Title: Life's a Journey (Part 21 of 40)
Author: trista groulx (dustytiger)
Rating: T (same as the show to be safe)
Disclaimer: I am still a poor barista, please don't sue me. I know that CM is owned by lotsa ppl who are not me, including the network, creator, writers, actors and actresses that bring the show to life weekly.
Summary: After the events of the Doyle storyline Prentiss and Reid's lives change. Will they come together again?
Notes: I posted the tag-along under the name "A Journey's Beginning" yesterday if you're interested. This one is a letter part but it's a little different. Posting early today, possibly later than usual tomorrow I'm staying at one of me bestie's tonight woot!
After Reid had put Aemelia to bed on her birthday he sat down at his desk and began to write. There was so much going through his mind now that his daughter was getting older. There were times where he still couldn't believe that he had such an amazing person in his life. There were parts that were challenging, but for the most part her felt like raising Aemelia was the most rewarding thing he had ever done. He knew that she was going to start to really question everything soon, and he wanted to put his thoughts down on paper before they could be clouded.
Dear Aemelia,
I am writing this on the night of your third birthday, but I'm not sure how old you'll be when I let you read this. I want you to know that I understand that our situation hasn't always been easy, but I am happy that you are in my life. I know that it is far from ideal for a young girl to grow up with only a father. There are so many questions a mother should be there for, but there is honestly no one I think would be good enough to be your mother, other than Emily.
I know that you hear the name Emily a lot, from me and from your aunts and uncles. It still hurts us to talk about what happened to her. Before you were born she was killed by an unsub. She worked for Interpol before she joined our family and was assigned the case of the man who ultimately killed her. I don't think any of us will ever know all the details of her life at Interpol, and despite what your Uncle Derek might think at times, it doesn't change the role she played in our family, nor in my life.
I loved Emily as I never thought I could love anyone, and I want to believe she felt the same way before. We had discussed our future before she was killed but after Ian Doyle came to North America she distanced herself from her family. She always wanted to keep us safe, even if that could mean putting herself in danger. I am honestly not sure if telling us the truth would have help her or not, but a part of me will always wonder why she couldn't trust me.
She is the reason you are named Aemelia, that was her favourite name, although I'm sure she would have preferred the modern spelling to the one I chose. She told me from the first time we spoke about having children that she would name her daughter Amelia, and I felt I should honour her. She asked me once if I wanted to have baby geniuses one day, and I wasn't ready to answer it. That night she followed me how to get a straight answer from me, and that was the moment I fell in love her her.
She assured me that I could make a great father, and genetics was only a small portion of what shapes a child. She understood about my mother and my concerns about having a child who was a genius, and put my mind at ease. That was something no one else had been able to do before. Even though I feel it was improbable for me to have a child who was also a genius she assured me that if I was to have a child who was genius that I would have learned from my own childhood and would be able to give my child a real childhood. I would learn from my own past and provide everything a child could need.
I hope that I have done that for you, because although you are not genetically my child I feel you are cursed to being as smart as I was. I don't regret who or what either of us is, and I hope that is not what you feel when you read this; but it seems that life is easier when you're average no matter what the situation. I understand that diversity makes us human but it also makes us feel like targets. I know that you will be teased for being who you are and I hope you know I will always find a way to help you be happy. I hope that you never have to feel the way I did growing up.
I also hope that when you read this you will understand that your grandmother did everything she could for me. We may have had challenges but I was always where I wanted to be, but sometimes it was lonely. The alternative, I knew, was worse, and that is why I am thankful every day that you were given to me. Your childhood could have ended up any number of ways, and not to sound like Aunt Penny but I believe this is how you were supposed to grow up.
As you read this I am sure that you will find flaws in some of my choices. That is normal for any child, and any person to be honest. We are simply a species that always wonders what might have been. But all and all I hope you have grown up to be happy, healthy and always felt loved. Those were the main things I have always, and want to make sure you have. Our family might not be a traditional one but I think it's a good one.
I didn't have any aunts, or uncles or cousins growing up, and even though yours are not blood related I know you have those kinds of relationships. If I didn't feel that way about the team I never would have adopted you. We are a family in the ways that count, just as you are my child in all the ways which matter. I have felt like this for so long, but I honestly don't know if I would ever be able make it known to you any other way.
Aemelia you are the reason why I look forward to the sun coming up. You are the reason I rush to close a case. You are the reason I smile when I see home coming into view. I never thought I would have the chance to feel that after Emily was killed. Before you came into my life I was considering leaving the BAU, the FBI, and even the area because I missed having a reason to come home. You gave me my life back and I hope that you will be able to thank me for giving you a good start to yours.
I have read enough books about behaviour to know you may act out when you get older. It is difficult to grow up not knowing where you came from, but believe this, everyone in your life believes that you were meant to be in our lives. If I could find out your whole past I would but I will always tell you what I know about your past.
I never understood before why parents did what they would do for their children. But no I understand, as long as you have a bond with your child you will do anything to make sure they are happy, comfortable, and safe even if that means doing things you never thought you could do. The positive always outweigh the negative, and I will always love you. Don't ever forget that no matter what you might chose to do with your life.
Love always,
Daddy.
Reid finished the letter, and put it in an envelope in the firebox addressed to his daughter. He wasn't sure when he was going to let her read it, he just felt like he should write it so she could understand why he had made certain choices when she started to ask him questions.
End Part 21
Notes: I don't what prompted me to write this but it just felt right. I hope you enjoyed it. So we have a few more Aemelia and Reid moments before Prentiss' return.