When Elladan returns that evening he is beyond weary. He can barely stand.

"Things are bad." I say as he slumps into a chair by the fire. It is not a question but a statement.

"Worse than bad." He answers, "I am at my wits end. I have tried everything."

"I saw Eldarion today, and he was upset. Truly the way he described Legolas was terrible."

"Arwen never should have taken him there,"Elladan says with a frown. "But she hoped he could perhaps reach Legolas where we could not. It only hurt the boy."

"Reach him?" I wonder what he means by that.

"He shuts himself away in the dark with only the sounds of the sea for company. He will not respond to any of us." I remember then Eldarion saying he thought Legolas did not even know he was there—but there was more.

"Eldarion said Legolas argued with Estel. He said he shouted as if he hates him. What is that? Why should he be angry with Estel? What has he done?"

"What has he done?" Elladan lifts his head and his eyes suddenly flash with an anger of his own. "Why should Legolas be angry? For the same reason I am angry with him!"

I have known there is something swirling between Elladan and Estel but I have not known what.

"Why, Elladan? Ever since Legolas returned to us you have been tense with Estel. Why?"

Elladan is on his feet then and furious. His anger burns despite his exhaustion.

"Why? Because he never should have bought him back. He meddled in things he does not understand and Legolas suffers the consequences."

"You cannot mean that, Elladan. Not bring him back?... how could you want that?"

"Because he is not meant to be here, Elrohir. It was selfish. . . Completely selfish of Estel. All it means for Legolas is the sealonging and it is such a terrible burden. He had a chance for peace, a chance to be free of it and heal, a chance not to have it dogging his every step, weighing him down, destroying his happiness. A chance to be Legolas again and Estel has stolen it from him and sentenced him to this! You have no idea what it is like, Elrohir, no idea—" His voice catches then and he stops. For a moment I think he will cry.

And Eldarion's words from before float through my mind.

"Do you have the sealonging, Elrohir?"

For there is a part of me that is Sindar and there is a part of my brother that is Sindar also. Suddenly it is crystal clear, why Elladan is so very, very, angry and it freezes the heart of me.

"You have the sealonging." I gasp it for it feels as if I do not even have the air in my lungs to breathe.

And Elladan looks away, but not before I see the guilt and the truth of it written all over his face. I do not need to search his thoughts to know the answer.

"Elladan!" I grasp his hand and pull him back towards me. "How long? How bad is it? Why have you not told me?" I have so many questions.

For awhile he does not answer. He simply looks at me and his eyes are full of grief.

"I did not want to affect your choice. I did not wish you to make a decision which was dependant on me."

"How can it not be dependant on you? It always has been." The true horror of what this means accosts me for he will surely sail now and I have not decided what I will do. The land calls me, this place, my sister, my Dunedain ancestors. I had thought I might stay. But no longer.

How can I leave them all behind?

I cannot, but then how can I leave my twin behind?

That is even harder.

And I realise something,

"Legolas knows this. Legolas knows and not me. Arwen, Estel, Father, Grandmother, do they all know? Am I the only one in the dark?" I wonder how I have been so blind, for now I know it is so obvious. I can smell the seasalt on him.

"Estel and Arwen do not know." Elladan says firmly "and I do not want them to. Father. . . He may have realised but we never spoke of it, Grandmother . . . Well of course. It is impossible to hide anything from her. She strips you bare."

"And Legolas." I say it bitterly, " Of course, Legolas." For some reason it hurts deeply that he should know and I do not.

"I told him at the Hornburg," Elladan says gently, "When we arrived. You remember there was upset about him possibly following us through the Paths of the Dead. They believed Grandmother's prophecy to mean his death. I told him then I thought there could be another meaning. That it could be the sealonging. I thought he deserved to know it might be that she saw. I did not mean to tell him of myself, Elrohir, but he saw right through me as you have done. It was not a deliberate secret between us. It is not something we discuss. He has never raised it, never asked how mine might differ to his."

