The wind seemed to flee from Kanda's lungs. Had heard him right?
"You said... cure."
"Yes. A cure."
"How'd'you know?" Kanda slurred almost angrily, leaning forward as if to leap from his chair.
Richard leaned back and away in alarm, but when it was clear that Kanda was not about to get up and disembowel the poor man, Richard continued, "I... I've only got Eve's word, but her word is good as gold. I promise. Has she ever lied to you?"
Kanda only muttered "tch". However, he couldn't debunk that statement. Eve had not lied in a real capacity to him, though she may have exaggerated or understated certain things. She'd kept things from him, sure, like how she was connected to Kanda's project and such, but that was more lying by omission than active deceit. He rubbed the bridge of his nose slowly, digesting this information.
"What exactly did she tell you?" Lavi asked.
Richard folded his hands and put them in his lap, chewing his lip in concentration.
"She didn't give me her location or too many specifics. She did, however, tell me that she'd developed a cure, and it most definitely works. She's been using it herself, and she said it's quite... "original", was the word she used. However, even I don't know her whereabouts. She said that one of you would -"
"Wait - does Gupta's Hold mean anything to you? Or P.O.?" Lavi interrupted.
"Uh, yes. Eve told me I needed to find a location that you most definitely have and go to the post office boxes at that location. I have a key here..." Richard said, and Lavi clapped his hands in glee.
"Kanda. Kanda. Yuuuu, we have a chance-"
"Shut up. God, y'loud," Kanda grumbled, leaning away from the nearly-bouncing archivist, who looked like he was about to boil out of his chair.
"What else were you instructed to do? Was that it?"
"No, unfortunately," Richard said sheepishly, ducking his head. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a much-thumbed piece of paper.
"I'm to also take Allen Walker with me, as the location is not a place he has been before, and there is no way for Mr. Kanda to reach the destination in his condition without serious help. Allen is to meet her there and open the Ark to a specific location she has set, and then Mr. Kanda will be taken to her," Richard stated.
"Sure knows'ow t'make it comp'cated," Kanda said as he snorted.
"Well, it is of the utmost importance that the Vatican not know of her whereabouts."
"Join th' club."
Lavi stood up and began pacing, unable to hide his enthusiasm.
"So this is what we'll do! I'll go and grab Allen, we'll head to Gupta's Hold - whatever that is - and grab the whereabouts of Eve's little foxhole, have Allen get us as close as we can, and then make our way there. Then, we'll just pick Kanda up, and presto! All done!"
Richard seemed flabbergasted by the older man's energy, and he nervously smiled as he said, "Actually... it may take us quite a bit longer than you make it seem. The location isn't in India. It's somewhere in the mountains of China."
Lavi's ardor quickly went out. He sagged and stared at Richard.
"How... how long would it take us to get to her?"
"Not sure, but the informant assured me it would be no less than a week."
Kanda's stomach knotted together. A week stood between him and salvation. There was no telling how his condition might change or improve in that time, not to mention the fact that Kanda had been on the verge of deciding whether his energies were best used... preparing. Now, this bright, golden carrot was dangled in front of his nose, but was it worth it to run that race? This was no small matter, to go from being in a place of resignation to sudden, debilitating hope. God, he wanted to live. He wanted to. Just... not like this.
"Doesn't change a thing. Come with me, we're going to get Allen!" Lavi said, yanking Richard by the back of the coat and out the door. The poor, bedraggled intern merely let himself be manhandled out the door, leaving Kanda to the silence of his private room. The young man seemed to deflate as he considered what had occurred, trying to piece together his scattered emotions. How should he feel about this? Eve had thus far managed to produce what could only be considered miracles. It was only by the grace of God that Kanda had made it as far as he had. There were so many ways he could have lost his life on this long journey, and yet he'd hung on, with her help.
She wouldn't lie. This was real.
Kanda went to lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling as the realization continued to wheel around his brain like an overly energetic mobile. The decision still loomed before him, whether to accept Eve's offer of sudden rescue, or to let the disease take its toll. To some, it would have seemed like a question already answered, but Kanda knew better than to put his hope in that particular basket. He was drawn back to that place he'd been while in limbo, a place of warmth and comfort with his best friend. There, worries were no more and the constant hum of life had ceased. Instead, there was the gentle sureness of existence, of companionship. Was that what death was? It was nothing like the horrifying and sudden darkness that overtook him every time his body shut down.
