Chapter 21: Alice vs The Hatter

Alice had spent the better part of the night consoling her daughter, telling her everything and trying to make her believe how sorry she was for what had happened. She would have never forgiven herself if anything had happened to her only child, and she knew the Red Queen knew that. She had been there in the young woman's bed in the White Queen's palace until Olivia had fallen asleep. She was honestly shocked her daughter was able to sleep, but after what had happened, she easily fell into a deep slumber.

The White Queen's plan had worked. Chess was more than willing to play executioner, wondering if the Red Queen would fall for the same trick twice. She had but instead of believing it had been because she was more or less a moron, he attributed it to his exceptional acting skills. The White Queen's soldiers had come in and captured the remaining Red Soldiers that had refused to leave the Red Queen's side; the others had been bought again with fear. Apparently, her 'big' sister had taken it upon herself to sneak back and take them. She had Stayne dismantle so many of them for leaving her side, that the others willing returned. True she had half the army, but they would no longer leave her side for fear of death.

The White Queen no longer trusted her sister to remain free; sure she would just come up with another plan to overtake the thrown. So, to keep the chances of that to a minimum, she had locked the Red Queen into the bowels of the castle. She hated to lock her sister up but she had given her the best cell she had, giving her a comfy bed and suitable surroundings. After all, the madwoman would be down there for the rest of her life.

Then there was the Knave. The others had been shocked to hear the Hatter had stabbed someone. Sure it had been Stayne, but still, the man had never harmed another person as long as they had known him, let alone run a blade through their gut. Perhaps he had finally reached his breaking point? But the man was fine. In his world of mad revenge, the Hatter had missed anything that would be deemed fatal and simply stabbed his flesh. Though the blade went through, the man knew what he was doing and didn't mortally wound the Knave, knowing he deserved more than the 'scratch'. He was currently in the infirmary, chained to the bed until he was well enough to be sent to the cells in the dungeon.

Right now, Alice felt herself sigh heavily, releasing the day's events from her body. The strange concoction of tea the March Hare had given her, which she suspected was drugged at the Queen's behest, had made it much easier to relax. She walked to her room, her mind slightly fuzzy and her body becoming looser than before. The woman opened her door and headed for the balcony, wanting to take in the view one last time before she slept and returned home the next morning. That was something she hadn't told Olivia yet, that they were leaving in the morning. The young woman had gone through so much already that day. It didn't seem fair to worry her more.

There she stood, leaning against the white marble railing and smiled. She was always so amazed by the beauty of Wonderland, especially at night. It was intoxicating. The bright clear sky shone over head, the stars twinkling and the moon reminding her more and more of the Cheshire Cat's smile. She chuckled at the thought before a light wrapping at the door caught her attention. She turned to see the Hatter walking in, his hat in his hands, his face looking as though he wasn't sure if he should have entered.

"Hatter!" she exclaimed happily, rushing to him and wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"Hello Alice." He said kindly, returning her affection. Though as he stood there hugging her, something seemed off. Perhaps it was because this was the first time he had ever truly held her.

She held the man to her body tightly before beginning to pull back. It was then, for the first time, the two had gotten a good look at the other. She couldn't believe her eyes, he looked the same. He had the same wild hair and eyes, the same bright colors around his eyes with the same white skin. It astounded her that the people in this world never seemed to age. Then again, she could be here for months and only a day might pass in her world. So perhaps it wasn't so astounding that they all seemed immortal.

The Hatter stared at Alice, the woman he had thought would never return. Her face was different, older than before. She had bags under her eyes that he assumed were from worry more than age, but they still weren't colored like his. They made her look tired. She had small traces of wrinkles on the outside of her eyes, creases around her mouth, and her hair had become slightly white. He imagined, from the small locket she had shown him before with the picture of her mother and father, that she had aged as well as Mrs. Kingsley. Her eyes were still the same though, the same warm brown they had been before. It was everything else that seemed so staggeringly different.

"Alice?" he asked, almost unsure it was truly her.

The smile on her face wavered slightly. Did she really look that different? No more so than the last time she had been here. The Hatter was the one that had defended her to the others, telling them time and time again that the young woman standing before them was the child that had come and gone. So why was now different?

"Yes. What's the matter Hatter?" she asked almost concerned.

"Nothing." He said with a wide smile.

Alice smiled but with less enthusiasm then before. She wasn't sure why he didn't seem to recognize her, nor why things suddenly felt a bit off. But then again, she was just happy to be back with him.

"I've missed you so much." She told him kindly, not believing she was finally in front of him.

The man forced a smile, though something was plaguing him. Why did he feel so strange? The multitude of voices and emotions surging through his mind were almost staggering. There were so many things contradicting themselves within the madness that was his mind, so many so that the Hatter found himself wishing Olivia was here if only to calm him. But then again, as he thought about why he was suddenly so bombarded by these unexpected things, one question rang out loudly in his mind. He tried to silence it with the rest of the useless things in his head but it refused, only screaming louder until it escaped his mouth.

"Why did you leave me here alone?" he asked.

The smile on Alice's face fell quickly as she stared at the sad face of her long time friend. She had hoped he would have forgotten to ask, but that was too much to hope for. She should have assumed at some point she was going to have to answer this, to answer to him. She owed him the truth at least, more than anything.

