-21-

Worse

Clove has her own getaway like I have my meadow, and our wandering brought us here to the sunny outcrop overlooking the district. It's a perfect place to stretch with our heads on the grass and our backs against warm rock. All around us is green, yellow, pink, and blue. The endless mountains dominate the sky.

"It really is beautiful here," I murmur.

"Mhm. It's easier to notice now. Everything's… brighter. I wish I'd been able to see it before."

"It was hard to appreciate anything but survival before."

"Yeah. Shay and I, we never had these moments. At least not as good. Always something hanging over us. It's like I said: I don't want to miss it all with you too."

A smile is the best response I can give. She says all this implying that what we have is what they had. I just don't know…

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Feels like you're a million miles away."

"No, I'm here."

"Uh-huh." She shifts onto her side to face me. I can't help but notice the gentle curve of her hip in the sun. "I'm sorry. Does it bother you when I talk about her?"

"No. Of course not. Why would it?"

"Well… I dunno. I thought maybe, since I did meet her first, you know…? Ah, forget it."

"I'm not jealous, if that's what you're after. You had something special, and I wish you still had it. It's not fair that she was taken from you."

"Do you actually mean that, or is it just what you think I want to hear?"

"I'm terrible at lying, remember? I mean it."

She smiles slowly. "I have something special again." She rests her head against my shoulder. Our breathing blends with the sigh of the breeze. Maybe we doze. Everything is so still that it's hard to say. Do I dream of her fingers brushing mine, or the soft little sound she makes when I don't withdraw?

Clouds have filled the sky and I've lost track of time when she finally stirs, stretches and declares it's time to get something to eat so she can take a pill. She says she can feel a twinge already, and winces as she sits up. "Ugh."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a head rush." She takes my hand to pull herself up, and there's just a moment when she sways on her feet.

We start to make our way down the hill. I don't stray too far from arm's reach in case she doesn't quite have her balance. A dark line of clouds is building on the horizon. The wind has picked up. "Looks like rain."

"Uhn. Better hurry."

I can tell by her expression that the pain is growing to more than a twinge. "We'll make it. I'll carry you if I have to."

"Wha?"

"I said I'll… Are you okay?"

She stops and stares at me, and there's fear in those wide eyes.

"Clove, what's going on with you?"

She grabs my arms so hard it hurts, and we're both frozen for a heart stopping minute. I don't know what to do. Don't know how to help. Then she blinks hard. "I don't… couldn't understand. I couldn't understand! I could hear you talking, but it made no sense. The words, it was just… noise! Ah!" She clutches her head.

"That's it. You need to see a doctor."

"No! I just need to lay down."

"Are you serious? You just had a – a seizure, or something. Lying down won't fix it."

"It'll have to." She pushes past me and keeps going. I have no choice but to follow her.

By the time we reach the house her pain is bad enough to put her on the edge of tears. I send her into the bedroom cave and bring her a couple of pills and an apple. My own appetite is gone.

"Thanks," she mutters, gulping the capsules. "Ahh. Just give me a few minutes."

"Yeah. Right."

"Mmnrm. Hey. Come here." She reaches for my hand; I almost pull away.

Almost.

When she's curled against me again, apple ignored on the bedside table, I can't stay quiet anymore. "You're getting worse."

Silence.

"It's not just pain anymore, is it? Obviously not."

"Kat… Can't we just relax? Sing to me again."

"Not until you listen to me. You have to go back to a doctor."

"Don't start."

"Please."

"I'm not going," she grits.

"What about my mother?"

"Huh?"

"She's a doctor. Look. I'm running out of money fast. I'll need to go home soon anyway, and maybe I can convince her to come back out here with me and check you out."

She twists to look up at me. "You're leaving? When were you going to say something?"

"When I had to."

"So, what, the night before?"
"It'll just be for a few days. Enough for me to move a little more of my life out here, and bring you some help."

She pushes up onto her elbow. "You think I'm going to let you go alone?"

"I… didn't think you'd want to go."

"I don't, but this isn't a walk across town. You're going back to Twelve, and who the hell knows what could happen between here and there, and back again."

"I made the trip once."

"And now you'll be close to people who really won't want you to come back to me."

"What are they going to do? Kidnap me?"

She just gives me a dark look. "I. Don't trust. Anyone. Anyone but you. I'm going."

I want to be annoyed by her suspicion, but I'm more touched by her own brand of concern. "We won't stay long, but while we're there my mother can examine you. My sister too. They're doctors, but not like you're used to. More like healers. It's just the two of them and a few assistants at their clinic. No scientists. Nobody to do anything you don't want them to do."

"I don't want anyone to do anything."

"But you're in danger, and you're not the only one who can be protective."

She gives me a glare, then blows out a hot sigh. "You're so fucking stubborn."

"Oh, am I the stubborn one?" I pull her back against me, and she settles her head on my stomach.

"You're lucky I like you so much," she mumbles.

"Hush."

It takes a long hiss of static until the connection strengthens and I hear a voice on the other end.

"Prim?"

"Katniss! It's been weeks! Where have you been?"

"I'm still in Two with Clove." I can hear the noises of the clinic in the background. "I'm sorry. I know I haven't been writing, but I'm coming home."

"Really? When?!"

"Two days. And… Clove's coming with me. She needs help."

"Her head? Is it getting worse?"

"Worse. Do you think you or Mom could-"

"Yes. Well. I'll have to get her prepared for this, but even if she won't, I'll help her. I don't know if I'll actually be any help, but I'll do my best. I'm just glad you're coming home. Two days? So, Thursday night?"

"We'll come right from the train station to your place, if that's okay."

There's enough of a pause to concern me.

"I'll make it okay. Don't worry about it. I love you."

"Love you too. See you soon." I put down the receiver and move out of the impatient line of people waiting to use the public telephone.

Clove is waiting by the market entrance. "How'd it go?"

"Well enough. At least Prim will be happy to see us."

"See you, you mean."

"No. Us." I take her arm. "Us."