To think, that was more inviting than the mortal coil to which he was strapped.
As the decision weighed upon his mind, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep with the memory of Alma Karma's voice in his head.
The week passed by painfully slow. Lavi had done the honor of informing the others that Eve had gotten in contact through her intern, and that in a week's time they would be back to get Kanda. The samurai had felt a strange sense of guilt as Froi and Lenalee gushed, both of them tearing up, while Marie smiled. Chaoji had clapped him on the shoulder, much to his disdain, while Bookman merely went 'hmph', as if he'd already guessed the future events to come. Nonetheless, as they took on a more festive mood, Kanda could not help but feel a sick sense of dread. How could he dash their hopes? What if this 'miracle cure' was more of the same - a life-extending measure, rather than a true relief from his suffering? He had already lost mobility on one side of his body, and it was slow going to get it back. Would the 'cure' Eve purported be up to the task of fixing this mangled wreck of a body?
"You are doing quite well, Mister Kanda. I am impressed how fast you have improved. Most do not even make it this far a few months after surgery, much less for a stroke," Kajal encouraged, standing at the end of the room.
Kanda looked up at her wearily, his face covered in a sheen of sweat. In his hands, he held a kettle weight that couldn't be more than five pounds, though it strained against the tendons in his fingers and threatened to break through his fragile bones. A year ago, he could have hurled this weight over three hundred feet. Today, he could barely lift and walk with it.
Yet, walk he did, at the least a good ten meters. It took all his concentration to get his feet and arms to work together in sync, but he was making progress. Cure or not, he was not allowed to stop progressing, not if he was going to meet Eve. If he were to choose death, he would die knowing he'd tried with what he had. There was no stopping him from gaining every available ounce of life quality from this decaying piece of flesh.
"Kanda," a voice said from the other end of the room, and Kanda carefully bent down to put the kettle weight on the ground. He slowly turned around to look at Lenalee, who stood in the door radiating nervous excitement. She tentatively smiled.
"They're back," she said simply, and he stood a bit straighter before looking at Kajal.
The nurse nodded at him, though she seemed far more reserved than usual.
"No. You, come," Kanda commanded, waving her forward. The young nurse frowned.
"But, I-"
"You're coming," Kanda stated again, already making his way towards Lenalee.
He caught the young woman's hurt look, but he knew that Kajal would be more helpful here than Lenalee. That, he didn't know what he would do if... Well, it was a long trek to where ever it was that Eve wanted him to go, and he was in less than ideal condition. Kajal knew more about his medication, his personal needs, the degradation...
It also helped that he trusted Kajal would do what he told her to.
The three traversed the many halls of the hospital (yet another one - how many were there in Delhi?) until they reached a common room where Lavi and Allen stood wearing thick, fur parkas. Kanda frowned at them, their faces ruddy and their expressions guarded, but giddy.
"Here, you're going to need this," Lavi said, handing over another parka, and Kanda put it on, waving away the helping hands that so eagerly rushed forward.
"Lemme put on my~own clothes. Hens," he complained as he finally put the parka on fully.
"How long will this take?" Lenalee asked, her eyes flitting between the boys expectantly.
"No idea," Allen sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It took us a week to just climb to the destination. I don't even know how Eve managed to make it there in her state. She must have hired people after I dropped her off the last time. You should have seen the mess we made trying to figure out the locations on her map. It was ridiculous."
"Where're we'ven going?" Kanda asked as he shuffled over. He hated that he moved so slow, but his foot dragged behind him slightly.
Allen and Lavi looked at each other, and Lavi blew out a long breath of air.
"Aaaah, we're going to the Himalayas, actually."
"The Himalayas?" Lenalee asked incredulously, taking a step forward and putting herself between the two boys and their invalid would-be traveler.
"R-relax Lena, it's not even that long of a walk, really! It's in a Tibetan monastery, real far from civilization, that's all! He won't even have to walk there! Even the CROW couldn't make it there, not without us leading the way," Lavi assured her, waving his hands in front of him.
Lenalee still looked skeptical, but Kanda put a hand on her shoulder.
"Stop embarrassing me. I can do it," Kanda grumbled at her, and she bit her lip while looking back at Kajal. The Indian nurse shrugged her shoulders.
"She's coming," Kanda threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the portal that shone behind the two men's backs. "Giv'er a jacket."
"W-what? Kanda, it's seriously not that far -"
"Jus'... do it."
