Chapter 21: Here Comes a Thought

It had been days since the incident at the shop in Hogsmeade. Severus hadn't spoke a word to James about the incident. He couldn't fight this feeling within him that yearned for something he could not place. Every time they saw him, they would close themselves up and flee at the very second they could. It didn't help that Lily, while she tried to be with him as much as she could, couldn't fight the feeling of shame and bitterness herself and was inching away from him again.

It brought so much stress. Lily ensured him however that she will still be going to the Yule Ball with him since she had promised she would . When he asked if James was going, her lips thinned and she replied that she didn't know. She hasn't spoken to him much after that. Perhaps then he could confront them when everyone was too busy to notice that they weren't there. It was his only shot to talk to them about everything.

Throughout this time, Louis had kept him distracted with homework, stories, and talks about potions and the dark arts. Their discussions were always plentiful and Severus found them to be very interesting.

Louis had been spending a lot more time with him nowadays, glue to his side everywhere he went. Severus found that he didn't mind, it really helped to be with someone now that everyone seemed to be ignoring him again. However, Severus noticed that he would be coming a little too close, always grazing him with soft touches that lingered too long too many times. Severus wasn't an idiot. He knew that Louis wanted something from him. Affection? Love? Touch? Whatever it was, Severus wasn't sure if he could give it to Louis. There was something in his eyes that glowed everytime he looked at Severus and it brought such a warm feeling inside, but his heart would fight against it everytime. There was something pulling him back from accepting a fate with Louis. Severus wasn't sure of Louis's motives or if he actually wanted a relationship with him, but there was a part of him that wanted to refuse Louis's advances.

There was something about it that just felt wrong.

For some reason, he always found himself thinking of James. James did the same things that Louis did. He too would look at him the way that Louis does and there were moments when they touched that felt electrifying that he could never forget. It was something he was aware of, but he never really spent any time to think about it. There was always something happening or something came up that would distract him from those moments. But since he was always either him Louis or himself, he noticed that he….missed them.

Severus shuddered at the thought and a scowl made its way to his face. There was no lost love between them. It was everything but love. Severus will admit that he craved attention and now that most of the positive attention he received this year is gone,it was because now that he had a taste and he hungered for more. There was nothing else that could stand between the two of them. James couldn't love him nor could he love James. This barrier between them will always exist. They will continue to keep each other at arm's length. Nothing could come between them. He didn't even think friendship could blossom between them. There were moments before where he was content with James, but those moments were fleeting at best and were short in numbers. There past, while Severus wishes to have it set aside, will eventually rise again and become a problem for them. It was better this way, Severus supposed. Maybe they weren't supposed to be friends.

But there was still something inside him that fought against it. Something craved for this connection to live and last. Despite the reality and the truth of the situation, Severus wanted something with James. Anything.

But there were choices that needed to be made for the both of them about everything. It was all coming too quick and it was straining whatever bridge they had created. The world wasn't black and white. There was grey mixed in it too, but that's not how the world runs. James is destined to be in the light and Severus is meant to be in the dark. Even with his false bravo and his title as a Hogwarts Champion, that didn't change anything. Malfoy or the Dark Lord would come for him eventually and he would rather sacrifice his life than to let anything happen to Lily, James, or Louis. Besides, despite the changes James has made, Severus knew that he would always choose glory and the light over him. He wasn't a fool to think that he was important enough to James. It will happen eventually, but that doesn't mean he doesn't hope that it won't. And if it does, then it will only create a bigger riff between them during the war and afterwards. It a manner of speaking, they are destined to this fate, to be seperated. Neither of them will win. Well, James will end up with Lily and they will be happy because that is what is supposed to happen. And Louis? Louis will forget him eventually. But for now, he will enjoy it while it lasted.

Before Severus could allow himself to fall deeper into thought, Louis had slammed a book on the desk in front of him. A Hogwarts History. Severus kept his posture, but that didn't stop his heart from beating loudly inside him and his eyes to widen in frightful shock.

When he got over it, he glared at Louis who was too busy searching within the book to look at him. After a brief silences of paper moving, Severus sighed and was going to send a stinging hex at Louis when Louis yelped in happiness and thrusted the book into Severus's face. He glared at him.

"What is this rubbish," Severus said when he looked at a moving image of centaurs and the moon.

"Read it."

Severus glared at him again but did as he was told, but not without a harsh kick under the table. The text talked about the lunar eclipse and the study of stars that the centaurs have done. When he turned the page, there was a drawing of a dark carve, made from scratches of ink. The image move with wind and there was a glow on the outskirts of the cave of strange markings. Below it, there was a drawing of the flower and a scription of the name. The Cave of Lost Souls.

"The Cave of Lost Souls was said to be founded by the centaurs centuries ago. It was left by a dark wizard who had cursed it. It was said that anyone who enters there cannot leave for they fall victim to the shadows and nightmares that plague it. It was said that it is nearly impossible to escape. It can only be found by the trail of Ipomoeas that are found in the Forbidden Forest."

Louis had quoted it word for word. When Severus had turned the page, there was nothing else. That was all there was about the cave.

"I had already looked through every book in the library. There is nothing other than the small bit in this one that talks about it."

Severus stared at the text a bit longer. There was no book that discusses the cave, but then how did they find out about it? There was only one explanation: they got it from the source. The only ones that could help with this task are the centaurs, but while they are civil creatures and he has encountered them a few times in his escapes to the forest, they prefer their privacy and don't like it when people walk into their forest.

Severus rubbed his face. He couldn't go now, not even if he wanted to. It was winter time and the centaurs had moved for a warmer area for the next few months, which is why the task is so late in the year. Ordinary wizards don't know where the cave is nor can they be near it without feeling the affects of it. Centaurs too feel the effects, but as they are "dark creatures," it is not nearly as strong. It was something that Severus already knew that he had to do. It was obvious from when Hagrid had read the scrolls for him. Of course, Louis didn't know that since he forgot to tell him. He'd tell him later. Maybe. The little bit that Louis provided just added to his suspicions.

Severus closed the book and gave Louis a blank look.

"Since you have completely wasted my time, I suggest you better you make it up to me quick."

And they continued the day with spell theory and a game of wizard chess.