Chapter Twenty: The Haunt of Past Wounds
The next morning, Leolin woke feeling even more tired and stiff then when she'd fallen asleep. In fact, she wasn't convinced that she'd slept at all. Rather, she felt she'd simply slipped into a slow stupor that had numbed her brain, though it was markedly less peaceful than real sleep.
Now, though, her restless thoughts seemed to be acting as a stimulant, fiercely propelling her back into the land of waking nightmares. Sometime in the night, she'd finally slumped over the side of the bed, her hand extending towards Draco, though she was aware that they were not quite touching. Sitting up, she stretched, twisting so she could crack her back and wincing when she heard several deep pops. She turned back to look at Draco, watching as she had for hours while his chest laboriously rose and fell and his body fought to reinstate normalcy.
She stretched again then crawled gently onto the bed, curling up into the natural concave Draco's body had made in the mattress. Slowly, carefully, she reached a palm out and touched his chest. His skin was warm compared to her hand, which was always chilly. He did not stir at the contact, but she seemed to sense a vitality beating beneath her fingers that hadn't been there last night. Somehow he still looked so beautiful, even with the dark bruises that had blossomed along his jaw and under his eyes in the hours after the fight. Brushing some of his hair gently away from his face, she studied him, gently tracing the shape of his eyelids and his long, straight nose before outlining his perfect lips. Her finger lingered on them a half a second longer than the rest, and feeling a warmth rush through her, she leaned forward and gently kissed him. His lips weren't as soft as usual, but she still relished in their fullness, even more so when she felt the pressure she was exerting being returned. Surprised, relieved, and a little unnerved, she pulled back.
"Drake—" she began, but he cut her off by leaning in to kiss her again. She was unsure how to react, so did what felt most natural and obeyed him.
There were a lot of variables weighing on the kiss, Draco's health chief among them, so it started out excruciatingly slow. This, however, only served to make it more sensual, and Leolin could feel her blood becoming warmer when Draco tongue touched her lips. She sunk further into the natural curve of him as she parted her lips. He immediately deepened the kiss, and she flinched a little as the polished silver of his ring brushed her bare hip. Feeling an ill-timed desperation building up as their breath mingled, she was finally able to pull herself away, wiping her lips and blushing as he leaned back on his pillows, trying to compose himself.
"How do you feel?" she whispered, laying her head on her own pillow and looking up through long lashes. He exhaled slowly then struggled to sit up, groaning as he adjusted the pillows around him. Finally, he looked up and their eyes met again. He studied her for a moment then sighed. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke, as if someone had taken a rake to his velvet cords.
"Better, after that." his eyes glinted, lit by the ghost of a smile. She wasn't to be deterred, though. She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate.
He nodded, then licked his lips. "Like someone who vomited two quarts of blood yesterday."
She covered her mouth in momentary surprise then bit her lip. "You remember that?"
He nodded gravely. Now it was her turn to elaborate.
"You were in really bad shape when the boys brought you in," she explained. "I wanted to take you to the hospital wing but Blaise wouldn't let me. I was worried you'd—" she couldn't finish that disturbing thought, so she started another, though it was just as bleak. "You had a lot of internal bleeding."
He nodded again.
"How did you stop it?" he said at last. She stiffened a little, and he noticed, a slow hand coming to intertwine with hers. She looked down at them, unable to determine if it was supposed to be comforting or a distraction.
"It wasn't me," he seemed ready to respond, but she shook her head, asking him to allow her to speak. She untangled her hands from his when she spoke. "It was Hermione Granger."
"I thought—" he began with a frown. "I remember hearing your voice, seeing your face…"
She shook her head. "I was there, but Hermione's the one who saved your life."
He was quiet a moment before he nodded, though Leolin could see he was unsettled. "Then I suppose I owe her a thanks," he said quietly, the humility lending an odd, unnatural quality to his deep voice.
They looked at each other meaningfully, and he threaded a tattered hand around the back of her neck so he could kiss her again.
"Wait—" she said against his lips, torn between returning the gesture and rejecting it.
Finally she pulled away and bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. He clenched his jaw and looked down. He seemed angry, though not at her.
"Cal—" He began, his eyes penitent, but seeing where he was going she stood where she was out of his reach.
"Please," she begged, tears in her eyes. "Let me talk. If I don't say this right now then I'll never be able to."
"Leolin, listen to me—"
"No, you," she demanded quietly. "I—I can't thank you enough for what you did last night for Ginny," she began, sniffling a little. "What Cormac was going to do to her—it's the worst possible thing a woman can endure, and it would have destroyed Ginny." She paused, and seeing now that he wasn't going to interrupt her, she sat back down, taking his battered hand. "I'll never forget what you did for her. But Draco," she lowered her head, tears soaking his comforter. "I haven't forgotten the way you treated Ieuan either! You promised that night at the Weasleys things would be different, but they aren't, are they? You're still going around picking cruel fights when you're mad or upset. It's not fair!"
"Cal, that's the first fight we've had in weeks!"
"I know," she sobbed. "That's what I told myself at first, too. Then I started thinking about it. We haven't been fighting because we haven't spent any real time together! We haven't stopped fighting because either of us has changed our behaviour, we just haven't had enough shared experiences to fight about!"
"That's not fair," he said, sitting up labouriously. "We see each other all the time."
"Where?" she asked miserably. "In bed? Just because the sex is working doesn't mean everything else is, Drake. I told you at Christmas I didn't want to keep doing this!"
"Doing what?" he asked. "We're both just really busy!"
"We can't keep burying real intimacy in sex. Doesn't it bother you that the sex seems to be the only part of our relationship that isn't a mess? That's not healthy!"
"So what are you saying?" Draco asked, his voice quiet and eyes intense.
