Usual disclaimers apply.
***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***
Chapter 21
"No," I shook my head slowly. "There is no way I am going to help you do this. You have a death wish if you think this is a good idea."
"Come on, Sam. This is the best idea ever." Blue eyes looked up into mine and I sighed heavily before kneeling.
"Little bit, I am not going to help you liberate the cake from Yaya's kitchen. I do not like that wooden spoon any more than you do."
"But if you help me we won't be caught," Eve protested. "Besides I need it for my camping supplies."
"Camping supplies?" My eyebrow raised in question and Eve frowned at me.
"Stop doing your Mama impression, Sam," she ordered me. "I want to go camping in my treehouse and I want you to take me. But we need cake."
Running my hand down my face I stood and took her hand into mine and began to walk towards a familiar hut. "I can't go camping with you tonight, little bit. I have extra training with Mama before she can't do it anymore."
Eve sighed, "So what am I supposed to do for fun while you're out training?"
"I have an idea," I looked down at her and saw the smile grace her face. "You and I are going to talk to Kassandra."
"How come?" Eve began to swing her hand and I smiled remembering doing the same thing with Mom and Mama at her age.
"Well, I think she has some things to tell you about the new baby before she's born."
"Sam when is the new baby coming?"
"In a few months. She'll come before my birthday and the twins' birthday. Sometime in July I think."
"July?"
"You remember what I showed you on my phone? The calendar of the months?"
Eve nodded, "The month of July is a summer month. That's when I think our new sister will come."
"Will Mama and Mommy still have time for us when she comes, Sam?"
"Yeah," I stopped walking when Eve did. "Why do you ask?"
Eve shrugged, "They've just been really busy lately. I miss doing stuff with them."
"Yeah, I do too," I admitted. "Tell you what, little bit, if they don't do something that you want them to do or they seem too busy you tell me."
"Then what will happen?" Eve asked as we began to walk again.
"Then I'll make sure they know so it doesn't happen."
Throwing her arms around my waist Eve hugged me as we stopped at Kassandra's hut. "You're the best sister ever, Sam."
"I love you too, little bit." I smiled at Eve as Kassandra opened the door before I needed to knock.
"I love it when you do that," Eve giggled at the look Kassandra gave her.
"Come in, young ones, I believe I have a snack you both would enjoy."
"Cake?" Eve asked.
"Honey balls," Kassandra replied. "And tea with sugar."
"Sugar?" Eve grinned. "I am so glad Sam made friends with those spice merchants. They trade for the best sugar and cinnamon."
Laughing at Kassandra's expression I shrugged, "What do you expect, she's just like her blonde mother."
"That she is," Kassandra agreed.
Sitting on Kassandra's couch, Eve looked to the seer. "Do you really think I'm like Mommy?"
"I do."
"Even though Eli's god forgot to put a part of her in Mama's tummy when he gave me to them?"
Kassandra sat next to Eve and took her hand. Placing a weathered hand under Eve's chin she tilted her face until she could look into her eyes, "Yes, Eve. I believe that you are very much like our queen. You not only have her appetite and love of food, but you have her appetite and love of new things. You enjoy being challenged and I see that you will come to view peace in a similar way that Gabrielle does. That is something that will help you as you grow, Eve. Remember that no matter what anyone tells you as you grow, young one, you are more like both of your mothers than anyone now knows or will understand."
Wrinkling her brow Eve looked to me and then back to Kassandra, "What does that mean, Kassandra?"
"It means that you are very much like both of your mothers, young one. Blonde and brunette, warrior and bard, queen and consort. As they are one so are you."
Eve nodded and then spied the snack on the table, "Is it time for a snack yet?"
Laughing Kassandra merely nodded her head and offered Eve a honey ball before pouring our tea.
***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***
Spurring Mavri on I moved to ride next to Mama on the path towards the still unnamed destination. "Mama?"
"Hmm?"
"Eve asked me today if you and Mom would have time for her once the new baby came."
"She did?" Mama continued to ride without looking at me yet.
"Yes," I took a breath and began to listen to my surroundings as Mama taught me while I spoke. "I told her to come to me if she ever felt ignored and I would make sure you and Mom knew it was happening. I don't want her to feel the way I felt after the twins were born, Mama. The way I felt in Egypt."
Mama pulled Argo to a stop and looked at me. "You're truly worried about this?"
I nodded, "I am. Eve is too young not to be tucked in every night, Mama. She's too young to be forgotten."
"Little one?"
I looked at her and gave a wry smile, "I know you never do it on purpose, Mama. I know that you sometimes have more responsibilities than you have time. But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it still doesn't hurt sometimes."
"What hurts, Sam?"
"When was the last time I was home for you to put the little kids to bed, Mama?" I asked as we began to move again.
It was Mama's turn to sigh and she shook her head, "I'm not sure."