"I had to." She finally said in a quiet voice as she turned towards the balcony once more.

The Hatter followed, watching her as she sat on the small bench that had been placed off to the side of the large expanse, coming to sit next to her as he awaited her answer.

"Why?" he asked after she said nothing more. "Did you not like it here?"

"No." she said as she looked into his face, seeing the heartbreak it held. "I loved it here."

"Then why…"

"I don't belong here." She told him honestly.

"You could have." He huffed.

"No." she sighed. "This isn't my place."

"You never gave it a try, only grabbed your things and left."

She knew he must have felt hurt but had no idea how much. She knew now. She could hear it, as plain as day, every word he spoke dripped with pain.

"Hatter, I wanted to stay, truly I did, but this isn't my home."

"Then make it your home." He told her, finally looking into her eyes. "Stay now."

She saw his eyes begin to glass over; sure hers were doing the same. He was on the verge of tears, something she hadn't thought he was capable of doing. She wondered suddenly if he had cried before when she left or if it was just now.

"I can't." she replied in a broken voice.

"Why?" he pleaded, wanting her to stay more than anything.

"I have a life of my own now, a family."

"They can stay too." He said almost happily. "You and Olivia can stay in Wonderland with me and we will have the best of tea parties and…"

"I have a husband as well."

She had to say it, blurt it out like she did because he seemed to be so happy. Though the moment she had, she wished she would have remained silent. His face fell the instant she said the word and she was sure if he wasn't trying to remain so strong, he would have been crying. She had to tell him, she simply had to. She couldn't let him think that she and Olivia could stay here forever when she had James to think about.

The pain in his face made it feel like her heart was ripped from her chest while it was still beating. She had never felt so wretched in her life until now. All of the joy he had just had, all of the happiness, was gone, replaced by pure, unadulterated heartache.

When she had told him of her family, the Hatter suddenly felt overjoyed. The thought of her and Olivia remaining with him forever seemed too good to be true. It was. He had never known a single word to hurt so much. She had a husband, a man she had pledged her love and life to waiting for her in her world. His heart had all but stop beating when anger took hold. That meant another man had touched her, had kissed her, had hugged her, and had protected her when she needed it. But something was wrong. He didn't feel true anger. He was mad and disappointed, but something seemed off.

His brow furrowed in confusion at the thought, his eyes diverting from her as he stared at the marble floor. He didn't like not knowing and that was all he felt sitting next to her. Why? Why was this so off?

"Hatter?" Alice asked, not liking the amount of silence or the strange look on his face.

He turned to her, his expression unchanging.

"Can Olivia stay?"

Alice's eyes went slightly wide, shocked he had asked her something like that.

"I…"

She had no way of answering it. Honestly, it wasn't her place to answer. She didn't know if her daughter wanted to stay or not, most likely not after what had happened. But the concentration on his face when he asked her was most unnerving.

"Why do you ask?"

A pink hue had taken the man's cheeks before quickly changing back. He already had a pale color there, but in a flash it had become brighter and vanished. He had blushed.

"I would much like her to stay." He said sheepishly before looking away once more.

Alice's expression grew, her eyes going wider. If she didn't know any better, she would say the Hatter… no. No, it was impossible and she wouldn't believe it. There was no way on Earth it was true and even if it was, Olivia? She was seventeen year old girl. There was no way this would be possible.

But as she sat there, looking at the side of the man's face, she started noticing things. He was staring at his hands, his brow furrowed as though he were embarrassed. His hands were moving around one another, his fingers periodically spinning the thimbles on his finger tips as he sat there. Everything about this situation screamed the truth at her but she refused to believe it.

Alice had enough. She stood abruptly, shaking her head as she stared at the ground, muttering to herself.

"No." she finally said. "No."

The Hatter stared at her as though she had gone mad, not understanding what she was talking about. Finally, after reassuring herself that this would never happen, Alice looked into the Hatter's face.

"I'm sorry Hatter." She said with a slight smile, her hand coming to her head. "I'm a bit tired. I should get to bed early if Olivia and I are to leave on time."

"Leave?" he asked, his voice quiet and broken. Slowly he stood to better see her. "Olivia too?"

"Yes." She answered, determined to say what she had to say with as little emotion showing as possible. She had to get through this. She could cry later. "We're going home in the morning."

"Home?" he asked in a hushed voice. "When?"

"Early. Shortly after the sun rises the White Queen is giving us her potion so we can go."

"Can I say goodbye to her?"

Alice could feel how despicable the words tasted before she even said them but she had to. She had to save her daughter from being the one to break his heart.

"I don't think that'll be a good idea." She lied, feeling her stomach sink at the new shade of sadness that seemed to take over his face. "She has been through a lot since she had been here."

The Hatter's head fell enough so Alice could no longer see his eyes but she could see his shoulders shaking slightly. She watched, her own heart breaking as he knelt low, bowing to her as though he would the Queen before standing.

"Farewell then Alice Kingsley." He said in a quiet voice that sounded almost foreign to her.

With that, the Hatter turned and left the room, closing the door behind him as he did. Alice felt sick to her stomach as she ran to her bed, burying herself in her pillows and sobbing for what she had done. She cried herself to sleep that night, her tears drenching the sheets and pillows before she settled into her slumber.

Ouch....