Chapter 21

Rory woke up sore, ashamed and completely brokenhearted. In Dean and Lindsay's bed. The smell of Dean's cheap cologne wafted up her nose, along with the cruel, subtle scent of Lindsay's perfume.

She had slept with Dean. Rory hadn't just lost her virginity to Dean, but she alsoslept with him; as in fallen asleep in his bed. In Lindsay's bed.

Dean had his naked muscular arm wrapped around her waist. Rory squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to cry anymore. Dean didn't... Smell right. He smelled of oak wood scented cologne and really cheap shampoo, not like old books and leather... Rory wanted that smell... she wanted the beautiful scent of old books and leather.

Jess... Rory thought. ...What have I done? Rory knew, more than anything, that she had to get out of there.

So she did.

Rory gently removed Dean's arm off her, flinching away from his hot breath. She sat up, ran her fingers through her short hair and wiped a thumb underneath her eyes – her fingers were now black with runny mascara. She stood up slowly, worried the creaking of the bed would wake the sleeping giant up. Rory turned to see herself in their bedroom mirror. She looked so... cheap. Rory kneeled down to pick up her silk dress, mainly because she needed it to leave but also because she didn't want to see herself in that mirror again.

This is how I lost my virginity? Rory, slipping on her dress, cringed, her hands trembling. She didn't even know why she did it... And she wished she hadn't. She really, really wished it. But unfortunately Rory knew the world didn't work that way.

Yale educated.

When Rory had her suddenly flimsy seeming dress on, she grabbed her shoes and walked out, not even glancing back at the peacefully unconscious former boyfriend Dean Forrester.

Rory walked home, hugging herself as protection from the cold, which still made her arms blue, but her cheeks flushed. She managed to make herself look presentable enough to not get noticed... It helped that it was seven in the morning and everyone in Stars Hollow was either asleep or farming. Thank God it's Saturday. (Get it? Instead of TGIF?)

Rory sighed heavily and ran her fingers through her hair again, trying to force herself to forget. She found herself relieved when her Mother's driveway came into view. Rory's plan was to sneak in, shower, go to sleep and wake up, pretending like nothing ever happened while figuring out some way to repair her regretful screwup with Jess.

Rory convinced herself that this was the best way to handle the situation, sorta like the time she convinced herself that wallowing was not the answer to a breakup.

At one point, she even found herself smile with tired relief when she began walking down the driveway – until she saw Jess's crummy car sitting behind Rory's.

And there was Jess...

Rory's heart broke all over again, just by looking at him. He sat there looking all tired on the hood of his car. For once, he didn't look cool and collected; he looked unsettled. Jess sat with his legs hanging three inches from the grass. He looked freezing, and sad, holding a book in his hands, but he wasn't looking at the book, but right passed it.

He looked up and the two of them stared at each other.

Rory sighed again, then walked over to him, almost reluctantly. Jess stared back down, past his book as Rory slumped down next to him. Her hanging ankles crossed over each other and she felt a slight comfort in her feet as the pressure released, but her butt immediately began feeling numb from the freezing car's hood.

They sat in silence, both staring ahead.

"So," Jess said.

"So..." Rory breathed, her heart beating fast.

There was another torturous silence, until Jess spoke with angst tangled in his words. "Rory, what the hell?"

Rory flinched. "I'm sorry," was all she managed to say as she brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Sorry for what: the teasing, or the bolting?" Jess sneered from the corner of his mouth.

"Both, I—"

"Or was it for whatever you did after the teasing and the bolting?" He asked, referring to her (not-technically) slept in clothes.

Rory went silent, and for a second she though her throat had closed up, like she couldn't speak or breathe. "I...Nothing happened," Rory lied, "...If that's what you're thinking."

Jess looked over at her, his eyes wider than usual. "So, what, you just fell asleep in the parking lot with Johnny and Ponyboy and lost track of time?"

