A/N: Chapter 21 up! Yay! Thanks you so much for reading and reviewing, please keep on doing so...what? The cookies aren't there yet? I don't know, post these days...*looks down shiftily* Erm...anyway, lets continue.
Still 1st of September
OH MY GOD. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! OH MY DOG. I mean, OH MY GOD! I don't even know what I'm saying!
I can't believe this. Ooooh, wait till I tell Jeremy. He'll be my slave forever. Or at least he should be.
Oh darn, he might not want to publish it. But he promised! Oh wait, he promised about Alicia. Not Moira. Drat.
I could tell Abigail! And ask her not to tell him. Oooh, yesss. I am STUPENDOUS. Absolutely AH-MA-ZAING. Except that they always check all their stories together.
Especially after what happened three years ago. God, it's scary when those two fight. You have to side with one of them. Worst thing is, to try to be friendly with both so they wont take out their anger on you, but if you are then they BOTH get offended with you and they BOTH publish stuff about you. Which is simply dreadful. I should know...but that's another story. I'm trying to tell you Hitler Girl's secret, not mine.
Here's the thing: Moira is the opposite of Jeremy. Oh, no, I mean, the same...but...I mean, she likes girls!
Like like. Not friend like.
Muahuahua. This is GREAT. I will now proceed to tell you how I found out.
I was innocently flipping through the pages, after reading all about how beastly I was without much interest, then she went on and on and on about how beastly practically everyone was, which I also read without much interest, untill I cam eupon a rather signigifcant piece of news.
First, she went on about how "different" and "abnormal" she apparently was. I didn't know what on earth she was on about, apart from the obvious fact that she is an evil, horrendous, putrid dictator, until I read something like "Gwendoline is awful, but she has the looks of an angel" struck me as rather odd. Gwendoline? Looks of an ANGEL? And then she wrote pages and pages on how Catherine was irritating her to no end, but she had GEORGOUS eyes, not to mention extremely shapely figure. And how she's always terrified that Catherine would see through her because because she's known her the longest.
She is BLIND. Seriously. Saint Catherine has the eyes colour of a putrid green lake that has been used as a toilet for cows. No joke.
Or might be just my dislike for her. I am blinded by the dislike of a lot of people, come to think of it.
So then I put two and two together (see, Uncle? I'm not AS far behind in maths as you think!) and the lightbulb went on in my head. I feel kind of sorry for Hitler Girl though, I mean, just because she likes girls it doesn't make her really abnormal. It's the fact she's an absolute pig that makes her abnormal. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HITLER GIRL, BRAIN!
So now I will ring Abigail. No, wait. Maybe I'll keep it for blackmail. At least until I find out something about Alicia too, and then I can throw the whole package at them. I will follow Alicia around EVERYWHERE. What with my super spying skills, she will never notice me.
I know, I'm brilliant.
Oh, great. I have to go to the bleeding PSYCHOLOGIST now. This makes no sense. I AM THE SANEST PERSON IN THIS HOUSE!
Time: 4 pm
Location: Bedroom
Mood: Irritated and fed up. Also spyingy. Yes, that is a word. I command it.
Oh godddddddd. Well, that was a good use of my time. And by good, I mean a complete and utter WASTE.
First, the psychologist was this terribly nosey middle aged woman, with an EXTREMELY false smile and high pitched voice that made my teeth hurt. She was all "Oh, how are you, my dearie? Are you excited about today's session?" I politely explained that I would be more excited being in the middle of a desert island with Miss Carton the History Teacher. She asked me if my history teacher was very exciting. I answered she was about as exciting as a piece of fosilated wood.
She looked rather puzzled.
She kept asking me how I felt.
BLOODY EMBARASSED BY BEING THERE, THAT'S HOW I FELT.
Then she asked me to draw myself and my family. I drew them all in lunatic assylum inmate clothing. My parents were going away, leaving me screaming as the lunatics approached me. Very creative, if I do say so myself. I drew Tommy as he would have liked: covered in blood. Alicia had horns on her head. The psychologist didn't think much of all this. She just tutted and put it away. Some people just can't appreciate talent. I might be the next Picasso for all she knows. Then she made me do all these STUPID games. How old does she think I am, five? Seriously.
I was never more glad to be back in the loony bin. I swear, I will never complain about this dear little asylum ever again.
1 minute later
God, I HATE this place. Not to mention the people living in it.
20 minutes later
Well, that didn't turn out well. I followed Alicia everywhere, as I said, and she doesn't seem to do ANYTHING apart from being stupid all day long.
I followed her to the bathroom and spied through the keyhole. Well, what if she was doing something she shouldn't in the bathroom?
Then Alicia opened the door and I fell in. She looked at me and completely overreacted. Her exact words: "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU SPYING, DISGUSTING..." on, and on, and on. Whacking me on the head with a towel. A pretty HARD towel too. I got up and ran out.
She is so inconsiderate.
Time: 11 pm
Location: Bed
Mood: A mixture of exhausted, annoyed, amused, and too many feelings.
