Crystal: Um...hi, and allow me to, uh...introduce They Just Don't Care Anymore, chapter 21, and-
Author: Wait, wait, wait, you're not saying it right, you gotta shout out THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! You can't just say it.
Crystal: Um...why?
Author: Because, that's just how it's done, its tradition.
Crystal: Um, ok, allow me to introduce...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 21...better?
Author: Much.
Crystal: Right...First off, I am not Aqua, so don't expect any of that bubbly personality that she has to show up here-
Aqua: Oh, don't be that way, you can be lots of fun!
Crystal: Aqua, not now, I've got an intro to do.
Aqua: Aw, you've been spending too much time with James!
Crystal: Oh, God, you're right...I'm getting way too serious...
Aqua: See?
Crystal: Uh, look, we'll hang out later and we'll do something to de-James me, ok?
Aqua: Sure!
Crystal: Ok, now that we have that out of the way, the Author does not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers, and he is pissed about it.
Author: Damn straight.
Crystal: Jeez, can I finish this please? God, nothing but interruptions! Anyway, the Author wishes that you enjoy the following story, don't forget to leave a review and finally...thanks for reading! Ok Aqua, what did you have in mind?
Aqua: Well, I thought we could go and see that new movie about...
The suburban streets, calm and peaceful places, where absolutely nothing of any interest happens...yep, just another peaceful day!
"Argh! No! Not the bulls! Not the bulls!"
I lied.
Running down the streets at fantastic speed were Skywarp, Barricade, Motormaster, Drag Strip, Brawl, Wildrider, Breakdown, Scourge and Bombshell. Why were they running? They were being chased by a pack of rabid, flesh eating bulls, that's why damn it.
"Eep!" Scourge shrieked as he ducked inside of a car, which barely managed to contain his bulk.
Skywarp, meanwhile, was just about to teleport, when one of the bulls tackled him. As he was hit in mid teleportation, both Skywarp and the bull were flung off into some far off dimension where Dead End was Supreme High Overlord of Existence, never to be seen again.
Not far away, Brawl and Bombshell were tackled, gored and stamped on by the horde of vicious bulls, scarring them horribly. Motormaster, fearing for his life, jumped into a bin...which was promptly sent flying by a particularly vicious bull, sending it flying over the roof of a building, taking the hapless Decepticon with it. A few second later, Barricade too went down, being trampled and jumped on repeatedly by no less than six bulls who apparently hated Micromasters.
"Gonna make it! Gonna make it!" Drag Strip panted as he and Wildrider ran into a house.
Wildrider, doing what he did every time something was chasing him, jumped out of the nearest window. Drag Strip on the other hand, paused as he considered whether or not jumping out of a window was really the smartest thing to do.
"Uh...hmmm...wait what if-Argh!" Drag Strip screamed as a bull charged into his back, severing his spine and dragging him along by his brake lines as it charged.
Suddenly, Cyclonus, Astrotrain, Thundercracker and Blitzwing landed nearby.
"What...the...hell?" An incredibly perplexed Astrotrain asked as he stared at the spectacle.
"I...oh Jesus, this is stupid even for them!" Cyclonus said in a very frustrated tone of voice, slapping his forehead.
"What in God's name are they doing?" Astrotrain asked his commanding officer.
"They saw the Running of the Bulls on TV and decided to copy the stunt." Thundercracker explained, staring in shock as the seemingly endless pack of bulls continued on their rampage, chasing Wildrider and Breakdown.
"Oh Jesus, they've done some stupid things before but...just...just Jesus..." Astrotrain exclaimed, clutching at his head.
"OK boys, this crap has gone on long enough...get the teargas." Cyclonus ordered.
"With pleasure sir!" Blitzwing answered as he turned into a tank and began firing tear gas into the stampeding bulls, causing them to disperse and allowing the new arrivals to approach their wounded comrades.
"You guys are in so much trouble." Astrotrain said, glaring at the injured Decepticons.
Back at the Decepticon base, Galvatron, Cyclonus, Thundercracker, Scrapper and an injured Scourge were seated around a table, discussing what to do about the others stupidity.
Scrapper sighed "OK, we can't condone this kind of idiocy, I say we brand them all with the Mark of Shame and leave them wandering the Deserts of Sorrow for the next fifteen years."
