Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Author's Note: I'm sick from school today… I was going to sit and eat soup all day, but then I realized I had a chapter to write. I just hope it's not bad because I'm not feeling too great.

OH AND I MADE A TRAILER FOR THIS! I'll put the link on my profile or you can just go to Youtube and type iAm Not Ready iCarly fanfiction. I can't say I worked hard on it… 2 hours maybe… so I hope it's not bad. SO CHECK IT OUT!

Sam's POV

I felt nauseous again, but it wasn't from the pregnancy. Before I even checked in, I headed for the bathroom to throw up.

I am the most awful person living on Earth. This isn't how my life is supposed to be going.

What's going to happen? Freddie's going to come back… at least… that's what I keep telling myself.

But what if he doesn't? I don't want to go through it by myself. I need him. Even though I basically gave Freddie the impression I didn't, I do. I really, really need him.

I am bad at letting people know how I feel. My head is my private place: only for me. I didn't know Freddie wanted to know about all the pregnancy stuff… if I told him, he would probably gag. He is a boy. If I was a boy, I wouldn't want to know about all of this pregnancy stuff. It's awful.

I sighed and went to check-in. I don't deserve to have Freddie help me through me. I am just unappreciative of what he's always doing for me. I don't know what I have until it's gone.

I walked into the waiting room, and was shocked to see who was there.

He greeted me with a small, awkward smile, but I was still confused.

It was that guy from the hallway the other day- I still don't know his name. He was sitting next to a small girl- probably younger than me. She looked Spanish, but then again, so did the boy. She had dark and wavy hair, wore grey leggings with boots, and a long sleeve shirt. She looked just as pregnant as I did with the small, almost unnoticeable bump under her shirt.

I looked down to myself… I was wearing jeans, converse and a plaid shirt which covered my bump. I guess she had more confidence than I did.

The more I looked at her, the more she looked familiar from school. I might have seen her in the hall a few times.

I gave a small, embarrassed smile, and took a seat far from them in the corner.

A nurse came in an said, "Maria Abanez… can you come and fill out some forms for a minute?"

The tiny girl got up, and followed the nurse out.

Half a minute later, someone took a seat next to me and when I looked up, it was the guy who I bumped into in the hall. The one who told me to stop feeling bad for myself.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi." I said, and looked back down.

I didn't like being here. For my ultrascan and check-up. With a stranger from school.

"Why are you alone?" He asked, curiously.

I glanced up, "Long story…" And I wasn't sure I wanted to share it.

"What happened? I mean… you don't have to tell me. Nevermind."

I wasn't going to tell him.

"What's your name, anyway?" I asked.

"Fernando."

I nodded, "Sam."

It was quiet, so I continued, "So… that's your girlfriend?"

"No… my sister." He got quiet, but continued, "Her boyfriend didn't want anything to do with the baby. He was the first person she told, and he wanted no part. She's only 16, though, and she's my sister… so I have to be there for her."

The sickening feeling was back. I was so terrible to Freddie. It took me so long to tell him I was pregnant, when he had the complete right to now, and when I told him, he was mad, but still stuck with me. He cared so much, and he assured me that he wasn't going anywhere, but I screwed it up. While, Maria's boyfriend was told right away, and he just left. I deserve to go through this alone. Maybe I am feeling bad for myself.

"Are you okay?" He asked, "You look kind of sick."

"I'm fine."

"What… did that happen to you?"

I shook my head, and that ended the discussion.

Maria came back into the room, and took her a few seconds to find out where her brother went.

She was a little confused, but smiled at me.

"Maria, this is Sam."

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hi."

"Sam's in our school."

"Yeah, she looks familiar."

There was an awkward moment, so Fernando to fill it up.

"Sam how far along are you?"

My face reddened, "12 weeks."

"I'm 14 weeks." Maria said.

I nodded.

I looked around the waiting room. There was a few other people, and I noticed one of the women looking strangely at us.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, curiously, and I turned back..

"Car accident."

"Oh my gosh, was it really bad? Is the baby okay?" She asked, not so quiet anymore.

I grinned, "It would've been worse if Freddie didn't protect me like he did. I hope the…baby's going to be okay. I mean, they said something about future problems or possible premature birth, though. That's why I'm here today; I have to come more often to make sure everything's okay."

"Oh, I hope everything will be okay." She said, her eyebrows pulled together in a worried expression.

"Thanks."

Just then Maria's name was called by one of the nurses, and they said goodbye and left.

I sighed. Part of me hoped I would see them again, but part of me hoped we wouldn't see each other again; especially at school.

Freddie POV

I sat down at the Groovy Smoothies. There was only one other person here, because it was only 11:30 in the morning- no one wants a smoothie at this time.

I rested my hand on my cheek; my head was spinning.

I'm glad I did that, though. If Sam doesn't want me apart of this, then I won't be. I'll show her how hard it is to go through this alone.

I tried to distract myself with something else. I started thinking about school. Maybe prom… but it's in 5 months. My mom was talking about how she was going to chaperone for it to make sure I didn't do anything "bad". The only thing worse would be… actually…. I can't think of anything worse.

The bell rang by the door, and someone walked in. I didn't pay attention- I was resting my hands on my cheeks just in thought.

A minute or two later I looked up to the sound of a chair moving in front of me, and I see Carly sitting down. I haven't spoken to her since she told everyone about Sam.

She just looked at me for a few seconds before blinking and saying, "Uh… hey."

"Hey."

Silence.

"How's Sam going?" She asked a moment later.

How's Sam going… how was I supposed to answer that.

