Mulder next to her, wide awake and staring at her bare back.
He had asked to hold her, but she had refused.
She was still upset about what he had done.
He had gone against her wishes and got himself into possible danger and had gotten arrested. And no matter what he said, she knew he was lucky that he had been let off so lightly. She was grateful for that.
"I love you." He whispered to her gently as he ran his fingers through her hair. She took a deep breath, enjoying the sensation of his touch.
The truth was that her back did hurt.
But she also wasn't ready for him to be all over her tonight.
She needed her own space, but she was glad he was with her. He made her feel safe.
"Good night Mulder..."
Mulder ran his fingers down Scully's back as gently as he could to try and get her to sleep.
She had told him that it was too painful to hold her which he was disappointed about but also understood.
As her breathing got heavier and he was satisfied that she was falling asleep, he rolled over to his side and pulled the covers closer, closing his own eyes and trying to sleep himself.
But it was impossible.
He couldn't keep calm.
His body was still high on adrenaline and he was struggling to switch off.
He didn't want to leave her in the bed alone so he tried desperately to sleep, hearing Scully's comforting breathing next to him as he tried to slow his own down to match her pace.
He wanted to hold her so badly but he didn't want to hurt her.
It made him so furious to think that she was in pain because of what Danny had done.
He didn't regret his actions, no matter what. It had felt satisfying.
Nearly an hour later, he was still not asleep.
He turned over in the bed onto his back and pressed his fingers into his eyes, frowning in frustration. He felt tired, but his body just wouldn't let him rest.
It had been some day.
Looking at her beautiful, perfect figure again which was sleeping soundly next to him, her soft pale skin illuminated in the dim moonlight from outside, he checked that she was ok.
Mulder placed a soft kiss on her shoulder blade then forced himself to get out of bed, not that he wanted to leave her.
But he needed to occupy his mind with something else.
Mulder carefully tip toed out into the living room. The fire was nearly dying and the house was deathly silent apart from the sound of the clock ticking on the wall.
He felt the walls caving in on him as he was alone in the open plan room, as he was so often these days. Even though Scully was sleeping in the room next to him now, he couldn't remember the last time they had fallen asleep together. She had been working so late and coming home when he was already asleep, no matter how hard he tried to wait up for her...
Mulder sighed heavily, his heart aching with disappointment at himself. If only he had paid more attention, this could have been prevented. He felt responsible for Scully, she was his life and his love, his everything.
He loved her more than he had loved anyone and it was his job to protect her... right?
Mulder walked towards the drinks cabinet which was calling to him. He knew that he probably shouldn't, but considering his options right now and the fact that he wanted to sleep, he decided that one drink couldn't hurt.
He could control himself.
He wasn't an alcoholic.
When he reached it he poured himself a generous glass of bourbon, then raised it to his lips. He knew that Scully would be concerned if she saw him doing this at this time of night, but then again, she was asleep.
And he really wanted to sleep…
Mulder took a sip, the warming liquor comforting him for a moment, warming his insides. His feet were cold and bare and he stood in only a pair of lounge pants. Mulder glanced around the house again, seeing various tokens on the walls from his life with Scully. Most of his own achievements were in his office, but Scully's were in here, tastefully discreet but on display. Her degree, her doctorate.
What an amazing woman. He was a lucky man.
Feeling the cold on his bare chest, he took another sip, larger this time, then proceeded to fill up the glass again.
Two glasses were not going to hurt.
But it was going straight to his head, considering what he had been through today. He couldn't remember the last time he had ate. May be breakfast? He wasn't sure.
And he was angry, for so many reasons. The drink was helping, making him feel light headed and relaxed.
Just one more…
Mulder threw back the next glass of bourbon then filled the glass again, his body now warm and fuzzy, his heart pounding with renewed energy as the alcohol made him feel better.
It made it all feel better…
Just one more couldn't hurt…
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