With this perplexing order, all three walked into the white light of the Ark, leaving a very confused Lenalee behind. As they made their way through the alabaster streets of the Ark, the silence filled the air. Anticipation followed them like an overeager dog, and all of them could feel the tension as they walked towards the correct door to their destination. Kanda stumbled through as the door was opened, and the cold sapped away his breath in a moment. He almost staggered back in confusion as he fought to get his breath back, the air becoming thin.
"Easy, easy - the altitude's high, so the air's less healthful than it normally would be. At least it's not the miasmatic disaster down in Delhi," Lavi said as he grabbed Kanda's elbow.
Kanda shook off the redhead brusquely as he looked at the landscape that surrounded them. It was mostly high mountain walls and snow, the air full of flurries. No wonder they'd had him wear a parka. It was absolutely freezing. The whole scene seemed to be painted in ink, the snow as white as paper. In the distance there was a small temple snuggled between two rock faces, set deep into the earth as if hunkering down to wait out the Himalayan winter.
The former Exorcist struggled forward with Lavi and Allen keeping a respectful - though perhaps fearful - distance behind him. Kajal kept an even wider berth, unsure what her role in this promenade was. As the line of travelers went forward, the monastery slowly grew, revealing a humble building made of hewed stone. At the door, Eve's intern stood waiting for them, looking much fresher than he had the day he'd shown up on Kanda's proverbial front door. After what seemed like a half-hour trek up the stairs to the door, the intern led them inside and invited to take their coats and things. Inside, it was a touch warmer, though perhaps only because the wind no longer whipped across their skin. A fire was burning in a small fire-ring in the center of the modest atrium, which put life back into their cold skin.
"This way, please."
Kanda was lead through the monastery, which was empty. It seemed that the place had been deserted a while, as good a place as any to put a secret lab. Eve certainly made sure that she was well prepared for every eventuality if she'd known about this place beforehand.
As they walked through the narrow, low corridors, Kanda felt his heart lighten slightly as it fully dawned on him that this could be the end of his journey. This could truly be it - a real answer to the ills that had so far followed him. For a moment, he let that hope fill him, and he walked with a slightly longer gait as they descended several sets of stairs. It grew warmer and warmer as they journeyed down into the depths of the mountain below the monastery.
"Eve said this was once a large cave system, but it was long ago repurposed to house monks. After a time, the monks left, and that left the whole place to her. We're almost there, don't worry. Two more flights, and we'll be in the sanctum."
At last, they reached the bottom, and the four stared at the adjoining space in breathtaking awe. They stood, transfixed, as they stared at the fifty-meter high cavern. A large water pool filled the floor, backlit a deep blue by a hole in the ceiling of the cave that led to the world without. At the center stood a structure that looked almost like a dull house on stilts, a walkway connecting it to the dry land. Kanda swallowed as he felt his mouth go dry.
The four walked across the walkway, and it seemed to bob and weave before Kanda as he hobbled his way along. With trepidation, he reached the small platform that served as a kind of stoop, and he opened the door. Within, he was surprised to find a small, almost comfortable living room with chairs, a table, and a small settee. In one of the chairs, Eve sat primly with a cup between her palms, her back to them. She suddenly turned, and Kanda was surprised to find her still wan, though her face seemed fuller.
"Hello. I suppose you're here to see... what I've done," Eve said, suddenly awkward.
Kanda swallowed, aware he was blocking the door. He got out of his three companions' way, and they all crowded the room together.
"You look like hell," Kanda admitted. "Still."
"Well, the process I'd come up with is not exactly foolproof, thank you. After all, no medicine is without its side effects," Eve said snidely, and Kanda almost smirked. There was the doctor he'd come to know. She gestured to the other chairs, and they all took their seats. Lavi and Allen sat on the settee, hilariously crammed together, while Kajal took the other chair, and Kanda chose to stand. Eve took a large breath before looking up at Kanda.
"Allow me to explain this all to you. I imagine this will... be a little overwhelming."
She tapped the china teacup with her fingernails, which Kanda noticed had grown back in, and she finally began.
"I noticed that... cancer cells in the body do not age. They are... ageless, continuing to reproduce and create more of themselves. The only problem, of course, is that cancer cells are defective and do not know when to stop reproducing cells, therefore... getting out of hand. However, i took that principal and considered what it would be like if we could tell cells to continue growing until they reached a certain critical mass, then stop. You would have a body that never needs its organs fixed or replaced, because the organs do it naturally on their own."
