| { Confound: Chapter 21 } |
||.Migrate.||
"Hello, Shiori-sama," I greeted joyfully after one of her servants let me into their wonderful estate. She had been kinder to me since I became her daughter-in-law, I don't want to be naïve or anything like that but I think that she was glad to finally have another female in the family. I've never had a mother, so I don't know what it's like; I wonder if it would be anything like what Shiori-sama and I have now. My mother passed before I could even learn her face, her voice, anything about her.
My father told me a few times that she was a wonderful, sweet, woman that adored me and… Souta, I didn't think about him often because it hurt the most. My little brother that had disappeared long ago, sold perhaps by my father. Gods, I can't imagine what or who would buy a little boy. I don't want to think about it. I just buried that deep, deep within me. I never thought of it.
I had to shake my head to remind myself just that.
"Sit," Shiori-sama ordered, her hand motioned delicately for me to take the seat that was right in front of her. Right away, any good cheer that I had built up from the days that went by when Inuyasha-san refused to leave the house for any reason or allow me to… still, thinking about that brought a smile to my face. It only lasted a week before Tsukino-sama demanded his son stop being lazy. With my aid, Inuyasha-san finally returned to work.
Anyway, Shiori-sama's stare was cold, absent, and… fierce, like something I'd only ever seen from Sesshomaru-sama—but I suppose he had to pick it up from somewhere, huh?
"Tell me, what is your name?"
Oh, no, I couldn't find my voice for a bit, what was she looking for? It took some time, some breaths, some will power, but I managed to reply, "Tsukino Kagome…?"
"Wrong answer, a Watanabe Kagome married Tsukino Inuyasha yet," she drew out before she clasped her hands together tightly and snorted, "a Watanabe Kagome never existed, did she? And since you married my son under false pretense you are not his real wife."
What…? I couldn't… did she? Wait, wait, I wanted to protest, I wanted to argue but… "why…?"
"I saw you the other day," she stated stiffly before she turned her head away so she could stare out the window. Her profile was so starch, so strong, "with that woman," so much spite was in her voice, "the one that Inuyasha brought around a few years back. It made me wonder… and then I sent out another P.I. It would seem somehow the last one we used got all the facts wrong about you. Kagome," she snapped her head back forward to stare right through my soul, "who hasn't a last name. Kagome of the Shikon, a brothel house in Kyoto. Kagome, the whore."
It had never hurt me so much to hear that word spat at me.
"Don't try to insult my intelligence by telling me Inuyasha did not know this, I am sure he…" she shook her head lightly, "I hope you know what type of awful situation the two of you have put my family in."
She snapped up and started to walk about the room, her hands fiddling, though she appeared so stoic she was in turmoil. I never meant for that. I wanted to apologize but couldn't find the strength.
"First," she scoffed, it took a great deal of squinting effort on my part but I could see that she was blinking away tears, "first, I have to deal with," how strong Shiori-sama was but she still struggled to talk, "Inutaisho-san's infidelity with that whore. I knew his trips to Tokyo lasted longer than needed then he just stopped coming back at all for an entire year." She shook her head and turned her back to me, "then he came back with him and told me he'd be part of my family. I had to endure that. I had took him in, I… raised him as if it was mine. Yet he isn't and never will be."
Inuyasha… I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for either of them. For Inuyasha-san to have to be raised by a woman that tried her best to raise and care for the bastard child of her husband's affair but a woman that could never love him. For Shiori-sama to have a reminder of the other woman about at all times.
I can't imagine. She is a stronger woman that I, I could never have done what she did. Not even for Inuyasha-san.
"Now?" She choked, "now he will ruin the Tsukino name with his selfishness? How dare he…"
Somehow, I ended up mad with Inuyasha-san instead of worried about the future as Shiori-sama fell to her knees to let the tears drape down her face.
"If… I discovered this," Shiori-sama began in-between sobs, "then others will. The Tsukino name is doomed…"
{ | x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x | }
"Would it help if I left?" Kagome had inquired to Shiori, she was more than happy to do so, to help protect the Tsukino name and to keep Shiori from crying like that again. Shiori had a plan set up, the only way to save the Tsukino name, to keep anyone from finding out what she had, was not for Kagome to leave to abandon her step-son, that would only bring up more questions. That would only ensure that Kagome's secret would be found out.
She had to die.
