Chapter Twenty-One

Just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the reviews :) Harry is really the bad boy now isn't he?? LOL Anyway, here is Ch. 21, MUCH longer than the last one and I hope not TOO boring. Keep those superb reviews coming! I love them all!!!

Taylor-

Swirling the ice absentmindedly around in my glass, I was barely aware of the quiet chatter going on around me. A few times the notes from the piano were able to break through the barrier my mind had created, but it wasn't enough to pull me out of the trance I had been in since I had arrived in New York this afternoon. I had gone from the ship directly to a bar where I was well known and planted myself at the counter and ordered a drink and it was here that I had remained for the last several hours.

It was only an hour ago that I was able to gather up the courage to send a message to one the person I could think of who would be able to give me the advice I needed to escape the mess I had created. Though I knew he would come, a part of me was shocked when I saw him walk through the front door and immodestly catch my gaze.

I remained in my slouched position as he approached,

"Taylor, I got your message. Everything alright?"

I nodded, though it wasn't, "Thanks for coming, George."

He took the seat next to me, setting his hat on the bar. "I must say I'm surprised to see you in New York. I thought you'd be up in Pittsburgh for your brother's wedding."

"It's not for another month." I replied, "Not that my presence matters much anyway."

"So, is there another reason you're here?" he asked curiously.

"I'm visiting friends," I replied as I swirled the ice again. "I've just recently come back from being abroad."

"Really? That's quite the coincidence. Sarah's back, too."

I swallowed thickly and cleared my throat. "Is she?"

"Yes, interesting you two would show up at the same time, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose," I answered. I was beginning to regret asking George to meet me. Obviously this was not a well thought out plan on my part. But, I was desperate to hear how Sarah was and I had hoped George would tell me without realizing what I was doing.

"Taylor, you can save the innocent act. I know," he said as my expression change to that of disbelief. "Sarah told me everything and no, she doesn't know you're here. I thought it best not to tell her until I talked to you."

I lowered my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. "George, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just tell me what's going on with you and my sister. What are your intentions?"

I laughed wearily. "I don't have a right to have intentions where she's concerned. I just wanted to know how she was doing. I care about her, more than anyone I've ever known. She's very special."

"You don't have to tell me how special she is," he replied, seriously, "I know how special she is." He then took a deep breath. "As for how she is, she's hurting, confused and torn. Her life has been turned upside down."

"And that's my fault," I said bitterly. "I was so bent on her knowing the truth of Rose and that her husband had lied to her, that I didn't stop and think about how she would be lost in the mix."

"I don't blame you for that, Taylor," George answered much to my surprise. "I would have done the same thing in your shoes. Sarah had a right to know about our cousin."

"Even at the expense of her happiness?"

"Had her husband told her the truth, there wouldn't have been a secret to be revealed. Harry is to blame for her unhappiness as far as I'm concerned."

"And I'm to blame for her confusion."

George stared over at me, his expression was undecipherable. "Sarah didn't tell me anything in particular, but I figured out enough to know that what you two have shared went beyond friendship. She's guilt ridden over her feelings for you and I suspect you're in the same position. This certainly is quite a fix you're in."

"I love her," I said simply.

"You realize how much more difficult that makes it, don't you?"

"Yes," I replied tersely, "but it doesn't change how I feel. I'm in love with her, I want to be with her. She's the only woman I've ever felt this way about."

"She's married," he countered, "To a man who's face I'd love to bash in, but married none the less. She has a child, you cannot expect for this to end pleasantly. She's hurting, you're obviously doing the same and Harry...not that I care at the moment, but I don't expect he's feeling his best at the moment either."

"What do you want me to say, George? Don't you think I've thought this a thousand times in the last few weeks. All I care about is Sarah and all I have done is hurt her."

"Well, I guess you're just going to have to think long and hard about what you're next move is going to be. Sarah is my sister, we're all one another has and I won't let any harm come to her."

"That's why I'm glad she came to you," I told him. "You're the one person she trusts and God knows she needs that right now."

"I agree. I just wish that was enough to solve all of her problems."

"If it makes you feel better, I'm leaving tomorrow for home. I don't want to take the chance Sarah might find I'm here. And George, take care of her, don't let her blame herself for any of this. I couldn't stand it knowing she blamed herself for anything that's happened."

"Of course I won't let her do that. I'm not sure what the best way is to handle this situation though. She can't hide from it forever and neither can you."

I nodded in agreement, "You're right, of course, but I won't make it any worse by pursuing it. If and when Sarah wants me, I'll be here and God help anyone who tries to stand in my way."