Cyclonus raised a nonexistent eyebrow at him "Uh, yeah...or, we could just enrol them in Idiocy Management Courses."
Scrapper shrugged "That too."
Galvatron screwed up his face in concentration as he thought about what to do...and then, it hit him "I say, we must have a contest to find the most creative way to kill Dirge!"
The others looked shocked.
"What?-! Galvatron, are you even listening to what we've been saying?" Thundercracker asked.
"Not at all!"
"But...just look at Scourge! He's been very badly beaten!" Cyclonus exclaimed.
"Probably those Dextrian iron parasites...speaking of which, when are we going to get rid of those guys?" Galvatron asked.
"Uh, I wasn't aware-" A surprised Cyclonus began.
"No mind! Contest begin!" Galvatron shouted.
All throughout the base, the Decepticons, and even some Autobots, had heard of the Dirge Killing contest, and all wanted to win. No more so than Astrotrain however, who was determined to kill Dirge the most, and in the most creative ways.
"Alright, let's see...I could slowly dip him into a vat of acid..." Astrotrain murmured to himself.
"Already been done!" Blades cried, popping out from nowhere.
"Uh...ok then...what about covering him in napalm?"
"So last week!" Inferno replied.
"Uh...ripping his head off with my bare hands?"
"I did that way back in Chapter 2, back when the Author wasn't sure what kind of character I would be!" Air Raid said.
"Hmmm...What if I were to skewer him on several sharp metal spikes and cover him with nitric acid using a small paintbrush, has that been done before?" Astrotrain asked, getting frustrated.
The trio of Autobots looked shocked, even Blades.
"Jesus man, that's seriously dark!" An astounded Air Raid exclaimed.
"You been watching those Guinea Pig movies?" Inferno asked, suspicion in his voice.
"Right, that settles it then! That is how I shall kill Dirge!" Astrotrain said, before dashing off.
The Autobots stood where they were, a silence hanging over them.
"So...how did we get here again?" Air Raid asked.
In the city, the hunt for Dirge had began. Already, several Decepticons had managed to kill Dirge in a myriad of horrific ways. Scrapper and Bonecrusher had been chosen to act as the event's commentators and were reading out the names of all those who had killed Dirge so far.
"...And next we have Runabout and Runamuck, who managed to spray Dirge with corrosive acids using spray cans, genius, simply genius! Not to mention Scourge's method of drawing and quartering Dirge with the help of some of his Sweeps!" Bonecrusher cried.
"Followed by Wildrider, who repeatedly backed over Dirge, crushing him horribly! Oh, and I've just received notification that Blast Off tied Dirge down so that he could blast him with his exhaust!" Scrapper added.
"Boy, it sure pisses me off that we're stuck up here and won't be participating!" Bonecrusher exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table.
"Well to hell with that! Let's just go on out there!" Scrapper yelled.
"Yeah! From a View to a Kill!" Bonecrusher shouted as he and Scrapper jumped out of their box and began their own Dirge hunt.
Astrotrain ran through the streets, looking frantically for Dirge. So far he had had no luck, and had even had to fight off Thrust, Blot, Hook and Kakuryu. No, things were not looking good, and to make things worse, an extremely panicked Dirge had begun hiding from his supposed friends.
"Aha!" Astrotrain heard someone cry out.
Astrotrain picked up his pace and ran towards the source of the noise, only to arrive too late as he saw Rippersnapper slowly lowering Dirge into a tank full of bulldog ants.
"Oh God! The agony!" Dirge screamed as the ants went all Kingdom of the Crystal Skull on him.
Astrotrain cursed, at this rate, he would never win.
Elsewhere, Bruticus was lumbering around, also searching for Dirge. Suddenly, he felt the ground shaking, looking around, he saw Superion making his way towards him.
"SUPERION! MY OLD ARCHNEMISIS!" Bruticus roared.
"WHAT? I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT MENASOR WAS MY ARCHNEMISIS!" Superion replied.
"NO, IT WAS DEFINENTLY ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Bruticus asked/bellowed.
"I'M HERE TO KILL DIRGE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Superion questioned.
"THE VERY SAME! AND NOW WE MUST BATTLE, FOR WE BOTH CANNOT HAVE THE SAME GOALS!" Bruticus...made a very loud noise.
