Moonstone Cowboy
Rated: M+ for violence, swearing and lashings of angst.
Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.
Extra: TRIGGER WARNING - this is a chapter about a hanging. It's a western style lynching but still I realise some might be affected by such descriptions x
Moonstone Cowboy
Day 3 Part 13
Howard can't remember the last time he'd ran this fast. He reckons it may have been four years ago when he'd thought he'd seen a bobcat under his house. This time was different though. This time he was running towards the danger not away from it.
He's already halfway along the main street before his brain switches back on and starts trying to give him advice. Well not advice as such. It's more a mantra that goes something like 'save Vince and try not to kill anyone', 'save Vince and try not to kill anyone', 'save Vince and try not to kill anyone'.
Howard slows as he reaches the first of two possible routes down to the railroad. He refuses it, not particularly wanting to negotiate the pigsties and maze of paths in the dark. He plumps instead for the more direct route which will take him alongside the saloon and straight down the hill. He picks his speed back up.
The Salty Bullet is eerily quiet. The Sheriff doesn't remember ever seeing it so empty. As he passes he notices a couple of women hanging out of a top window.
"You'd better hurry Sheriff."
"Think they've probably started without you."
He tries to ignore their laughter and instead forces his legs to move even quicker.
He rounds the side of the building, nearly slipping as his boots hit loose grit rather than compacted dirt. He doesn't slow though. If anything he just pounds the ground harder. He hurdles a broken stool, and narrowly avoids getting tangled in a mass of tumble weed, before he breaks free from the cover of the building. Reaching the top of the main embankment he slides to a stop.
Below him is a rather large and very noisy gathering of people. Most are holding aloft torches and lamps, but he can barely make out their faces. They're just a mass of bodies, twisting below him like eels in a bucket. Howard scans the crowd and settles his gaze towards the centre. The crowd is thinner here as if they're all holding themselves back from something fascinating yet horrific. And right in the centre there's even fewer. Three or four people maybe. Identifying them is impossible. Howard squints and tries to focus but it's difficult as the shadows keep shifting and hazing his vision.
There's no mistaking the booming voice that eventually hits his ears though. Dixon Bainbridge!
Howard draws his gun and fires twice into the air.
The effect is immediate. There's a couple of squeals of fright before the whole crowd goes silent and shifts to face him. He thinks about firing once more for good measure, but Bainbridge speaks first.
"Sheriff Moon!"
"Where is he Bainbridge?"
"What, not even time for pleasantries? Manners are free you know Sheriff."
"Cut the crap Bainbridge, where is he?"
"I take it you mean your precious Deputy. Why, he's just here."
Bainbridge steps backwards and does a theatrical sweep of his arm towards the small cluster of figures behind him. Howard squints again trying to fathom the detail. The figures separate slightly and all of a sudden the detail becomes startlingly clear. He can't help his utterance.
"Vince!"
Bainbridge points his cane at the shape lying motionless on the ground.
"Punishment must be served Sheriff. Justice must always be swift."
Howard's still staring at the body.
"It's a dirty job, a harrowing job, but as Mayor it's a job I'm willing to accept."
Howard feels the nausea return, but he can't tear his eyes away from the inert form. He feels himself wobble slightly.
"Howard. Howard."
There's a blur in front him. A face cloudy and vague only inches from his own. He tries to peer around it, tries to look again at the figure of his lifeless lover.
"Howard. He's not dead Howard. Howard!"
"Chalky?"
"Yes Howard. For Christ sake man snap out of it. He's not dead."
"What?"
"He's not dead."
Howard puts his hand on his friend's shoulder and gives it an affectionate squeeze. He takes a breath.
"He's not dead?"
"No Howard."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. He's pretty beaten up and he's pretty out of it, but he's not dead."
"Oh thank god."
"You two having a private conversation up there or can anyone join in?"
The crowd parts slightly as Bainbridge moves towards the bottom of the embankment.
"Haven't you got a saloon to run McGrue?"
"Yes Mayor but everyone's here."
"Well everyone won't be here when we've finished will they? Everyone will be wanting a drink I would reckon. How about you get yourself back to that bar and start fixing up a round on me?"
A small cheer goes up amongst the gatherers.
Howard steps forward right to the very edge of the hillock.
"Nobody is finishing anything here Bainbridge. Everyone's just going to go back to their homes and their families, and I'm going to take my Deputy back to the jailhouse."
The Mayor shakes his head multiple times.
