Notice: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle, and any other characters you may recognize in this story are the property of JKR and/or whoever had the brains, contacts, and cash (or other negotiable items) to secure the rights to them. Alas, I had the brains, just none of the other stuff.

AN: Sweet Charity (copyright 1969, Shirley MacLaine, John McMartin - Good flick. Gotta rent it some time if you're into the old movies), and Kung Fu (series and movies) and probably all songs and names are owned by someone else. I wasn't old enough to get in on that action, so that's my excuse for not getting the rights to them.

Boning up on a few things, Part 1

The next morning Harry awoke at five o'clock as usual. He went to the kitchen and decided that today he would attempt Belgian Waffles. A couple of the waffles seemed a just bit over done on one side, but still better than any of his attempts at it at the Dursley's. The other pair were perfect. After topping one set with whipped cream and sliced strawberries, he decided on chocolate syrup for the other set of waffles.

When he took them up to Tonks, she was ecstatic. After a bit of messy playing and licking up the mess they had created, they both were. Even more so when they did not run out of hot water during the hour long snogging session in the shower. Harry decided that he liked the live in girlfriend bit. There were definite pluses to be found.

Since Harry knew that Adam would be by that afternoon, he and Tonks went to the workout room to get the exercise for the day out of the way. When Harry's sore upper body muscles protested, he complained to Tonks that he had read some where that it was best to work a set of muscles a day and give that set at least one day off. Tonks informed him that he was not working out to build muscle, he was working out to toughen himself up and build his endurance. "Too much muscle slows you down. Slowing down gets you dead. So kindly shut up and do your reps, Harry," 'Professor' Tonks grinned.

"Ma'am, yes, Ma'am" Harry groaned as he lifted the barbell.

Tonks' response to the cheek was "Very good, Harry! Now, give me another set." Harry just groaned, but wisely kept his mouth shut about Drill Instructor girlfriends.

As Harry was getting out of the shower (alone this time) for the second time of the morning, Andi and Ted walked through the door. When Harry was dressed and down stairs, Ted showed him the rune scheme he would be carving.

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Harry wrote it into his 'bible,' and began carefully tracing the runes on the Dragon bone Ted provided. When he was done with the tracings, he showed it to his teacher. Fully half of the 70 tracings did not meet with Ted's standards. "Wipe these clean and start over. The ones you were doing towards the end were acceptable."

Harry cleaned the bones off and tried again. This time, the runes all passed inspection. "Now, grab your hammer and chisel and begin. You do the power and control runes, I'll get started on the action runes. If your work is acceptable, you will have time to help me finish my set."

"Um, Ted, it's not that I don't know I'm slow, but there are five control runes, and one power rune. The other 64 are action runes. How will you be able to get them done so fast?"

"Oh, that's right. You've never seen a Dremel in action before, have you?"

"No, I've never even heard of a Dremel before. I know you mentioned it the other day, but I was out when you were working with it."

"Oh. Well, you're in for a treat." Ted said, as he pulled out his case.

"Now, This is one of the finest inventions ever invented by muggles for rune work." He said, as he pulled out a short, fat looking device. It was about eight inches long, and about three inches wide. There was a slide gauge marked from 1000 to 20000, and what looked to be a very small, flattened child's top stuck in one end. The top was very gritty and hard.

Harry tried his best to look impressed. He studied the tool very closely, and then looked up at his teacher, grinned, and said "Cool. So, what is it?"

Harry thought Ted looked like someone had just kicked his dog. Finally, Ted regained his temper, sighed and said "Cheeky brat. I'm going to have to tell Nymphadora to tie you up and beat you tonight."

Harry grinned again and said "Sorry Professor, I think she has that planned for Christmas Eve as our present to each other."

Ted threw up his hands, muttering to himself. "Fine. I'll do it myself later. This is a high speed rotary sanding and grinding tool put out by the A.J. Dremel company in the States. The flat top piece is a bit, similar to what your Uncle's company made before they fired him, only it is made to go at extremely high speeds and fits this machine, instead of a regular press or hand drill, which run at a maximum of 500 revolutions per minute. This little baby starts at 1,000 rpm and goes up to 20,000. What a regular drill, grinder or sander does by weight and brute force, this baby does with a small tool at very high speeds. This grinding bit is coated in diamond, and is perfect for working on any bone or stone, except for demonic. Those take magical bits to make any impression at all. Now, if you are finished running your mouth off back to your teacher, I will show you exactly how I will be able to handle at least forty of the runes before you are done with six."