She took another drink of her tea, setting down the mug.
"I've developed a... technique, with the genetic material, to recreate this process. It took a lot of magical finagling, quite a bit of work really. It will greatly revolutionize... well, everything. Medicine, healthcare, the Exorcists - why, if we could get it to become a mainstream process, we could see the immortality of great leaders, and thinkers, and -"
"But how's't done? Surgery? Injection? Pill?" Kanda asked, steamrolling Eve's sudden and excited rambling.
She looked up very abruptly, and her mouth opened to answer with hesitation, but much to everyone's surprise, they heard a small voice say, "Who're you?"
Everyone's heads turned towards the one door in the room, which was open, where there stood a young woman. She was Eve's build and height, though not her age. Her hair was brown, her eyes as well, with almost identical structure and expression. The four were dumbstruck as they stared at this perfect, young replica of the woman who sat at the table, and Eve hastily said, "They are friends."
"You mean, like... like Richard?"
"Yes, exactly."
The girl's face lit up, and she said, "Ah."
"When you see others you don't already know, you greet them. It's a way of showing you're friendly."
Kanda nearly scoffed at the crash tutorial in etiquette, given the tutor, but he was too busy putting the pieces together.
Eve cleared her throat and said, "Would you mind if you left us? They have private business to do with us, dear."
The young girl nodded and waved to them, heading back into the bowels of the house. Kanda's stomach slowly journeyed south towards his ankles. He looked sidelong at Eve.
"You didn't."
"I-it's not-"
"You... you..."
Kanda suddenly got up, nearly throwing the chair back with the force of his ejection. He shook his head and paced, his hands rubbing his face.
"I know that it's not ideal, and you'd just be harvesting the -"
"I'm not doing it."
Lavi and Allen were still too stunned to say anything. Kajal was the first to make a move, standing up and walking towards Kanda.
"Missus Eve, perhaps Mister Kanda and I should talk this out," Kajal offered. However, by then, Kanda had already begun to make his way out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Eve pursed her lips, obviously unhappy with his reaction (and perhaps even a bit angry, if her balled fists were any indication), but she waved at them.
"Yes, go on. I'm sure there is some... digestion that needs to happen."
Kajal made a hasty exit, with Allen hot on her heels. Lavi stayed in the room, and he stared at Eve.
"Unbelievable," was all he said, remaining seated.
"This... this..."
Kanda was so angry that he couldn't even find words. He raced up and down the water front, unable to form a single sentence. How could she do this? How could she possibly think that he would agree to something like this? It was despicable, inherently disgusting. How did he know she hadn't already created another him in the building somewhere, fully loaded and ready for whatever it was she was planning on doing? This was insane.
"I know. It's... it's not humane," Allen sighed from farther back, leaning against a wall of the cavern.
"I do not know. If the person continually grows the organs back..." Kajal sighed.
"Doesn't negate the fact that you would have to continually harvest the organs, and they would still break down," Allen said. "And what about something like the heart?"
"You pose a good point," Kajal admitted.
There was a sudden splash, and the two jumped. Kanda stood at the water's edge, his hands muddied from picking up a large rock and chucking it.
"No. Never," Kanda grumbled, looking back at the two.
"He's right," the white-haired man said putting his fist into his other hand. "There must be some other -"
"There isn't. I'm done," Kanda finally said, sitting himself down on a large rock, his head in his hands. He fought to speak as the other two stared at him, awaiting his response.
Why couldn't he do this? Was it purely that the entire idea sickened him? Or was it deeper than that? This whole idea of harvesting organs from another, even from one who could regenerate them, and then replacing his failing ones rubbed against him in so many wrong ways that he couldn't truly pinpoint the root of his revulsion. It reminded him far too much of his own inception, the sick and twisted ideas that had spawned his tortured existence. He had been born a tool of destruction, living for the sole purpose of eradicating the threat of the Akuma. He had been put through hell to attain this purpose, his entire being turned to that single objective, at the expense of his friends, his family, and the one he'd considered as close as kin. Now, his body was taking the toll for that decision, as well-intended as it had been.
As he calmed down and considered his absolve, he finally said, "I will not... do that to someone else. No one deserves this."
He gestured to himself, almost astounded that he could articulate anything. He looked over at Allen with a dark expression.
"I'd rather die than depend on someone else for my life. No one else should pay for this mistake. I shouldn't have to pay for this mistake."