"I'm saying," Leolin said, wiping at more tears as her lip trembled. "That I love you and I am grateful to you and I am here for you, but only as your friend. I will help you get through this in any way I can, but after that I—" she paused, taking a shuddering breath before looking up at him. "I don't want to be with you anymore."
"You don't mean that," he said, pained. He touched his palm to her cheek and she cradled his hand with her own.
"I'm sorry, but I do," she said through more tears. "We're destroying each other, Drake. Pretty soon there'll be nothing left."
"Cal," he breathed, his eyes closed. "I love you."
"I know," she sobbed. "And I love you, too. Part of me will always love you."
"Then why are you breaking up with me?" He said softly.
"Because as much as I love you, the man you are is tearing me apart."
"Then I'll be a different man," he said, but she only shook her head.
"We tried being different. In the end we can't change who we are."
"Leolin—" he began, but he hissed in pain as he tried to move.
"What is it?" she asked in alarm, allowing him room to pull down the covers.
They both watched in horror as he revealed a zig-zag of partial violet handprints across his toned chest.
"Oh my god," she began, their drama momentarily forgotten. "How does it feel?"
He winced as he tried to straighten, and sweat had begun to bead against his pale upper lip. "As bad as it looks. Worse, maybe."
"I'll send for Hermione," she announced, getting out of the bed at once. He waved her off, though he'd grown pale and was starting to sweat.
"No, not until we talk about this."
Sh began to argue, but he was then gripped with a coughing fit. He collapsed back onto the pillows, panting slightly. He groaned before coughing again.
"Damnit," he groaned, heaving as he lay on his back.
"Don't move," she said. "I'm going to get Hermione."
"It's fine," he protested, voice more ragged than ever. But he started coughing for a third time, and when he took his hand away from his mouth, there was blood on his palm and on his pale lips. Leolin, however, was already out the door, flying up the stairs to the boys' side and pounding on the door.
"Blaise? Get up, I need you!"
The door opened several seconds later, and Blaise appeared looking tired but attentive. "What's going on? How's Drake?"
"I need to get Hermione. Go and sit with him while I get Archie." Blaise's lip curled just slightly at the mention of the name, but he settled on something more impassive before nodding.
"Alright."
Leolin turned and took off again, thundering down the stairs to her own room. Not caring whether or not she was being quiet (which, of course, she wasn't) she slammed the lid of her trunk open and grabbed a quill and ink before going to Archie's cage and flinging it open. At the sight of her, he began to coo happily, hopping from foot to foot as she fumbled with the cage's latch.
"For fuck's sake," Madison groaned, pulling a pillow over her head as Archie's hoots got louder.
Leolin simply ignored her, finally wrenching the cage open and grabbing the still-hooting Archie. She took the stairs two at a time on the way back up, finally collapsing at one of the tables and composing a short note.
Gin,
Need you and Hermione asap.
Leolin didn't even bother to sign or seal it, just ripped the parchment into a small enough piece and folded it over. She gave it to Archie and sent him off.
When he'd disappeared, she went immediately back to Draco's room where Blaise was waiting with Draco. Gracie, clad only in one of Blaise's old button-downs, was also there, and she stood closest to the door. When Leolin arrived, Gracie immediately came forward to hug her, and despite how Leolin normally felt about her, it was a relief to feel someone's arms around her. When she pulled away, Gracie took her hand, nudging Blaise out of the way so Leolin could take his place at Draco's side. Leolin knelt down, taking Draco's hand and kissing it. She felt the tears welling up again, but this time she was less ready to fight them.
"Draco?" she asked quietly.
"Leolin?" he responded, mocking her like always. However, even saying it tapered the evenness of his breathing, and when he tried to take a deep breath, he winced.
"Hermione's on her way," she whispered, taking the time to smooth his hair back. He made a noise that sounded like assent, and he closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears. He didn't want to show it, but he was in an incredible amount of pain, and Leolin could tell that every motion, every breath, was agonizing.
"Can…" Draco began, before stopping and licking his lips, preparing himself by exhaling slowly. "Can we be alone for a second?" he opened his eyes and moved his head so that he could see Blaise. Blaise nodded, taking Gracie by the hand.
"I'll go wait for Granger," he said, Leolin watched as something unspoken passed between he and Draco before the two left. When they were alone, Draco turned his attention back to Leolin.
"This conversation isn't over," he said hoarsely. "I won't let you go. I love you too much."
"I've never doubted that," she whispered, pushing his hair off his burning forehead. "But I won't change my mind."
He was silent, and in his silence she leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips. She'd promised she'd do whatever she could to help him, and she knew it that moment what he needed most was comfort.
"You've got a fever," she said, her palm touching his bare chest to be sure.
"You're hands are just cold," he said, but when he turned to look at her again, his eyes were glassy and he seemed to be fighting for consciousness.
"Drake, just hang on," she said, and before he could protest again, the door swung open and Hermione appeared with Ginny and Blaise, Gracie trailing behind. Leolin stood, allowing Hermione to take her place.
"How do you feel?" Hermione asked, touching her own hand to Draco's forehead. He seemed extremely dubious of the contact, frowning outright when she began prodding his chest and stomach. At one point, she touched his side and he cried out in pain.
"What the fuck!" he rasped, but she ignored him.
"The wound didn't suture properly," she said, "It's getting infected; that's why he has a fever." she bit her lip, prodding his chest again. "And he's bleeding internally again."
"Merlin, Granger," Blaise snapped, "what kind of shite healer are you?"
"I'm not a healer at all!" she bit back. "And I'm doing the best I can, but he needs medical care! Real medical care."
"You've done amazing," Leolin said, taking Hermione's hand and coming to stand next to Draco again. She prayed for her face not to betray her to Draco. He needed her to be strong, now more than ever; she just wasn't sure how long she could manage that.