He nodded. "Just be careful, all right, for both of your sakes."

I stood and clasped my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, George. I don't how this is going to end, but I am grateful that you're there for her and that I can call you a friend. I'll be in touch," I said and stepped away from him. He waved as I strode to the door. I was going home, but I meant what I said. If Sarah wanted or needed me, I would do everything in my power to be there for her and God help anyone who stood in my way.

Sarah-

My first week in New York, though marred by the obvious troubles, went by quickly and without incident. I felt better after I had spoken to George about everything that had happened. Though he couldn't share the burden with me, he was at least there to confide in and offer me comfort. His anger towards Harry was strong, but he didn't let that influence the advice he had given me to keep to myself and not let anyone, especially Taylor, persuade any decisions that I may make. His suggestion was to think of only two people; myself and Jonathan.

Though Jonathan didn't seem to need much looking after from me.

Through his sweet disposition and looks alone he had fully taken over my grandfathers house and showed no signs of relinquishing it to anyone. The staff adored him, George couldn't seem to play with him enough, and Grandfather's face shown with new light whenever he was in the room. By our third day there, he had put Mrs. Fitzpatrick to work redecorating and furnishing a room especially for him, stocking it to the brim with clothes, toys and anything else his little heart could have desired.

I kept Kathleen on as his nanny, even though I spent most of my time with him, enjoying his company, and maybe, yes, avoiding the outside world.

Truth be told, I was scared to venture out of the house. After all that had happened before I had left last year, I was sure there was still talk going on, though George assured me no one would dare say anything once they knew what had happened, I convinced him to keep the secret to himself. I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle Rose. I didn't know where she was, how she was, or anything like that, and I regretted not asking Taylor about it when I should have. Looking back on it now though, I couldn't see when I would have had the opportunity to.

I thought of him often, more often than I should have, far more often then I thought of Harry. He haunted me most at night, as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to find me. His image would come to me and I suddenly found myself entangled in the memory of his kisses, the way he looked at me, his words of love and even the night on the ship that I had tried on more than one occasion to forget. My skin would tingle as the haunting recollection of his touch came back to me, and I found myself craving his kisses, the warmth, desire and love that clouded his eyes, and for a brief moment I wished I hadn't stopped him, that I had let us continue down that road, but my better sense always banished the thought and then I would think of Harry. I mourned the life that we had had, no matter how much of a lie I had claimed it had been in my anger. I had loved him and yes, after all that had happened, I still did. Yet, after all that we had put one another through, I couldn't help but wonder if love was going to be enough to bring us back together.

"Mrs. Lowe?"

Looking up, I saw Mrs. Fitzpatrick standing in the doorway of my room, her hands clasped tightly as she stared at me.

I put down the needlepoint I had been working on, grateful for the interruption, "Yes?"

"You have a visitor downstairs, ma'am."

"I do? Who is it?"

For a moment she paused, her face contorting into a tortured expression.

"Mrs. Fitzpatrick?"

She took a breath, "It's Mrs. Montgomery, ma'am."

I could literally feel my throat knot as she said that.

My grandmother.

Oh, I knew this day would come, I just hadn't expected it to be this soon. How had she even gotten word so quickly that I was here. George hadn't told her, I had begged him not to, but yet, she was and as much as I wanted to tell Mrs. Fitzpatrick to turn her away, I knew I was only putting off the inevitable.

Taking a deep breath, I told Mrs. Fitzpatrick to inform her that I would be down shortly. She left and I quickly went to the mirror, smoothing out the blue print dress I wore and making sure I didn't have a hair out of place. I didn't want to give her any reason to criticize me. I still wore my wedding ring and I turned it to make sure the diamond was visible and directly in the center of my finger.

Almost timidly I made my way down the stairs to the sitting room. Grandfather and George were both out for the day, but feeling like a small child, I wished at least one of them was here to protect me from her.

I took the last step off the staircase and taking a deep breath, gathering up as much bravery as I could, I went to the sitting room, finding her perched on the settee, her hand resting on her parasol, looking as regal and as domineering as any queen.

"Hello Grandmother." I forced.

She turned to me, a smile on her face while she did a quick examination of me with her eyes.

"Darling," she said rising, "How wonderful to see you. Come here and give your Nan a hug."

She had used my pet name for her as child, but I wasn't falling for any tricks. I still remembered quite vividly the way she had treated me and I wasn't about to let it be forgotten. I took a seat across from her in the high backed chair and watched with some victory as she sat back down.

"You are looking well." She complimented.

"Thank you."