Allen bowed his head, trying to wrap his head around the idea.
"You can't just roll over. We can-"
"Perhaps he is right," Kajal interjected, putting out a hand to stop Allen. "Mister Kanda, what do you want to do?"
Kanda looked up at the two. Bags hung beneath his eyes from sleepless nights in pain, and the spot where they'd shaved his head to operate gleamed through the strands of black hair. His lips were thin, and his skin was still paler than normal. His hands seemed almost gnarled and far too thin to be healthy. It was obvious that any measures taken would be measures to lengthen his life, not restore it. Even Eve's proposal would not be a sure fix, Kanda's body might not survive the many surgeries necessary to replace whatever damaged organs he possessed. That also left out the matter of his stroke, which had destroyed much of his brain, which could not be transplanted with such glibness.
Footsteps brought their attention to the walkway, and the three stared at the pair that was walking towards them. Lavi stood back while Eve took the forefront, walking at a clipped pace. She stiffly stood at the border between water and land, her head slightly tilted down.
"I... must apologize. I realize that perhaps this was a poor way of introducing you to this idea," Eve said quietly. "I was hasty."
Kanda stared daggers into Eve, and the doctor lifted her head to stand straighter, regaining the prideful countenance they were all used to.
"I would implore you to think on the offer. I may be able to... modify a few things to better suit your ethics, as it were. I have no wish to see you decompose before my very eyes," Eve stated. "These waters themselves have healing benefits, though I do not know how much they will help you. Stay a few nights and reconsider, if you will."
Kanda continued his steely glare before finally standing stiffly. He nodded his head back to the stairs, and he began towards them.
"One night," he said tersely, the others left in his wake.
Kanda stared out the window of the monastery, his eyes drawn down the slope of the mountainside. At the bottom, he could see the snow pile up in flurries as people wearing thick parkas herded animals across the small mountain pass. He could barely see them from his perch, but he could make out their waddling gait and slow steps through the snow. He closed his eyes as he laid his head against the stone wall near the window and thought on Eve's proposal.
It was preposterous. Even thinking about bringing another life into the world for his own selfish sake turned his stomach. It wasn't so much the responsibility of what would amount to being a child - rather, it was that he would have to sacrifice his pride and stoop to the lows that had brought down the Vatican to such methods. He would not steal the life of another for his own benefit. Yet, death loomed like a vulture over his headboard, and he toyed with the idea anyway as the sun went down. The room fell into darkness as stars dotted the night sky outside the window. Kanda continued to sit at the window, lost in his thoughts as he was swallowed by the shadows.
There was a knock on his door, and Kanda turned.
"C'min," he said, his words still slurring.
The door cracked open, and a dark, though small, figure entered the room. It sat in the only other chair, and it spoke with Eve's voice.
"You're still worried about this, aren't you? You were always an oddly moral git," Eve sighed as she crossed her legs, making the chair creak.
"Hmph," Kanda breathed, looking away from her.
"Not even if it would save your life? Not even if it would be the most significant breakthrough of human history? I've created immortality."
"Y'll make monsters," Kanda said quietly.
"Excuse me? They're not more than children."
"Wasn't talking about them. What 'bou' you?" Kanda asked, finally turning to look at the darkish blob in the corner.
She remained silent.
"I've taken your thoughts into consideration. How is this - I will, instead, extend to you this offer. I can... create you a body without a soul, no mind whatsoever, and-"
Kanda's eyes widened as he stare at her, completely livid.
"Don' you learn? F'r'all your in'ellijence..."
"Well, it seemed a far cry more ethical!"
"Tch!"
Eve sighed heavily, leaning into her chair.
"What... are you willing to take? What will you accept?"
Kanda thought hard about the question. What did he think was acceptable? Was there any compromise? Was there any way to navigate this moral minefield?
"Why can' you make'is work again with your... whatever it is, potion, method, cancer-whatever," Kanda asked.
Eve sighed.
"Your cells already contain the stop and start signals that were put into motion some years ago. They've run their course and cannot be 'reprogrammed' so to speak. They've been far too damaged. However..." Eve sighed. "I might be able to kick-start a new patch of magic cells in your chest that will rejuvenate you. It would last only a short time and you would start to degrade again, albeit... a bit slower. It would perhaps give you mobility and some function back, but at the most, it will give you a month of... of normal."