"Is there anything more you can do?" she asked.
Hermione frowned, and Leolin could see the tally of all the rules she was breaking adding up in her eyes.
"I can re-suture the puncture hole, but that's only a temporary fix. We're also going to next to flush the blood…" at this, the little colour which had been in Draco's cheeks faded to nothing.
"It has to be done," Hermione said to Leolin, her voice was sympathetic.
"How can he afford to lose this much blood?" Gracie asked. "After the fight itself and last night…"
"That's another part," Hermione said. "I'm going to need all of you, and anyone else you can gather up, to take a test. Malfoy's blood type is rare and he's going to need a transfusion."
"Make sure they're a pureblood, Zabini" he croaked in jest. His friend gave him a grim smile in response.
"I'd do by best, mate," he promised.
Everyone nodded solemnly while Blaise went to the door. "I will go get everyone. Granger, do what you can here then come down and perform the spell. I'll have everyone assembled."
Hermione nodded and he extended his hand to Gracie, who exchanged a quick, cool glance with Ginny before taking his hand and shutting the door behind them. After their departure, Hermione wasted no time reorganizing her thoughts.
"Hand me my bag, would you, Leolin?" Leolin grabbed the worn satchel and gave it to Hermione, who began digging in it for two potions.
The first she produced was a fuchsia bottle labeled "Fever Buster" and she grabbed a goblet to measure an amount into it.
"You need to swallow this," she told Draco, Leolin was quick to help her tip the liquid down his throat.
He made a face but was too weak to give other objections, so said nothing. Next, Hermione pulled out a small bottle Leolin recognized as a powerful sedative painkiller.
"I thought you had to wait to put him under," Leolin protested, but Hermione gave her a grim smile.
"I did some digging last night after I got back and found a spell to help me see the wound better."
"Last night?" Leolin asked, incredulous. Hermione looked slightly bashful then nodded. Leolin touched her hand to Hermione's. "You did that for Draco?"
Hermione looked up met Leolin's eyes, a shared understanding of love and loyalty passing between them. After that, there was no more that needed to be said, and Leolin stoked Draco's hair as Hermione took out a small cauldron and began to heat the substance.
"Hermione's found a way to put you under," she explained, and he nodded weakly, sweat running down his face as the potion strained to break his fever. "I'll be right here, though. I won't leave your side, I promise."
"That's all I need," he croaked and she nodded, gently brushing her lips to his before straightening, taking the vile from Hermione and helping Draco swallow it.
Very soon after, some of the worry began to melt from his face, and she stayed stroking his sodden forehead and hot cheeks until his breathing indicated he'd been swept completely under the potion's influence. She turned to Hermione then, who produced her wand and waved it over Draco's chest as she had before, murmuring to herself. This time, however, an image materialized showing the muscles and organs of Draco's torso. It gave a much clearer picture of the wound and the bleeding and Leolin could have kissed Hermione for finding the spell and for being able to perform it. Hermione, however, took no time to be impressed with herself, and Leolin stepped out of the way so she could work.
The process seemed slow and tedious, but Leolin realized as Hermione was finishing it up that it had only been ten minutes or so. Finally, she broke away and collapsed into a chair behind her, wiping sweat from her own brow and examining her own shaking hands.
"What about the excess blood?" Leolin asked, Hermione shook her head.
"It's gone."
"I thought you said—"
"I found a spell to help sponge it up. It was risky, but I didn't think Draco could afford anymore stomach acid or blood in his esophagus."
Leolin nodded, feeling a small but resilient warmth rising in her chest. Hermione had thought of everything. However, looking at Draco dimmed the warmth immediately, pushing it to be brink of extinguishment. Draco was ashen-faced, and at first glance it was difficult to tell if he was breathing or not.
"He still needs a transfusion," Hermione said, seeming to confirm Leolin's thoughts. "And he should go see a professional as soon as he's able."
"He's going on Monday," Leolin affirmed, brushing a hand down his cheek, which by contrast to just twenty minutes prior, was almost cold. "Just tell me what you need for blood-typing."
"Right, come with me," Hermione instructed. Ginny, who'd been very quiet since they'd arrived, stepped forward to seize Leolin's hand and squeeze it, holding her back a moment.
"Hey. He's young and healthy and strong. If anyone can recover from all this, it's someone like him."
Leolin nodded, feeling the warmth return some. Ginny was never one to sugarcoat, but she knew how to make the truth bold, and like always, her presence made Leolin feel bold, too.
"I know," Leolin said, looking down at Ginny's hand in her own before smiling. "Thank you."
Ginny smiled, too. "Always, Bug. You know that."
Leolin nodded then followed Hermione down to the common room where Blaise had assembled what seemed like the whole of Slytherin house.
"Merlin," Ginny breathed, not having let go of Leolin's hand.
Leolin watched her survey the group, who were looking expectantly up at Blaise. He stood above the throng with Gracie by his side. If Draco was the Prince of Slytherin, Blaise was his regent, and he occupied the role with an authoritative ease. Despite how low and desperate she was feeling, she couldn't help but lean in to Ginny, a small smirk on her face.
"He's kind of impressive, isn't he?"
Ginny glared at Leolin but said nothing, though Leolin could see admiration, something Ginny hardly ever expressed, shimmering in her eyes.
"Alright," Blaise began in a bored tone, folding his lean arms across his chest. "Some of you know what happened by now, but if you don't, all you need to know is Draco's hurt and needs a transfusion. If you're willing, Granger is going to test you to see if you can donate. If you don't think you can handle that, I understand and no judgment."
He paused here for half a second, his eye narrowing slightly to remind everyone that in Slytherin, non-action was the same as betrayal, and disloyalty came at a high price.
"However," he continued. "If one of you says so much as one cross word to her," he pointed to Hermione, "you answer to me."
