It has to do with biology… or not
XXI. DELIRIUM (JIM'S POV)
Spock was delirious, head rolling back, digging into Jim's torso, an imcomprehensible litany of what sounded like Vulcan words escaping his lips.
Jim's watch beeped again, so Jim tried to let go of Spock in order to push his way out and get more ice, but Spock wouldn't let him. That's when Jim noticed how there was once more a bulge *there*, and was faced with a dilemna.
Because Jim had pretty much clearly hinted that Spock had carte blanche if necessary about his body if necessary. But Spock hadn't. And touching anyone so intimately without having been allowed to felt just plainly wrong.
But Spock obviously needed release. And as it had definitely helped in keeping things in check for the last days, and as it might now have again a positive influence upon Spock's temperature, well, Jim simply would have to help him achieve it, no matter his zero knowledge of 'the Vulcan package', and no matter his intern stuggles.
Jim though was spared what he had judged as a necessary betrayal, as Spock's right hand started to move with an obvious intent.
Jim couldn't help but blush, suddenly wondering if Spock might have reacted to his thoughts – he was holding hand with a touch telepath after all, conscious or not... But if that was the case, well Jim just wasn't going to let go of that hand any time soon, huh; not if it could help.
Jim even squeezed Spock's hand and tightened his hold around Spock with his free arm, whispering "That's right, Spock. Do what you have to do and come back to me" before closing his eyes to allow Spock as much privacy as he could.
It never occured to Jim that he maybe should have said 'come back to us'...
Jim tried to block everything out, but it simply turned out impossible as his body was instinctively compensating his closed eyes by heightening all his other senses. And Jim couldn't help but feel his heart was going to implode - even if he couldn't tell if it would be whether from warmth or from heartbreak...
1) Spock was strong; Jim knew it, and only saw as an asset and not a threat as he had told Spock two days ago. But he hadn't expected to be confronted to it right now. Spock was sick - had been sick for days. He was delirious and weakened. And yet, the hold on his hand hadn't withered, on the contrary : it was now definitely turning painful, nearly crushing - and Spock wasn't even trying.
Jim was pretty sure he would bruise if it went on for too long, but the only thought though coming to Jim's mind then was wondering about how the 0.15 less gravity on New Vulcan in comparison to Vulcan-That-Was was going to influence the strength of future Vulcan generations; and he held Spock even tighter.
2) Spock smelled. Jim had never noticed or even given a though to this before, because there had never been before anything to smell (beyond soap of course) – Vulcans didn't sweat. Or better said, apparently, they didn't sweat like us.
It made sense - as a desert species, their bodies spared as much water as possible. Their blood was liquid, and they had lacrymous glands, as he had witnessed Spock crying (be it because Spock was half human or because all Vulcans had them ? – being able to clean one's eyes when sand and such would come into them was definitely useful when you lived in a desert, huh), but their sweat was gazeous apparently, not water based.
Because Spock's skin was as dry as always, but a feverich Spock definitely smelled, which came as a surprise to start with, but the most surprising of all was how he smelled. Trust the universe to have sweaty, sick Vulcans smelling intoxicatingly nice. Jim knew it was probably nauseabond for Vulcan's and probably other species's noses, but to his nose, Spock only smelled minty. And Jim loved mint. The ridiculous thought that he probably wouldn't ever be able now to simply enjoy a chewing gum without associating it with Spock had him briefly shaking his head at his own silliness.
But then Spock's hold turned even tighter, and Jim couldn't help but let out a pained groan, feeling something was about to snap.
The pressure suddenly decreased though, and Jim couldn't help but wonder if it meant Spock had been sensing his pain. He pushed the thought quickly aside, hoping that Spock was too out of the world to notice or remember anything: Spock had been adamant about not hurting him; if he ever remembered nearly breaking some of Jim's fingers, he would probably never forgive himself. And would for sure never hold his hand again.
3) Spock was again talking Vulcan, but Jim recognized a few words in the blur this time – Procyon, Tau Ceti, Eta Cassiopeiae.
Stars names? Seriously? Was Spock masturbating to astronomy?
There was something so Spockian though to the odd idea that it only felt sweet - but then Jim heard "Las'hark" and couldn't help but feel stabbed, a by now automatic response in Jim's guts whenever he knew Spock was confronted somehow with the loss of his homeland. He squeezed Spock's hand tighter once more.
Spock shook then, ushing out "Sol", and suddenly went limp.
Jim couldn't breathe for a few seconds, panick rising through him until he felt Spock's breathing on a regular pattern and realised he was sleeping. Jim sent a thanks to any god that might have been helping he didn't even believed in, and worked his way out from under Spock as gently as he could.
Jim laid Spock as flat yet as comfortable as he could, and was glad to notice Spock's temperature seemed to be decreasing already. He placed as much ice as he could though on and around him for good measure.
Jim then called Bones, sending him actual data's and getting even more reassured when Bones seemed to think him out of the red too. He asked Bones to call Scotty, feeling simply and utterly drained of any energy now that the crisis was seemingly over.
But then Jim noticed the red rings aroud his fingers, and found new energy he hadn't expected he still had to take the skin generator out and work on healing himself: it would need several sessions, and Jim hoped the bruises would have already disappeared before Spock would awake.
So, between monitoring Spock's progress and healing his own hand, Jim had more than enough to do, you bet.
Not trusting his own body anymore though, Jim set his watch to prick him every fifteen minutes. He felt asleep here and there. But never more than ten minutes in a row. He wouldn't rest before knowing for sure Spock was all right.
At some point, Bones send Jim a message saying Spock's father had tried to contact him. Jim was pretty sure it was linked to a bond between Spock and his father and just couldn't call Sarek back for now, as guilty as he felt about it. As long as Spock wasn't awake, Jim couldn't tell Sarek his son was all right, and there was nothing more cruel than turning-out-later-to-be-false hopes. Also, Jim simply feared what Sarek might say: what if he told him he couldn't sense his son anymore?
Spock was still fast asleep.
The only thing Jim wanted was for him to finally awake.
And still be his usual self.
AN : I didn't write Spock's entire litany of stars simply because I don't think all star names has been 'Vulcan translated' yet. But just know that in my head Spock mixes Vulcan and Federation names (simply because work related he uses by now more often Fed names than Vulcan names so it is believable for some to have taken priority about their Vulcan names in his mind, be it because they are shorter to write/talk or because he recently worked on those or whatever) and thus Jim is able to recognize the pattern. I also believe Jim only know at that point the general Vulcan name for Sun but wouldn't recognize the Vulcan names of the 3 Eridani stars - but of course Spock cited them all *heartbreak*. And of course Spock's litany would end with Sol, Human name. He is thinking about Jim after all, not astronomy, huh (but don't worry Spock – your secret is safe with us) :) Oh, and if you wonder, Vulcan semen imo is gazeous too... Pon Farr being what it is, there is no need for extra nutriment of any kind for their reproductive cells, so why would their bodies lose water putting them in liquid, huh... Vulcans do produce lubricant though. End of the unnecessary biology musings.
vulcan :
las'hark
sun - general name
name for Vulcan's sun (comes from lasha)
sun
behr'ak
sun - red eye
40 Eridani B
czar'ak
sun - wandering eye
40 Eridani C
alam'ak
sun - white eye 40 Eridani A