Gosh, I'm tired. After tea, me and Bree had to STUDY again. This time it was Hitler Girls turn to supervise us. JOY.
Tea was pretty amusing., despite the awkwardness between me and The Devil Incarnate, not to mention between me and George. Whenever Hitler Girl even looked at a girl (unless it was Bridget, of course. Or Aunt May. That would be disgusting) I would stare intently at her, hoping she would see me and go as red as a beetrot.
She didn't do either. The pig. So then I resorted to being more direct without everyone noticing.
Conversation:
Me: *sweetly* Moira dear, could you pass me the salt, please?
Moira rolled her eyes and practically threw the salt at me. She is so rude.
Me: So, Moira, have you heard anything from your friend Catherine lately?
Moira: *witheringly* Why on earth would you be interested in Catherine?
Me: Oh, I've always liked Catherine. Though not as much as you do, probably.
Alicia: June. You hate Catherine. I saw your "ten people I hate the most" list you wrote in your diary.
Me: I – I – Well, a girl can change her mind, can't she!
So much for being cool and smooth. Why does the Devil Incarnate always make me look stupid, even though she's WAY stupider than me?
Me: And kindly do not speak to me, cousin. I don't know how you can even look me in the eye. Have you absolutely NO shame?
Alicia: *thinking* Hmm. Nope, don't think I do.
Me: I think you are mistaking me for someone who has any interest in what you have to say.
HA! Take THAT, Devil Incarnate!
Alicia: What? I didn't say anything. You asked me a question, I answered.
Me: Shut up. I'm not talking to you.
Alicia: But you just did.
June: Well, now I'm not.
Alicia: But...
Sam: June. Alicia. Stop talking.
Silence.
Me: So anyway, Moira, have you?
Moira: *irritably* What, June? Have I what?
Me: Heard from Catherine!
Moira: That is none of your bussiness.
At all this, Aunt, Uncle and Mr. Addams looked very very puzzled. It was very amusing. So amusing, in fact, I snorted and lemonade went up my nose. After I had calmed down, I looked at her with a fake wounded expression on my face.
Me: None of my bussiness? Why, that's rather rude, my dear! I was only trying to be nice!
Moira got fed up and didn't say any more. Neither did anyone else. We ate in complete silence. Or it would have been complete silence, if Tommy hadn't been playing "squelch the man". This consists of squelching a tomato with your hand, pretending it's an innocent pedestrian. He is truly disturbing.
After all this, we had to study. It was exhausting, but rather amusing at the same time. Moira was going on about polynomials. Blah blah blah. Who CARES? Honestly, if she likes girls, she shouldn't talk to them about POLYNOMIALS. Unless she wants to bore them to death so then she can make a collection of dead girls.
That is a very disturbing thought. STOP IT, BRAIN!
Moira: June, June, think. If a2 + ab + ba + b2 is the basic formula, then how would you solve X (3X2 + 5) – 2 (X3 – 2)2 ? It's not THAT complicated!
Me: I don't know. Maybe if you replaced those letters with M and C it would be easier.
Moira: *puzzled* What? Fine, replace the letters with M and C if you want. It's the same. Then how would you resolve it?
Me: *triumphantly* M + C = love. You agree?
Moira: *more puzzled than ever* Huh?
Me: *exasperatedly* Never mind.
God, she is so thick. If Bridget wasn't here, I could be more direct. I don't want anyone else to find out. It's my personal bit of knowledge.
After two hours of absolute and utter BOREDOM, Hitler Girl looked at her watch and said we could go. Bridget went. I stayed behind and looked at Hitler Girl, grinning from ear to ear.
Moria: *warily* what do you want, June?
Me: Oh, nothing. I was just wondering: could I ask you a personal question?
Moira: *turning her back to me, organizing her books* No. Now go away.
I chose to ignore her apalling rudeness. Am I the only polite person in this house?
Me: Do you really think Catherine has georgeous eyes? Cause they sure look like frog swamps to me.
Moira: What?
Then realization seemed to hit her. She completely overreacted, just like Alicia. She kept screaming stuff like "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, NOSING AROUND IN OTHER PEOPLE'S PRIVACIES..." blah, blah, blah, blah. And on and on and on. Very uniteresting stuff, not to mention extremely rude.
Me: Moira. Do you really think this the best way to win my silence?
Moira: *going redder than a tomato* I – I – I ...you little... *collecting herself* June. If you have ANY bit of human kindness left inside you, I beg you to keep quiet about this.
Me: Hmm. I guess I'll just have to think about it, won't I?
Moira: You beastly child. Get. Out. Now.
I skipped out happily looking slightly like Little Red Riding-Hood in the forest. Betty was there with Matthew and Roger, who all looked at me as if I was a little green man from mars. I heard Roger murmuring distinctly: "Skipping happily. June skipping happily. Something very very good for her and very very bad for us is going on".
Then I went to bed, exhausted after all the day's excitement.
They will see. Oh, tee-hee, will they see.
2nd of September
I've been looking at the calendar. Only 8 days to go until school starts. Oh, joy. I can hardly wait to get back to all my boring, bland classmates and my boring, sadistic, so called "teachers". NOT.
