(Chapter 20) Over and Over Again

Author's Note:: It's was so hard for me to write this chapter because this story's coming to the end. Of course, it's not the end of the characters, but I've been working on Parting Shot for the past four years. It will be weird to see it end. Anyway, sentiments aside, here is the next installment of the great story.

Life's too short to even care at all oh,

I'm coming up now, coming up now out of the blue oh,

These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart

Oh, oh

A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh, oh

In the Med Facility,

When Molly woke up, her head was full of cotton balls.

On the one hand, it seemed to soften the world around her, making the silvery blue room calmer, quieter, and lighter than it might have been if she had woken up without cotton balls in her head.

On the other hand, she couldn't seem to string thoughts together through the puffs. All she could do was feel.

She felt relaxed.

She felt confused.

She felt anxious.

She felt confused again.

She blinked a few times trying to gain some measure of clarity, and slowly, through the confusion and cotton balls, the world came more into focus.

She was in the Med Facility. Again. That much was clear from the sounds of the beeping machine to her left along with the tall IV hook up. Her bag was empty. She wasn't sure what that meant. Was she dead?

"How's she doing?" someone yawned to her left, the yawn masterfully hiding any clues as to who was talking. Molly stayed still, staring up at the empty IV bag and waiting for the answer. How was she doing? How was anyone doing?

"Still a little shaken, but otherwise unhurt. More worried about Stark Industries and Molly than herself." Tony.It was his voice. But it wasn't. Molly was used to the sarcastic, loud, careless voice. The one that seemed to make fun of everyone for taking anything too seriously. This voice was different. It was down-to-earth, quiet, sincere. She didn't like this voice. Not talking about her.

But he wasn't. The fact seemed to catch up late to Molly as she started working through the remaining cotton balls to piece together who the other "she" could possibly be. Pepper,she realized. He's talking about Pepper.

"And she's ok with you being here?" Natasha's voice cut through Molly's thoughts. At least she still sounded like herself.

"I wouldn't say ok," Tony admitted, "But she understands. We need to figure out what's going to happen with Sleeping Beauty over there."

There was silence as Molly waited for someone to respond to Tony. What was going to happen to her? At least she wasn't dead. That was good. At least, she thought it was good.

"It should be wearing off soon," Natasha said, slowly—breaking the silence."The second dose wasn't as large."

"There shouldn't have been a second dose."

Clint.

"You know why—" Natasha was cut off as Molly shot up from the bed, causing Tony to jump back swearing, Clint to reach over and grab something from the table next to his own bed, and Natasha to drop her magazine and point a gun at Molly. Molly's head swam at the sudden movement and her heart pounded as she looked at Clint who was sitting up in his bed and staring at her, hand still clutching something that she couldn't see.

"Speak of the devil," Tony breathed out. "Holy shit Molly, you know how to insert yourself into a conversation."

"You're ok." Molly's eyes never left Clint's face. He had a bruise on his cheekbone, and another one closer to his left temple, but other than that he seemed ok. He was staring back at her, his eyes taking her in, his beautiful grey melting into blue eyes. Last time she looked at him, she wasn't sure if she'd see his eyes open again.

"I'm ok," he nodded, releasing whatever object he had grabbed and moving his hand back to rest on his bed. "Thanks to you and Steve." He was making full sentences. He was ok. And she was ok, too. Mostly.

"I actually have some questions about that," Tony interjected, and Molly turned to look at him fully for the first time. He was back in casual wear—jeans and a tight black sweater rolled up to his elbows. He had a couple of cuts on his face, but otherwise he looked no worse for wear. Except for the bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in a while. "How does someone who faints at the sight of blood manage to bandage up his mess?" Tony asked, gesturing to Clint. "Did you close your eyes and use Old Stars and Stripes as your seeing eye medic?"

"What?" Molly asked, squinting in confusion, trying to find the line of logic in Tony's references and jokes.

"Because you can't tell me you kept it together when you were putting his guts back in but seeing his blood on your fingers knocked you out," Tony continued.

"My guts were never out," Clint protested.

"What?" Molly repeated

"Yeah, you took one look at your fingers," Tony touched his forehead, bringing his hand down to look at his fingertips before miming passing out. "And that was it."

"I thought…" Molly started, lifting her hand to touch the bandage on her head in the same way Tony just had.

"Much like Tony, that's just for show. You're fine," Natasha soothed, and Molly turned to look at the agent who was dressed in a clean, new-looking SHIELD uniform. Natasha had holstered her gun and picked up the magazine from the floor, so it now lay on the table between her chair and Molly's bed.

Molly felt as if she was trying to sift through cotton balls again. "But, Director Fury said…"

"What he needed to say in order to get you admitted and placed behind closed doors," Natasha finished. She looked Molly in the eyes. "You're completely fine."

