Chapter Twenty-One

I didn't know where I was going when I left.

I hadn't been in a position to make that kind of decision. The most obvious destination would be Jake's house. I'd be lying if I said Aunt Jeanette hadn't been on my mind when I'd left and I'd subconsciously walked roughly halfway there before I had enough presence of mind to actually think about where I wanted to spend the night.

But I chose not to go to Aunt Jeanette.

For one, there was a decent amount of shame involved in my departure. I didn't really regret anything I said. All of it was true. I did everything for my sisters and she was never there for us. There could be caveats and nuances to that, I knew she worked so hard because of us, but that didn't justify the way she treated us. No, I was just… I didn't want to go to Aunt Jeanette and have to tell her why I was there. I didn't want to call my mother out on her bullshit and then run to her sister. I thought that would be rubbing salt in a wound. My mom would probably call her for support, and as pissed as I was, I didn't want to hide in my aunt's guest bedroom while she played go-between with her sister.

That wouldn't be fair to my aunt.

Plus I was still supposed to meet the others tonight for what was most likely going to be our last meeting with Aximili. I hadn't heard from Jake since he'd dropped me off at work, and if I showed up at his house it would probably impact our ability to sneak out of the house.

The best option for me was easily Elfangor's camp in the woods. No one would look for me there, I could hang out with Tobias, sleep in the tent… Well, if he was there, sleeping arrangements would get weird. I don't know, maybe we could figure that out, maybe not. I could maybe sleep with Cassie, but then again I was worried about bringing my drama down on other people. Last thing I needed was to become a reason for Cassie's dad to nix her permission. And whether Cassie's or the woods beyond, it was something of a walk to get there and I couldn't morph and carry my stuff.

I didn't want to be on foot longer than necessary.

I was half worried my mother might come looking for me. Well, no, she had to stay with my sisters, but she could call Dad and have him come looking for me. Or, being the big shot attorney that she was, she could always call the cops. She had a working relationship with the chief of police, so that was a real possibility. Somehow, though, I kinda pegged her as too prideful to ask for outside help with a private matter, so I wasn't too worried about cops. But I was wearing a nightshirt and yoga pants at night, and being a rather attractive girl all alone, the feeling of vulnerability was inevitable.

Ability to become a bull grizzly notwithstanding.

So the only other place I could go was to Melissa's.

I wasn't totally sure that was the smart thing to do. I knew it wasn't, actually. I wanted to see my friend, I really did, but I also had plans to morph into a bird and fly off to the woods where we kept salvaged alien technology. With both of her parents being Yeerks… It had bad idea written all over it.

Fuck it.

I could just tell Melissa I couldn't stay. Pretend to have a change of heart or get one of my friends to call me and pretend it was my mom, that kinda thing. Walk out the front door and all that. I just needed a good bit of distance before I made any attempt at morphing. Or, thinking for ten seconds, I could text Jake and have him pick me up from Melissa's after work. I still had hours before he was off. She'd think I'd gone to stay with my cousin and I could morph from Jake's place without Aunt Jeanette ever knowing I was there.

As if I'd psychically willed it to happen, the second the thought went through my mind, my phone rang. It was my mother's ringtone. I pushed the button to silence the ringer and let it go to voicemail. I didn't want to be out at night, I really, really didn't, but I wasn't ready to talk to her yet.

I wasn't used to this. I'd gone off on her, I knew that, but I hadn't really yelled, I hadn't screamed. I'd cried, and my eyes were still puffy and sore, but all in all, I hadn't lost it, if that makes sense. But she had. I'd pushed her to a point where she'd gone into full defensive mode and she'd slapped me. I'd said nothing but the truth, and it had been enough to not only get to her - an attorney who'd been called every name there was over the course of her career - but made her feel like I'd been attacking her.

Or I just wasn't being respectful and she snapped that I didn't let her rest on the pedestal she'd built for herself.

In either case, I was used to my mother winning arguments, and while I felt oddly proud of myself for keeping my head and not collapsing into a puddle of tears while I told her off, being alone at night like this made the victory rather pyrrhic to say the least. When she won an argument, she didn't have to leave. But I did.