"That's all I'd need," Kanda answered.
"You're sure about this?" Lavi asked, sitting next to Kanda. The former Exorcist lay back on a long, white bench surrounded by assorted medical equipment, most of which looked like it was employed for the purposes of torture rather than healing. Kanda sniffed.
"Don't need to explain myself," he growled, and Lavi smiled almost sadly. Kanda waved the redhead away, and he walked out of Kanda's line of sight. Now, he could only see the ceiling and the bright, white light to the side. The door opened, and Eve stepped in wearing a surgical mask and scrubs. The young woman - whose name was apparently Ellie, he'd learned - walked in behind her with identical wear. Kanda sat up slightly and asked, "Is she-?"
"Helping? Yes. Don't look at me like that - she's got more experience than half the surgeons in Europe. Isn't that right, Ellie?" Eve asked proudly.
The only answer they received was a slight, happy squint of the eyes.
"She's replaced most of my stomach and a good chunk of my lower intestine, and obviously I'm all in one coherent piece. She's a fine surgeon! I trained her myself."
Heaven help me, two Eves, Kanda thought as he lay back and allowed them to hook him up to the anesthetic.
"I need you to count backwards for me. Ten... nine... eight..."
The world sank into darkness, and Kanda found himself groggily waking up again as if it had been but a few moments. He squinted his eyes as the white light hit his face, and he lolled his head around in an attempt to make sense of everything. He felt oddly loopy - the medication, obviously - but was still able to understand the words that were said to him.
"...feel a bit sick, I imagine. It didn't take long, which surprised me - you're about as brittle as rice cake."
"Shaddup," Kanda coughed as he tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down.
"Oh, no, no, you're going to need a few hours before that anesthetic wears off," Eve chided. "Don't give me that look, you oaf! You'll fall over and impale yourself on something, I guarantee it. It'd be just like you, to ruin what I fixed two seconds ago. You're a master at it by now. Elle! The wheelchair."
It didn't take them long to wheel Kanda out to the living room where all other guests were in attendance, and they rushed to greet him.
"How do you feel?" Allen inquired.
"You doin' any better?" Lavi gushed.
"Wow, you already look more lively. I can actually see you have a little baby fat," Kajal said, moving to pinch his cheeks.
Kanda waved them away irately, what with so many people flitting about him.
"I'm tired. Someone wheel me to bed, I need to sleep this off," he slurred slightly, and very promptly he lolled back into slumber, to the amusement of his compatriots.
Much to everyone's relief, the graft of magical, replenishing cells had taken well. As Eve had said, they would last, at most, a month, giving Kanda's body time to heal... but, then the process would begin all over again, and it would be time to either return and get another graft, or allow nature to take its course. Kanda already knew what he wanted. They decided to spend a few days there at Eve's lab, if just to procrastinate the long, cold walk back to the Ark portal down the valley.
The second day afterward, Kanda was already able to jump, run, and walk normally, and he no longer slurred his words. In fact, he felt better than he had in a long, long while, though he was nowhere near the top-shape he was in his teen years. He knew that this level of optimal health would forever be outside of his reach, and with each subsequent graft, it would take more and more to heal the damage. After all, his cells were convinced that they were something like sixty or seventy years old. Nothing could change that.
At least, nothing that didn't require him to swap organs.
"Why is it you don't want to do what Eve did?"
Kanda looked up from his perch on the pier, his legs dangling in the icy water. Despite the frigid cold, he enjoyed the sensation on his legs, as it meant he could at last feel. To his surprise, he saw Ellie standing over him, her head cocked to the side. Her hair was even cut in Eve's short, bobbed style, and it gave him an odd sense of discomfort to see how close a match the two were.
"You're telling me you don't mind having your organs ripped out of you for her own sick, twisted benefit?" Kanda asked bluntly, kicking the water. It wasn't much more than a few feet deep, so he felt only slightly less queasy sitting so close to the edge of the pier.
Elle sat next to him, and Kanda could see that she didn't look more than sixteen or seventeen. How old must she have been when she was extracted from whatever tank Eve had grown her in? What did this girl miss due to her unnatural conception?
"I... well, this is a nice place. It's the only place I've ever been. And Eve is a nice person -"
"Tch."
"- and I... well, I have a purpose."
Kanda shook his head.
"You can't make other people your purpose."
Ellie frowned.
"Why not?"