With that, Ted grabbed one of the bones Harry had traced, and turned on the Dremel. "As you can see," Ted said over the high pitched whine that filled the air, "The bit is spinning at 20,000 rpm. Now watch closely, Grass Hopper." As Ted brought the bit into contact with the bone, the pitch of the whine dropped slightly, and a low rumbling noise began to accompany it. Harry watched as Ted carefully followed the outline of the rune tracing on the bone. Within minutes, the rune was permanently carved into the bone. Ted picked up the bone, blew the dust out of the crevices, and inspected it carefully. With a grin, he tossed it to Harry. "Okay, Grass Hopper, That's how I'm going to carve five to six times the number of runes as you are."

Harry caught the rune reflexively and examined it. "Cool. So when can I get one of those?" he asked.

Ted laughed. "Well, Grass Hopper, you may have one of these when you are ready for one of these, and not before."

Harry looked crestfallen for a moment, before asking "Why are you calling me Grass Hopper, Professor?"

Harry caught Ted grumbling something along the lines of "kids these days... no respect for the classics..." before he answered. "Because that is what you are. When you are no longer a Grass Hopper, I will call you something different. Now, the runes will not carve themselves, Grass Hopper." With that, he picked up another bone. Harry just looked even more confused. Just as Ted turned the Dremel back on, Andi walked into the room and threw both of them and their bones outside, citing that the noise was too much for her to concentrate.

As Harry started on his first carving of the power rune, he looked to Ted as he prepared to restart the Dremel. "You know," Harry said. "That was Tonks morphed to look like Andi."

"WHAT! Grrrr! Grass Hopper, you are to tie her up tonight and beat her! That will be your homework!"

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I think that's not on the schedule until Christmas Morning." Harry and Ted both laughed.

Using a hammer and chisel was not nearly as easy as Ted had made it seem the other day when he was showing him how to carve a controller rune. If you hit it too hard, the bone chipped. Too soft, and nothing was accomplished. The runes had to be of uniform depth, and not break through into the marrow. Harry's six runes quickly became twelve before he got the swing of the hammer just right. By the time Harry had gotten one power rune and five controller runes completed to an acceptable standard, Ted had gone through fifty of the action runes. Harry managed to make three of the action runes, while Ted completed the other 61. "Well done, Grass Hopper. We will make a proper curse breaker of you yet." Ted praised as he inspected the nine carved bones Harry had made.

"But..." Harry started, "I only managed to get nine carved out of the 70. You did all of the rest."

"Yes, Grass Hopper, but you see, I was fully prepared to carve all 64 of mine and go to lunch while you continued to work on getting your six completed." Ted laughed.

Harry looked shocked for a moment, and then began to chuckle at the back handed compliment. "So it's lunchtime, is it?"

"Just about, Grass Hopper. Before we break to get cleaned up, come out here in the yard with me for a moment. Bring your power rune."

As they walked, Ted asked "Grass Hopper, Did you do your homework last night?"

"Yes Professor. I read the first three chapters, and then worked on my occlumency. I couldn't very well practice with the Sight inside the house. You said that was a good way to be blinded."

"Yes, it is. At best it would lead to a really nasty headache even if you only tried it for a couple of seconds in there. Ahh. Here we are." They had stopped out in the middle of the yard. Harry couldn't see anything special about the spot. "Grass Hopper, try your Mage sight. Look at the stone in your hand."

Harry closed his eyes, cleared his mind, and slowly opened his eyes to look at the stone. "Professor! It's glowing white! Does that mean it's working?"

"Very good, Grass Hopper. Can you tell me where it is drawing it's power from?"

"Hmm, White means Air." Harry looked up, and sure enough, passing over the spot he was standing in, and directly over the house was a thick white band of light. He pointed to it and ran his finger along it as it passed over the manor. "Right there is the Ley line."

"Good, Grass Hopper. Now, can you see the other Ley lines that power the manor house's wards?"

"Hmm..." Harry began to slowly look around the yard. He walked toward the back shed where he saw a dark green line running along the ground. "Here's a green one. According to the book, that must be a Earth Ley line." He caught sight of a faint blue line on the ground by the back of the property, but it didn't go near the house. "There's a Water line back along the hedges at the property line, but unless there's a power stone in the shed, there's nothing powered by it. It's really faint."

"Very good. That must be an underground stream over there. You're right. There are no water based rune stones in the defenses of the house. Do you happen to see any red ones, Grass Hopper?"

"No, Sir. Just the Earth and Air lines that come to the house. No Fire lines." Harry replied. "If there are any, it's hidden under all these weeds, and I just can't see it."

"No, I was just wanting to make sure that what you found matched up with what my glasses found. You can drop out of the Sight now, Grass Hopper." Ted replied.

"Whew. Thanks. That was work. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to keep it up that long." Harry said.

