During dinner that night, Cassi sat ensconced between Fred and George and across from Hermione, Harry, and Ron. The Tri-Wizard Tournament had confiscated much of Harry's free time, meaning that a meal with him was a chance to catch up. She and Harry were talking away, while Fred, George, and Hermione were arguing in furious whispers about Cassi staying at the Burrow over the summer (the twins refused to abandon their plan, and Hermione refused to impose on Mrs. Weasley two summers in a row). Ron wasn't paying much attention to either of the conversations, but Snape was. From the corner of her eye, Cassi could see him glance at their table every so often. She tried to ignore him, but given her feelings, that was a little difficult.
Finally she and Harry ran out of things to talk about, Ron was done eating, and the other three had called for a cease-fire. Ready to be alone with a book, Cassi stood and said, "Alright, I've got better things to do than hang around you lot." Amid protestations of sanity and several retorts with choice names, she grinned and left the Great Hall.
As she approached the staircase which led to the Gryffindor common room, she was stunned to see Snape standing there, apparently waiting for her. Her step faltered for a moment, but she soon recovered it. She walked up to him, hoping he was waiting for someone else. "Professor? Did you need me?" she asked, proud of the way her voice barely trembled.
"Yes, Miss Renner, I did. I believe it is high time we had a little talk." His expression was unreadable, but Cassi had a feeling she knew what their talk was going to be about. She swallowed. "Yes, professor. When would you like to talk?"
"Now, if you have time," he replied. She glanced in the direction of the Common Room. Her book was calling...but so was Snape, and she knew there wasn't competition between the two. "I have time." Snape nodded once and gestured back the way she had come. She began to move in that direction, and Snape fell into step beside her. It was strange to be walking side-by-side with him, she thought. As if they were equals. It was like Cassi wasn't a student anymore, and Snape wasn't a professor. They were just two people walking together. The thought made her light-headed.
Before long Snape had directed her outside. They had taken a back way, hoping to avoid as many people as possible, and now stood by the Black Lake, looking across it toward the castle. Considering it was mid-winter it was incredibly mild, and Cassi's robes and cloak were enough to keep the cold out. The sun had just set, leaving a trail of purple clouds in its wake along the horizon. The sky directly overhead was clear, and pinpoints of light studded the midnight blue expanse. From the other side of the lake, Hogwarts stood proudly against the dusky green of the Forest. Some of the towers radiated light, others stood dark and silent. It was a beautiful night.
Cassi and Snape stood quietly for a few minutes. It almost seemed a crime to disturb such a peaceful night by talking. But Cassi knew that it had to be done eventually.
"Professor, if this is about the...the memory you saw, I'm sorry. I had no business saying anything like that. I apologize." The words hung in the air between them. Snape broke the silence to ask quietly, "But did you mean it?" Refusing to look at him, she continued to stare at the castle and whispered, "Yes."
For all Cassi could tell, Snape was not affected by the news. His face remained impassive as he said, "I'm afraid I have a story to tell you which may change your mind." Then he turned to face her, and by the faint light from the castle, Cassi could see how serious he was. "This is information to which exactly two people in the world are privy, one of whom is myself. You are about to become the third. Do not abuse this privilege." Cassi managed to nod. What can he possibly have to say that's so important? She supposed she would find out. As she watched, Snape turned back to the castle. He stood like that for a minute, organizing his thoughts, then he began to speak in a slow, quiet voice.
"You may or may not know," he said, "that I attended Hogwarts the same years that Harry Potter's parents did. James Potter and Lily Evans. Also Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, if you care. Potter, Lupin, Black, and Peter Pettigrew were an inseparable, insufferable group of friends whose goal in life was to make people miserable - Slytherins in general, and me in particular. They all hated me, but especially Potter and Black. And I hated them too. I could have ignored them but Potter was never one to let me off easy...he thought that Lily and I were a little too close, despite it being none of his business, and made it his mission to break off the one good thing in my life. I hated him...but I loved her." Cassi could hear the bitterness in his voice. She was surprised to find no bitterness in her own as she whispered "I'm sorry." She wasn't jealous of Lily. Maybe because she knew Lily had been killed, and maybe because she was friends with Lily's son. Anyway, if Snape had loved her, then she was probably someone Cassi would have liked. Suddenly he began talking again, but it sounded as though he was telling a different story now. "You know I was in Slytherin. Like so many students from that House I became a Death Eater when I left Hogwarts." He turned to her, dark eyes bitter. "I have been a follower of the Dark Lord ever since," he stated bluntly. "If you wish to leave now you may, although there is more to the story." Cassi didn't even blink. She doubted she could have walked away even if she wanted to, she was so shocked; but she would stay and hear everything before judging him. Although this explains a lot...
Snape gave a small smile when he saw that Cassi was staying. At least she would know why he was the way he was. Before she walked out of his life forever. His smile faded as the memories came crashing back. "I became a Death Eater," he repeated, "though I was young and only cared about the power the Dark Lord promised. I never cared about his plans or wished to bring them about myself if he should fall. I wasn't blindly devoted to him, like so many of my classmates and their families." Snape's eyes were focused on some distant memory, and Cassi could swear she saw the threat of tears in his eyes.
"I learned of his plan to kill the Potters a few days before it happened," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I asked the Dark Lord to spare Lily. His goal was to end Harry, he didn't have to kill Lily or James. So I begged him to let Lily live. He claimed he would, but I didn't believe him. I couldn't trust Lily's life in the Dark Lord's hands. So I went to Dumbledore." Snape dropped his gaze to the still, black water in front of them. "I told him of the Dark Lord's plan. I asked him to hide Lily. I told him I'd do anything." A single tear slipped down his face. "She still died," he whispered.
Cassi had already forgiven him all faults, but he soon straightened and resumed his narrative. "After the Dark Lord's fall, I knew he wasn't gone for good. When he came back I needed to be able to know his plans. So I came here to teach, reporting to Dumbledore secretly while pretending to be a Death Eater. When the Dark Lord returned I was high in his good graces because I had continued his work believing he would be back. Ever since, I've been 'keeping an eye' on both Harry and Dumbledore, while also reporting to Dumbledore about the Dark Lord's plans." He paused, the turned to face Cassi. "That's what there is to know about me. I'll understand if you wish to cease your lessons. Not many could love a double-agent Death Eater." He looked back over the water, fully convinced that she would walk away.
Cassi didn't know what to do. What if he was lying? Maybe for now she should stall, give herself time to think things over. But it doesn't matter, she realized, because whether he's lying or not, I love him. Merlin's beard, I don't even care if he's a Death Eater. I love him.
Not having anything left to say, she stepped in and kissed him.
She surprised him (she surprised herself too), and at first he froze. She pulled away after a second, unsure of why he wasn't responding. She started to step away, embarrassed, but suddenly his arm was around her waist, holding her still. She looked up in surprise. Cassi and Snape stood staring at each other for a minute, then Snape did something she'd never seen him do. He smiled. It wasn't a grimace or a smirk, and it wasn't even a small smile. It was a happy, excited smile, like a little boy on Christmas. The effect was amazing. His whole face lit up, and he no longer looked like a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked the way he should have looked his whole life.
His new-found smile was incredibly contagious, and Cassi smiled back. Still feeling like she'd overstepped her bounds, though, she tried to pull away. Snape's arm wouldn't let her. "Am I to assume from your obviously-impulsive displays of affection that you still love me?" he teased her. She blushed, but kept smiling. "It depends," she said, "do you love me?" He used his free hand to brush a strand of hair from her face. "Never doubt it," he said softly. Cassi smiled and said, "Well then, I do still love you. Because I just can't help it."