Chapter 21

Relief

It had been a week and a half since the second attack and I was feeling much better but there were bruises I hid behind a scarf or something else to insure that no one had to see what my father and his crazy girlfriend had left me with. The trials were almost over and there was a good bit of evidence piled up against both of them and there was just one more trial day left for the decision to be made and I was just waiting for that day because I didn't want anything to happen to anyone I loved. Finn had been much more tolerable ever since he caused me to nearly die. I think in his mind he just didn't have it in him to act rude and intolerable anymore and he seemed much more humble than he ever was before. He was taking responsibility for what he had done in a way but that by no means mean that I had forgiven him for his idiotic and unkind actions that resulted in nearly ending my life not just once but twice. My father and his girlfriend were going to go to jail for sure. They just had to after everything that had happened in the last two weeks of my life. I'd had many visitors, mainly my mother, Rachel, Santana, Brittany, Holly, the members of Glee Club, a sadly broken Coach Sylvester, Mr. Schue, and even Regina came to visit. She was the most surprising visit I'd had of all since I didn't expect her to know about me being in the hospital. Apparently one day Finn showed up on her door step and told her about me. He even honestly told her it was his fault that I was in the hospital and that I had almost died. I was shocked to say the least.

I had gone back to school the day I was released from the hospital since I was discharge early on in the morning and my mother had called the principal to inform him of such a thing and he of course alerted the teachers, as well, about my return. It felt nice to be surrounded by my friends again and they all welcomed me back with open arms and happiness. I remembered so clearly that they had an impromptu, it seemed, and sentimental performance of Keep Holding On waiting for me and it was performed by the club, Holly, who was told to come by Rachel, Mr. Schue, Coach Sylvester, and even Miss Pillsbury was there singing to the song. The main vocals, of course, were Rachel and Santana and to my surprise Mercedes and Tina. They all sang beautifully and after they were done they all spoke to me … said their piece about how they felt upon finding out that my own father had tried to kill me. I remembered every word so clearly.

In The Choir Room

"Quinn … you have absolutely no idea how terrified I was about hearing that you … that we almost lost you." Kurt started. He had tears in his eyes as he spoke emotionally. "You … you've become an integral part of this team and we … we all love you so much, so dearly, that … just the thought of losing you … it terrified us all. I … when Rachel came in the day after it happened … she was a wreck and when … a-and when she … when she told us what had happened … I think we were all so quiet we probably would have been able to hear a pin drop in the room." Kurt couldn't go on anymore so someone else took his place and spoke up.

"I know we rarely speak but … I do consider us friend Quinn. I … I've never had to think about losing a friend before you and it isn't a good feeling at all." Mercedes looked just as distraught as Kurt but she held herself together as she spoke. "When I heard … all I could think was … if it hadn't been for Rachel … you … you would've … you would've been gone for good Quinn! It … it makes me so sick that your own dad … no your father would do something so … so terrible to you! He's a sicko who needs to be locked up in jail because people like him are so freaking messed up and they do crazy psychotic things to people for no reason. He … he was so close to killing you that … if Rachel had just … just been just a moment later you … you would've … I can't … I can't even say it Quinn." She swallowed passed a lump in her throat and tears threatened to break away from the gathered moisture and fall down her cheeks only to crash into the skin of her chest and break.

"Me and Brits … we were a mess after hearing about you being hurt … nearly killed by your father. I remember that morning Brit had to hold me back because I was screaming … I wanted to kill that man for hurting you so much you nearly died." Santana actually started crying softly in front of the club and she buried her face into Brittany's neck as she continued to cry.

"San's really sad. She still is. She was mad before but now she's just sad." Though they had visited me at the hospital Santana did not once speak when she came to visit with Brittany right after Cheerios practice. Brittany had tears in her eyes as she spoke. "We were so scared that we were going to lose you Quinn. I'm sorry that your daddy did that to you because he was afraid of what Finn told him. I know him and he's a scared man and he's mean when he's scared like that. I know what people like him are like. Lord Tubbington warned me about being careful around him because of how mean he gets when he's scared. It wasn't nice of him at all and he's going to be punished like he's supposed to Quinn."