"Actually, I was very impressed, Harry. Given the fact that you only had it for about five seconds last time, the two minutes you had this time was marvelous. Now, why don't you go get cleaned up and get some essence of Murtlap on those blisters before you eat. I think Tonks and Remus are going to work on your Apparation skills after lunch." Ted said.

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"Thanks, Ted. First I think I will check out the shed. I want to see if there's a mower or something. This would be a nice yard if I got it down to size a bit. If I can find a mower, I'll take care of that before we go to the Bones' tomorrow."

Harry and Ted opened the door to the shed. After getting rid of the boggart that had taken up residence, Harry saw the shed contained an ancient unpowered push mower, several sets of hedge trimmers, four rock rakes and three leaf rakes in varying states of disrepair, three sets of various sized dragon hide gloves, and four sets of what used to be ear muffs before some starving doxies had gotten to them. Now they were simply pieces of curved metal with round circles on the end.

The mower's wheel gears had rusted, making the removal of it a fairly major undertaking. After much swearing, some lubrication charms (which Ted taught to Harry), and several sharpening charms, Ted pronounced the mower as usable as it was going to get.

Harry got behind the handle, and started pushing. He had barely gotten around the shed once when he caught sight of his teacher laughing at him. "What's so funny? It wouldn't be this hard if the weeds weren't up to my waist!"

"I'm sorry, Grass Hopper. I forgot you were raised with muggles, just as I was. Watch." With that, Ted touched between the handles with his wand, and the mower took off.

Harry started muttering goodnaturedly something about "snotty upstart muggleborns" that Ted completely failed to pretend he had missed. He started laughing harder than ever. "I'm sorry, Harry. But you seem to be completely incapable of a proper Pure blood insult. Don't ever change." Harry started laughing as well.

After seeing that the mower had made one complete circuit of the yard and was starting on the second, Harry and Ted found the best of the leaf rakes and the least bad of the rock rakes and touched the handles, sending them in opposite directions. The mower was moving twice as fast as the rakes, so the jobs should be finished at about the same time. The two men left the tools to their jobs and went in to get cleaned up for lunch.

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During lunch, Harry tried once again to find out why Ted was intent on calling him Grass Hopper. Andi and Tonks simply groaned, but Remus took the bait. "Okay, Ted, why ARE you calling Harry Grass Hopper?"

Adopting a hideously fake Chinese accent, Ted answered. "You see, Wolf in Cheap Clothing, if young Grass Hopper may call us by names other than our own, we should be able to call him by something other than his given name."

Andi had had enough. "Theodore Alexander Tonks. Stop that stupid David Caradine impression at once! You can call Harry whatever you wish when you're his teacher, but right now he is your Patriarch. And don't even THINK about using one of your damned tattoo runes on him with a grass hopper on it!"

"But he'll learn how to change it before he gets out of the apprentice stage!" Ted whined at his wife.

"NO! I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!"

"But-"

"NO!"

"How-"

"NO. And if you try to talk me out of it again you'll be sleeping on the couch!"

"Yes, Dear." Ted sighed. "Damned woman never lets me have any fun. Humph!" He muttered just loud enough for Harry and Remus to catch as he looked down at the table.

Andi decided to give in slightly. 'Throw him a bone,' so to speak. "If the patriarch is willing, you may make a rune with a grasshopper on it and put it on a chain around his neck. Tonks can make it an emergency portkey back to here. But that's as far as I'll allow, and you have to ask Harry."

"Harry, please? I can make it so that it changes into different animals as you get better. Pretty please?" Ted asked, failing miserably at making puppy dog eyes at his Patriarch.

Harry couldn't help but laugh. He really wouldn't have minded the tattoo, especially if after he found out how to change it. But Andi was right. Tats on a Patriarch smacked too much of Voldie and his thugs. An emergency portkey disguised as a necklace charm wouldn't be a bad idea, though. If he managed to get separated from his body guards, it could easily save his life. "Alright, Ted. You can make the rune stone for the necklace, and after we get done that the Bones' tomorrow, we'll pick up a chain for it."

Ted smiled. "Thank you, My Lord."

Harry looked at Ted and grinned. "I think I preferred Grass Hopper."

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After lunch, Remus and Tonks attempted to explain the three 'D's' to Harry. Destination, Deliberation, and Determination. Harry tried to apparate for an hour. He knew his Destination. It was across the training room. He thought he was very deliberate about it, and he knew that he really wanted to be there. Nothing happened. Harry tried to remember again what the three D's were. Divination, Desperation, Disassociation? Damn Dumbledore the Dodo? Dramatic deranged dismemberment? Ah! Perhaps Deliberate Dumbledore dismemberment? It was no good. He was stuck right where he was.