Seriously, school is the stupidest invention in the history of mankind. Even stupider than waxing, and that's saying something (I mean, what STUPID person thought 'oh, I'll try putting some of this hot, boiling wax on my leg and then yank it out, to see what happens'? Someone with no life whatsoever, that's who).
But lets not think about school. I have come to tell you that I have been spying on my cousin again, and AGAIN found NOTHING whatsoever that could be considered illegal, cheating, or even slightly bad that she has done (apart from stupid tricks and remarks, often played on me). I mean, seriously. Has she NO life?
Before spying, though, I had to STUDY again. This time, The Devil Incarnate herself supervised us. It was HELL. She kept going on and on and ON about "Georgie" and "how did he respond to your feelings". He hasn't even SPOKEN to me since the incident. Not even tried.
Well, he did try, but as soon as I saw him coming near me I screamed my head off like a madwoman and started running. Promptly slipping on the newly polished floor and falling flat on my face. A very embarassing incident that I do not wish to talk, write, or think about for longer than a second.
I TRIED to ignore her. I really tried. But when she started going on about the incident I just mentioned, I had no choice but to "accidentally" spill ink. All over her white blouse. I mean, what ELSE could I do? It was only fair.
Well, Alicia didn't think it was fair, and told Uncle.
He didn't think it was fair either, and sent me to my room.
When I was FINALLY let out, I started my spying bussiness, which, as I told you, proved to be of no interest whatsoever.
Now? I'm still spying while I write this, crouched behind the kitchen cupboard, staring at The Devil Incarnate while she bakes bread. Oh, great. Now Aunt will force us to eat it, saying how much Alicia has worked on this bread for us, and it will taste of cardboard like The Devil Incarnate's bread ALWAYS does, and then she will pretend to get all offended at my disgusted facial expressions and I will have to apologize to her while she grins satisfiedly behind Aunt's back.
Perfect. Just perect.
Now she's putting the bread in the oven. Big whoop.
Now she's going out. Now I can slip out without her seeing me. I must be very careful and sly and...oh, drat. What was that?
2 minutes later
So much for being careful and sly. I trod on a most DISGUSTING bug. After hearing the squelching sound, I looked down, saw it, and screamed the place down.
Luckily, Alicia didn't suspect anything, thinking I had just gone in. Uncle sighed exasperatedly and was like: "oh, for heaven's sake, June, must you have this tendency to overreact at any little thing? I thought someone was trying to murder you. Oh, stop shrieking, it's only a bug."
ONLY A BUG? IT TOUCHED MY SKIN! MY DELICATE, LOVELY, PURE SKIN! TELL ME HOW THAT'S OVERREACTING!
My skin will never be the same again. I am scarred for life.
Still 2nd of September
Time: 3 am
Location: Bed
Mood: EXTATIC!
YES! YES AND DOUBLE YESSS!
At last, SOMETHING. Oooh, muahuahua. This is GREAT. All I needed. Now I've got SO much to tell Jeremy! The Devil Incarnate will be so FURIOUS when she finds out that I found out!
I am sure you are wondering what happened, diary.
Well, I was innocently walking along the corridor at 2 am when I happened to hear The Devil Incarnate's voice coming from the garden. And Betty's. And Sam's. So I opened the door slightly so I could hear them better and see them. I heard Alicia say something about "not wanting to intrude on you" in a jokey voice. Then Betty laughed and told her not to be stupid. Interesting bit: THEY WERE ALL HOLDING GLASSES WITH ALCOHOL IN IT (Sam is of age, but the girl's are still seventeen).
Then Sam said "I tried this with the boys last year". I didn't know what on earth he was on about, until I saw a little packet. I squinted to see what they were, and with glee saw they were, in fact, CIGGARETTES! Ooooh, can you IMAGINE the scandal when people find out that two well brought up, boarding school girls DRINK and SMOKE?
I started jumping up and down in glee. FINALLY, something! Alicia and Betty both coughed loudly after a drag and declared they were never trying that disgusting stuff again. Sam laughed and said he didn't mind it, but didn't think it was anything special at all.
Then I saw them putting off the cigarettes and starting to walk back I ran and ran and ran very silently and jumped on my bed. Bree woke up and demanded to know what was going on. How nosey can you get? I told her "Oh, you'll see" in a very deep, misterious voice. She asked me if my voice was OK and did I want some mints. I told her no I did not want some mints, and to go back to sleep. She insisted to know what I was doing up at 2 am. I ignored her and pretended to fall asleep.
Ooooh, I can't WAIT until tomorrow! Forget blackmailing Moira. I'm telling Jeremy EVERYHTING.
Until tomorrow, diary. The day hell breaks loose!
Well, actually, that would be the day AFTER tomorrow, when the newspaper comes out. Tomorrow I'll tell him, and he will publish it. And if he doesn't, it's bye bye Jeremy.
I love my life right now.
A/N: Yay! Another chapter! That was quick...god, I love writing :) Hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please review! Please? *puppy dog eyes*