I didn't allow Morganite to touch me. She didn't even ask to, but I maintained my distance, awkwardly telling her I wanted to read and locking myself in the library. But I didn't read. I sat staring into the open pages of a book with my stomach knotting, whose knots turned into bigger knots until I was a shaking mess by the time she called me out.

I couldn't meet her gaze upon entering the main room. It didn't even feel particularly caustic, but I still couldn't look at her.

Morganite had called me gently, but I practically felt her brows knit and her mouth crease with skepticism. "Pearl, what's wrong?" she asked, but by the tone of her voice, she already had an idea.

"My Lady," I began, but nothing followed. My throat felt as though it had filled with dust, spilling over onto my tongue. I couldn't complete whatever thought I had begun; I only managed to find her staring back.

"Are you afraid of me, Pearl?"

I still couldn't answer.

"I'm not going to take your memories, if that's what you're worried about."

"But—" I choked. "But what if I were going to tell Yellow Diamond?"

"Well, you're not, so there isn't much to worry about, is there?"

"But—"

"Pearl." Morganite sighed, "I don't do anything without reason, and I'm not going to take your memories. I've done what I've had to do, but nothing more." She paused. "Do you know how hard it is to be good? With these powers? There have been Beryls who took advantage of every possible situation and ended up shattered. You wondered why we live here."

I bit my lower lip.

"Yellow Diamond's Heliodor got herself in trouble for doing whatever she wanted. Her Diamond was so disappointed when she found out that her precious Heliodor was hypnotizing guards left and right and falsifying testimonies to keep herself out of trouble. Goshenite was at her trial. She showed me all of it. The fact that Yellow even had feelings for her makes me sick—" Morganite cut herself off. "My point is, I'm not going to be that reckless, and I trust you. I don't believe you're going to turn me in, because I know you don't want to go back to that wretched library, even though your constant nosiness makes me want to slap you sometimes."

I started shaking.

"I used to think you were curious because you hadn't experienced romance, but now I'm certain you just like to watch. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I really want to know, what did you get out of spying yesterday?"

At the accusation, part of my consciousness escaped me. My focus tilted and I clung onto what I had, but it bled out like steam leaving a kettle, and like a kettle, I was just as helpless to stop it.

"I wouldn't have caught you if you weren't so nervous afterward. As a tip, if you don't want others to think you're guilty, maybe you should try not looking guilty."

I came close to crying but didn't. Morganite and I looked at one another through dry eyes.

Finally, she stated, "I'm not going to hurt you, Pearl," and left.

I considered turning her in. I could have called Yellow Diamond the moment she disappeared behind those doors, but I didn't, and she knew I wouldn't.

I feared she would come back, find out, and take my memories—not just the ones of my time here, but all of them. I didn't know the extent of her powers, but I didn't put her past wiping every utterance of Pink Diamond from my mind.

I was hers. Those images—her smile, her wild hair, her voice—which escaped me a little more every day—were all I had.

I once again found myself fearing punishment from both The Diamonds and My Lady, and thus wept in the library over a page I had tried reading since the night before.