It would be a sad event that no one would dare pry into if Inuyasha's wife grew ill and passed away shortly after their marriage. That would neither reflect poorly on the Tsukino family nor Kagome, it would just be taken as a tragic event, something that simply happened. Of course, that did not mean she actually had to die, on the contrary, Shiori would pay her to relocate to a small village all the way on the opposite side of the country on Hokkaido island, Otaru. All would be told that she was taken to a specialized hospital for her illness in Tokyo, a place that was too big to verify the truth of the statement, and after a few months they would announce she had passed on. It would be sad, all would wish the family the best, and they'd even have to fake a funeral eventually but the Tsukino name would be held high, still.
It hurt; it killed her to think she must but… she had to. Shiori's only problem with her well laid plan was… how to talk Inuyasha into agreeing to it. It was far too obvious that he didn't care for the Tsukino name, that he would let it burn to do as he wished—after all, he had killed a man without a thought to what that would do to their family's image.
"Do not worry, I will deal with Inuyasha-san," Kagome had told her. It seemed for a moment Shiori contemplated thanking Kagome but thought better of it. As long as Kagome could convince Inuyasha, then Shiori would be able to persuade Inutaisho who she had yet to tell the situation to. For his name, though, she knew he would agree with her. After all, he might have constantly bedded with the same whore but he never left his family and never married her.
That night, Kagome left the Tsukino's family home for the last time with a heavy heart. At least, she had some time to pretend to be another woman, a happier woman, Inuyasha's wife.
But there would be no more of that...
{ | x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x | }
Inuyasha-san, do you love me?
Will you prove that to me? I love you. I do, with all my heart. I will cherish all my memories of our time together. I will love no other man; I will know no other man's touch until the day I die. That is how I will prove to you my love. I promise that, have faith in me. I will have faith in you, that you will do this one thing for me. You will. Won't you?
I admire and adore Shiori-sama. I respect Tsukino-sama and even Sesshomaru-sama, I do not want them hurt by me. I do care for the Tsukino name, even if I am not legally a Tsukino I feel it is my duty to protect it. This is how I will, by leaving. Listen to what Shiori-sama has to say about all of this. She is right, please understand that.
You are a Tsukino. You should want what is best for the family name. This is what is best for everyone. I never thought this lovely life would last forever. I am happy for the time we had. You should be to, please do not have any regrets about all of this. I do not want you to stop living; I want you to marry again to some fabulous woman from a well off family. I want you to have a lot of children like I know you truly want.
I want you to find happiness again and I will, too.
Life will go on.
Please, never think I left because of anything you did, that I did not love you enough, that I wanted to be away. It was not you, Inuyasha-san. Let's make a promise, please? Let's swear to meet again in another life, in one we can be together in. In our next life we will be born of the same class, in our next life we will be able to love each other freely. I believe that. I will look forward to that, Inuyasha-san. This life was just not meant for us.
Forever yours,
Kagome
P.S. I will pray each night to meet you in another life. Will you do the same?
My hand trembled as I set the pen down; my other covered my mouth as the sobs began. Hot dribbles of tear swept down. Am I pathetic for not being able to tell Inuyasha-san all of this in person? I can't, I would never have that sort of strength. You see, I am weak; I am not like Shiori-sama.
I am doing the right thing.
I am; I have to be. I hope that my words are true. I will pray to meet Inuyasha-san in another life where we can be together. I will dream of that time, I will wish for nothing more for the rest of my life but that. I needn't bother with such thoughts right now, instead I gasped for air as I steadied my hands to fold the letter and put it in the envelope. It took more effort than I thought it would but I was able to write down Inuyasha-san's address on the front. I kissed it once, holding it to my heart briefly, before I dropped it into the mailbox right as a train's horn went off.
How many times will I have to start over in a new life? I couldn't help but ponder as I picked up my single suitcase to head out towards my train. A pleasant man hopped out of it to help me with my bag and to lead me to my seat.
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye to you in person, Inuyasha-san. It would have been too hard for the both of us. I couldn't help but wave out to the station as the train pulled away, a sad yet sincere smile upon my lips, a single tear trailed down my cheeks.
Farwell, my fleeting fairytale of a life.
{ | x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x | }
Kagome,
I understand.
Sincerely,
Toashi Inuyasha
P.S. Let's met in that next life. Until then, goodbye.