"No, no, no Sheriff Moon. These people want to see a hanging so a hanging's what they'll get."
Bainbridge clicks his fingers and the shadowy figures standing near to Vince start darting about the place. Howard finally recognises them as The Piper Twins. If they had anything to do with the fight that occurred out the back of the jailhouse no wonder Vince is in such a bad way.
He looks on as Charlie Piper grabs a length of rope and tosses it over the horizontal beam of the railroad mile post. Eddie runs forward and grabs the already looped and knotted end that's now swinging mid air. He pulls the loop downwards, strides purposefully across to the still inanimate body of Vince and grabs a fistful of the Deputy's hair. Yanking his head upwards he slips the noose around Vince's neck, and then let's his head drop back to the ground. Bainbridge moves to stand next to Vince too.
"Murder must be punished Deputy."
Howard finally remembers he has legs and charges down the embankment towards the clearing, the crowd quickly creating a path for his flying form.
He runs straight into the centre of the space, just metres away from Vince, and trains his gun on the Mayor. Memories of doing this before, of Tommy, and of that fateful night start flooding into his brain but he manages to sweep them aside. He can't allow that now. Not now! One glance at Vince is enough to keep him strong.
He cocks his gun.
"Step away from him all of you."
"What, you gonna shoot me now Sheriff? In front of all these people? You going to kill me in cold blood for doing what's right?"
Murmurs start going up in the crowd. Howard decides to change tack. He keeps his gun trained on the Mayor though.
"Everybody listen and listen good. I know most of you have yet to meet Deputy Vince Noir, but he is not your murderer. He did not kill Lance Parrot! If you allow him to hang tonight then you are hanging an innocent man."
"Listen to what he's saying people."
From out of the crowd steps Montgomery Flange to stand at Howard's side.
"The Sheriff is right. Vince didn't kill Parrot. You've no evidence to say he did. You're just allowing yourselves to believe the lie because you want answers."
Monty points at Vince.
"This is not your answer!"
A voice yells out
"So why did he run away?"
"Wouldn't you if you were being accused of something as serious as murder?"
Another voice
"He's guilty, he's got to be guilty!"
"He's as innocent as a new born lamb I tell you."
As the murmuring starts up again Howard raises his hand to shush them.
"As The Sheriff of this town I'm telling you all, without a shadow of a doubt, that this man is innocent."
Howard pauses to allow his words to sink in before he continues.
"But even if he wasn't…"
He shouts louder
"..even if he wasn't, this hanging is illegal. This is not justice. There's been no trial, no evidence and no motive presented. If you allow this to happen then it is you, all of you, that are committing the heinous crime of murder!"
The crowd goes deathly quiet. Not just silent, but totally still. No-one so much as shuffles a foot. Howard keeps staring down the barrel of his gun directly into Bainbridge's eyes. The Mayor holds the stare.
A soft groan.
It barely registers it's so soft. In fact it's Monty who hears it first. He lays a hand on Howard's arm and nods in Vince's direction.
"Howard, I think he's coming to."
Vince groans again.
Howard waggles his gun at The Mayor.
"Move away from him Bainbridge."
"I don't think so Moon. This isn't over, not by a long shot."
"It's over Bainbridge, now move away!"
Behind Bainbridge Eddie Piper has joined his brother at the base of the mile post. They both have a piece of the rope in their hands.
Howard clenches his jaw. He can feel the hot red flames of anger licking around his head. He glances at Vince. The Deputy is moving ever so slightly. His fingers twitch, a spasm jerks his shoulder and arm. Another moan.
The crowd have all but disappeared from Howard's awareness so quiet are they now. He pays them no heed. His full focus is on Vince and on Bainbridge and on the rope that's held taught between The Piper Twin's fingers.
Howard shakes his gun once more. Through gritted teeth and with a voice struggling to remain calm he repeats his instruction
"Move away from him Bainbridge now!"
Bainbridge doesn't respond. He just puts up one hand and points to the sky. The Piper Twins pull on the rope.
Vince is wrenched upward by his neck about a foot from the floor. His hands instinctively fly to the noose as he makes a noise somewhere between a cough and a gargle. Howard steps forward, face a depiction of pure rage.
"For fucks sake Bainbridge he's barely conscious."
"Oh he's conscious enough. Shall we see?"
Bainbridge lifts his finger again and again the twins yank on the rope. This time though they pull harder and Vince is dragged to his feet. They pull more and he's on tiptoes. Beneath the dark sweaty mass of his fringe his eyes fly open, his mouth gapes, his fingers claw at the rope around his neck as he dances around on the balls of his feet.