Rory's hands trembled a little by the hurt in his voice. She turned and looked at him. "I slept at Lane's." She felt a pain in her heart by the way Jess stared at her. "I felt like I needed a friend, so I went to Lane's..." Jess looked down and Rory felt the need to stack lie on top of lie. "I left before her mother woke up," she said, and Rory prayed that Jess didn't know of Lane's current living situation – which was certainly not with the mother who kicked her out.

Rory looked anxiously at Jess. "...Say something," she practically pleaded.

Jess let out a deep breath. "Ok," he said simply, then hopped off the car.

Rory frowned. "Wait... Is that an 'ok, I'll say something' or an 'ok, I accept that answer'?" Jess stood in front of her and shoved his folded book into his back pocket. He took his time saying "Ok, I believe you."

Rory couldn't help pouting. "You do?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and grimaced, glancing up at the sky. "Not really, but I guess I have to, don't I?"

Rory looked at him suspiciously. "You do?"

The corner of Jess's mouth twitched into a smile. "That's what a relationship is: trust."

Great, the beginning of our relationship, and I've already told the biggest (relationship ending) lie, Rory thought, then cocked her head to look at Jess. "Wait, what relationship?"

Jess's jaw clenched anxiously. "Rory, last night, my instinctive thought was to give up. To just... leave. The idea of feeling that anger and humiliation again made me want to leave..."

Those words felt like a knife to Rory's heart.

"But, then," he said, sighing, "I realised that you were worth it," he breathed, then smiled weakly. He feared Rory could hear his heart practically thumping out of his chest, ignorant to the basics of human biology at that moment. Well... He is an un-graduate.

With Rory's frozen butt still sitting on the hood of his dingy car, Jess was the one to move closer. "Rory, I'm a screw up it's... in my genetic code," he said, remembering what his father said to him, once. He stared down at the ground for a second before his dark eyes fell back on her. "And I've never really done anything good—"

"That's not true," Rory interrupted, raising a stopping hand. "You unlocked the door for Luke's uncle's funeral gathering." Rory smiled innocently and genuinely, but Jess didn't. He remained looking love-struck and serious.

"Yes, well other than that heroic gesture, the only good thing I did was you..."

Rory grimaced. "You did me good...?"

Jess breathed heavily through his nose and gritted his teeth. "I thought you were the one who graduated from high school," he jeered then when Rory raised a brow he managed an apologetic eye roll – if possible. "Rory... I've made only wrong choices, but you were the only right one I've ever made."

"Oh, come on," Rory squeaked.

"'Come on' what?" Jess frowned with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I can't be the only good choice you've ever made. Ever." She said with an eye roll then smiled at him weakly.

"Yeah, Sam Pink, accept the compliment and move on, would ya?"

Rory grinned.

"...I think it's your turn to say something."

Rory stared down, holding the suspense to the point where Jess held his breath. She looked up and smiled. "I think Richard Gere would be proud of you," she joked.

Jess frowned and smiled, confused by how she was feeling and how she was reacting. "Okay, I actually need to know what you're thinking about this because..." He grimaced. "I don't... do these sorts of things. I'm not really a flower-bearing, or boom-box holding kinda guy so I kinda just wanna skip this whole thing and kiss you..."

There was a cruel silence as Rory fought back tears. "...Rory?"

She didn't say anything. She just took her time thinking... What have I done? I have to tell him... But what would he say? I can't have him hate me... And it's Jess... What do I do? What would Molly Ringwald do...? Rory's mind was so unbelievably tangled in thought that she couldn't think about what to do in that single moment. So she didn't think. She just went off...

Instinct.

Rory kissed him; she hopped off the car, pulled him by the waist and brought his beautiful crooked mouth to hers, just like the first time they kissed. And Jess was equally as stunned as the first time they kissed.

Rory parted. "Oh, my God..." She whispered, still wrapped in Jess's arms. Jess cringed. "You're not gonna ask me not to say anything and run away again, are you?" He only joked partially.

Rory smiled and looked at him with be wide blue eyes. "No."

"Then what?" He asked, frowning cooly but was secretly freaking out.

She smiled again, genuinely and tiredly. "I'm just really glad I threw that snowball at you."