Chapter 17
Michael
The morning air comes in cool and gentle from the small window over Levi's bed, waking me from sleep. The wind on my face is refreshing and the cold is a stark contrast to the sweaty skin still sticking to the sheets. I rise slightly and turn to look at the rest of the bed only to find that Levi isn't in it. The space he had occupied is cold from his absence and makes the dark seem daunting. There's a dull glow coming from beneath the door to the bathroom, so I quietly step to it and knock.
A few moments later I hear the sound of running water and the door opens shortly after; the man stands before me with damp skin and water droplets falling from the hair hanging over his forehead. "What is it?"
I relax visibly and give him a nervous smile. "I suddenly felt cold and woke up, and you were gone. You okay?" His cheeks look flushed and his eyes are half-lidded, causing small eyelash-shaped shadows to cascade over his cheeks in the candlelight.
He pats his face dry with a small hand towel before tossing it into his laundry bin in the corner of the bathroom, which I note is twice the size of the ones we use in the barracks. I watch as he runs a small comb through his hair, parting it multiple times until he has it where he wants it. "It was way too hot to sleep, so I opened the window. You're like a damn oven, you know that?" He finishes in front of the mirror and walks past me to his wardrobe. "I needed a shower." He has his pants on and a few loose belts grasped in his hands. I eye him heatedly and leave my perch on the doorframe to take the leather from his hands.
Lowered before him on one knee, I loop a strap under the arch of each foot slowly. He feels stiff and tense, so I move deliberately as I pull the ends up his legs, crossing and tightening where needed before attaching them to the thigh loops. He stands, still tense, and lets me wrap the belts around his thighs and tighten them in place; one leg and then the other. He sits again and seems to relax as he tosses a pair of socks to me. Taking the hint, I lower myself back to the floor and cradle one of his small feet in my hand. Looking up at him now, his bare chest breathing in rhythm and his grey eyes cast down to watch me intently, I can see that this is a deeply private moment for him. How many people has he allowed this privilege? That's right. It is a privilege. So I treat it like one, and pay special attention to his rough heel where the belts have worn him down for years as I massage the skin with a gentle pressure. When I drag my fingers up each toe in turn, applying just enough pressure to pull them slightly, I am rewarded with a small hum of approval and see his head fall back just slightly. I slide the long black sock over the foot so that it holds the belts and pants in place, and move my attention to the other side, repeating the process.
When his feet are dressed I run my hands back up his legs and up to his thighs, applying the same gentle pressure the whole way before stopping them over his hard muscles and pulling my body up so that I can look at him properly. He meets my eyes again and I watch a small smirk play over his lips before he leans his head down and kisses me; a quick and chaste touch, but enough to light me up inside. He moves quickly, standing up to swing a shirt around his shoulders. The moment is over and the stirring in my pants is highly disappointed.
"Go brush your teeth, your breath smells like shit." I give him a grade A smile and obey while he finishes buttoning the shirt and starts arranging his cravat. By the time I return from the sink, he's gotten the top belts connected to the belt of his pants, and is sliding them up his arms like suspenders. With a wave of his hand, he beckons me over and I help him tighten a few belts around his back- the same ones I have issue with. One final snap of leather sounds the completion of the process when I secure the last strap over his pectorals. I watch with adoring amusement as he does a few stretches and takes a few steps, checking the tightness and positioning of each belt. I admire his readiness and experience, but am only reminded of my own inexperience. Sure, I've been in the Military, and killed Titans, but I've never had the sense of responsibility or duty that Levi seems to exude with every action. I need to improve. I mull over my self-depreciation for a moment and decide it isn't worth thinking about, not now.
"What time is it? It's still dark outside." I ask Levi as I pull on my own pants from the day before and begin the belting process for myself. He ignores me for a moment as he compiles various paperwork and the notes from the night before.
"There's still about two hours before sunrise and the morning bell. We're meeting with Erwin shortly." He holds a single folder under his elbow, stuffed full of the documents we're taking to the Commander, and turns to me as we speak.
