#21 Your Heart Will Lead You Home - The Tigger Movie
"How? How does one live with so much guilt and shame bottled inside?"
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Nick pointed an accusing finger at the older mammal who was standing on the balcony of his home. Where were they at the moment? Probably this old animal's house, who knows? Not the fox in question that's for sure. "You tell me how you've managed to live two decades without a single thought of regret? You abandoned your family, you left it all just to pursue, what, your happiness? Isn't your family what brings you the most joy? Isn't it so you cruel heartless-"
"Is it true?" the elder mammal questioned, "is it true that I left my family to chase after joy? Tell me, are you certain that is the truth?" The animal on the raised platform planted his paws on the railing and leaned towards the vulpine just outside the door of his house, a puzzling look spread across his face as he gazed on the younger todd. "Do you even remember that night?"
"How could I ever forget?" he scoffed and brought his arms across his chest, his hackles began to raise and a deep growl started rumbling in his throat; this old beast was starting to get on his nerves, every single one of them.
"Really? Never forgotten huh? That's a lot of pain and doubt to carry around."
"You don't know what it means to be hurt so badly, so I suggest you shut your yapping before I snap, because I tell you when I snap you are going to wish I didn't," Nick, in uneven breaths, warned the other party at hand, his blood began to boil at sheer anger. Why though? Was the mammal before him getting to him because he was just really annoying, or was it due to the fact that his words carried such a great degree of truth, truth that all he has believed in and all he has come to accept was a lie.
"Ok, fine." The elder mammal supported his arms against the railing and leaned onto it, his tail swished gently behind him as his ears perked towards the guest in front of the gate. "You," he pointed a clawed digit at the fox below, "tell me how the story goes."
"You know the story so much better than I, don't you? So why bother wasting my breath?"
"Just tell it you stubborn ass," his said sternly in a cold manner.
"Fine, fine, you win, yay good for you!" his voice dripped with sarcasm as he drew circles with his finger in mockery, "so here's the thing; old mammal comes home after an entire year of being away from those who care for him and just walks into the room without saying a single word!? Unbelievable!" Nick threw his paws in the air. "Then, concerned, his caring wife goes to counsel the heartless animal and the said mammal, surprisingly not to my surprise, displays violence and starts abusing her? Are you even sane!?" More anger brewed in the fox as he recalled the sound of shattering glass, he remembers running into the room just to see his mother in tears, and his father, the filthy abomination before him, standing idle by her side. "For an entire year you disappeared and you think you can pop back up and harass mom!?" The older fox's ears perked higher as he listened intently.
"Is that what you got from one frame of the scene?" The young todd's scowl faltered slightly at his retort. "Please, continue."
"That's about it really."
"That's about it? Really? Because I recall a sequel to this play." He tapped a finger on his chin repetitively. "A certain youngster running away after taking a glimpse of what seems to be domestic violence." Locking his gaze with Nick's emerald orbs, the fox dug his claws into the metal support, "Did you see what happened after that scene?"
"Well, no-"
"Did you bother asking what happened?"
"I did try!"
"But you still didn't." he raised a finger in an act of dominating the submissive child. "Did you even think about your mother when you left through that door? Did you!?"
"I-"
"Exactly, Nick." He turned around and headed towards the door. "So, who was the one who left their family behind?" he turned back to steal a glance at the tearing vulpine. "And how does one live with so much guilt and shame?" He turned his back away and headed straight into the house. "I think you would know so much better than I…"
Nick's feet grew heavy as he began sinking into the sand beneath his feet. He struggled to keep his eyes above the waves which started enveloping the soft sand, but it was to no avail as he was wholly consumed into the ground. The fox took one last gulp of air and sank into the soil before shooting back up from where he laid. Darting his gaze wildly, he scanned the room he was in; still, peaceful, as tranquil as how they have left it before they let sleep overcome their fatigue beings. He turned to his side and, much to his relief, saw Judy lying comfortably underneath the thick blankets, rapid panting reduced to steady breaths as he took sight of his companion. He sighed. Pushing away from the sheets the todd paced towards a window and took in the sight before him; spots of white descended gracefully from the heavens above, coating the land with a thick layer of pure white.
"Oh boy," he groaned, "here we go again..."
