Bella

What happens when you decide to give something to someone that's so big, you know it will surely shape you in some way? Do you tell that person that you've decided to give them something they can't give themselves? Or do you question it? Let it sink in, settle into your mind so that it's a constant loop of question—Do I do this? They say that everyone needs a certain something to fully make them happy—fully complete their lives in a sort of way like finding that missing puzzle to a 500-piece puzzle that you've been yearning to finish.

The question is—being human—are we fully capable of being so selfless as to give such a piece of us to someone else. I've been asking myself this question over and over. It's starting to get to me. I couldn't make up my mind for a while, never knowing if I would be able to fully do this. To do such a big thing that I'm not sure I'm even ready for. Then it happened. I saw a sign and I knew I had to do it—no matter what.

The sign—a Pampers diaper commercial.

So here I sat with Alice and Rose splayed out on the couch. The biggest couch potatoes in the universe. Alice is flipping channels, trying to find one with at least a half-decent show that doesn't bring up clips of Girls Gone Wild. Rosalie's sitting between my legs, my fingers playing in her hands. I settled back, braiding her hair evenly before untangling it and starting over with smaller braids.

I'm not sure I can pull this off. How do I tell them what I want to without bursting out in tears of hyperventilating because I know that what I'm going to offer will set me up for a job that will have me in tears? I'm waiting for the moment of glory when I back out and slap myself across the face for being so stupid. I mean, I haven't even told Alex the information on what my life will become soon if I go through with this.

"What are you doing to my hair?" Rose asks, laughing before patting a hand over my hands. I look down to realize I've been swirling Rosalie's hair around my fingers so that it look tangled and spiky. But sexy. Hmm. I laugh along with her, kissing the top of her head, before releasing the tangles from my grasp.

"Messing around. Giving you a new hairstyle." Alice points at us and laughs. I just huff, throw a can at her head, and then smile.

"So you have any plans for the future Bella?" Alice asks, settling onto the couch beside me. This is the moment where my throat closes, bile threatens to come spilling up, and my hands become clammy. What do I say? That I want to do a certain something for somebody I love? Can I tell her the truth without flipping out or changing my mind?

Not yet, I tell myself. I won't tell them just yet. But soon, soon so that my mind won't have the option of changing my decision because it will have already been made. Plus, once I make this decision and voice it out loud, there's no taking it all back. Taking it back would hurt all of those involved. And that I couldn't take—I would never be able to forgive myself for filling people with fake hope.

"Not much. Maybe just taking it easy. Traveling some more. Making an account on eharmony." I joke, as Alice shoves my arm a bit.

"No seriously."

"I'm being serious." I reply. Maybe creating an account on eharmony would do me some good—help me find someone to love.

"You're going to get on eharmony? Yeah, right! That's for lonely people." Then she wraps an arm around my shoulder, coaxing my head into the crook of her shoulder. I sigh as I feel tears building up, just what I wanted not to happen. The truth was I was lonely, tired to having to find comfort in my family and Alex and Oliver. I counted on them because I was lonely—because I needed someone around sometimes.

Singing and writing songs made it somewhat bearable over all these years, letting me sing about sadness, loneliness, and heart break because it wasn't me I was actually talking about. But more like a distraction to let it all out, but now that reality had kicked me in the butt again and my songs were put on hold for a bit—I was starting to become a little lonelier than I'd been in years. Even with everyone I know surrounding me.

"What if I am lonely?" I ask Alice, hoping she'll come up with an answer. Instead she gives me a weird look.

"What's going on with you and Edward?" Rose asks, popping the bubble of silence that's built up in the past few seconds.

"Nothing. I just—urgh. Having a past with him just makes everything three times as worse or difficult. Either I'm remembering every moment I'd ever made with him or seeing him screw Tanya and remember that's why he—left, or dealing with the fact that so many things are no longer the same. That he's not the same. That Oliver's no longer the same. That Alex is no longer the same—somehow. That I'm no longer the same." I'm venting completely now, my words coming out too fast. I'm choking on word vomit and it just keeps on pouring.

Then at the worst moment another sign appears, plastered to the screen of the TV. A Pampers baby diaper commercial plays, squeals from a living baby filling the room. I notice that Rosalie's gone still, eyes trained on the screen. Alice looks down at her, to the TV, then me, back down to Rose. I wonder what she's thinking at this moment. When it ends, the truth bubbles on my tongue till it feels like too much to keep inside. Like a bite of food that's so big you have to spit it back out or suffocate and choke.

"Rosalie, I want to do something for you." I start, tears already pooling in my eyes. Rosalie stands from the floor, eyes intent on my face as if she knows what I'm about to offer her.

"What?" Alice is standing now; staring at me with such wide-eyes I realize she must have had a vision. This makes me smile.

"Let me give you a child. Yours and Emmett's child." I say, tears spilling over the brim. Rose stares at me, mouth open, while Alice squeals with delight. With that Alice runs off to get Carlisle and everyone else. Rosalie looks like she should be in tears, drowning in them actually like the kind of rain that pours so heavily you can't see anything but a thick sheet of white.

"How?" She asks, voiced cracking severely.

"It's my gift."

"What?"

"Like Alice has the gift of seeing into the future, my gift is fertility—the ability to conceive even though I'm a vampire." With this information Rosalie bursts out into dry sobs, shaking so hard she collapses to her knees. I wrap my arms around her the best I can, rocking us back and forth as we both realizes just what I've just done.

What happens when you decide to give something to someone that's so big, you know it will surely shape you in some way? You give until there's nothing left.

Yeah, so i gave Bella the gift of concieving depsite her being half vampire. Ooh, what do you think about that? I like it, now Rose can be happy.

-taylorcullenforever