"Damn. Do you guys always meet so early? I mean, do all of the officers?" I go to grab my shirt and he throws out his free hand to stop me. My hands freeze in the air, holding the shirt, as he motions to the laundry bin in the bathroom. With questioning eyes I go to toss the shirt, and he greets my return by throwing a clean one of his own into my face. It smells like soap and tea spice, and I can't hide the big whiff I take before pulling it over my head and tucking it into my pants. I hear an amused scoff as he walks to the door. "What? You smell nice."
His hand pauses on the doorknob. "Whatever. Meet me in the conference room when you're dressed." He opens it a few inches before saying, "Make the bed before you leave." His solid tone tells me that it had better be absolutely perfect when he returns later.
"Shouldn't we go together?" The door shuts with finality and I stare after the form behind it, as if I can see through the wood and watch him walk away. I shrug to myself and finish dressing, performing the amusing stretches I can recall from Levi's performance, and proceed to cleaning up.
Erwin looks perfectly arranged and untouched, as if he hasn't even touched his bed, but his eyes look clear and well-rested despite it. I frown at my two superiors and their ability to function at this hour while taking a seat at the table. The last time I sat in this room, I was undergoing questioning. I can't shake the feeling that something similar is meant to happen to me today. The commander's sharp gaze is locked on to me from over his laced fingers, his elbows atop the paperwork spread out before him.
"Good morning, Mr. Trillo." He gives me a nod and I return it.
"I thought you were calling him Michael, remember?" Levi has unexpectedly taken the seat directly beside me, despite the many chairs seated around the large table. The bold move surprises me but the commander doesn't seem fazed. He has a lightly amused expression when he addresses Erwin directly across from us.
"Whatever's fine. It's way too early to care." I wave a hand and stifle a yawn, aware of Erwin's amused expression but still trying not to be too informal with my superiors.
"We'll move on, then, Michael. Levi and I have discussed quite a few things while awaiting your arrival, and now we need your input." His large hand slides a piece of paper to my side of the table, turning it in the process so that I can read it.
"Officer Hanji's Totally Formal Request To Study The Newbie!"
Understandably, I look from Erwin to Levi with both confusion and horror as the implications float through my mind. I reluctantly read on aloud, though barely above a whisper.
"I, Hanji Zoe, Fourth Squad Captain of the Survey Corps, hereby formally request permission to routinely observe and interact with Michael Trillo of the 103rd Trainee Squad inductees. Permissions include the following…." My voice trails out as I read a startling list of odd experiments and exercises the captain wishes to inflict on me. By the sound of it, I won't be treated very differently from a Titan, and I don't anticipate that being good for my health. When I've looked up from the paper, Erwin and Levi both look concerned.
"Although Hanji's request is… unusual… I am forced to consider it due to the circumstances. I was originally going to deny it, but Hanji rarely bothers to submit formal requests unless they are of great importance." He takes the paper from my shaky fingers. "Corporal Levi, however, is expressing his objection at every turn."
I turn to look at Levi who is training his deepest scowl onto Erwin and the form in his hands. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest and his legs are propped up on the table, ankles crossed. The angry pout is adorable, and I struggle to keep myself under control in the presence of the commander. He refuses to make eye contact with either of us as he speaks.
"It's too risky. We don't have enough information to guarantee either of their safety, and Hanji's experiments aren't exactly human-friendly. We can't afford for anything to happen to either of them." He provides an excellent point from the position of a superior worried for his best soldiers, but I fear Erwin will see through him easily. The look on the commander's face gives me the impression he really has.
"That is quite true, Levi, thank you. For that very reason, Hanji will be joining us this morning to discuss it in further detail, and Michael can decide for himself. I will not stop him from making the choice he likes." Erwin looks me straight in the eyes, looking stern but not dominating. If I had to read the implication behind it, I'd label it 'trust'.
I awkwardly shuffle my hands while they exchange looks, almost as if arguing telepathically. Seeing the two of them like this, I can't help but feel that they've known each other their whole lives; two men who understand and respect one another, but aren't afraid to piss the other off. It occurs to me that Commander Erwin probably knows Levi better than anyone, and a pang of jealousy strikes me, making me feel pitiful. Eventually their stare-battle ends and I am too new to this odd situation to guess the winner. The silence has gone on enough, and Erwin finally breaks it. Levi remains quiet, watching the wall behind Erwin passively.