"We really … we really missed you Quinn." Tina whispered softly, she looked near tears. "Even though you usually try to hide in the background … well you did for a long while until you wrote that first song that soon became many more … we could feel how empty this room felt when you were gone. It was like there was a shadow looming in this room … a shadow left in this wake you left because you were in the hospital." Tina, if anything, was the one who was always swaying in the background but right now … just looking at her I could see someone who stood out … someone who left a mark on my heart with her tenderness. "It was hard … it was so hard to see you lying in the hospital with a bruised face and just … you looked so broken on that bed with a neck brace around your neck and … you were so beaten up and … just so black and blue. You looked so small and frail … so delicate and fragile … like a porcelain doll. I'm sorry I rushed out of the room that first visit and … I'm sorry I never came back to visit again. I just … I couldn't bring myself to come back again and again just to see you looking the way you did, so battered." She was shaking her head in what I took to be shame as she looked at the floor.

"You're really important to us Quinn." Puck said, a rare serious moment. "Santana wasn't the only one who had to be held back by someone to keep from trying to find your father to beat his ass up for what he tried to do to you. Finn was actually close to us when we found out and we wanted to go beat the shit out of him … personally I still do. I don't care that he's 'sorry' now, I don't care that he didn't mean for any of this to happen. He's not my best friend anymore after his sorry ass told on you and got you into the hospital because he tried to tattle tell on you like the idiot he is. I can't forgive him for any of it because he's such a fucking idiot for doing what he did even if he's just … so," Puck was getting worked up and I could see a vein popping out of his neck when Sam put a reassuring hand on Puck's shoulder. It seemed like Puck and Sam had gotten closer, so close that it was almost like they were either best friends or … possibly even lovers now. Whatever they were they were very genuine in their reaction toward each other and whatever they may be to each other I wished them happiness and the best of luck because they deserved it after how they had defended both Rachel, Kurt, and me the way they had. They deserved what happiness they could find in each other because they were truly nice guys, Puck behind his 'badass' exterior and Sam with his sweet and innocent demeanor.

"Glee just wasn't the same without you here. It … well it was a little hollow, empty because we all knew why it was you weren't here and it … it was hard to do anything in Glee because we were all so worried about you. For the last ten days I think you were all we thought about while we were in this club room because there are memories of you being here with us everywhere in this room. You mean so much to all of us. You're a teammate but most of all … you're an important friend to all of us." Mike whispered so sincerely, so genuinely I felt a few tears gather in my eyes at hearing such sincerity. "Glee Club wasn't the same without you so … welcome back Quinn." He came up to me and hugged me gently.

"I can't imagine Glee Club being Glee Club without you Quinn. You're like a piece of a puzzle, small but just as important as any other piece completing it. When you were missing it was like we were all incomplete somehow … it was like a piece of us was missing and now that you're back we're whole again." Sam said his sweet side so apparent with every word he spoke softly.

"I'm so glad you're back, Quinn, because it was so quiet without you. We were all quiet with worry and none of us could really sing or bring ourselves to concentrate on anything because one of our own was hurt and in the hospital. Our minds were on you and hoping, praying that you would get better and come back to us soon." Artie said softly and there was a quiet relief in his eyes, "welcome back Quinn. We're glad you're here."

"Q … as much as I hate one Will Schuester and his extremely gelled hair … I'm here too. I can't believe you are standing before me with a much healthier look to you than that girl who had nearly died in the hospital just a week and a half ago. I … if it weren't for the fact that Streisand came to me I would never have known to what extent you had been injured. I would have visited regardless of how injured you were … but hearing from her that you almost died … I think that part of me broke a little inside. I know that I seem cold and emotionless most of the time but Q … you're a special girl to me. There's something about you that reminds me of a young Sue Sylvester … but not nearly as attractive as I was and much kinder than I was at that age." She paused for just a moment to look at me with the softest expression I had ever seen on her face in a room full of people … well just one particular person really, that she had been trying to sabotage for quite some time. "I can say that you're someone I would have missed dearly if you had not been saved … I … I love you as if you were part of my family Quinn." Tears had long since formed in her eyes and just a few tears managed to escape the usually composed and cold woman. She never showed this side of her to anyone who was not her sister Jean and here she was showing it for all of the Glee Club and Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury to see. To say that it was a unique sight was the biggest understatement of the century for sure.