He turned the finger back on himself, and his voice, which was humourless on his most jovial days, was razor-sharp. He gave a challenging raise of his eyebrows, effectively killing the little sound still left in the room
"Any questions?" He said at last.
No one said a word, and to both Leolin and Ginny's amazement, no one moved.
"All of you?" Blaise confirmed.
Again, there was silence, but not even the first years moved a muscle. Leolin felt an odd pride swell in her chest. Blaise nodded and motioned for them to queue up.
"If Granger says she doesn't need you, get out. I don't need all of you stupid first years clogging up the common room."
There was a murmur of assent and when Blaise seemed satisfied, he turned to Leolin and Ginny, though his eyes were mostly on the redhead. He seemed to be looking for her approval, and in response Ginny only raised her eyebrows. Blaise's face remained impassive, but he descended the steps and came towards them so he could speak quietly.
"We protect our own, Weasley, just like you lot. That's something for you to keep in mind if you ever decide you wanted to join us."
Ginny blushed prettily then scowled before tossing a glance over to where Gracie stood, sneering at their exchange as it unfolded.
"As always, Zabini, your timing is completely inappropriate," she snapped.
He followed her gaze over to Gracie then looked back at Ginny, giving her a small smile. He raised his eyebrows one last time before turning back to watch Hermione work.
Her wand moved quickly over each forearm that was outstretched towards her, and she shook her head each time as she watched the same symbol appear.
"Leolin," she said. "Blaise, Ginny, I need you three."
Leolin went first and Blaise went after, though neither of them was a match.
Finally, Ginny begrudgingly extended her arm, and Hermione stopped. She looked up at Ginny, who gave an indignant cry.
"Oh, c'mon!" Ginny groaned. "You have to be bloody kidding me!"
"Sit down," Hermione said as Ginny rolled up the sleeve of her Weasley jumper.
Blaise smirked, which made her scowl.
"Wipe that stupid look off your face," Ginny demanded, wincing as Hermione inserted the needle.
"There is an irony here that I definitely enjoy," Blaise said quietly. "And I did promise Draco a pureblood."
"I hope all your damn babies are redheads," Ginny snapped at Leolin, who smile half-heartedly before abruptly getting up and wandering away to the couch.
"What's up with her?" Blaise demanded, and everyone shrugged.
"She's probably just mega stressed," Ginny offered, wincing again.
Hardly any blood was filling the bag.
"Ginny," Hermione said, looking around her. "You need to squeeze something, it will make the blood pump faster."
Ginny looked around, sneering as Blaise extended an elegant hand towards her.
"In your dreams," she snapped, but Hermione gave her a reproving look, and Ginny begrudgingly wrapped her hand around his palm, flexing her fingers.
"Better," Hermione said.
Slowly, Blaise fingers slithered up along the back of her palm, ghosting softly against her knuckles.
"Stop that," Ginny hissed, a little breathless.
"Stop what?" He asked, his jade eyes glittering. This was the closest she'd ever allowed him to be to her, and he reveled in the opportunity to study her gorgeous face up close.
"Stop doing that with your hand. It's—" she licked her lips, avoiding his gaze. "It's distracting."
"Is it?" he said absently, not stopping.
Hermione watched their tête-à-tête, frowning at Blaise disapprovingly.
"Yes," Ginny breathed, blushing as she continued to squeeze his fingers. "Extremely."
"My apologies, then," he said, leaning in the slightest amount.
She didn't want to look at him for fear she'd have to admit to herself for the very first time that he was devastatingly good-looking.
"Okay," Hermione said. "We're good."
Immediately Ginny wrenched her hand from Blaise's.
"Get this damn thing out of my arm."
"Stand up slowly," Hermione instructed. "You don't weigh very much, and you gave a lot of blood."
Ginny jerked up as soon as she was free, and a head rush hit her.
"Weasley," Blaise admonished as he caught her. "Could you be a worse listener?"
A smirk dawned on his face as he glanced down at her. He'd certainly never been allowed to touch or hold her before.
"Get off, you cretin!" She demanded, looking over to where Leolin sat. "Go find your Slytherin girlfriend."
"As you wish," he said smugly, and she turned her back on him, making her way to where Leolin sat as the common room emptied.
"I'm going to go give this to Malfoy and go," Hermione said, and Ginny nodded as she sat next to Leolin and took her arm. "I have a dreadful amount of work that's due in two weeks.
"Alright," Ginny laughed, "I'm going to stay here with Leolin," she said, and Hermione nodded, heading towards the head boy's room.
"Leolin?" Ginny asked at last.
Leolin said nothing. It was raining outside and the dark waves of the lake swirled soothingly against the green stained glass of the windows.
"Hmm?" she said at last, looking at Ginny.
"You alright, Bug?"
"Fine," she murmured. "Just, you know, worried about Draco."
Ginny nodded wordlessly.
"Naturally."
They lapsed into silence again, the soft swishing of the water and the crackling of the fire the only two sounds. They were the only two people in the common room now.
"I understand if you don't want to talk about whatever happened yesterday," Ginny began. "But I feel like I should."
Leolin looked at Ginny.
"Draco and I got into a nasty row at the party. We both said some heated things, and honestly he was so mad that part of me is surprised he was willing to take that epic beating just to help me."
"What did you fight about?"
"I think I touched a nerve," Ginny said, and Leolin gave a resigned laugh.
"Which one? Draco has many."
"I told him I assumed you weren't at the party because he'd lashed out at you about quidditch and you two got into some kind of knock-down drag-out."
Leolin laughed sadly again.
"It's sort of unnerving how well you understand my relationship."
"Wanna talk about it?" Ginny offering.
"It started with Bird," Leolin.
"About him not catching the snitch?"
