Dear Tam,
Pay-pa is home, home, home! Right now he walks with a cane (like Grey-pa had to) but he assures me that it's only for a little while. Maybe it's his artificial toe? But Tam, I don't think he really has a fake toe, and I think Uncle Han was teasing me!
You see, when Pay-pa was feeling better, Uncle Han came by and asked how he was, and Pay-pa told him that Aubé (Ma-mere) was 'in for a surprise because the Medi-techs (the people who fixed his hand) gave him a new appendage' and he winked at Uncle Han. I asked what it was and Uncle Han said it was his little toe, and they both laughed.
But Pay-pa has a bad limp, and Uncle Kay said he was only allowing Pay-pa to go home as long as Ma-mere promised 'not to jump on him like a (rude word) rodent' or he would 'numb (Pay-pa's man part) for the next six months! He (Pay-pa) also has to go to the Healer's center every day, and sometimes I go with him. By the way, I don't think Pay-pa and Ma-mere are doing anything lately because their bedroom is really quiet and Ma-mere is getting really grouchy.
I asked Ma-mere if maybe she wanted to find someone like Gra-mere did (I know there are some girls that think my Ma-mere is pretty and would 'do' things – again I know that's peeking, but some people are so loud! – to her,) and Ma-mere said 'No'.
I asked her "Why?" and told her about those people's thoughts (and how they were so loud), so Ma-mere sat me down and had what she called 'The Talk'. She told me that sharing my body was the 'biggest gift' I could give someone, because it was giving them 'of myself', and if you loved someone, that was the 'ultimate expression of love and trust.' I told her how Gra-mere said that love was endless, and Ma-mere got a little uncomfortable, and had to think for a minute. She finally said that 'sharing your body love' was a different kind of love, a special kind of love, like she had with Pay-pa. That it's a love so special that you only want to share it with one person.
"But Uncle Kay used to share his body with a lot of people, Ma-mere!" I told her. "Did he not love all of them?"
She sighed, and her lips got thin, and at last she said that some people (Like Uncle Kay) can separate love and physical pleasure, and it was one of those 'grown up choices' I would have to make someday. I asked her if she ever liked girls, and she got all embarrassed and said she 'had tried it once but didn't like it much' (I think this was back in 'the War' because Uncle Han said a lot of people did stuff together that they don't talk about!) and she told me that once again, it was 'a grown up choice', but to always remember that my body was my own, and never let someone force me into something I don't want. Then she told me a little bit about the things that people do (ICKY!) and how one day soon how my body would make itself ready so I can have babies.
I told her I wasn't going to be ready for a long time, and she laughed and held me close and said that 'she hoped not'! She promised that 'when I was ready' we would talk about it more, so we went to make last meal for Pay-pa who was coming home soon. Ben woke up from his nap, so Ma-mere had to feed him and I got to start it!
Ma-mere is threatening to put him on a bottle because she thinks he's getting a tooth, but I don't think Ben will like that too much! He's been starting mushy real food but mostly he just plays with it. Sometimes part of it actually makes it into his mouth, but most of it gets all over the place. Ma-mere is always having to clean up after him – that's part of the reason I don't want to have a baby right now, Tam – they are too messy!
Love,
Pem
PS
I had another bad dream last night, but I didn't scream when I woke up this time. I'm glad I didn't because I don't want to disturb Pay-pa. Even though he and Ma-mere aren't 'doing sex' things all night, he doesn't sleep well. Maybe I'll talk to Uncle Toa about it tomorrow so I don't worry either Ma-mere or Pay-pa.