Maybe that's childish logic. It probably is. But if I stayed, if I went to my room and shut the door, wouldn't that have been pouting? Wouldn't staying just be an admission that no matter what she did or how she treated me that I'd stay and take it? Running out might not have been the most mature thing to do, but she'd be such a hypocrite to call me on it. Like she didn't run to Aunt Jeanette every time she got pissed off at Dad.

I pulled out my phone and tried not to stare at the voicemail notice on my homescreen. I had a destination and from my perspective it seemed like a win-win. I'd be away from my mother for awhile and she'd… do whatever the hell she did. Whether she called Dad, her sister, or just stayed up all night stewing or panicking. That was her business. I hoped maybe she'd cool down and realize I was right about everything, but I doubted that.

I scrolled through my contacts, making note of how far down on my recent calls I had to scroll past before I found my dad's number.

It only rang twice before he picked up. "Rachel? What's going on? Your mother is having a fit right now. Where are you?"

He was frantic. That actually made me smile. They did worry about me. I'd had to kick a fucking hornets' nest, but I got them to care about me for a change. I swallowed and trying to keep my voice even on the phone. "I got into an argument with… with Mom." I had tried to avoid that title. My mother. Nicole. Not Mom. Not tonight. "I'm going to Melissa's. I'll be back in the morning."

I didn't want to be back in the morning. I really didn't. But after the team meeting in the woods tonight, we were going to have our final time table for our mission. Our last real mission. And I knew right in that moment that I was going with or without permission. Aximili needed us and I was going. I could be grounded all summer when I got back, but he'd be alive, I'd have fulfilled whatever obligations I had to Elfangor, and who knows, maybe I'd have a job at the surf shop. Life would change but life always changes.

"Like hell!" my dad shouted into the phone. "You turn your ass around right now, miss, and go home."

"She hit me, Dad." I said it like I'd told him the weather.

He was silent for a long moment. He didn't know how to handle that either, I guess. He cooled considerably before he spoke again. "Hold on, honey. I'll be there in ten minutes."

Ten minutes? My father had a forty-five minute commute to work in the outskirts of San Jose. The only way he could be ten minutes away is if he just happened to already be most of the way home… or he was somewhere in Santa Cruz.

"No, that's okay, Dad. I wouldn't want you to have to stop fucking Miss Franklin on my account."

Part of me wished I could have seen his face right then. Was he shocked? Was he embarrassed? Pissed? He choked for a minute. "Rachel, I-"

"It's okay, Dad," I said. "I get it. Your sex life is more important than your daughter. Not like any of us need you home, right? Well, I guess Mom might, but it's not like you care about her feelings, huh? I'll be at Melissa's. Don't call. Don't show up. Leave me alone for a night. The two of you are world champions at that, so it should be easy for you guys. I'll be home in the morning, but I don't think you really want to deal with me tonight, do you, Dad? I mean, if you take me back home before I'm ready, who knows what might come up?"

The phone beeped as the call ended. I wasn't sure if I should take that as agreement or insult. Probably both. I hadn't really intended to say any of that. I really hadn't. But I'd been trying to convince myself since I'd found out that his affair was none of my business and I'd just realized I'd been enabling the whole thing. I had Jordan and Sara. His kids were fine, so he had time free.

I felt so used. My hair was still damp from the shower, but I still felt dirty.

I kept walking. I didn't want to linger in any one spot for too long. I didn't think my parents would call the cops, but that's not to say a nosey neighbor wouldn't report an unaccompanied minor that may or may not have been using profanity at an unreasonable volume for this time of night.

There weren't many people out though. I saw a jogger run by the intersection ahead, an elderly woman walking a little white dog. But mostly the residential streets were quiet. Each car that passed by, though, made me feel apprehensive.

I texted Jake. "Argument with Mom. Things are bad. Pick me up at Melissa's when you get off. Please."