"About why he didn't catch the snitch," Leolin amended.
"It was weird," Ginny admitted. "He definitely had Godfrey beat. He's bloody good, by the way."
"He is, and he did. No question. But remember Morris saying Godfrey said something to Bird? That's why Bird lost the snitch."
"Well what the hell did he say?" Ginny asked, and Leolin bit her lip before looking around to make sure they were alone.
"You probably didn't know this, but Bird's dad was a pretty big deal at the Ministry, and he died in a hunting accident in Kenya this summer."
"That's sad," Ginny said.
"Yeah," Leolin agreed. "But that's not the worse of it at all. Turns out that he didn't die in Africa. He committed suicide."
"Why?" Ginny said, horrified.
"He was sleeping with Cornelius Fudge, and his wife found out and he felt so guilty that he couldn't take it."
"Oh my god."
"Anyways, Bird told his girlfriend Penelope and she told Godfrey, who, being the sodding prick he is, taunted Bird during the match.
"Well, fuck," Ginny said. "I would've lost, too."
"Exactly," Leolin said. "Long story short, Ieuan was crying in the girl's locker room after because he was scared to go to the boys, and I was down to bra and knickers before I saw him, but he looked so pitiful I just sat with him under the water while he cried.
"Uh," Ginny said, giving an uncomfortable look. "Was he just starker's, then?"
"No! He was still in his kit."
"You sat in the shower with clothes on?"
"Well we weren't gonna sit in there naked! Anyways, then Draco stormed in and sees us and, you know, goes beserk. To be fair, I think he was looking for me to try and calm down a little, but obviously he takes one look at me in my wet knickers and freaks out. He threatens Bird, who runs away in tears, then he lays into me. When we fight he always starts it, but soon we're both screaming at each other. Then he brings up some really unfair things about my family and Christmas and I storm out. Oh, also I threw that necklace at him."
"The new one he just got you?"
"The very same."
"So, then you decide not to go to the party because you're still fighting," Ginny finished. "I see."
"The problem is," Leolin said, more distressed now. "He promised me after Christmas he would quick picking these major fights when he was stressed or upset, and he agreed. Then in the first row we've had in weeks, he starts fighting dirty again."
"But before this, you hadn't fought since Christmas?"
"Yeah," Leolin admitted. "But when I relived the fight later in the day, I realized that the only thing we've really had time to do together since term started is have sex, and that has always been transcendentally good."
"So now what? You don't seem mad at him anymore."
"How could I be, after what he did? You said it yourself; he already loathes you then you justifiably humiliated him in public and he still almost died protecting you. I told you, he's rarely good, but he has these moments of sheer, unadulterated greatness. That's why I felt in love with him."
"So, what does this all mean going forward?"
Leolin bowed her head.
"Nothing."
"I don't understand."
"I broke up with him this morning."
"You did what?"
"I told him that I still loved him and that I would always be here for him, but I just couldn't take any more heartbreak."
"And what did he say to all that?"
"He begged me to reconsider."
"And are you going to?"
"No."
"Jesus Christ," Ginny murmured. "I'm so sorry, Lai."
"So am I, and I admit it feels like a mistake, but I know deep down it's not. He can never escape who he really is, and I love even the worst parts of him, but I'll die if I try to follow him into the darkness."
"I really am sorry," Ginny said, resting her head on her best friend's shoulder. "But I do think you are doing the right thing. I know you love Draco, but you can't fix him. Only he can do that."
Leolin nodded, shifting a little to indicate she didn't really want to be touched anymore.
"I'm gonna go," Ginny said gently, standing up. "Owl if you need anything."
"I will," Leolin said, staring into the fire again. "Thanks."
Ginny gave her a last sad smile and trudged out.
Leolin sat in front of the fire all day, leaving only to knick some food from the kitchens and to grab some of her homework so the day wouldn't be a total waste. People came in and out sporadically, but they seemed to know she didn't want to be disturbed, and she appreciated that.
By now the sun had gone down and the fire was burning low, the soaring space lit mostly by the blue-tinged moolight. She ought to get up and check on Draco then go to bed, she thought, yawning and stretching. As she looked up towards Draco's room, she saw him already standing there, glinting slightly in the semi-darkness.
"You should be in bed," she said. "You need rest."
He said nothing leaning heavily on a cane he'd fashioned, finally reaching the soft sofa and flopping down. He took a moment to catch his breath before looking at her. She noted that his hair was push back off his face again, and it was odd to her that even half-dead he would take the time to do his hair. Then again, that was Draco; always conscious of maintaining his perfect façade.
"I want to talk about what you said earlier," he murmured, looking at her.
"Please," she began, looking away. "It's been the longest day of my life. I can't right now; it's still too fresh."
"I'm not talking about that. Cal, look at me."
Reluctantly she turned.
"I can't stop thinking about what you said about how rape can do to a person, and how they never really escape it."
Her heart thundered so loud she was sure he could hear it, and she tried to look at him in a way which suggested she didn't know where he was going with this.
"Then I realized something very important: I have no idea how you lost your virginity. I know there was Potter and you dated Terrance Higgs before that, but you told me once he wasn't your first. I've slept with dozens more girls than you, and I think you know about every single one. Even if you didn't, I'd happily tell you. How odd, then, that you'd never told me. Then I realized: perhaps you'd never told anyone."
Leolin frown quizzically. "Where are you going with this?"
"You know," He said gently. "Cal, I want you to tell me the truth. I need you to tell me the truth."
She began to fret a little now, her hands twisting as her eyes burned. She tried to cobble together so bullshit story, but she knew in the end that Draco would absolutely know she was lying. Besides, despite today she still loved him deeply, and she longed for the comfort only he could provide her.
"I—" she stammered, her lip trembling furiously. "I've never told anyone before. Not even Ginny knows."
