I seemed to be overcome with mixed emotions when I turned the page. When I had first started reading I was a little jealous at the fact that Johnny had picked up other girls. However, once I read further that jealousy had been replaced with absolute worry for Johnny. And confusion. My Johnny? The boy that' so gentle, the boy I love, killed another boy? It couldn't be true. But I knew it must be.
This made me love him even more. If I had to take out a loan from the bank, then fly out to America tonight, I would. Just to be at his side. To see him again. To just be there, be in his presence would be something.
I continued to read:
We pulled up to the church, and disobeying Dally's commands, Ponyboy and I got out of the car. There seemed to be a picnic or some sort of gathering that started with lots of kids. I followed Pony as he tapped the nearest adult on the shoulder and asked what was going on.
"We were having a school picnic up here, and the first thing we knew, the place was burning up. Thank goodness it's wet season and the place is worthless," A fat guy said, who appeared to be a teacher. He then shouted for the kids who were there to stay away from the barn. I figured we had started it, we must have dropped a still burning cigarette on the ground.
At that moment, a lady ran up to him and told him that some of the kids were missing. She thought that they were climbing the hill. Then, everyone heard something real faint. We listened closer and it sounded like screaming coming from inside the church.
The lady began to panic, and Pony shouted, "I'll get them, don't worry!" and made a run for the church. I ran too, right on his heels. The teacher tried to stop us and be a hero himself but didn't end up doing it... When we got to the window of the church to climb inside, he couldn't fit.
The window was all boarded up, so Ponyboy took a big rock lying around and threw it in the window; breaking it so we could go in. I didn't think he realized I was there with him, and when he did he smiled. We hopped in the church. There was fire everywhere. Smoke instantly filled my lungs, making me cough and sputter. Shielding my mouth from the smoke; we made our way to the back, where the kids were.
Once we got there, a window was open, thank god. We began picking up kids and putting them outside, until Dally arrived, then we handed the kids over to him. I was surprised he was there, I think the only reason he was there was to tell Pony and I to get out and swear at us in the process of doing that.
The strange thing about it was that we were in grave danger, risking our lives, and at the same time we were having the time of our lives. It was a tuff feeling, knowing that your helping people who need it.
By the time we had almost gotten all the kids out, the roof looked like it was going to cave in. I could hear Dally yelling from outside:
"For pete's sake, get outa there! The roof's gonna cave in any minute. Forget about those blasted kids!"
The last kid was out. Then I heard it. A crack. I shoved Ponyboy towards the window and told him to get out.
I can't remember too much after that. I just remember looking up at a beam from the ceiling crashing down towards me.
I gasped aloud. Oh no, no please, I prayed that he would be okay. I told myself that a million times, but in my heart I didn't believe it.
I woke up in a cold, grey, hospital room. I was so scared, I had no idea what happened to me. I tried to get up and nearly fainted. I couldn't feel my back or legs. What happened to me? I was panicking. In the midst of it, pain shot up through my back. It wasn't like when I got beat up or when my father hits me. It was a million times worse then that. It was agony. I would rather have Bob punch me an infinity of times then that. Or my dad hit me a million times. I would take anything other then that.
I passed out again. Sometime later I came to, and a nurse was in the room, opening the blinds of the room. I tried to call out to her, but I surprised myself when I had no voice. I was starting to freak out again, then I remembered what happened last time and managed to stay calm. She turned around and noticed that I was awake.
"Good Lord, your finally awake," I remember her saying. She was real nice. It was like going back to when I was six years old. I somehow convinced myself that my parents weren't my real parents, they were my evil aunt and uncle. I had imagined my real mother and father. They always ended up like a hybrid of the Curtis's parents. In my mind, my Dad was the coolest guy. He was big, strong, and could beat anyone in football. And if any West side boys gave me any trouble, they would hear from him. Mom was sweet. She would play games with me, and read me stories in a rocking chair before I went to bed. She may have been sweet, but still wouldn't take any baloney from me if I was misbehaving.
I had also convinced myself that one day my real parent's would come and take me away to their house. I pictured their house in the Countryside, where there was rivers that flowed with Coca-Cola and a petting zoo,(C'mon, I was only six).
The nurse had an uncanny resemblance to my 'Real Mother'. She put a forced smile on her face as she came over to my bedside.
"What happened to me?" I tried to say loud and clear, but my voice came out as a cracked whisper. She looked solelm.
"I'm gonna give it straight to you, but you gotta promise you'll be calm," She said, and I got a sick feeling in my gut.
"I dig," I whispered.
She took a deep breath then started.
"You remember going in to save those kids, right?"
I couldn't nod or anything, but she understood.
"You had gotten the last of the children outside, and by then the roof was starting to crumble. It was now only you and the blond haired boy inside, and you, very loyally and brave as I may say myself, pushed him towards the window where the towheaded boy got him out. By then, the roof came down." She said, then added a pitiful, "Brace yourself."
I was real scared. I think it's a worse feeling to not know then to know something terrible.
"As the roof fell, a major support beam from the ceiling fell on your back. You broke your back in three places, are suffering third and second degree burns on most of your body and suffered an extreme shock."
No. That's all I could think at that moment. No, this can't possibly be happening. Johnny's fine. He's down at the lot, playing football with the gang, I lied to myself. He's okay, he's okay, he's okay, I repeated, and it didn't seem to help anything. No matter how much I lied to myself, no matter how many times I said he was going to be okay, there was one little thing that convinced myself that I was lying- a single tear that ran down my cheek.