"Over two months," I told her. "It hurts that you don't bother with me anymore so I make sure not to be home when you do it with them unless I have to be."
"Oh Sam."
"I told you both a long time ago how much it meant to me but after a while I decided not to say anything anymore. I guess it just became too much with the little girls and everything."
"This isn't about us forgetting Eve is it, Sam?" Mama's voice was gentle and I shrugged.
"It is and it isn't. I don't ever want her to feel like that, Mama. It's my job to protect her even if it's from you and Mom just being too busy." Saying nothing else I fell back behind her and Argo as the path narrowed once more. I had had this conversation or a variation of it with Mama and Mom ever since I was eleven years old. I didn't really see it changing things but I wanted Mama to know and by extension Mom that it still hurt that I had to use my music player almost every night to have my bedtime ritual when the women that began it were in the next room.
***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***
Stopping the horses we dismounted and following Mama's lead, I took Mavri's reigns and led him up the now steep path towards the waterfall. It was the same place Mom had brought me years ago and I wondered why we were here. Mama had been quiet unless pointing out things she wanted me to see on the trail or to test my senses and I wondered when she would tell me the reason for bringing me here.
Reaching the end of the trail, we moved in a direction other than the one I took with Mom and I realized why when Mama led me to a wonderful open area. It was grass covered and had a breaking wall with an overhang. "This is perfect for the horses," I commented in awe.
"It is," Mama agreed. "Do you know how I found this, Sam?"
"No," I once more followed her lead and began to take the tack of Mavri save his bridle and stored it inside a small hole near the cliff.
"It was shortly after I'd met Hercules," she began as we finished gathering our saddle bags and heading though what seemed to be a crack in the granite in front of us. "I had already moved a lot of my things into this cave but had always used the front entrance. After Hercules I left my army for a short while. My men thought I was regrouping for revenge," she picked up a torch from a sconce on the wall and light it with her ever present flint.
"In reality I came here to think through my thoughts. So many feelings I'd buried after Borias, after Solan, feelings I thought I'd lost were back and I needed to work through them alone. My men could not know how I was feeling." Turning a corner the passage way widened and I was able to walk next to Mama.
"I was alone with Argo and had enough supplies for a few weeks with me. I didn't want to leave Argo out in the weather but knew I'd never be able to get her behind the waterfall and into the cave. I camped out the first night I got here and noticed that some of the wildlife seemed to make their way up the side of the path. I thought it seemed a bit odd since it was so narrow and seemed to lead to nothing." Mama grinned at me.
"I decided to follow them with Argo. When I came upon the grassy area and the back of the cavern I knew I'd found the perfect place to let Argo go and still be able to check on her. I didn't relish the idea of her being so far away but after I noticed a family of rabbits slip into that crevice…"
"You decided to follow them too," I supplied as we finally entered a large open area. "Wow, is this the back of the cave?"
"It is," Mama smiled at me again. "It's hard to see from the main cave and is a good way to make a fast exist if you need to."
"I can see that," I looked around the space and smiled. "So are we going to spend the night in here or go out into the main area?"
"Let's go, little one." Mama led me a little further and after walking through another narrow passageway, one I thought I might have to shove her through due to her now extended belly, we made it into the main cavern. It was just as I remembered and I moved to the large bed that was so out of place. "I still don't see how you managed to get this in here."
"I have many skills," she quipped.
"I guess so," I laughed and sat down on it. "I still can't believe it feels like a bed and hasn't fallen apart." Looking at Mama's expression I groaned.
"No, please, Mama, not you and him, on this bed?" I begged.
Mama shrugged, "He's Ares, I was young, and I love that bed. It is very comfortable. Don't worry, the sheets were changed."
Groaning again I leaned back on the bed, "I know way too much about your sex life. I tell you I'd be in therapy until I was a hundred if we were still in the future."
"If we were still in the future, you would never know all of this," Mama reminded me.
"True." I sat up and grinned at her. "Would you have locked your bedroom door in the future?" I asked.
"That depends, would you have learned to knock?"
I shrugged, "Not sure."
Sitting on the bed next to me Mama grinned and pulled me into a one armed hug. "How about helping your very pregnant mother out of her boots?"
"Sure," I kneeled in front of her and quickly helped her take them off even pulling off her socks. "You so owe me for that, Mama." I teased.
"Isn't feeding you over the years enough?" she volleyed back.
"Nope." Sitting on the bed next to her once more I removed my own boots and socks. "So why the long trip?"
"Your mom and I decided that you needed to know a bit more about my past before your sixteenth birthday, little one. I have a lot to teach you and not all of it is combat. Your mom has been able to teach you these parts of her as you've grown. Her past isn't as dark as my own and knowing that the gods are going to be pressuring you in a few short months, we need to come up with a game plan."