Molly held onto Natasha's gaze, trying to find the bits and pieces of necessary explanations she needed. The agent gave no information, though. Instead she offered a look of stern reassurance, sending Molly to search out Clint's eyes. He met her gaze with one of longing and desperation and comfort. Let's move on.He seemed to beg. Let's get past this.

Molly wasn't sure this was something she could just move past. Her memory would never let her forget the sight of him laying in that hallway surrounded by dead bodies and blood. She would never forget the feeling of his skin sinking, squishing slightly under her fingers, or the way his blood felt slick even though the gloves. And then she remembered. Not fully, but enough. She had pushed her hair out of her face when she was wearing the gloves—of course some of the blood got on her. The thought caused Molly's stomach to churn. She broke away from Clint's gaze and turned and looked at the empty IV.

"If I'm ok, why am I hooked up to an IV?"

"Fury likes to really sell the lies," Tony quipped. "It's more of an art form with him than a necessary evil."

"The World Security Council wanted a comprehensive update on your condition and capacities, so we needed to elongate your sleep a little with a mild sedative," Natasha answered, glaring at Tony.

"How long have I been sleeping?" Molly's heart began to pound.

"A little over 18 hours," Natasha filled in. "Enough time for two check-ins."

"But why can't the World's Sec—why can't they know I'm ok?"

"Because we want to keep you safe," Clint said, quietly. She could hear it in his voice now. Let's move on. Let's get past this.

"From what?" Molly asked. The three looked at each other. "I thought we won," No one said anything. They continued to look at each other, having a silent conversation that Molly couldn't catch on to. "I thought it was over," she pressed. "I finished the Perditrix. I killed Talbot and Casimir. The Evorsors are gone. What's left?"

"There are more dangers out there than aliens, Molly. We've always known that," Natasha answered calmly and coolly. "We just didn't know how many of them are interested in using you."

"What does that mean?" Molly asked. This time nobody wanted to answer. She looked to Clint again. "Who wants to use me?"

"We're not sure yet. It's just something that Casimir said…we have to take precautions," Clint answered, gently.

"So, as a precaution, I'm locked away in the Med Facility again." Molly couldn't even work out how she felt anymore. Annoyance. Fear. Confusion. Anger. More fear. Anxiety.

"Well, at least you have better company this time," Tony quipped. "Not just the doctors."

"But what about the doctors?" Molly asked.

"What about them?" It was as close to confused as Molly had ever seen Natasha.

"Won't they be in and out of here with nurses checking on me and Clint?"

"Director Fury's only allowed one doctor in to care for you and Clint."

"And it's not suspicious that the two of us are quarantined away together or anything?"

"Not really." Natasha shook her head. "It's not unusual to separate agents with severe wounds from the other patients for closer monitoring…and morale."

"And with Barton being a bandage away from death and you fainting so excellently at the sight of his blood, it didn't really raise any suspicions." Tony finished.

Molly looked at all three of them as they seemed to will her to understand or at least to accept what was happening. But she couldn't accept it or understand it. "Why can't it just be over?" Molly's voice came out as little more than a whisper.

"Nothing ever is," Clint murmured.

Silence enveloped the room again as all four sat and stared into space. The silence crawled on Molly's skin, or maybe it was what the silence held—uncertainty, isolation, more secrets revolving around her.

"How are the others?" Molly asked, quietly trying to beat back the quiet.

"Well, Cap's helping Fury piece SHIELD back together. Bruce is no longer the Jolly Green Giant, and Rhodey's gone back to New York. Agent Hill has been in and out checking on you. Natasha's been catching up on Cosmo, and I have just finished repairing my suit," Tony filled in.

"And as soon as you're cleared to be released, I will be too," Clint added.

"May be," Natasha corrected. "Unlike Molly, you actually were injured."

"By the time everything's sorted and Molly's cleared to leave, it'll be twenty-four hours past when we were admitted. We'll have met the mandatory observational period."

"For extensive injuries like yours it's seventy-two hours; you know that," Natasha argued lightly. "Besides, if youwere in a civilian hospital, you wouldn't even be awake from surgery right now."

Molly's mind drifted back to the early days of her SHIELD medical care when Clint found out her neck was still bothering her. It shouldn't be hurting anymore. That wasn't just Advil they gave you.The memory of Clint's voice mixed with his current rebuttal to Natasha's comment, making it hard to follow the conversation. Before she could attempt to catch up on what she'd missed by Natasha's response, the doors to the room slid open and Agent Hill walked in. A quick look of surprise crossed her face as she caught sight of Molly sitting up in bed.

"Well, now it's really a party," Tony remarked, "Nothing at all like the last time you were under house arrest here."