"I can see the life of a sailors wife hasn't affected you yet, though you do look like you could use some more sleep. The circles under your eyes speak for themselves."

I took a deep breath, trying my best to ignore her cloaked insult. "I've just had a baby, Grandmother. Most of my nights are spent with him."

This didn't seem to convince her. "That's for the nanny to deal with, not you. Even with a meager salary, I'm sure your husband can afford that for you."

"Why exactly have you come here?" I asked, my anger already begin to rise and I had hardly been in the room for a minute.

"Is it wrong for me to want to see my granddaughter and first great-grandchild? It's a boy, you say? What have you named him?"

"Jonathan."

"After your father." And to my shock, she nodded with approval. "It's a good strong name and with a last name like 'Lowe' he needs a strong name."

"There is nothing wrong with his last name!" I snapped in a hushed voice.

She shook her head at me as if my words foolish, "Sarah, darling, compared to the names you have behind you, Lowe is simple and inconsequential."

"If insulting me is all you came here for than I suggest you leave this instant, because I refuse to sit here and hear another word of it!"

She laughed softly, "Of course I didn't come here to do that. You are my granddaughter after all, and it's been so long since I've seen you. Besides I wasn't insulting you, I was only speaking of that husband of yours. Incidentally, where is he? I thought he would be right here beside you."

"He's…he's not here." I answered, already dreading her response.

"Really?" she nearly sneered, "Hasn't returned from last nights excursion to the nearest pub?"

I closed my eyes, "He didn't join me on this trip." I replied, my teeth gritted in frustration.

"Well, isn't that something."

I didn't answer and turned my head away, not being able to take another second of her eyes on me.

"In fact, I would say that is quite interesting. From what I remember he was quite protective of you, now he's letting you sail halfway across the world to-" she then stopped and out of pure stupidity I turned back to her only to see a look of part discovery, part jubilation on her face. "Have you left him?" she then asked, though I knew she didn't have to.

"Of course not, how dare you suggest such a thing!" I said with all the vehemence I could muster for such a lie, but she didn't look one bit convinced.

"What has he done?" she demanded, "Is it another woman? Has he harmed you? Tell me Sarah."

"I will not tell you anything."

She smiled victoriously, "Darling, you don't need to hide anything from me. Sitting there putting on a brave face while your marriage falls in ruins around you-"

"My marriage is not in ruins."

"Oh, then what would call its state?"

I sighed, I had not been prepared for that question. "Bruised." I said after a moment of silence, "Very bruised."

"As I suspected, another woman."

I wanted to scream at her. To cry until the walls shook that it was not what she making it out to be, but I couldn't. There was truth to her words, an ugly truth that I didn't want to admit to anyone. There was another woman, not in the way she was thinking, but Rose was another woman and the secret she and Harry shared between them was as bad as any affair. Of course I was guilty too, but all she saw was Harry and his mistake and no matter what I said, I didn't think I could turn her away from that.

I turned away from her, unable to accept the defeat. I heard her sigh and she rose and came over to me, placing a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Not to worry, my dear. I'm here for you. Though you defied me to marry this man, I will not turn my back on you. Your well being is what's important and I will see to it that he pays for what he has done."

"No," I turned to her, "Please, don't."

"Sarah, he betrayed you, he needs to be punished."

"I said NO!" I said standing quickly to face her. "This is none of your business and you know it. I'm an adult and I can handle this situation. I'm no longer your orphaned granddaughter who needs protecting. I'm a woman with a child of my own and you will not put your hand in this, do you understand me?"

I could tell from the way she winced that my words had stung her, but she rebounded quickly, as was her nature. "Fine, I'll agree to your request, but I do expect something in return."

"What?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Simply for you to be my granddaughter again. Speak to me the way that you used to. Love me the way you used to and leave your anger behind."

Somehow I expected her to say more than that, though I couldn't think of what exactly it was. I stared at her, trying to decide if she was being sincere and if I should actually give her request a chance. It wasn't a horrible thing for her to want, and the thought of ridding myself of the bad feelings I had for her and starting anew was appealing. I wanted Jonathan to know his family, both mine and Harry's, whatever our outcome and this was my opportunity to do so.

"All right." I agreed.

She beamed, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a warm, loving embrace that I silently admitted I had missed. I closed my eyes, my head nestling on her shoulder and prayed that I had made the right decision and that she would keep her promise. Her connections were powerful and shuddered to think what could have happened if I allowed her to 'punish' Harry for what had happened.

I pushed the thoughts aside though, and forced myself to be positive. I had done the right thing and somehow everything would right itself…I had to believe that.