…
…
"WOW!" Judy Hopps hopped across the winter wonderland with much glee and energy, it wasn't the first time she had experienced snow, yet for some reason she was always overjoyed to feel the crusty ice beneath her feet and the icy snowflakes on her fur. Her partner however was not as amused as she was, in fact he seemed rather distant at the moment. "Nick! It's beautiful!"
"Yeah, sure is," he deadpanned before taking a sip from the hot coffee in his paw.
"Aww Nick, don't be such a spoilt sport. Let's go ice skating! C'mon it'll be fun!"
"You go on ahead fluff; I'll just hang around," he tried to sound as calm as he could, but his twitching ears betrayed his wary thoughts.
"Nick..." the doe rushed to his side and clasped his arm with her paw. "You good?" he stopped pacing momentarily, then got back to walking ahead.
"Wish I am..." he took another gulp from his beverage.
"Lemme guess, it's your mating season, isn't it?" she pushed him at his side but he was unshaken, in both physical terms and in his thoughts. "Don't worry, it's normal to get all cranky and grumpy when you're fully hormonal and in the heat." She teased with a smirk, but got the cold shoulder from the vulpine in response. "Besides, it isn't that bad. All this moodiness would have been taken as a good sign by our ancestors; it meant that we are ready and physically equipped to start a family, how great's that!?"
The fox slammed his empty cup into the trash can near him and tugged his paws back into his pockets, he took in a deep breath before turning back to the bunny. "Could you just leave me alone!" he clenched his paw which he had unknowingly raised. "Just!... Never mind…" he let out a shaky breath, "not like you'd understand anyways…" Nick muttered softly before dissolving into the cohesive crowd.
"Nick!" the bunny ran after her fox, but he quickly vanished from her sight. "Was it something I said?" she stopped her pursuit, utterly confused and astonished at his outburst.
The weather was beautiful, it really was, however Nick would have enjoyed it much better if it weren't for the angst that was beginning to overwhelm his restless mind. "Stupid snow," he kicked a bundle of ice that was in the middle of the path. "Stupid winter," he turned around and gave the pile of snow yet another blow. "Stupid dreams!" he tried to kick the snow again, but his paw landed on a patch of smooth ice, causing him to slip and fall. He would have broken a bone if it weren't for the snow cushioning his fall, he was mildly thankful for that, mildly, but thankful nonetheless. The fox remained on the ground as he let out a sigh, "maybe I'm the stupid one after all," he thought out aloud, the words from the dream ringed through his head like a broken record:
"So, who was the one who left their family behind?"
"…the one who left their family behind?"
"…who left their family behind?"
"… left their family behind?"
"I DON'T KNOW, OKAY!?" Nick snapped, frightening several bystanders that so happened to walk pass the conflicted canine, embarrassment was evident as a warm blush spread all over his face. The vulpine calmly sat back down and pretended as though nothing had happened, the passers-by seemed to have gotten the cue as they began to walk away to allow the fox some space. I'm definitely losing it… he shook his head disapprovingly. What… what if he's right? A troublesome thought spawned as he began to ride his train of thoughts, what if I WAS the one who left, what if he didn't leave just 'for fun' but instead had a very legitimate reason to do so… his gaze was fixated at a rock in front of him, but his mind was in a completely different realm. But, what if he's wrong? What if he DID leave us? What if I was right all along? A headache started to work its way to his head as he rubbed his temples. "I don't even know which is worse…" he decided to cease his thoughts, lest he falls into a deep emotional abyss. The fox inhaled deeply as he felt a cold chill travel through his nostrils and into his lungs, it was somewhat refreshing and soothing, so he did it several more times.
"Nick…" a warm paw cupped his cheeks and lifted his head from its down casted position, "tell me, what's wrong?" Judy's ears drooped against her skull as tears welled up in her eye, she hated it when Nick kept things from her, especially when those things start eating him from the inside and caused him to distant himself from her. "Let me share that burden," she rubbed her paw over his heart, earning several scowls from passing onlookers. The fox noticed the disapproving looks they received, so he got up from the ground and started walking back home. Judy followed him on his flank, but he didn't brush her away or pick up his pace, so she assumed he intended for her to follow him, and so she did.