When he voiced his complaints to Remus and Tonks, Remus explained that apparating was perhaps the only piece of wandless magic that people would do. "You see, Harry. The Ministry teachers came up with the 'three D's' explanation so people could easily remember it. What it all comes down to, is you. All wandless magic is basically the same. You have intent, willpower, and magical ability. Intent is the destination. You need to see yourself at that place. Willpower is what they call determination. You have to really WANT to be there. The last thing it boils down to is your power. You have to get in touch with your magic and it will get you from where you are to where you want to be. They call it deliberation, but I think that was just to be able to sell it to the masses."

Half an hour later, Harry was so frustrated he was ready to spit nails. If someone like 'Dung Fletcher could do it, he SURELY could! Seeing this, Tonks decided it was time for drastic measures. This was going to hurt, but if it made Harry happy, she'd gladly do it.

Turning to Remus, she said "Moony. Leave. You won't want to be around for this next bit. Seal the door on your way out."

"Why?" Remus asked. "What are you planning on doing?"

"Just leave. You know what it's like when I change bone structure, and I know you hate being around it, since it reminds you of your little problem. So, I'm asking you nicely to leave." Tonks replied.

Remus still had no idea what Tonks was planning, but she was right. She was the most accomplished Metamorph he'd ever seen, but the only way to change bone structure was to break it and reshape it. She had to be planning on a complete body change, but why? When he asked, all she would say was that it was to help Harry, and to trust her.

Remus got up and left the training room. Tonks reached into her purse and grabbed a pain potion. She knew she was going to need it in a few minutes. Tonks sealed the room from the inside, came over to Harry and conjured him up a chair. "Take a break, Harry. I have something planned that should get you into the right frame for it, okay? It's going to take a few minutes for me to set up, but it'll be worth it, I promise."

After Harry had a seat, Tonks relieved Harry of his wand and conjured up a Lexan box around him, from ceiling to floor, two inches thick. She cast a silencing spell on the box and shut off the lights in the room. A quick Lumos spell showed her her way back to the back of the training room. On her way back, she transfigured her jeans and t-shirt into a pair of fishnet stockings and a garter belt, and her Doc Martens into a pair of six inch stilletto heels, leaving her in only her robe and a tiny translucent g-string. She then began to conjure up a stage and magical instruments behind the hot tub and weight bench. She quickly had a complete blues band, heavy on the brass.

"Now for the hard part," she muttered to herself. Just to be certain, she cast a silencing spell on herself. She knew she would scream with the changes. A series pops and cracks were all that was heard. In the end, she had changed from her normal five foot, four inch frame to a towering (for her) five foot, eight inches. The heels put her well over six feet. Gone were her dainty 32B breasts. In their place were a pair of massive 36DD's. Her waist was a ridiculously tiny 20 inches. Her hair was a strawberry blond and reached the middle of her back. Her normally hairless sex now sported a "landing strip" cut. 'In short,' she grinned as she thought to herself, 'this would jump-start an eight year old into puberty.' She downed the pain potion, and shuddered at the vile taste. After a quick drink of juice to clear the taste, she made her way back to Harry's seat. As she stood outside the box, she cancelled the silencing charms.

"Harry, honey," She said in her most seductive voice. "If you can catch me, you can have me."

She quickly made her way back to the stage. A wave of her wand created a spotlight and the instruments began to play.

All Harry could see was Tonks standing on a stage with her back to him, looking at him over her bared shoulder, with her robe being held to her breast with her left hand. On cue, she swung around, pointed at him and began singing.

"As soon as you walked in the joint...
I could tell you were a man of distinction, a real go getter!"

What followed was a performance of "Hey Big Spender" that would have had Shirley MacLaine green with envy, and John McMartin exploding in his pants. It was the most erotic thing Harry had ever seen.

That is, right up until the very end, where the drastic changes in her center of gravity, and Tonks' natural clumsiness came into play. Just as she was singing "Hey Big Spender, pay a little time with meeeEEEEK!" she fell off the stage, striking her head on the weights. She slid bonelessly into the hot tub.

"TONKS!" Harry beat on the glass, to no avail.

"TONKS!"

At that moment a massive explosion rocked the house to its foundations.

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AN: I know, it's a cliff hanger. I don't do them often, but this was just a perfect place to put one in.

AN2:All rights to Dr. Adam Sinclair, Noel MacLeod, and Ethan Peregrine are owned by Kathryn Kurtz, Mercedes Lackey, and their publishers. I am just borrowing them for a minor bit part. If you haven't read the Adept series from them, I highly recommend it.