"And does it?" He has just described an horrendous agony for Legolas. Is it like that for him as well? "Is it the same for you as it is for him?"

"No." He shakes his head adamantly. "Mine is gentler, softer, lessened by the mix of my blood I think. But it is still hard to bear at times and the longer I turn from it the harder it is to ignore. Not like Legolas . . . Not like him. I am tired though." He sits down heavily, his head in his hands. "It is so wearying. How could Estel ever bring Legolas back to this?"

I realise then I have not seen my brother, not truly seen him for a long time. I have not studied the heart of him or I would have seen this. He is always there. Sweet Elladan, gentle Elladan. Picking up the pieces of my catastrophes, smoothing out the worst of my wild moods. He is my quiet support, always at my back, my brother. And I have not noticed him. I have taken his help, his love, his support and walked away giving nothing in return not even a glance.

But I see him now.

I see his tiredness, his exhaustion, the way he bends under his burden. His weariness at remaining in a world which no longer holds any joy for him, the price he pays for fighting for Legolas when he, himself, is drowning. I see it all. How could I have been so blind.

I should be angry he has kept this from me for how could he? How could he not tell me something this important? But how could I not notice it myself?

"Are you angry Estel has bought Legolas back, or that he is here, making it harder for you to sail?" I ask.

"Do not be ridiculous, Elrohir. That would mean I was angry for him being who he is. He cannot help his mortality."

"That he takes Arwen then, for if you knew she would be following it would be easier for you to let go of Arda."

"We dealt with that years ago," he sighs, "You know we did. She makes her own decisions. I cannot blame Estel for them. I am angry because Legolas is suffering, only I know how he suffers every day and he should be free of it. He had his chance to be free of it...and at the moment I wish I was free of it"

I rub his shoulder, trying to ease some of the tension out of those knotted muscles. I feel helpless and it is a strange feeling because I always, always know how to help my brother when he needed it.

"What can I do?"

"Nothing," He rubs his eyes. He is so weary. "Just be Elrohir. You always quieten the song of the sea. I do not know why. You always have." It is a relief to know that at least.

"You must do what it is you wish," he says eventually, breaking the silence we have fallen in to. "I want that for you. I know this land calls to you. I know your Mannish blood sings loudly and you love them best of all. I do not want to tear you from that if that is what you need. Even if you chose mortality in the end we will meet again one day. I know it."

He has acquired this idea from our father, who has always insisted to us he would see his twin again, who could never admit Elros was forever lost to him. Who gathered his extensive library at Imladris searching for the proof but never found it. Because it does not exist.

I understand Father's need to believe it but I do not believe it myself. I have pitied my father the loss of his twin but I never imagined I may face that same loss myself. Elladan is clutching at straws. He is fooling himself but he does not fool me.

And I cannot imagine a lifetime of separation from him. He is right. I am not ready to leave Arda and may never be, but I cannot leave him who is the other half of myself.

"I promise I will make the choice I most need," I say. "The one fate has steered me to." If it will ease his heart to hear that, I will say it but the truth is it may be his fate that steers me.

"You need to see Legolas." He changes the subject abruptly. "He is a part of your fate and you need to see him whether you like it or not. He has asked for you endlessly, Elrohir."

"He is a part of my fate but I am not a part of his. Still you are right," I finally admit it. "I need to see him, but it is complicated. The girl—"

"The girl is more understanding than you realise." He replies but he did not see her fire, and her warning to me.

I stand then, moving from his side for he needs to sleep and all I do is delay that.

"Have you eaten, Elladan? I shall fetch you something. And then you shall sleep, and if my presence here deafens the sea for you then I will stay."

"It does." He sounds half asleep already.

So I find a boy to fetch him food and drink. Today is the day I begin to help him and make up for my foolish blindness.

I am only gone but a moment, a few minutes at the most. But when I return he is already asleep and so he has not eaten, so how will he find the strength he needs for tomorrow?

Yet again I am too late.