"Because what happens when they die?" Kanda asked, a certain person coming to mind. "What are you going to do when Eve suddenly kicks it? She's running from it, hard. But it'll catch up to her sometime."
"But... she has me. I'm-"
"Immortal?"
Kanda almost laughed, but he thought it would be too unkind. The girl was innocent as the fallen snow. She had such naivete that it nearly made him nauseous.
"That's what we all think. No - there'll be a price at some point."
Ellie looked uncomfortable now, fidgeting in her seat next to him.
"You still didn't answer my question."
"Tch. I don't have to explain myself."
"I'm not satisfied with that."
"Just like her. You are definitely her clone."
Kanda blew out a long stream of air, unsure of how to proceed. A few years ago, he would've told her to go and cry to her mother, maybe something else more obscene, but he found no reason to do something quite that unnecessarily vulgar. He was, after all, tired, and that would take effort.
"I won't dictate another person's life. I refuse to have someone belong to me," Kanda said. "You belong to Eve. She owns you. You think your whole purpose is to supply her with organs until she's completely replaced every last bit of her. Well, tell me, what do you do when that happens? When she doesn't need you anymore?"
Ellie seemed taken aback, and Kanda could see he'd hit a chord. She'd never quite considered what would happen once all that was said and done, had she? Of course not. For all her ability and intelligence, she was a product of her environment, as much as he was. The samurai stood up and looked down at the young woman, who was now staring in the water, lost deep in thought.
"Your life is your own. Do what you want with it. You only get one. It'd be stupid to waste it fulfilling someone else's," Kanda said as he walked toward the monastery, enjoying for the moment the strength in his legs, the easy gait free of pain, and the gentle sway of the deck beneath him. Behind him, he heard the quick patter of feet running back towards the house, and Kanda could only hope that the girl understood what she was getting into.
Kanda's homecoming was met with great celebration, especially when they saw that he could walk again without help, or that he was able to speak and listen without long pauses or starts. He had come back to them all a changed man- dare they say it, normal. While he still had to take frequent breaks, and he would sometimes break a finger or nearly rip off a ream of skin on accident, he could live among them as he'd hoped.
And that bought him enough time to break the news to them. That this whole shtick, this normalcy, was only temporary. First, he'd told Froi, whom he knew would take it the best. The poor man had of course cried, but he had accepted the fact easily, perhaps already knowing that in his heart of hearts this could not last. Then, he told Marie, and by extension Miranda, and then Allen. It had taken him weeks to consider telling Lenalee, but in the end he couldn't go through with it.
His only regret was that Lavi left before he could tell the man, but he figured it was for the best. Sometime in July, at the height of summer, very suddenly the Bookman and his apprentice disappeared from the Order halls, their rooms left bare and the building devoid of Lavi's laughter. It had come like a blow to them all, and Kanda felt the knife twist in his heart. Yet, he could at least believe that Lavi hadn't known, or hadn't bothered to ask, about the miraculous and sudden recovery he had made. Where ever he was, Kanda hoped his conscience was clear.
To his surprise, he missed him. A large hole was left in the Order, and everyone felt it keenly, as if someone had punched a hole through the walls of the headquarters. Everything was so much quieter, and for some reason, that made things worse.
It wasn't long after that he realized he couldn't hide it from Lenalee much longer. He'd begun to shake again, and his mind wandered more often. He couldn't sit for long periods of time, and his bones were beginning to become brittle again. He had a harder and harder time going on walks with the younger woman, or helping Allen out with his anklebiter (though Kanda rarely offered his services - they were typically thrust upon him). He began to realize he was hard of hearing when he had to sit closer and closer to Marie whenever he played the organ, a loud instrument in its own right. In a matter of two or three months, he'd made the transition back to a feeble man again, and there was no hiding it. Soon, he would have very real complications, and Eve was not there to save him again.
At the least, he'd had a few months, a few good months. Perhaps that was the most he could have hoped for.
"Lenalee."
The young woman turned her head towards him expectantly, a smile on her face. The guilt weighed like a mound of salt upon his tongue, acrid and thick. He gestured for her to sit on the park bench, and the two stared across the small pond that sat behind the Order.
"What is it? Tired already?" Lenalee asked.
"Hm," Kanda stated, looking out at the water. It was a clear blue, almost completely undisturbed, but for the ducks that swam across its glassy surface. The clouds were fluffy and bright, and the trees seemed full of a golden luminescence. This was not the kind of day one should break bad news on, but...