"Molly, how are you doing?" Agent Hill inquired in a clipped but gentle voice. Molly imagined it was the same kind of voice a paramedic would use in an ambulance.

"Not as good as I thought apparently."

"You told her?" Agent Hill looked between Natasha and Clint.

"Not everything," Natasha answered, and Molly snapped her attention to the agent, glaring slightly. "We though that Director Fury would want the honors considering he's been making most of the calls." Natasha was looking at Molly instead of Agent Hill. Agent Hill nodded before walking to the door in the last second she wrenched it open with such urgency that Molly jumped a little bit.

"We have a situation!" Agent Hill called out the door, her voice quick and panicked. "Someone get the Director and Dr. Kyriazis. Now." She withdrew back inside, shutting the door behind her, and coming closer to Molly's bed once again.

"I'm glad that you're ok," Agent Hill said, sincerely.

Molly didn't know what to say. Thank you didn't seem like enough. What with everything that the two had been through in the past 36 hours and considering the state of their relationship before the Evorsors had attacked—it felt like Molly should somehow address the fact that they now liked each other—they might even be friends. But by the time Molly had worked through her thoughts, too much time had passed and it would have been awkward to say anything back. Typical, Molly thought. And then she was struck by how grateful she was to have this thought. Maybe everything would be ok.

The doors opened and Director Fury came in. The entire atmosphere of the room changed.

"Glad to see you awake, Ms. McKay," Director Fury remarked. Molly thought a few things that sounded more like Saoirse than herself. She didn't voice any of them.

"Why do I feel like nothing's over? Why do I feel like I'm back in the same spot I was two—three days ago when you ruined my world?"

"Because in this world, things rarely end cleanly and happily," Director Fury answered. "Especially when it comes to war."

"But the war is over," Molly argued.

"The fight with the Evorsors was not the war—it was a battle. The same as the with the Chitauri. They are just pieces of the larger struggle."

"What struggle?"

"Intergalactic safety and stability. We want security and peace for the earth, and that can't be achieved by holding our own against alien threats. It's a war of many fronts, and our triumph here may have lost us ground elsewhere."

"Can you just say what you mean?" Molly exploded in an exasperated sigh.

"You are a valuable piece, Molly. You have the power to win the war."

"Because I have the knowledge to build the Perditrix?"

"Because you have the capacity to build the Perditrix. It's not just what you can do, but how you could be used by others. Everyone wants you and because of that you're in danger."

"So, why can't SHIELD just hide me?"

"Because SHILED is one of the entities who wants you." Molly felt the breath catch in her throat, choking her. She couldn't look away from Fury. Was he finally admitting to using her?

"What?" Molly's voice came out as no more than a whisper.

"Casimir mentioned a parasite growing under SHIELD's nose. For all of the things he and Talbot and all of the other Evorsors were, they were not liars. It's a threat we need to look into," Natasha explained.

"And to do that we need time. More time than we can keep you hidden in here for," Agent Hill explained. "And if we hide you somewhere else, there's always a risk that someone will see you leave and you will be in even greater danger."

"So for all of the times you've purposefully put me in danger and used me as bait, now that I want my freedom even with the risks, you refuse to let me have it?" Molly asked.

"You don't understand the gravity of your situation. You are wanted for the war. It's not as if we can simply deal with this one threat and then you'll be safe. The parasite is not the only part of SHIELD that wants you. The World Security Council wants to put you under their direct control and isolated from the rest of the organization to store our secrets and craft our weapons."

Molly felt like she was going to throw up. She wanted to look at Clint, but she was afraid of what she would find there. Would he be comforting or would he look as destroyed as he did when she found him in the hallway? Was this why he had looked so desperate when she had met his gaze?

"What are you going to do to me?" Molly whispered.

"To keep you safe—we have to de-weaponize you," Director Fury answered.

"Are you going to kill her?" Tony asked, incredulous. The thought hadn't occurred to Molly until now but now it made sense. She was too valuable to fall into the wrong hands. They'd kill her to keep that from happening.

"Of course not," Agent Hill said, looking to Director Fury for confirmation. He was sharing new information now. Everyone except for Molly had been on the same page up until this point, but in the room had known more than Molly up until this point, now they were all in uncharted waters. Director Fury took in a breath.

"We need to strip you of the one thing everyone wants from you. It's the only way to keep you truly safe from alien and human threats."

"My memory."

"You're going to destroy her memory? Turn her into Dory?" Tony asked. Molly felt relieved that she had one person sticking up for her in the room.

"We won't permanently damage her ability to make memories or even some of her old ones. We'll just selectively eliminate the ones connected to the Perditrix. Place them deep into the subconscious, hidden under different stories so you can't reach them. In fact, you won't even know to try. You won't feel as if you're missing anything."