"While we wait for Hanji to show up, let's put that on the backburner." He slides the form, smeared with hasty ink swipes and drops of what I hope was tea, to the side of the table. He refolds his hands together in front of himself and stares at the papers beneath them, unseeing. After a long moment of thought, he looks to both of us again. "Levi has filled me in on your history, and what happened as far as we know during the Expedition a few days ago. This paper here," he motions to one of Levi's handwritten letters, "recounts a memory you recalled yesterday. What do you make of it?"
"I've thought a lot about that, sir, and it's really a big mess. My only memories of my uncle were always the usual things – growing up, playing games, eating meals, et cetera. When he died…" recalling my uncle's final moments is still painful, and I take a moment to collect myself. "When he died, he left me with some confusing final words. I didn't understand any of it at the time, but now I think that's because my memories were altered somehow. Either that, or I have the most inconvenient bout of amnesia ever."
Erwin looks questioningly at me and Levi has finally taken his feet down from the table to lean in and participate. We explain my uncle's final requests and speculate until our heads hurt. After about an hour of such serious talk, the sun has come up outside and we can hear the soldiers start to stir on the floors below us. I zone out while the two converse, rubbing absently at my empty stomach when the smells from the kitchen reach us even up here on the top floor. I tune in as I hear them trying to finally piece the puzzle together. They've each written different key points down on small scraps of paper, and even some things that may be totally irrelevant, and arranged them in a line down the long table. A timeline?
"So, at some point when Michael was young, his uncle was presumably performing experiments of some sort on him. We got that." Erwin moves that paper to the start of the timeline. "Michael went into a frenzy and killed select members of the Military, but as there were survivors, we have to assume it wasn't a completely senseless slaughter." Another paper slides around.
Levi picks up a few papers and begins shuffling them atop the table as well, leaning over me as I watch motionlessly, trying to keep up. "During the expedition, he did not show real hostility to any humans that I saw, only extreme caution. The only violence I witnessed was directed at Titans. So let's assume these humans had some connection with Titans." He begins writing small notes and drawing lines around some of them.
"According to Michael, he was maybe ten or eleven years old at that time. What time did you enlist in the Military, Michael?" Erwin's eyes fall onto me for the first time in a while and I am pressed to answer his question, although my mind has begun to grow foggy again.
"Uh… I was about thirteen, sir. Although I don't recall much about that time."
Erwin nods and adds a note to the timeline that reads, 'Michael joins 13'. This goes on for a while as they each ask me questions in turn and I answer as best as I can. "Now, we get to the day your people were… the day of the incident. Your uncle was a blacksmith, who just happened to craft you some very special weapons that you would be familiar with and capable of using, that also just happened to not break. Your uncle Ken was a man of many talents, Michael."
I swallow hard, realizing how little I knew about my uncle, or how little I remembered. "Y-yeah… I guess so."
"Where are the swords?"
"I have them." Levi speaks matter-of-factly, and informs us both that he had them analyzed during my time away, discovering they are made with a material not found in this part of the world. If we could get more of it, somehow… could everyone have swords that can kill a Titan and not break? Erwin writes himself some personal notes off to the side of our timeline and tells Levi to bring the swords to him later. We both nod in agreement with him.
We return to our timeline and add in a few more notes. Erwin sits back in his chair with a sigh, looking tired at last. "From this data, we can make a whole lot of assumptions. We can't really prove anything yet, but I we have enough to formulate a plan." He and Levi exchange understanding nods, and I am lost and feeling alone as I watch them.
"Your uncle was likely working for those men you killed. Maybe they are the reason he had to do those things to you to begin with. I think he intentionally had you murder them. The reason why is a mystery, but what we do know is that he did something to you to cause you to lose control, and that something is still going on inside of you, without him. Then he had you join the military, and ensured that you got out of town alive while everyone else was intentionally left for the slaughter. If that doesn't mean something big is happening, I'll kiss my horse." I try not to laugh at the image and Levi cringes.
Our assessments are interrupted when Hanji arrives, looking energetic and unkempt. Levi's cold eyes turn on the door as it closes. "Where the hell have you been!?"
