Chapter 23-

I received three days suspension putting me back for the last smack down before the ppv my match with Rena was canceled I sat looking at all the medicine I was given sitting on my night stand, I curled up in the blanket even more feeling a fresh crop of tears remembering mine and Stephanie conversation "Sam are you sure?" she asked her eyes tearing I smiled nodding "Yea steph I need to do this, im going back to the way I was and its not good" I said she nodded "I know" she whispered.

I didn't tell her the other reason for it, I yawned and closed my eyes Thursday I'd say bye to my fans, Sunday I'd say bye to my family I had been adopted into.

I walked into the arena three days later my eye still a little bruised and swollen but that was it I had a small bag over my shoulder I wasn't traveling for months on a time after this just to Cleveland where no way out was, I felt my eyes tear knowing this would be my last time in an arena for a long time.

The wwe had advertised I had an announcement all week so everyone was waiting and wondering, no one knowing I was announcing my retirement, I went in the women locker room and smirked Rena had a busted lip, a black eye, and bruising on her cheek Jan must be a miracle worker to cover all that up, I set my bag down noticing Rena didn't look at me, Ashlee came over to me hugging me "you OK?" she asked I nodded

"Yea uh come here" I said taking her to the back part of the locker room sitting down I smiled at the younger diva as tears filled my eyes "um im retiring tonight" I said biting my buttom lip "What? No don't not just over Rena's wench ass" she said I smiled laughing as I wiped my eye "Uh no its not just that, its just time, I feel, I have a lot of personal things going on I need to deal with" I said nodding she sighed and hugged me "I'm gonna miss you!" she said as we both laughed, I heard a knock on the door and seen trish.

"OK girl im here what's up?" she said as she sat down where Ashlee had just been sitting, I sighed looking at one of my best friends, right when Amy walked in also I had called them and asked them to please be here tonight I hugged my two out of three best friends "I uh, im retiring tonight" I said as they gasped

"No way girl I wont allow it" Trish said I sighed "I just need to do this please with the support of you guys my friends, I might be back but for the moment I need to go" I said wiping the tears as the girls hugged me.

Later that night I walked through the arena it was hard to take this in but I knew it was for the best I rounded the corner and there stood Brock talking with paulie, he hadn't even tried to call not that I can blame him.

"Ding dong" I sighed limping out to the front door not in the mood spending the night in the er and everything else I groaned seeing Brock "Didn't I tell you not to come here?" I asked "i need my clothes" he said I nodded letting him in I shut the door and went to the couch sitting down I grabbed the blanket putting it over me.

Brock came out with his bag and set it down walking towards me "Sam talk to me" he said quietly I just shook my head "about? Go be with Rena leave me alone" I said shaking my head "I don't wanna be with Rena Sam fuck talk to me" he said I shook my head standing up opening the door "Out" I said he shook his head grabbing his bag "I love you Sam" he said, I closed my eyes "Well that's what you get for loving me get out" I said he nodded leaving I slammed the door behind him.

I took a deep breath going to walk to him "Sam" I heard behind me I smiled turning around "Ken?'' I said shocked seeing ken shamrock, I just started crying as he hugged me "Hey shh its OK" he said "What are you doing here?" I asked pulling away wiping my eyes.

"Steph called" he said I nodded not needing any more "I'm glad your here Kenny" I said smiling hugging him again, he let go and nodded to Brock who had his eyes glued to us "Whats with the big guy?" he asked I just shrugged "Ex boyfriend" I said he nodded telling me he had to go find Vince but made me promise him dinner.

I sighed hearing Brock "Before you jump to conclusions come on" I said taking his big hand in mine and had him follow me,we passed Rena who stood with her mouth open in shock as I took him to the rooftop of the arena we went and sat down "I wanna tell you a little story, once upon a time there was this girl so full of rage and anger, she kept fighting in school, her mom couldn't handle her anymore so she sent her to California at the age of seventeen to live with her uncle, a strict hard ass, who just happened to have worked for the wwe and mixed martial arts fighting, something she was obviously interested in" I sighed putting my behind my ear as Brock just watched me intently, he always said he wished he knew what drove me why I was the way I was here it was.

Brock wondered what she was going to do when she brought him up here hell he wouldn't blame her if she tried to push him off but she sat down "i wanna tell you a story, once upon a time there this girl so full of rage and anger" oh shit she was talking he just sat there listening to her.

I sighed only a hand full of people knew my past "One day im at school and this girl she'd been messing with me for awhile well she came up I don't know how but she knew about my dad and said something that I had killed my dad that bullet was meant for me, I don't know I blacked out, it took half the guys in my class to pull me off of her,any ways I hurt the girl, my uncle didn't know what to do but he saw something in me so he took me to the gym and started training me, I fell in love with it, I learned skill, I turned around I had something to take my anger out on" I nodded smiling "Then my uncle took me to meet with Vince, he instantly liked me and signed me" I smiled at the memory "i was so happy I felt I overcame that person I was my uncle was so proud to he had just re signed to so it was nice, I met this guy this beautiful man" I saw Brock roll his eyes and held up my hand which he lightly took nodding he understood the quiet scolding.

