Magi Short #4: Maria's Story
I think that was the day I realised I'd finally become a person and stopped being just another career officer. It still annoyed me that Robert thought of himself as the de facto leader of the Cross Rangers, especially considering I'd spent years teaching myself the ins-and-outs of command, strategy, advanced combat tactics, and flying aircraft.
For once I can live with it, just so long as everyone realises that, once in a while, I know what I'm talking about.
After all, I didn't get promoted without reason.
I made captain because I was willing to make the tough decisions to serve my country. Decisions like telling my squad to retreat back behind the quarantine wall sacrificing who knows how many innocent civilians. Their pleas for help still haunt my dreams, but if we hadn't decided to regroup we would never have joined with 10 platoon and put down that mutant for good...
At least that's what I tell myself. At the time it seemed like the only option: countless millions in the north saved at the price of a few measly towns in the already overrun south.
I don't regret making decisions like that. In the real world, sometimes you have no choice.
General Bryant knew that, but seeing just how far overboard he'd gone in the past few months had taught me a valuable lesson. I couldn't rely on the obvious choices anymore. I think what Robert and the others have been trying to teach me, despite not knowing it themselves, is that often the ends don't justify the means.
In fact when you think about that's what the beach trip was all about. I'd lost sight of myself as a human being, I'd lost sight of my personality, my feelings, my emotions and the guys wanted to change that. They wanted me to see what I was missing, what protecting the world actually meant.
Well I'd taken it for granted that I'd die for my country if I had to. Every soldier says they're willing, but I must have lied to myself. Like hell did I believe dying was worth it.
But we rangers can never retreat. We can never surrender. We can never give up. Even if we have to die to beat the Black Water, I'm sure we'd all do it. Protecting the Earth is important, yet, but not more important than the lives of every individual on the planet. Robert, Ken, Allison, Catherine and even Brad would agree. Only now do I understand that.
Somehow Robert realised this. In fact, I think he realised it a long time ago. He just doesn't want to admit to anyone that he actually has a brain. If that's the case, he could well be the best man for the job, both making the tough decisions and keeping up morale. I'm bound to hesitate, over-think, and spend too long planning the perfect attack. He just gets on with it.
I envy that ability, I really do. He shoulders the burden well, better than Allison, better than any of us.
Ken, Robert and Brad often talk about what they'd do once the battle is over. Brad wants to teach, Ken I think is just figuring things out, and Robert? Well, I don't actually know, but they assume they'll be able to slip straight back into the life they had before the Black Water landed. Thing is, neither Catherine nor I have the heart to tell them the real punch line.
War changes people.
I don't think our job will ever be over. There will always be an enemy for us to defeat. The guys could always back down and leave the fighting to someone else, but then could they cope knowing that people are dying while they're off living life? I for one certainly couldn't, and I know Allison couldn't cope. Catherine too.
That's the thing. Now that we have the power to combat real evil, we can never ignore it.
How could we? Could you?
I must admit though, the thought of being out of a job for once is pretty damn enticing. I mean, I probably wouldn't spend it at the beach, wearing skimpy swimming costumes that's for sure, but think of all the things I could achieve…
Okay, I don't know what I'd do. I've never had the chance to think about it. My life has always been about receiving and following orders selflessly. And when I think about it now, all that comes to mind is what would happen if a new enemy reared its ugly head while I was off trying to enjoy myself. I'm pretty broken, aren't I?
Maybe one day I'll be able to fix myself. Maybe one day I'll have the time. Until then all I can think of are the people I willingly sacrificed under General Bryant's regime, all the evil I must have helped him achieve. Hell, I know I trained a few of his elite guard even if they refuse reveal their identities. I can't make up for that and I don't think I should even try (that kind of thing can ruin people.) So for now all I can do is be a Cross Ranger.