Hanji's large eyes look innocently to Erwin, totally ignoring Levi as they take a seat beside me. I still haven't figured out if Hanji is a man or a woman, and no one else seems to know, either, so I have avoided referring to Hanji in conversation to avoid anything awkward. That was about to get difficult, if we were going to be spending so much time together. Which, I have a feeling, is exactly why Hanji looks so excited. "So!? Are we approved!?" A strong arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me close, my face unnaturally close to the stranger's. I pull away slightly but the grip holds firm, and I am left sitting stiff as a plank, rattling around the arm-hold, half out of my seat. To my surprise, Levi sees the struggle and actually rescues me, pulling Hanji's arm loose from my neck with ease and tossing it to the owner. He is back in his chair now, a few inches closer than before and trying to look inconspicuous. Erwin looks amused as usual, with his all-seeing, all-knowing eyes.
Erwin leads the discussion, keeping Hanji's energy in check and Levi's anger at bay as we discuss just what Hanji'd like to do to me. In the end, I agree, much to his dismay and Hanji's delight. He doesn't try to stop me, which I appreciate despite my nervousness. I just pray that if anyone here can figure out what's wrong with me, this strange person can. With that settled, the three of them turn back to the timeline, which has grown the size of the table and includes information I can't possibly believe is helpful. I begin to think they are just asking me awkward questions for the sake of getting a reaction out of me, but in no time the questions are over and the timeline has been moved to the empty wall behind Erwin. It seems a plan is forming among them as I allow my mind to wander, remembering what I can and looking over the papers to see if all is accurate. When they all resume sitting, I look back and see that they seem satisfied with that task. In the silence, my stomach makes a terrible noise to indicate that it is way past breakfast, and we should wrap up.
Hanji has gotten up to leave, and Levi stands to head towards the door when Erwin stops us again. "Your barracks. Levi tells me you had an issue last night?"
I had almost forgotten about my ruined bunk in my elation of spending the night with Levi, and the reminder brings my mood down another notch. "Yes, sir." Erwin is looking at one of the papers Levi had written up with me the night before, his eyes flicking to and fro over the lines while reading.
"I see. Well, it looks like I may be able to predict the future!" His small joke is totally lost on us, and we just stare while waiting for more. "Considering the circumstances, Michael, it doesn't seem like you do very well in a group environment…" He looks a little sorry for his comment but I just shrug my shoulders as if to say 'no kidding'. "I'd like to offer you Levi's old room. A room, as I now understand it, you're actually quite accustomed to…" He has a sly smirk and looks quite amused at my blushing, shocked face. I look to Levi in horror, who isn't looking me in the eyes, but instead gives Erwin a tired glare.
"I told you, Michael, I had to make Erwin aware of the circumstances."
I am stuck, staring at Levi's annoyed face, searching for any sign that he cares at all if Erwin knows about us or what we've been hiding. He doesn't seem too perturbed, and I relax from shock to just plain embarrassment. "O-okay… you want me to stay there? In my own room!?" The reality hits me as I realize I won't have to ever lay awake among a sea of people I hate, and who hate me equally in turn, again. Erwin sees the excitement hit me and smiles kindly, as if he earnestly cares about my opinion on the matter.
"Yes. The other soldiers will see this as favoritism, or that we are coddling a victim. I want you to understand, Michael, that that is not the case. Levi has adamantly vouched for your character, and we both believe that you are a valuable asset to the Survey Corps. If you will accept it, I am offering you a promotion to Team Leader, where you will remain under Ness, but will have more responsibility and be expected to lead and direct soldiers assigned to you."
The information takes a while to sink in, and the two men remain quiet and watch me intently while I absorb. A promotion for a brand-new inductee can't be an easy thing to decide. If they are offering it, there must be a real need for it to happen, and I am sure it isn't easy from their point of view. I know that it won't help my relations with the other soldiers, but since it can't exactly get any worse, I accept his offer with a quiet nod. He shakes my hand firmly and we sign a few important pieces of paper.
Levi gives me a serious look, as if telling me not to mess anything up, and I just avert my eyes nervously. With the heavy business cleared up, Levi and I head to the mess hall in the hopes of catching some breakfast before it's all cleared away by the kitchen crew. It wasn't even noon and already I knew today was going to exhaust me.
I had to split this chapter into two because it was so long and so much is going down. I apologize that this was all dialogue! Hope everyone enjoys.