Jake was hit or miss when he was working. Technically, the fact that he could text from work at all was a violation of his employee handbook. He had three managers, he'd said, and two of them didn't mind as long as he wasn't on his phone the whole shift and all his stuff got done. That usually meant as long as the bathrooms were clean and no one was at the snack bar, he could text every here and again. But the third guy was a bit of a stickler for rules, and when Jake worked with that guy, he could only text on his breaks. And either way, this was about the time for the last showing of the night, so regardless of which manager was there, he'd be busy for awhile. It was entirely possible he wouldn't text me back till he was done with his shift.

I took a breath, mindful that it seemed cooler than I'd expected, and called Melissa.

"Rachel! I was just about to text you!"

I couldn't help but smile despite everything else. She had such a warm personality, it was hard not to smile when I heard that level of exuberance on the phone. But the smile didn't last long. "I got into it with my mom," I told her.

"Oh, no. Is everything okay?"

"No," I said, noticing that the tears I'd managed to mostly contain seemed harder to hold back now. My throat was tight. "Nothing's okay, Mel. Can I come over?"

"Yeah, Rachel, of course."

"Okay, I'll see you soon," I sniffled.

I put my phone back in my bag and wiped my eyes. Melissa, like Cassie, could read me like a book. I knew I was going to have a long hard cry when I got there, and there was nothing I could do about it. Or wanted to, really. I couldn't tell Melissa about the Yeerk invasion, about her parents, and that killed me inside. I knew there were some secrets I was just going to have to keep from her for the rest of my life. But there were secrets I'd kept for a long time that I didn't feel like carrying anymore.

It wasn't that late when I knocked on the door of the Chapman house, maybe a quarter after nine. Melissa answered the door.

"Hey," I said, trying not to feel so damned awkward as I stepped into her house. "I'm sorry to just show up like this."

She hugged me like she was worried I'd fall apart if she didn't hold me together. "You don't have to apologize, Rachel. Not to me."

I smiled. That made me feel a little better. I set my bag on the floor under the end table as I sat down on the sofa. It hadn't been a far walk, but it felt good to take my shoes off and sit down. She had some anime paused on the TV, and I smelled popcorn.

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

She held up her hands in a search me look. "Dad is doing this overnight beach thing for that Sharing club. He asked if I wanted to go, but…" she sighed. "I don't know, I get a weird vibe from those people. I like civic activism, I like helping the homeless, and I get why my dad is such a part of it what with all the students that volunteer, but… I can't put my finger on it, but there's something off about that group."

I shrugged. "I don't know, I think all youth clubs are kinda off. You always get that core group that are just way too into it. So where's your mom?"

"Oh, she had to go up to San Jose for an educators' convention or some shit, left yesterday morning. Dad should be back tomorrow afternoon, Mom won't be back till the day after."

I nodded. "So that's why you were asking me to come over?"

She nodded. "It's funny. I spent most of the school year thinking about what I'd do if I didn't have my parents lording over me, but they're both gone and the most adventurous thing I've done is call you."

I looked at her with my best interrogation stare. I'd used it on my sisters a lot. "Really? That's the most adventurous thing you've done?"

She blushed. "Well, I did watch some hentai videos, but that's it."

"Eew," I said with feigned disgust, "please tell me that's not what this is."

She blushed even deeper. "No, I was watching Hellsing Ultimate . I was in something of a vampire kind of mood, and not the Twilight kind either."

I laughed at that. I recognized the title, but I'd never seen it. "Cool," I said, "I could go for a vampire evening."

She shook her head. "No."

I blinked at her. "What?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head to the side, making a pointed exaggeration of her impatience. "If you came here because you wanted to hang out, I'd be fine to hit play. But you're not here for a sleepover, are you? You didn't come here to watch movies, you came here to hide from your parents."

"Are you upset with me?" I asked with a sigh. On top of everything, I really didn't want to get into BFF drama.

She shrugged. "Maybe. I honestly don't know, Rachel. Sometimes I feel like I'm really only your friend when you need me. You've been a little different the last few weeks, and don't tell me you haven't."