"She's… handling it." I cleared my throat.

She looked at me, a little uncertainly, "Why do you look upset?"

I shook my head, "Nothing… just a little stressed, I guess."

"What from the baby… thing? Um. Pregnancy."

I almost laughed because she said it just like Sam does. Awkwardly. I didn't though.

"I guess you can say that."

She inhaled a breath of air, and then slowly exhaled, "So… I miss you."

I grinned a little, "Yeah, it's a lot different without you being around all the time now."

She frowns, "Do you think Sam misses me?"

I blink a few times before answering, "Do you miss her?"

Now it was her turn to blink. She looked at her hands, "I don't forgive her."

I nodded.

"But… I miss having her as my best friend." She said slowly, making sure it made sense, but also making sure I didn't think she wanted to be friends with her again. Message was clear.

"I know what you mean."

I know exactly what she means. Well I did, anyway, before this morning.

I missed having Sam as my girlfriend… but I still didn't want her to be mine, because I couldn't trust her all the way. Now I was angry at her… but I guess I still miss her.

She looked up, "How?"

"I miss having Sam as my girlfriend… but I don't want to get back together."

"You guys are still broken up?"

"Yeah. Spencer didn't tell you?"

"Well… I mean, I know you guys broke up… but I figured you got back together because she's …carrying the baby. Spencer and I don't talk about it that much. I didn't like hearing about it… I was kind of angry."

I nodded, not knowing what I should say.

"I'd be angry, too."

I saw her looking at me from the corner of my eye, "But you aren't."

I aimlessly picked at my nail, "No… not for that."

Carly cleared her throat after a few seconds and said, "I'm not trying to be nosy… but you guys are arguing?"

I looked over. I wasn't going to just let out all my feelings to Carly just because she's here.

"Yeah." I said dully, and Carly dropped the subject.

"So… do you want to head back to the apartments?"

"I drove, want a ride."

"You drove from the apartment? Just to get across the street?"

"No," My stomach twisted, "I was coming back from the doctors…"

Carly's face was unreadable, like she didn't even know what to think or say. I didn't really want her to say anything. She didn't.

When we left, Carly talked about how we left iCarly fans completely confused because we just stopped doing them. She didn't say anything about starting it up again, and I didn't really want to, anyway. We aren't the same- and never will be, and we have just outgrown it, too. Even though we couldn't pick up conversation as easily as we did before, it didn't really feel a lot different. Carly misses having me around just as much as I miss her. I don't know what's going to happen with her and Sam, though.

"I guess I shouldn't have ever been so mad at you," She lowered her voice of voice a bit, "I was just so upset that everyone knew except me… even Spencer. "

I stiffened a little, "I just felt like it was Sam's secret, not mine. I realized, though, that I was in on it just as much as she was. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… my mom doesn't even know still-"

"Wow, I didn't even think about her. Oh god, are you gunna tell her? What if she finds out, what will happen?"

She seemed totally distracted, or wanting to change the subject, maybe.

I haven't even thought about my mom knowing in a long time.

"She doesn't have to know."

Carly looked at me for a few moments, and then the elevator opened up.

We walked out, and I knew Carly was wondering what's going with me and Sam. I didn't even want to think about it myself, though, it made my head hurt all over again. Carly is a good distraction.

We walked down the hall in silence. I was suddenly very hot.

Carly twisted the doorknob, "I'll see you." She said, smiled, and walked in.

I looked at my watch, and it was only 12:10 in the morning. It felt like a whole day's gone by. Only an hour has passed since I was in the car with Sam.

I walked into my apartment. It was empty, again. I was hoping for another distraction.

I hung my keys on the moon shaped key hanger I made for my mom in woodshop in junior high. I remember Sam made fun of me for it.

Suddenly, I was heading to the bathroom and getting sick into the toilet.

Sam POV

I walked home. I didn't want to stay for the appointment, so I just left. I really shouldn't do that, because they have to check on the baby, but I really didn't want to go. I actually wanted Freddie to see the baby for the first time; I was kind of looking forward to it. Maybe I'd reschedule it for some other day this week, just so long as it's not today.

I took a bus to my house all the way across town.

My head was pounding, and I wished I my mouth wasn't so big. Sometimes I even say things I don't really mean. At the time I think I mean them, but I really don't. I don't want Freddie to leave, I want him to be with me. I wanted to cry, and I wanted him to hold me and say "Whatever happens you aren't going through it alone." I don't blame him if he doesn't come back, though. I keep hoping, and even thinking he will… and I know I am going to be so disappointed because I know he won't. I treated him like dirt, and I would hate me, too.

I got off the bus and trudged down the street. I felt my stomach. It was hard, and I was starting to show now. I wondered how long it would take for my mom to see. There's a real baby in my stomach. I'm a mom- but when I think of a mom, I think of someone who graduated high school, graduated college, got married and moved into a big house to raise a baby for 18 years. I was not a mom. Freddie wasn't a dad.

I keep getting scared when I touch my stomach. It makes me shake.

I walked into the house- the door was open. It always was, even when Mom's not home. The first thing I realized was I was bringing myself to the bathroom to throw up. The next thing I knew was I was failing to fight back the tears I was trying to contain. I regret saying I didn't need Freddie, because I do. I wish I wasn't such a terrible, nasty person to people. I don't know why all this time I even had Carly and Freddie as friends. They are the nicest people I know, how did they put up with me? What made me be their friend? Instead of being grateful of them, I just lied to them and constantly shove them out of my life. I need them, though. More than anything.