"Will you tell me?" he said, his voice soft and soothing.
She glanced up at him and her shoulders started shaking.
"It's nothing." she said. "Really."
You don't have to lie to me, Cal. I love you. Please, let me in."
She looked at him fearfully. She knew they were broken up, but he'd never been a better boyfriend. If they had had more of this and less of the other stuff, they would still be together.
"I'm sorry," she burst at last. "I just can't talk about it!"
"Could you show me?" He said, and her eyes were fearful and a bit mistrusting.
"I suppose," she said. "I've never done occlumency before.
"I hate to say it," he said grimly. "But that actually makes my job as legilimencer much easier. "Ready?"
She nodded.
"I will warn you, it can be a bit unpleasant to have someone else in your head. Try to relax. Also, I know it's painful, but try to push the memories to the surface as much as you can so I don't have to dig. If there is anything you don't want me to see, just picture a vault. I promise not to open it, okay?"
"This is the only secret I've ever kept from you," she said in a quiet voice, and he nodded and drew his wand.
"Legilimens," he whispered with a swish, and suddenly Leolin felt something breaching her solitary mind. Her immediate reaction was the shut down, but she took a deep breath, letting go as she let the suppressed memories float upward like severed balloons.
The immortal grounds Hogwarts looked the same, of course, but as Leolin gazed into the face of her 14-year-old self, she was surprised at how different, how naïve, she looked. She was walking arm in arm with Ginny down towards the lake. The sun was shining brightly, and both girls had slung their robes over their bags rather than wear them.
"Leolin!"
The girls turned and watched as a fresh-faced Ravenclaw half-skipped, half-ran to meet them.
"Hey Merys," Leolin called, waving.
She and Merys used to spend every summer together in Wales, and they weren't perhaps friends at Hogwarts, but they were still very friendly.
Ginny did not greet Merys, but she smiled in response to her approach.
"Leolin!" Merys repeated breathlessly, having reached them at last. "I have amazing news!"
Leolin laughed a little in response. "You have my full attention."
Merys said nothing to this, simply fished in her book bag before producing a parchment and handing it to Leolin.
"What's this?" She said, taking the proffered roll and breaking the seal.
"It's an invitation," Merys said, bouncing slightly on her heels "to my brother's party!"
Leolin's eyes went wide, and she unbound the scroll and began reading, a dazzling smile splitting her face.
"You're joking!"
"No! I begged him to let us come and he agreed!"
"This is the biggest party of the year," Ginny said at last, taking the scroll from Leolin and reading it over. "Everyone in Gryffindor has been taking about it for weeks!"
"You'll be the only Slytherin there," Merys said, biting her lip, "and we're probably the only fourth years invited. I hope that's okay."
"Are you mental?" Leolin laughed, "This is brilliant! Thank you! And tell Gareth thank you, too!"
Merys nodded, beaming before bounding away.
"And tell Gareth thank you, too," Ginny mocked in sultry voice, earning a playful push from Leolin.
"Stuff it. We were family friends, is all."
"Oh please, you are so in love with him!"
Leolin blushed. "Isn't everyone?" She grumbled quietly.
Ginny thought about this. "Can't say I am."
This made Leolin laugh. "Ironic, considering he's The Prince of Gryffindor.
Ginny gave an annoyed half-laugh. "Self-styled Prince of Gryffindor. Besides, I think low-born peasant is more my type. That's what I am, after all. So are you going to go?"
"Don't be daft; of course I'm going! I just have to make sure my cousin Blair doesn't find out; he'd freak if he knew."
"Isn't he like…one of Gareth's best friends? You know he's going to be there."
Leolin smirked. "Well I didn't say it was going to be easy!"
"And what about Malfoy?"
"What about him?" Leolin snapped, blushing again.
"Well," Ginny began. "Not that I approve, but you've been complaining about him non-stop lately, which usually means you like him again."
"That's not true at all! Besides, even if it were, it doesn't matter; he's has virtually no idea of who I am, and I don't think I'm… experienced enough to be his type."
Ginny wrinkled her nose in distaste. "I hate you for saying that, but you're probably right. So what are you going to wear?"
Leolin felt her thoughts swirling unpleasantly around in her mind, aware that Draco was sifting through her memories for the one he was looking for. Just when she felt she could bear the feeling no longer, she was re-immersed by the sound of a rowdy crowd and a hypnotic bass line.
Leolin watched her younger self, dressed in a sultry violet frock, wading aimlessly through the crowd, begging people's pardon when they noticed her and simply slipping between them when they didn't. Finally, she saw someone she recognized and tugged on the back of his shirt to get his attention. Fintan Corner turned around, clearly oblivious to who she was.
"Fin? Hi, I'm Leolin, I'm…a friend of your brother Michael's. Have you seen Merys?"
"Who?"
"Merys? Gareth's sister?"
"Oh, Merys!" He laughed to himself, acting as if she'd said something entirely different. "Yeah, no, I haven't, sorry."
"It's fine, thanks anyway."
He nodded then seeming to remember his manners, he drunkenly proffered his cup.
"Hey, you want a drink?"
"Fintan Kenneth Corner, is that any way to treat a lady?"
Leolin, both younger and older, watched as the arrogantly handsome Gareth Rhydderich slid easily between the pair, shooting Leolin a dazzling grin before cuffing his mate playfully around the neck. Younger Leolin watched blushing and bashful as the boys tussled, and when Gareth turned azure eyes back to her, the blush deepened. He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair as he grinned at her.
"Well if it isn't Blair's little bug! Leolin Lefevre!" He said, offering her a hand so she could spin for him. "When the Hell did you get so grown up? And does your cousin know you're here?" His eyes glittered wolfishly as they skated down the curve of her bum when her back was turned.