"Why does it seem like every time I turn around there's something going on with you Quinn? I mean … I just saw you earlier that day and then … and then something like that had to happen. We were talking and though you were hurt you were okay but … but then you weren't okay and I had to go to the hospital to see you because your girlfriend called me to tell me that something had happened to you. You couldn't even speak when I saw you … you couldn't even tell me what happened to you … I only knew what Rachel told me which wasn't the whole story because she wasn't even there to save you earlier because how could Rachel have known to come and save you. I'm just … I'm so glad that you were planning on meeting up with her because if not for her … I would be watching people lowering you to the ground instead and …" she didn't have the strength to go on anymore than she had. "I would have lost you again when I just got you back." And she came up to me and held me.

Slowly one by one everyone, who was gathered at the front of the room, followed her lead and hugged me in the biggest group hug I had ever had in my entire life.

After everyone had pulled back from this warm hug, Rachel holding me closest other than Holly, Miss Pillsbury spoke, "you've truly been missed Quinn. I have a concern that I would like to talk to you about in my office later on if you don't mind Quinn." She had a concerned look on her face which caused me to wonder what it was exactly for her to have that kind of look on her face.

Present

And so I found myself sitting in her office with her looking at me with a sympathetic look on her face and her hands were clasped in front of her on her desk in a neat way. There was absolute silence for only a moment before she started, "so I'm sure you are wondering why it is I have called you here. Well," she paused and looked at me with the same concerned look as she had earlier on in the day, "I know you went through something very traumatic that night your … father came to your house and from seeing you today I can tell that you haven't been sleeping well at all. You look tired, so very tired, and the fatigue has come to the surface very clearly from you having not rested well for the past week or so. Rachel came to me the other day when you were still in the hospital and asked me about what happens when something traumatic happens to someone and if it affects their sleeping pattern or not and I knew immediately she was talking about you even though she didn't mention your name once. Who else could she have been so worried about?" She added the last part quickly because of the slight hurt that must have been showing on my face. I wasn't one to show my emotions easily but even the slightest quirk in facial expression could give away so much more than words did.

It felt like there was something bobbing in the middle of my throat … like something was stuck there … a lump that was making it a little harder to breathe passed and swallow the fears, the worries, that were suddenly engulfing me in the terror of the nightmares that were keeping me awake at night. I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life … even when I couldn't sleep initially after the night I had first kissed Rachel when she was still with Finn. I slept more then, than I did now after everything that had happened. I would have only just fallen asleep when the nightmare took over and then it left me unable to sleep for the rest of the night and so I was becoming more and more tired … I was becoming completely exhausted and coach had told me this morning to not come to practice seeing the state I was in after the hug was over, after they were done singing for me. She was worried about my health and I couldn't blame her. I looked like a zombie walking around with my head cut off with how fatigued I had become.

"So … what are you trying to tell me Miss Pillsbury? I don't … I don't understand what it is you're trying to say to me." I was becoming very emotional but I forced myself to rein it in before it got to the point where I would gasp for breath and need to show the true weakness in my body by using my inhaler in front of yet another person. I would have to expose my weakness to another person I didn't want to expose myself to at all. That would just be another blow to me.

She handed me a pamphlet entitled 'When Something Traumatic Happens To You', "Quinn, please calm down. I'm just trying to suggest something to you … something serious that I need you to truly think over carefully and come back to me with a decision within a week. This is something that I believe would benefit you greatly due to what occurred ten days ago." She paused, took a deep breath, and then continued with a steady voice, "I would like to suggest for you to go to therapy. I am suggesting that you see a therapist because what you have gone through is something so traumatic it is causing you to relive your trauma every night after you sleep which is not good for your health at all and it is causing your loved ones concern. Therapy can benefit you greatly because you went through something very terrifying and it is causing you to lose sleep and sooner or later you are going to have a mental break down and you might snap. You might have a psychotic break if you don't take this seriously and there have been cases where people who have had a traumatic experience end up killing the one who caused them to have their psychotic break and they don't remember it. They end up in places I don't want to see you going to Quinn." She looked at me with soft, concerned eyes. "Please think about it carefully and here's something else I want you to have Quinn." She handed me a piece of paper with several practice names and their telephone numbers. They were all for psychological services. She signed my pass to see her and I was off to study hall. I had half an hour left before it was over and I knew I needed to talk to Rachel. I needed to talk to her about this and ask her honest opinion … I knew I also needed to talk to my cousin.