"But I will be. I won't remember my father."

"You'll remember him as Joe McKay. You might even remember his smile. But you won't remember what he taught you," Director Fury clarified. For all of her anger towards her father—Molly had never wanted to forget him. She wanted to yell at him—she wanted to tell him how betrayed she felt that he had used her and then died before she could even call him out on his bullshit and all the bullshit he had put her through, but she never wanted to forget him, she wasn't that cruel.

"Once I forget him and the Perditrix—I'll be safe? I can stay, and they'll know I'm not the Key anymore?"

Director Fury looked at Agent Hill who stared stonily faced back at him. He switched his gaze to Natasha who seemed able to handle the truth—whatever that was—better.

"You can't stay," Natasha said slowly, quietly.

"What?"

"You have to forget everything about the Perditrix and surrounding it. If you stay here, you'll begin to question how it was you got here even through the stories. People will let things slip. They'll want to use you anyway. It needs to seem as if your memory is completely damaged even though it's just this one selection."

"The story we'll sell is that because of your head injury, you're compromised, no longer the perfect weapon."

"And that flimsy story will keep me safe? Why can't you just knock me out as if I'm dead and then hide me away on some farm until it's all sorted. Why do you want to take everything away from me?"

"Because that's the life we're trying to keep you from." It was the first time Clint spoke. His voice was firmer than she thought it would be, so much so that she turned to look at him. Even though his words came out confident, she could see the strain on his face. "Isolated from everybody—we wouldn't be able to see you without putting you at risk. You'd be completely alone except for a few times every couple of years where one of us may be able to take the chance to see you. You'll always know what you're missing. You'll always know what you lost."

"Isn't it better to have the memories than nothing?"

"Even if it was, you'd never be happy. You love normalcy. You love being a baker. You love your mom. We can't take that away from you."

"But those aren't the only things I love anymore. I love being here. I love you—all of you," Molly felt the panic rise in her. "I've never forgotten anything. Ever. Not in my whole life. I have more pictures and facts memorized than I know what to do with. I remember the first book I ever read word for word. I could tell you right now." She was crying now, and she felt sick, and she couldn't stop talking. "A told B and B told C, I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree." Her voice cracked as she recited her old favorite story.

"It's for the best," Clint's voice was tight and measured. His face was blank, the only sign that he had any emotional investment in the decision was his tight jawline. Molly wanted him to break. She wanted him to yell at Fury or cry over her. She wanted him to come into her bed and hold her and tell her that everything would be alright and he would never let go and they could make it through this together. He didn't, though. "It's the only way to ensure your safety." She was already losing him. He was retreating.

"So I have go back into my old life, with a fake story and desperate hope that nobody comes looking for me."

"Nobody will get to you. This is the only way we can ensure that," Director Fury said.

"Please, don't make me do this," Molly whispered looking at Clint. She wanted him to touch her. At least last time Fury had ruined her life and Clint had ended up in her bed. This time he was so far away.

"I told you I'd do anything to keep you safe, and I meant it. Even if that means making you forget me," he whispered back.

She didn't want that. She didn't want to forget that she had known Clint Barton. She didn't want him to go back to being a distant memory from the Chitauri Invasion or worse, a figure on the TV screen and nothing more.

"We can't afford to waste any more time. A member of the World Security Council is on his way here already. The procedure is happening, Ms. McKay." Director Fury seemed to have lost patience. Or maybe he just wanted to get it over with.

"At least let her say goodbye to everyone," Agent Hill argued. Two days ago, Molly would have been shocked. Now she was grateful. Or at least, she thought she should be grateful. A feeling of numbness had started to seep through her body. The Director looked torn between sticking to schedule and allowing Molly a shred of kindness. He met her eyes.

"I'll do what I can to make sure you get your goodbyes," Director Fury agreed. "But the procedure has to be underway in an hour—otherwise, you're back to being a piece in the game, and believe it or not, I don't want that for you." And that was how Director Fury said goodbye.

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now

Ending Thoughts: Wow, right? I debated a lot with myself about whether this chapter was me trying to address all of the crazy things that had happened in the Marvel Universe since I began this story or if it was me trying to infuse drama and surprise. Ultimately, I decided on the first option and after deciding that, a lot of things for this story and the next clicked into place.

For those who are disappointed because they figured now that the big bad guy was out of the way, they'd get more of Molly and Clint: first of all, keep reading because there's 3-4 more chapters left, and second, I'm going to be writing "Extra Shots" (or "Stray Shots" or something of the sort) which will have some one-shots from Molly's long time on the Helicarrier as well as maybe other scenes and her history. So if you feel like you missed out on cute Molly & Clint moments—you didn't. There will be plenty of tension and fluff in the one shots. And some in the next chapter too!