Leolin laughed, trying to be cute and coy.
"I only seem so different because the last time you actually talked to me I was eleven. And of course he doesn't, but don't you dare tell him!"
Gareth gave a mock wince before smiling again, leaning closer. "Cross my heart and hope to die. Can I get you a drink?"
Leolin smiled and nodded, and Gareth disappeared into the crowd. Two or so minutes later he returned, two tumblers of whiskey in his hands.
"So," he said, winking at her. "I have two pieces of good news and one piece of bad news. First bit of good news: it seems our mutual friend Blair Lefevre has already stepped out with a certain girlfriend of his and won't be around for the rest of the evening, so I get you all to myself. Bad news, this party is primarily a boys' club, so we only have whiskey and rum."
"What's the last piece of good news?" She said.
"So glad you asked," he smirked, raising his eyebrows. "I brought you this."
He held up a tiny vile of fuchsia liquid.
"What is it?"
"Well," he began, putting two drops in her drink and stirring it with a finger as he smiled lazily up at her.
He licked his finger and she blushed.
"This little potion makes bad drinks taste good. Go on, try it."
Leolin brought the tumbler to her nose, and it smelled sweet and fresh. She took an exploratory sip. It tasted like strawberries and some sort of sweet liquor.
"What do you think?" He grinned, biting his lip.
"It's good," she affirmed, smiling. She didn't want him to think she was inexperienced, even though she was, so she put down the concoction in two more sizable swallows.
He smiled wickedly at her.
"Look at you," he said appreciatively. "Do you want mine?"
He didn't wait for her reply, just dropped some of the potion in the whiskey and handed it to her.
"Thanks," she said coyly, taking another sip. He watched greedily as she tipped the glass up.
"C'mon, you little heavy weight," he said, taking her hand. "I'll introduce you around. Boys," he said, as he pulled her towards him and wrapped a hand around her shoulders. "This is Leolin Lefevre, Blair's baby cousin. I want you to treat her extra-special this evening, because not only is she my guest of honour, she's the lone Slytherin in the whole bunch."
Someone booed jokingly, and Gareth smiled.
"Now, now," he drawled, looking down at Leolin pressed under his arm. "None of that. Let's shown her what gentlemen us Gryffs are."
"Make her pay the toll, Gar," someone said.
"That's seems fair, right Leolin?"
She nodded. "I guess."
"Alright. No, don't look so nervous darling, its very easy. All you have to do is swear on your life that you're no friend of that sodding prick Draco Malfoy."
There were cheers and wolf-whistles at this, and she blushed furiously. Of course, she'd been lying to Ginny; she still fancied Draco, even though he had no earthly idea who she was. Now that Gareth was so interested, Draco seemed less important now. Gareth would be such a perfect boyfriend, and after tonight there could be no doubt that he liked her too…they could go on a date that weekend.
Everyone was looking at her expectantly and she gave a nervous laugh.
"He doesn't even know I exist!" she giggled and everyone cheered.
"We'll take it!" Gareth said, raising the glass he didn't in fact have and urging everyone else to drink in his stead.
Leolin drained her second whiskey, and Gareth smiled as she did so.
"C'mon, my Slytherin beauty," he said in a slick voice. "Let's get you another drink."
Leolin could feel Draco pulling at her memory again, fast-forwarding in search of what he was looking for. The sensation was nauseating, made especially so by the fact that when he finally settled the scene again, everything was a little fuzzy, evidence that younger Leolin was now drunk.
She was sitting across Gareth lap as his hand was casually slung around her hips. She didn't seem to notice, but he was drawing little swirls across them with a finger.
Despite how much Leolin had obviously been drinking, Gareth seemed, if not sober, at least somewhat pulled together, and older Leolin noticed that his tumbler of whiskey sat full and forgotten a little ways off.
The pair was sat listening to a group of Gareth's friends recounting old Gryffindor adventures, but Leolin was fading, and she tipped her head back to rest on his shoulder as she fought off the spins. Merlin, she was exhausted.
"You want to get some fresh air?" Gareth whispered, his hand on her tight stomach. The roof's got a killer view of the river Dee."
Leolin nodded boozily, allowing him to gently push her off his lap as she wobbled on her heels.
"Easy," he said, but Leolin flashed him a coy smile. "I'm fine."
Gareth seemed impressed that despite her inebriation she could still walk in her heels, and he led the way, the crowd parting easily to admit his passage. He led her through what she assumed to be his bedroom out onto a sprawling balcony. Once outside, He shed his coat jacket and threw it over her shoulders.
"I miss Wales," Leolin said at last, leaning on the balcony and looking out towards the river valley.
"We had fun those summers," Gareth admitted, coming over and caging her gently against the rails. "You and me and Merys and the whole Llangollen gang."
"Mhmm," She said in response, closing her eyes as if she was remembering. There was a silence between them, which Gareth eventually broke by leaning in to whisper in her ear.
"You're so grown-up now, though," he murmured, brushing her dark hair over her shoulder and pulling down the collar of the jacket to kiss her neck. "You've gotten really fit."
Clearly surprised, Leolin turned awkwardly to address him, the jacket slipping off in the process. The look in her eyes was one of both excitement and trepidation, though both were somewhat dampened by her inebriation.
As soon as he had the proper angle, he leaned down and kissed her, allowing her to turn in his arms before pushing her against bars while he ravaged her mouth. Leolin's response lacked his fervor, and it was clear from her body position she was somewhat uncomfortable. When they broke for air, he started on her neck again.
"Let's move this inside," Gareth breathed, one hand tangling in her hair as the other skimmed down her waist, crushing her closer. Leolin could still remember to warm weight of him pressing against her, and she felt sick at seeing such blatant terror on her own face.
"I—I don't think I should," the younger said, trying gently to untangle herself.