The journey home was in complete silence, even the merry squealing of children and upbeat music blasting from the stores nearby couldn't relieve the unnerving atmosphere between the couple, in fact it only added to the already heavy tension. After entering the house and locking the door behind them, Nick's façade fell almost instantly as he wrapped himself around Judy and began to weep. The tears he held back rolled freely down his cheeks soaking both his and the doe's fur, and for a long moment they simply relished in each other's presence.
"Nick-"
"Shh," the vulpine shushed her, "just… don't, please," he begged, shaking from the emotional trauma that had him wounded. Poor thing… she thought, not for the first time that day, and that troubled her greatly. The bunny continually rubbed the back of his ear until his sniffles reduced to soft purrs; it is a lesser known secret that canines have a soft spot just behind their ears that, when caressed, helps ease their unrest. She knew that, and she was more than willing to take advantage of it if it means helping Nick cope with the pain.
"Better?"
"Yeah," Nick said, finding that he was finally able to smile again, "thanks." He smiled wide, and so did she.
"So, what's all this fuss about?" she gestured at Nick playfully, the fox chuckled nervously in response. He wished he could brush it all off as him being extremely touchy and sensitive, but he doubts Judy will buy any of his lies, her being so persistent and, dare he say, stubborn, so he reached into his pocket and produced a photograph from his wallet. He passed the picture to Judy and leaned against the door. "Is this…"
"My dad, and my mom," he sighed and shut his eyes, "this was taken a year before I ran away from home." The rabbit looked at the photo again, then turned her attention back to Nick, beckoning him to continue. "It was taken right before my father just suddenly vanished. For an entire year, he didn't make any contact with us, he didn't even visit us during my, or my mother's, birthdays," he said, disappointment evident in his tone. "Then one fine winter, he returned. There was a ruckus going on in the room he and mom shared, so I stayed obediently in my room." The memory replayed itself as he brought Judy into his embrace. "I took a peek into their room when I heard them call my name several times, but what I saw was mom crying on the floor next to a pile of shattered glass while dad just stood there idly." He was shaking again, the suppressed fears began to reveal itself as he told the story, Judy tried to reach for his ears, but his tight grip on her prevented her from doing so. "I was so afraid… I thought they had a big fight because of me, so... so…"
"So you left." The vulpine released the doe.
"That's right, I left. It wasn't him… It was me..." Nick pulled Judy back towards him, "I left my family…"
"Dumb fox, don't say that." She hugged him as he cried, comforting him once again by stroking his back. "One thing I know about parents; they love their children, and they'll welcome them home anytime," she sat back up and leaned onto his shoulders, a faint smile tugged on his lips as she planted a small kiss on his forehead.
"But how can you be so sure? For 2 decades I've never seen or heard from him, what makes you so sure that he'll welcome me back with open arms?"
"Because he cares for you, Nick." With gleamy hues and teary eyes, Nick reached for the photograph in Judy's paw, except it wasn't the photo that touched his heart, but a message that was scribbled at the back. "Because nothing can take the place a father's love." The fox rubbed his face and got up from the ground, a soft tune soon came from his pocket as he reached for his phone.
"You're right," he finally said, "it's been a long time, and we've waited enough..." he looked at the bright screen of his phone where a message was displayed, on it was an address, one which Nick had searched for for years. "Let's go meet my dad."
…
…
Numbered doors passed by their sight as they walked down the empty hall, a strong stench of antiseptics and disinfectants struck their senses while their eyes darted about in search of room 280. The fox's gaze landed on the intended target; a room situated at the very end of the corridor. He nudged Judy's side and pointed at the room, they then made their way towards it. An emotional tempest that had subsided soon rekindled itself as he recalled the message his father had left him:
"Nick, I know it's fox culture that their children leave the nest once they are sufficiently mature, but you don't have to do this. I know why you're really leaving, it's because of me isn't it? I'm so sorry." A tear trickled down. "With that said, I will respect the decision you made, but it's winter now so please: Dress warmly… eat well… stay safe and sound… keep smiling… and remember, we'll always be there for you. Sign, your family."
The fox pressed on the handle and let the door creak open, emerald orbs locked on green hues as another tear fell.
"Dad… I'm home."