Rachel was sitting in an armchair with Brittany and Santana across from her, the seat next to her was piled with books most likely so that when I came back I could sit right next to her and we could hold hands discreetly. I could see that they weren't having a happy discussion because they all seemed to have similar looks of concern on their faces as they spoke in hushed tones. The closer I got the more I could hear but they were whispering so softly I couldn't make out what they were saying I could only hear that they were speaking. They all looked so serious and the moment I approached Santana noticed and looked my way. "Quinn! Come over here." Though she was only speaking normally I could see that one of the librarian assistants noticed but she didn't say anything and only went back to shelving a stack of books she had in her hands in the rather large library.

I obediently went over to them and Rachel, who was busy moving her things to the table in front of her, looked up and smiled at me warmly but she couldn't quite cover up the look of concern evident on her face from seeing my tired face. The moment I sat down her hand found its way to mine and our fingers interlaced naturally with each other. I took comfort in the feel of her hand in my own and I looked over at her with a smile on my face which she returned happily.

"So what were you just talking about? Anything I should be worried about?" I asked when they all exchanged uncertain looks.

"We were just talking about you actually, Q." Santana stated. I couldn't read the expression on her face.

"It's nothing to worry about … we were just discussing about options of how we can possibly help you with your sleeping problem. We're all very worried about you and we were just trying to think of ways to help you sleep better because quite honestly Quinn … you look completely exhausted. How much sleep have you been getting lately?" Rachel was as blunt as ever.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in thought. I had to have been getting at least an hour or two each night but not much more than that from what I could remember. "I've been … well I've been sleeping for maybe an hour or two maybe a little bit more than that but not by much from what I can tell." I said hesitantly. I knew that Rachel, Brittany, and Santana would not be happy about this. They just barely managed to keep their voices down, Santana had choked on her own spit and was now coughing and sputtering, Rachel just squeezed my hand while her eyes bugged, and Brittany … well Brittany was looking at me with sad eyes.

"Is that really all you've been sleeping Quinn?" Brittany asked me with a soft, concerned tone of voice.

I nodded. "Yeah … it's been exhausting waking up from the … nightmares I've been having but I've been surviving nonetheless. I just …" I thought my words over carefully, "I just can't seem to sleep any longer than that because every time I close my eyes to sleep … he's there. He's trying to kill me over and over and over again and it's not the same way … not anymore. The first few dreams it was always him trying the same way … he had tried to choke me so I dreamed that he was choking me the first few nights but now … now it's been getting worse and worse. When it first started happening I would be asleep for a few good hours before I woke up in a cold sweat from the dreams, the nightmares that woke me up so cruelly." I took a deep breath and squeezed Rachel's hand even tighter in my own and she squeezed back.

"Keep talking Q. We need to know more if we're going to be able to help you with this at all Q." Santana said, her kindness coming to the surface despite our surroundings being a very public place. Santana had never shown this side of herself so openly before and it caused me to pause for a moment to see such sincere emotions coming from her because I remembered how adamantly she refused to admit that she had feelings for Brittany during so many parties even though she wouldn't allow her near others. She was always using the excuse of her being her best friend and protecting her from the guys who would take advantage of her because of Brittany being so innocent and so trusting of others. "We want to help you so much because we care about you."

I nodded and took a deep breath and I felt a reassuring squeeze from Rachel and that gave me the courage to continue. "We're here for you Quinn." Rachel whispered softly, encouragingly.