"Why not?" He ignored her efforts to push him off of her.
"I'm drunk," she said, trying to seem coy.
"So am I," he whispered, though Leolin could see now that he clearly wasn't.
He continued his machinations.
"Gareth," she laughed. "Stop it."
"Stop what?" He said, nuzzling his nose to her neck and making her laugh inadvertently again.
"Why?" He asked. "You like it."
"Stop," she said. "I'm ticklish!"
"I can see that," he grinning, finally acquiescing to her command.
"Merlin, Leolin, you're so fucking sexy. "I can't believe you're only fourteen. You seem a lot older."
"Do I?" she asked pathetically, not knowing what to say.
"In that dress you do. Seriously, I could eat you up right now."
"Gareth!" she laughed again, her voice a lot less merry now.
"C'mon," he moaned. "You don't have to act so coy. You've been all over me tonight. I know you want this."
"I didn't mean to lead you on, or something—" she said, pushing gently on his chest.
"You don't have to play hard-to-get," he said. "You've already got my full attention." He pressed himself up against her leg suggestively.
"It's not that," she began, and having finally freed herself she started through the patio door. "I just have to get home."
"I can take you home later," he said smoothly. "Don't worry about that."
She just gave him another nervous smile before turning to the door again.
"Come on, Leolin, you don't wear a dress like that if you're not looking to knock boots. Don't be such a little tease."
His eyes dipped to her low neckline before he bent to kiss her and was denied again.
"Seriously," she said, blushing and trying to avoid her gaze.
"What's the problem?" he snapped. "You're not a virgin, are you?"
She said nothing, eyes falling to her shoes.
"Don't be embarrassed," he said softly. "It doesn't matter," he said, rubbing her arms as he backed her against his bedroom door. "I promise I'll be extra gentle."
"I'm not embarrassed," she said, clearly embarrassed. "I just—I've never done this kind of thing before."
"That's fine," he murmured, taking her hand as brushing it again his tightening jeans. "I'm a really good teacher."
"I'm sorry," she said, jerking her hand away. "I'm just not ready," she said, and tears welled in her eyes as she spoke.
"It's not as big a deal as people make it seem," he assured her, not relinquishing his position of power.
His fingers gently tugged down the neckline of her tight cotton dressed. He bit his lips as he looked down at her tantalizing chest.
"Gareth—"
"I promise it will feel really good."
Leolin made to protest again, but Gareth cut her off with a kiss, hand surging up her skirt and pushing her knickers aside. She gave a small, surprised sob, but Gareth shushed her gently.
"Just relax and enjoy it," He whispered, moving his fingers against her as she squirmed uncomfortably. He fluidly divested himself of his own shirt and belt before reaching up and pulling her dress down and off.
"Gareth—" She protested weakly, "we should stop."
"Shh," he said again, "just stop worrying and enjoy it."
He knelt in front of her while she was still pressed to the door, yanking down her knickers and touching her with his tongue. No one had ever done that to her before, and she felt awkward.
"Doesn't that feel good?" He said, seemingly pleased as she began to grow wet. He drove another finger in and she gasped.
"This isn't right," she said, but he ignored her.
"Just lay on the bed, baby, and take off your bra."
She was scared and didn't know what to do. She didn't want him to be mad at her or tell anyone what a floozy she was, so she did as he said.
"Good girl," he said, tugging her forward so her legs were hanging off the bed.
He knelt down to use his tongue again.
"Take off your bra," he said more sternly, and she did as she was told, though she covered her chest with her arms so he couldn't see her breasts.
He shed trousers, socks, and shoes and joined her. He began kissing her neck again, and he laughed quietly to himself as he sunk enough finger in and she tensed.
"You're really wet for me," he said, as she gave a little whimper. "And so fucking tight."
She remained tense and trembling.
"Come on baby," he goaded. "It will feel better if you relax."
Leolin said nothing, only whimpered. When he was finally satisfied, he used one strong hand to lift her hips as he made his last ministrations before—
Leolin felt herself tumbling back to the present, glad to be back in the common room with Draco again. He was looking at her with a pained expression, and immediately she began to cry, tipping into his lap as he rubbed her back.
"Oh Leolin," he said. "My beautiful, strong Leolin. I'm so sorry."
She only cried harder, finally admitting to herself that she hadn't been wrong about the situation at all. Gareth had stolen something from her.
"I'm going to fucking murder that bastard," he said quietly after a second." His voice was flat, betraying his ire. "I'm going to rip off his stones and shove them down his throat until he chokes and dies."
She still said nothing, though her tears where subsiding.
"I love you, Cal," he breathed quietly, still rubbing her back. "I love you more than ever. I can't believe how resilient you are."
She nodded, looking up at him. She wasn't satisfied with the comfort of his arms, and she wanted more. She pressed her lips to his and he obliged, kissing her gently as he cradled her face. Seeming to realize what she was doing, she pulled away.
"I shouldn't have done that," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm still—we're still—"
"I know," he said, pained. "I understand. But will you promise me something?" he said.
"Yes, within reason," she breathed.
"Promise me you will tell Blair. Please. He needs to know, and you need to tell him."
"I promise,' she sniffed, laying her head on his chest again.
"Do you want to sleep in my bed with me tonight?" He asked gently.
"No," she said. "I just want to be alone."
"Alright," he said, labouriously rising from the sofa. "Let me know if you need anything."
She nodded, and when he was at the top of the stairs, she called his name.
"Draco?"
"Leolin?"
"Thank you for making me tell you the truth. I—I needed that."
He nodded. "And this isn't over. I will see Rhydderich punished for what he did. He's going to be so fucking sorry he ever laid a finger on you."
She only nodded meekly again.
"Goodnight."
He looked at her one last time.
"Goodnight."