"I have something to say," Kanda said abruptly.
Lenalee lifted her eyebrows as she reached for the bag of stale bread at her side. They'd always come out to feed the ducks - more Lenalee's idea than his, seeing as he couldn't stand the things - and so she'd taken a paper bag full of the bread that Jerry had been meaning to throw away. Kanda crossed his arms and said, "I know... you've noticed. That I'm not moving as much as I used to."
"Yes... What is this about? Did you hurt yourself?"
Rip it off, like a bandage, Kanda murmured to himself in his head. Does no good just letting her sit there.
"When I came back... it was only temporary. The healing," Kanda said quietly.
It took Lenalee a few moments to process what had been said.
"What do you mean? This isn't... you mean, you're-"
"Dying, still."
"But... Yuu, why didn't you-?"
"I'm not going to go into it with you, but what she wanted me to do to extend my life..."
Ellie's confused and hurt expression flashed in his mind as he thought of the kind of life he'd painted for her after Eve was finished using her. He grit his teeth, brows drawn together.
Lenalee hugged herself as she sank in her seat. He tried to ignore the tears that threatened to spill over, her sniffling only managing to annoy him.
"Is that why you didn't want me to come with? Why you asked Kajal instead?"
"I might not have said no." He meant it, too. If Lenalee had been there, pleaded with him...
"But why?" Lenalee asked, turning to him. She grabbed him by the arm and sat there, lost for words. All she could breath out was, "Why? Why did you... did you say no? Yuu, you're going -"
"I was going to anyways," Kanda snapped, almost tugging his arm out of her grasp but thinking better of it. He took a moment to compose himself. The sun shone down on them, illuminating the waters into a shining mirror. He let go of a small sigh.
"Someone else would have had to give up their life for mine, in a sense. I could go back for treatments, but each time, it would take more and more medicine, and by that point, what's the point?" Kanda asked, his words an almost gentle grumble. "It wouldn't be life anymore. I would be stuck, sucking down medicine, until I was sick of myself. I don't want to die like that."
Lenalee closed her eyes tight and leaned her forward against his shoulder. He could tell she was trying hard not to let him see her cry, but still, he could feel the wetness on his jacket sleeve. He turned his head away.
"You mean it this time. You're... you're just going to let it happen," Lenalee asked, her voice slightly hoarse.
"Okay, then."
Kanda turned to her, a frown on his face. That was... unexpected. He had thought she'd-
Lenalee looked up with a resolute look on her face. She grasped one of his hands in hers and took a long pause as she felt his fingers between hers, rubbing over fingernails and worn knuckles carefully.
"If that's what you want... well, I think you know what you are or aren't ready for. How long?" she asked.
Kanda thought hard. He'd just started to lose the ability to get up without the aid of a chair arm. His downhill progression this time was not as swift, but it was steady. At this rate, he couldn't have more than a few weeks. Pity - it was such a nice day out. He could've done something today, if not for all this business. As much as he didn't like to admit it, he enjoyed the company of others, and Lenalee's especially. She was the closest he had to family, besides Marie, but the organist was busy with his new wife and child - God help them all, given Miranda's bad luck. No, Lenalee was the easiest to spend time with - and simultaneously, the hardest, for exactly this reason. She worried, and she was too... too...
"I'd say another three months," Kanda lied. Even now, he couldn't bear to lay the whole truth on her shoulders. Better to let her hope, and perhaps that would ease her worries.
"Then... we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Lenalee said, putting on a brave face. She lifted the bag of bread and shook it, the hard chunks crinkling alongside the paper bag.
"What do you say we go throw those ducks a loaf? Make some quacker's day?" she chirruped, smiling courageously, though she still sniffed.
Kanda smirked and took out half a loaf from the bag.
"One of them attacks me, and we're having duck for dinner."
A/N: hey, gang, we are almost to the end! I will try and post it up as soon as I can. I am so thankful for everyone who has continued to read this story, through late nights and early mornings, from across the globe and right here in my home country. It makes me so happy to know that people enjoy this kind of writing, and that this heavy material doesn't seem to bother you. I'm incredibly grateful for all your support and everything you do, from reviewing to subscribing. It's a real blessing to me.
I don't really have much else to say, other than that this story has been a blast from beginning to end, and I'm almost sad that I have to end it now, haha! But, all good stories come to an end. Hope to see what you guys think on this!
God bless you all, and thank you for sticking with me for so long!