"I SAID ENOUGH BAINBRIDGE!"
Howard shoots once, severing the rope and dropping Vince to the floor. Bainbridge dives to the side the moment he sees Howard squeeze the trigger, thinking in that second that the bullet's meant for him. The twins dive too, both on top of Bainbridge, covering their boss with their bodies to protect him from further gunfire. At any other time this may have looked comical, but with Vince rolling around on the floor, desperately grasping at the noose still taught around his neck, it was anything but.
Howard and Monty race forward and hold Vince still to remove the rope. As the life-giving air reflates his lungs and the tinge of blue leaves his lips Howard frantically brushes Vince's hair from his face.
"Vince, you're alright. I gotcha Vince, I gotcha. You're gonna be alright."
Doctor Bamshoot rushes from the crowd and to Howard's side.
"Here, let me see. Deputy can you hear me OK? Can you breathe deeply for me? Good, that's it. Nice deep breaths. There you go."
Howard stands and retrains his gun on Bainbridge who's returned to his feet having managed to push the twins aside. The Mayor dusts himself down with what remaining dignity he can muster. He's more aware than ever of the hundreds of eyes staring at him.
"Nice shooting Sheriff. I had no idea you still had the skill."
"I should arrest you for this Bainbridge."
"Arrest me, on what grounds? Holding a suspect captive and trying to make him talk?"
"That's not what happened here. Everybody saw what you did."
Howard turns to the crowd.
"You all saw this. You're all witnesses. Mayor Bainbridge was going to kill this man after I declared it illegal. He doesn't live by the law, he uses it, manipulates it, twists it and shapes it to be whatever he wants it to be. Well not anymore! I'm the Sheriff of Moonstone and I am the only law here you understand. I am, not him, me!"
"It doesn't matter Moon, you still can't hold me. You might be the law but I know the law and the law says any citizen has the right to hold prisoner any man that he deems to have committed a felony. Now I may have roughed him up a little, and I may have threatened his life, but at the end of the day I'm just as traumatised by Lance Parrot's death as these people are. I'm just doing what I can to find the murderer."
Doctor Bamshoot gets up from Vince's side and turns to Howard.
"We need to get the Deputy to a bed Sheriff. He needs medical attention and rest."
Howard nods.
"Yeah OK. The jailhouse though not your place."
"Are you sure? Mines nearer."
"No, I want him at mine. And anyway I need to get back to the jail for other reasons."
"Why?"
Howard takes a step towards Dixon Bainbridge and looks him square in the eyes.
"Because Doctor I have one Bobby Fossil in my cell under arrest, and it's only a matter of time before he starts talking."
The Sheriff feels an internal joy as he sees a wave of fear pass across Bainbridge's features.
Howard turns back to Vince, kneeling beside him and putting an arm gently around the smaller man's shoulders. He notes how much Vince is shivering despite the mild weather. Shock he supposes. He wipes Vince's fringe to the side again, and finally gets the younger man to look at him. He can hardly believe it when Vince offers him a small smile.
"Hi there little man."
Vince croaks a tiny "hi" in response.
"You're going to be alright Vince. It's over now. We're taking you back to the jailhouse."
Vince nods.
"Can you stand?"
Vince doesn't talk. Instead he grabs a hand of Howard's and a hand of Monty's and pulls himself onto his haunches. Monty wraps Vince's arm around his shoulders and his own around Vince's waist as support. He slowly helps the Deputy to his feet. Howard stands in front of Vince and cups the young man's face to study him more closely. There's a deep cut above his eyebrow and the now dried blood that must have spilled from it has left a dark heavy trail down one side. Howard can see bruising on his chin and jaw but miraculously Vince's features are fairly unscathed. His eyes though say otherwise. Howard looks deeply into them and tries to give Vince a reassuring smile. He affectionately runs his thumb across Vince's cheek bone.
"I'm here for you Vince. Whatever you need."
Vince tries to speak but suddenly the colour drains from his face and his eyes roll to their whites. He collapses forward onto Howard's chest and it's only because Monty's still holding him that he doesn't spill to the ground like a rag doll.
Howard quickly wraps one arm around Vince's back and sweeps the Deputy's legs up so he's holding him like a sleeping child. He pulls Vince as close as he can against his breast, looks around at the stunned faces watching, and without saying another word silently carries Vince away from them all.