I winced. She wasn't wrong, but I couldn't very well tell her what the real reasons were for the shift in my behavior. The real reason I'd been different was that I spent the last week of school privately mourning the death of the alien soldier we'd been harboring. The week before that, we'd used the power of the Escafil device to plan the mission that got Elfangor killed. I had spent hours in her house as her pet cat, and to fully illustrate just how fucked up my life had become, even after going at it with my mom, telling my dad off on the phone, and staring one of my very best friends in the eyes, I was still curious just what the fuck Chapman had going on in the basement.

"It's complicated," I said.

"Calculus is complicated," she said. "And whatever's going on, I notice you haven't had any issues hanging out with Cassie, so you'll forgive me if this seems a little more personal."

"I'm not at Cassie's, am I?"

"Yeah, only because you didn't want to walk that far."

Well, she had me there. "Cassie… Look, it would've been a walk, but I could have made it to her place, Melissa. I didn't want to go there. She wouldn't understand what I'm going through."

"And I won't either if you don't tell me what's going on."

I couldn't tell her about Elfangor or Aximili, I couldn't tell her about her parents, but I wasn't there because of aliens. I was there over family stuff, and there was no reason I couldn't tell her that. I was deliberately a little vague in the telling of how and when I found out my dad was having an affair. I figured she'd take that as the reason I'd been off the last two or three weeks. I told her I'd been holding on to some unfamiliar emotions ever since I knew about the affair. Hell, I even threw in that I didn't know what my relationship to Cassie was supposed to be now that she had a boyfriend, and it was my cousin at that. Really, most of what I told her was the truth, stuff I didn't realize had been bothering me.

And then I told her point for point what had happened with my mother and the phone call I'd had with my dad.

"Damn, Rachel, when you go off, you go hard."

I dropped my head into my hands. "I know. I know. Part of me thinks I should feel bad, but I don't and that does make me feel bad. I'm tired of playing linchpin here and I just… I've never had an argument like this where I wasn't expected to apologize and I just don't think I did anything wrong."

I felt her hand on my back, her fingers moving in circles between my shoulder blades. It felt nice. Comforting. Something I wish my mother did for me, but I didn't associate my mother with comfort. "You didn't do anything wrong, Rachel. I don't think your parents should have ever put you in this position in the first place."

"I didn't really have a problem with it till May. Maybe it was just school getting out."

Melissa laughed. "Or you're just jealous."

"What?"

"Well, let's see here. Jake has a job, Marco has a job, I'm trying to get a job, and you just got an application to Cabrera's, right?" I nodded. "So pretty much everyone you know has the freedom to at least apply for work. And of course it sounds like Jake and Cassie started dating right around the time you found out about your dad, so that seems to be a bit weird timing."

"I'm not really interested in dating, Liss."

She shrugged. "You used to be. In sixth grade, you had a crush of that one boy. who was it?"

I couldn't help but smile at the long-forgotten memory. "Oh, that was… God, let me think… Justin something or other. I don't know, I'd have to get the yearbook to remember his last name."

"Oh, yeah, I remember him. He was cute. Didn't you cry when he moved?"

"Shut up," I said, pushing her on the couch. "I was twelve, Liss. Then I ended up with the Big Sister Stipend."

"Well how did you get into this babysitting mess in the first place?" she asked.

I shrugged. I knew the answer. There was a story there, a story I wanted to tell, even, but I was so used to keeping it to myself.

"I took on the babysitting job so I wouldn't have to go on dates," I said.

"Wait, what?"

Deep breath, Rachel. Deep breath. "I, uh, I started watching my sisters right after I quit the gymnastics team. And something happened, and I didn't ever want to be out on a date. So I told my parents I'd do the babysitting job and that way anytime a boy asked, I could tell him I was busy."

Her expression changed. The playfulness was replaced with a questioning concern. "You never told me why you quit gymnastics."

I nodded. I took another deep breath. I didn't look at her. I couldn't tell this story and look at Melissa. I just couldn't. So I fixated on the can of soda on the coffee table and began the story I had painstakingly kept to myself for almost four years.

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