I took another deep breath and let it out slowly before I steeled myself for what I was about to tell them next. "In these nightmares … these dreams I've been having … my father has been attempting to kill me in several. He strangled me at first but then … there have been dreams where he … he kidnapped me and dumped me into a lake or … some large body of water. And these last couple … he's kidnapped me and driven me into a car crash and each every time I wake up I'm hyperventilating and I nearly have an asthma attack because of it all. I … I'm terrified of sleeping now but eventually I can't take it anymore and I just … I crash, no pun intended, and then I wake up to the cold sweat, hyperventilating, but worst of all … I wake up to fear." It was silent between us and only just now did the background noise actually register in my circle of awareness. There was the sound of keys tapping as students typed up papers or researched online, the sound of a teacher calling out a ten minute warning to her students, the sound of books being moved as the librarian assistants on duty continued to shelve books, the sound of hushed voices speaking … it was only now that I actually registered it all. I then remembered that there was something I wanted to tell them. I broke the silence that had befallen us, "Miss Pillsbury asked me to see her today. It was … it was about seeking counseling through therapy. She said that it would be prudent of me to do so because of the traumatic event I went through and she also told me that Rachel had come to her to ask what a traumatic event can do someone and without Rachel mentioning my name Miss Pillsbury figured out that she was referring to me. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out and honestly … I … I think I should but … I don't know how to start, what to say, what to do when it comes for asking for this kind of help … and then there's the fact that I have to ask my mother about it too." There was another lapse of silence before I once again broke it. "So … what do you think about this?"

Rachel was the first to speak up, "I think it's an excellent idea because I think you really need to talk about this to someone … to a professional who can give you real advice and help beyond what we can as your friends … and girlfriend," she whispered the last part softly so no one could overhear her say something so personal. "You should really consider it Quinn and if you need help you always have Brittany, Santana, and me by your side to help you on your way. You can also confide in Holly too and if you need help talking to your mom you have all of us to help you talk to her. You are never alone Quinn." She said with a fierce passion in her tone of voice and a look of determination in her eyes and on her face.

"You know your mom loves you Quinn and that she would do anything for you. She accepted your relationship with Rachel so she can accept that you need all of the help you can get." Brittany spoke for the first time in a long while, since inquiring about my sleepless and restless nights. "She also wants what is best for you and if it's to go to therapy to talk to someone then she will do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay and better too." Brittany gave me a smile as she spoke her next words, bringing a smile on my face too, "Lord Tubbington might be hooked on ecstasy and he might smoke a lot but he would want to protect you and help you too!" Brittany's out of this world and off the wall comments never failed to bring a smile to my face even in the tensest of moments.

Santana spoke next, her voice soft but certain, "no matter what it takes to get you better Quinn … we're in this together because we are the Unholy Trinity … and girlfriend now. If it takes fucking therapy then you're going to fucking therapy to set yourself straight and get yourself better so you can dream about Berry and whatever else you dream about these days." And Santana counteracted Brittany's comments by making me blush with whatever she came up with. "That's right, if you were having wet dreams about her before you're going to have them again in no time!" Santana truly had no shame in her and that definitely was something I could never get used to no matter what situation arose from it. Santana was not the kind of person who got embarrassed about what she said, ever.

I knew then what I was going to do next … I was going to talk to my cousin and then I would talk to my mother later on tonight. I would tell her about everything that had been discussed today. Tomorrow would be Friday and so that meant that I would have an entire weekend to think about what I wanted to do and perhaps get in some Rachel time too. I knew that if I had her by my side I would definitely be able to sleep better because she always made me feel at ease. She always made me feel better no matter what the situation was and it always left me feeling warm inside. I had fallen asleep in her arms before and it was the most wonderful feeling I had ever experienced in my life. Well perhaps the second because her kisses were much better at easing me than any hug no matter how warm or tight. There was just something about feeling her lips pressing against mine that made me feel as if all of my worries didn't really exist and that there was nothing wrong in this world. Just one kiss and I was undone … I couldn't think about anything else or feel anything other than her lips pressing against mine in a wonderful dance that never failed to leave me feeling breathless and so in love, so very loved.

The bell rang signaling the next class and Brittany and Santana went their separate ways from us since Rachel and I had English together next, we just so happened to sit right next to each other in the back of this class. Rachel was going to torture me with her sinfully long, tan legs that were just made to be worshipped and loved by a young woman like me. Oh the things this minx did to me continuously.

Sorry for the wait everyone but I kind of expected this to take a little bit longer since I was a bit busy this week with having fun with the family at an amusement park called Kennywood.^^ We had a blast even though my older sister and I ended up standing in one place for an hour waiting for our mother and baby sister to finally show up. Definitely not a high light of the trip but it was still fun all the same.^^ Sorry for the chapter being a little bit shorter than my usual length in chapters but since I felt like there was a bit of a time crunch here it is only slightly shorter than usual.

I sincerely hope that this chapter was review worthy since I stayed up until 3:30 AM to write it.

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