"Any ways blonde hair green eyes we had an attraction to each other never did anything my uncle hated him so he kept me on a tight leash, then Vince decided what he wanted to do with me, this was when Vince helped with the lines too,so he decided the minstrey needed a dark princess, and I fit the part I had jet black hair and blue eyes pale skin, mark and I instantly clicked, but I was still into Shawn, then I got a call the guy who murdered my farther was having a hearing to maybe get out of prison I lost it, this man shot and killed my farther took him away from me and he could get out bullshit, I took my old fake id and got trashed, mark found me, I couldn't figure out how he said our souls were the same, any ways mark and I after that night were UN unrepeatable, I was uh a virgin mark was my first, so see Brock mark was a lot more then just an ex boyfriend, he was my best friend and my first everything, as far as that Saturday goes you don't need to know since I wasn't speaking to you, I wanted to tell you this so you had some type of understanding of what's gonna happen tonight, last week when you told me you loved me and I told you that what you got for loving me, that girl I used to be is starting to over come me, that man you saw me hugging, that man I owe my life to that my uncle that's ken shamrock my moms brother, his here because he knows what happened last week and knows how far it can go" I said

Brock stared at me "I'm so sorry I pushed you that far Sam, but you do deserve to be loved and I hope you know that" Brock said I nodded as we stood up I leaned up and hugged him "And I do love you to Brock, just to much has been broken between us" I said as I pulled away and looked at his face before I knew it he leaned down and kissed me passionately putting his arms around my waist, I moaned kissing him back "Take me to a empty room" I panted between kisses he nodded taking my hand.

Before I knew it we were an a empty dark room kissing him, I knew what this was there was nothing else to say "tell me you love me" Brock said lightly bite my buttom lip I moaned "I love you" I moaned out as he entered in me "oh god fuck Brock" I moaned putting my head back "Dont stop" I moaned "Open your eyes baby" he said I opened my eyes staring into his blue ones as both of our orgasms took over us.

I moaned as I laid down with Brock he wrapped his arms around me "Dont leave me" he mumbled in my ear "Brock what happens next time you hear something?" I asked looking up at him, he kissed the back of my shoulder "I wont baby, that night you fought with Rena, afterwords I told her to stay away from me and you, I wanna be with you I wanna live with you marry you give you everything you want baby just give me that chance" he said I sighed closing my eyes as I got up getting dressed.

"I'll tell you what you hear what I say tonight in that ring and then tell me if you feel the same way we'll talk OK" I said he nodded getting dressed he bent down kissing me "see ya baby" he said leaving the room, I slid down the wall and shook my head.

I smoothed out my jeans as my music hit I smiled walking out not bieliving this was my last time going to this ring I stepped in and did a circle as the fans cheered I walked over getting a mic from Lillian and smiled at her "Firstly I would like to apologize not only to my fan's but to the wwe's fans for my fight with sable last week, I apologize, lately, I haven't been feeling very well, truth be told, im tired, and to steal a line from a dear friend, I feel as if I've lost my smile, I feel like im losing me, so um as hard as it's been to decide this I've decided that its time for me to say my good bye's and go find myself again" I wiped away the tears that fell "I love you guys and thank you, thank you so much for the awesome ride, thank you to the McMahon for the awesome opportunity they gave me, to my family in the back thank you for always being there, I love you guys so much, and to the fans I love you and always will thank you" I said and set the mic down in the middle of the ring when trish's music played.

She walked down the women title over her shoulder, she bent down grabbing the mic "I was uh in the back and listening, and I decided ain't no way no how im letting you a eight time women champion, my idol, my best friend go out like that, you paved the way for me, for lita, for the new girls in the back, and we would like to thank you" she said as the entire wwe's women division came out getting in the ring hugging me and then the entries locker room, I wiped my eyes hugging everyone even Shawn I laughed as him and Paul got down on their knee's bowing down, Paul came and hugged me tightly "I'll miss you kid and I love you, you the little sister I never had" he said as I wiped more tears "I love you to" I said as Vince came in hugging me "your always got a home here and always welcome back" he said and then raised my hand as trish put the woman's championship belt around me raising my other hand.

Then I heard his music go I watched the ramp as he walked down his face stern no emotion he climbed in the ring as trish and Vince stepped to the side, he leaned down hugging me "I'm sorry and I love you, I don't want to let you go Sam but I am im gonna let you" he said I nodded UN able to control the tears no this was a private moment for me and mark in front of the entire world "I love you to" I said as I ran my hand across my name still on his throat.

I finally made it to the back I walked down the hall way I sighed as ken came "hey kid you ready?" he asked I sighed nodding "Yea I'll meet you I need to do something real quick" I said

I grabbed my bag and slipped into his locker area I put the note in the inside of his bag I took a deep breath and walked out to meet my uncle, but before I did I pulled the little picture out of my bag my new reason, the black and white photo that barely showed anything my little blip, I smiled putting my hand on my stomach and left the arena, the cool air hitting my face as I climbed on the back of my uncles back and headed off to dinner, I knew this would be the best for everyone but more importantly for my baby.

He walked into the locker room that was harder then he thought knowing he wouldn't see her everyday any more he saw a white envelope he sat down and opened it reading it

"You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately, I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told, I'm tired. I've realized something, and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We've been like close friends, last week losing it like that it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I'm left with the feeling that I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll self destruct, and worse, you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you're my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always will.
Goodbye"

a/n :) hope you like it. Thank u all who's read and reviewed :) and sorry everyone I moved across country for my husbands job with three kids lol im exhusted but here you go hope u enjoy :)