It was short simple and straight to the point like Inuyasha always was. Honestly, she was a bit surprised that he replied at all. It was in his handwriting though, so she knew they were truly his words. He sent it to the hotel that she stayed at briefly in Tokyo before she got on another train to go to the end of Honshu then get on a boat to go to Hokkaido then another train to Otaru. Shiori had wired money there and set up a small yet quaint place for her to stay. It was rather perfect, a traditional town. She was never too partial towards the western style so she was more than happy to return to the Japanese way of doing things. To discard dresses for a simple yukata.
The snow poured in right as winter began so hard that it was difficult for her to run any errands. She was not too accustomed to such a harsh climate but with the help of her new friends—yes, she made friends and she even enjoyed living in Otaru. She was… free. More so than ever before in her life because she did not have to pretend to be anyone she wasn't. She got to learn how to be her, how to be Kagome. She did not have to be Kaoru, she did not have to ever bother with another sexual encounter, she did not have to take care of her little brother or father, and she did not have to pretend to be the high-classed Watanabe Kagome.
Life in Otaru was brilliant and she wouldn't trade it for the world—well, for most things.
Dear Kagome-chan,
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I am so sorry, I know you said not to blame myself but if Inuyasha's step-mother had not ever seen us together you would not have had to leave. I am still happy to receive all your letters; it is nice to know you finally found a place that you can call home. I am glad you enjoy your new job, too. You can hold your head high, Kagome-chan, you are making your way through this world. You are stronger than you think and you have a good heart, do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
Suikotsu-san and I married last week. If all goes well we are thinking about adopting a child from the local orphanage, I volunteer there four times a week since Suikotsu-san makes enough money that he does not want me to bother with actual work. An infant was just dropped off; she is the most precious little child. No one saw who left her and she is only a few weeks old, I have grown so found of her. She was nameless, so I gave her one. I hope you do not mind, but I named her Kagome. She had the most beautiful chestnut eyes, they reminded me of you.
The more I talk about her to Suikotsu-san the more he seems keen of the idea. Enclosed in this envelope should be a few photos of the wedding and one of little Kagome. If you ever go to a studio with a camera will you send me a photo? I would like a keepsake.
Adieu,
Akimoto Kikyou
{ | x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x o x | }
"Kagome-chan!" The boastful voice I learned to look forward to beckon me downstairs like every morning.
"Myoga-san," I greeted the old man with a funny beard as soon as I saw him, "good morning, I will start to set up the shop."
"Thank you," Myoga-san smiled with a nod of his head. I originally had a very nice little home on the other side of Otaru but… Shiori-sama paid for it and she kept wiring me money so I had it sold and the money returned to her. I had gotten a job at Myoga's restaurant and now I work there Monday through Saturday from opening to close, for that I was paid well and given a pleasant little room to myself on the top floor of the establishment—it was the only room on that floor, so I have more than enough privacy.
"Kagome-chan," one of the regulars gleamed to me as I handed him tea, "you look lovely this morning."
"Why thank you, Yamimoto-san, I am just happy to see that spring is around the corner," I replied with my usual cheer, "will you have your customary meal?"
"Yes," he smiled back.
Everyone was so kind to me, I loved Otaru. I was so very, very far away from Kyoto, from Osaka, that no one would ever find me out here. After the initial bombard of questions when I first arrived no one has bothered me since, I have become an active part of the community. I've never felt like this. I have never felt like I truly fit in anywhere. When I was with Inuyasha-san I had to pretend to be someone I was not, someone I will never be, I had to act as if I belonged in the high society…
Inuyasha-san, I miss him each day but I haven't cried in months. I just keep praying to meet him in that next life, I believe that it will occur. So, I smile on as I go through the motions of the day. Actually, I don't have to will myself to do this job, I want to, I enjoy it, I laugh with the customers, I talk with them, I respect them.
"Yuka-chan!" I laughed lightly as I walked over to greet Myoga's daughter who happened to be the same age as me.
"Kagome-chan," she hugged me briefly before pulling away and placing her hand on her growing belly, "how are you? I hope that you are managing here just fine without me. After—"
"Oh, please," I shook my head with a smile, "do not worry about me. You should just focus on you, Yuka-cha, look how you have grown! Toya-san must be so happy."
"He is, he thinks it will be a boy but I think it will be a girl," she really did glow. I was a bit jealous of Yuka-san, here she was starting a new family…
But, I had started a new life. I was happy with it.
I will just continue to yearn for the next eagerly.