"VERY WELL! TO THE DEATH!" Superion responded, raising a hand and flexing his fingers, challenging Bruticus to bring it.
Close by, Aqua and Crystal stepped out of the movie theatre.
"Well, was that a great movie or what?" Aqua asked.
"Yeah, that was fun, we should go out more often...oh hey, is that the time? I was supposed to meet James back at the base." Crystal said, looking at her watch, secretly the Decepticon reconnaissance officer Clock Stop.
"You know, we're just going to have to start this whole thing over again, right?" Aqua raised an eyebrow.
Crystal shrugged "I don't mind, I like hanging out with you and-Jesus Christ!" Crystal exclaimed as a truck that had been sent hurtling through the air barely missed her.
"What the hell?" Aqua asked, looking up and catching sight of Superion and Bruticus locked in combat "Huh, don't see that everyday..."
"Eeeeeeeeeee! They're after me!" Dirge screamed as he ran past the pair.
"That either..." An astonished Crystal added.
Suddenly, Astrotrain ran up to them "Hey, have you two seen a pointy blue guy with wings attached to his legs run by?"
Aqua pointed in the direction Dirge had run in.
"Right, thanks! Get back here so I can kill you Dirge!" Astrotrain shouted as he brought out a rifle.
More Decepticons followed suite, such as Blitzwing, Shrapnel, Reflector, Apeface, Hun-Gurr and the entire Breastforce...no, seriously, there's a Decepticon sub group called the Breastforce, I swear I'm not making this up.
"Well that was weird..." Crystal said.
Meanwhile, Superion and Bruticus were still fighting, Bruticus was wielding a monorail like nunchaku, while Superion was helicopters as shuriken, and absolutely none of it was relevant to the plot.
"PREPARE TO FACE YOUR DOOMY DOOM!" Bruticus snarled.
"THE SAME FOR YOU!" Superion retorted, before flinging the helicopters.
Not far away, Astrotrain was getting fed up with the chase. He had been pursing Dirge for hours, and so far he had only killed half a dozen humans and scared that little freak Starscream's ghost.
"I need a plan that's sure to kill Dirge and take out the competition...wait! I've got it!" Astrotrain exclaimed, before flying off into the sky.
"That's another one gone! Quickly, we must reach Dirge!" Scowl cried as he and Divebomb gave chase to the fleeing Dirge.
Back to Superion and Bruticus, Bruticus had gained the upper hand, and was pummelling his foe mercilessly. Suddenly, a gigantic shadow passed over them.
"EH?" Bruticus asked, looking up "...OH FU-"
He never got any further than that, because a gigantic meteorite crushed both him and Superion, before striking the city, causing gigantic explosions and shockwaves that demolished the surrounding area.
"Wha-? Argh! Run away!" Wildfly screamed as he saw a wall of fire rushing towards him.
In the ensuing destruction, many, many Decepticons were sent flying by the explosion, and Dirge was killed horribly.
When the destruction was over, Astrotrain landed in the remains of the city.
"Well, that's that taken care of, and no more competition either!" Astrotrain said with a grin, dusting his hands off.
Galvatron walked over to Astrotrain "We have a winner! For the most creative, destructive, reckless, collateral damaging method of killing Dirge so far, you win!"
Astrotrain shrieked with glee "Alright! What do I win?"
"Dirge's head!" Galvatron replied, holding up Dirge's severed head.
"Sweet!" Astrotrain said as he marvelled at his prize.
"Huh, this place is a mess...Constructions! Clean this up!" Galvatron ordered the Constructions, who were groaning as their blackened and smoking bodies littered the area.
Crystal: Wow...that was...wow...
Aqua: How did we survive that again?
Crystal: Eh, who cares? We're alive, that's what's really important.
Aqua: But...all those people-
Crystal: I'm sure it's fine. Anyway, I've got the closing message to deliver. Ahem, the author wishes to express his hope that you enjoyed the following...horrific tale, and he hopes that you will review. Finally, he thanks you for reading...uh...bye? Ok, how was that?
Aqua: Pretty good!
Crystal: Ok, thanks. Oh, and one more thing, the Author wishes to thank 9aza for helping him come up with the plot of the chapter, her idea was a big help. Now...wanna get something to eat?