"And you think that me knowing about your past will help with the game plan?" I asked curling into her side.
Turning to look at me, Mama ran her hand down the side of my face before pulling my head towards her and kissing my forehead. "It has to be done, Sam. There are still things I will not tell you. There are some things I may never tell you, but yes, what you learn with me here will be beneficial."
I nodded and leaned into her once more, "I know you never do anything without a reason, Mama. I just wish we didn't have to do this."
"As do I."
***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***
I looked up from the journal and wiped a stray tear before checking on the stew in front of me. Mama was napping and had handed me her first journal with the simple instruction, "Read."
I was more than half way through it and became lost in my thoughts as I stirred the stew. Leaning back against the cave wall I watched as Mama napped. Losing Lyceus and then again when Yaya rejected her due to her own grief sent Mama down a path I wish had never been available to her. At first she hadn't even realized how she was turning. Her thoughts in the journal showed me that. She was amazed at first that the men of her village followed her, a mere girl, against Cortez. She wrote of how she felt at Toris's perceived betrayal when he ran away from the battle, of the way her heart broke when her beloved younger brother died, and of her mother's reaction towards her upon Lyceus's death. The slap from Cyrene stayed with Mama years after the act and I wondered if she and Yaya had ever resolved the issue.
I was uncomfortable reading the journal. I had no idea she kept journals and the idea that my warrior mother wrote as much as my bardic mother was still hard to grasp. I realized that her journal was more like mine was to me. A safe place to think through her thoughts, to work out ideas, or just to let things go.
As I read through her early years, of her heartache and Borias my heart broke for her. It seemed as if everyone in her young life had betrayed her in some way; her father by leaving, Toris for running, Lyceus for dying, Cyrene for rejecting her. Then Cesar and Borias. Two more betrayals followed by losing the one good things she felt she'd done since becoming the Destroyer of Nations. Solan. She had written pages about him. The baby she gave to Kaleipus to give him a chance at a happy childhood. A child whose face she memorized as she fed him one time in his life. There were letters written to Solan from her for various reasons. The first month after his birth she had written to him daily imagining how it would be if she had been able to raise him. Letters near his birthday, on Solstice, and even for no reason had followed. One of my favorites was simply her sharing what she had seen one day when scouting ahead of her army. She'd come across a field of flowers and when disturbed hundreds of butterflies had flown away in all their colorful glory. She wrote to her son of the beauty and the wonder if they really were souls or carried souls to the gods. It was a memory reserved for him and I hated to intrude but continued to read as per her instruction.
I had read of Ares in short bits through the diary and as I returned to the journal I realized that Ares was once more the focus of the book. Not ready to read about him I marked my place with the leather strip at my side and closed it. Putting the journal down I stirred the stew once more.
"Smells good in here," Mama slowly sat up and smiled at me. "Sorry about falling asleep on you, little one."
"It's okay, Mama. You and the baby need the rest. Besides, you're getting old, ya know, it was bound to happen eventually," I teased.
"Old am I?" Mama left the bed and walked towards me. Holding up my hands I was no match for her and the noogie she placed on my head. "Help me down," she instructed and I giggled as I helped her slide down the cave wall. "Hush you."
"If only your former opponents could see you now. Being helped down a cave wall before toppling over." I laughed again and relished the one arm hug she pulled me into.
"How much longer for the stew?"
"An hour or so." Pulling out of her hug I moved to my saddle bag and brought out a surprise from Yaya. Sitting next to Mama once more I opened the package in front of me and handed her a large slice. "Pre-dinner cake?"
"A kid after my own heart," Mama accepted the cake with a big smile and I wrapped the rest back up.
"At least Eve isn't here to fight you for the last piece," I commented as Mama merely smiled through her stuffed mouth.
Finishing her cake Mama's eyes caught the journal at my side. "How's the reading?"
"Hard. Invasive. Enlightening." I melted into her hug and linked my hand with one of hers. "How did you do it, Mama? All the betrayal, the hurt, your own men turning on you."
"I didn't turn to the gods, I can tell you that," Mama's voice was soft. "Have you gotten to the parts about Ares?"
"A bit. I stopped when I realized that's what I would be reading next. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."
"I'm not going to lie to you, little one. That part of the journal isn't going to be easy for you to get through. I did some things I never wanted my children to know about but in order to face what you are going to be facing soon, it's something that you have to learn. I will talk with you about it and answer any questions that you may have."
I nodded, "You never answered my question. How did you do it?"
"I'm not sure, little one. I trusted no one, I made sure that I didn't need to depend on anyone. I used people to get what I wanted."
"Weren't you lonely?"
"More than I knew," she kissed the top of my head. "I met your mother and the loneliness began to go away. The hollowness I didn't even feel anymore started to fill and I can never thank whomever put her in my path that day enough for her.
***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***
Thanks for all the reviews and PMs. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
