Disclaimer: Don't own Marvel or any of the characters!
Alright folks, I'm so sorry for misleading you... again? ... This is not the chapter I've been on about the previous one... It will have to wait till next time. This is just a quick tie-over but including that other planned chapter would have just been to long and I want it separate because it is going to be the end of this part and the beginning of a new one which will also finally deal with the question how I'm gonna fit in Ragnarok and the mess that was IW and EG into this...
But for now enjoy this :) My perspective on how Loki got the throne :D
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Jane couldn't believe that they had actually defeated Malekith. They had actually won and secured the Aether. And the losses weren't even too great. No deaths just many injured and lots of material damage, which might hurt on a cultural level, but was ultimately replaceble and not as bad as human lives lost.
Now in the aftermath Jane could do nothing more than sit around their kitchen table together with Erik, Darcy and her intern, (who's name she regrettably had major difficulties remembering), drink coffee and be relieved that they had all survived the ordeal and were mostly unscathed.
Additionally Jane waited for Thor to return.
He had told her he needed to retunr and talk to his father. Jane had already had forgotten that at the beginning of their ordeal they had in a way committed treason, so Thor needed to fix this. And he had to take the Aether to Asgard anyway to lock it away there for now. Jane had wanted to tell him that keeping it on Asgard was probably not such a good idea with the Tesseract there as well, but she still hadn't found the courage to tell him everything that was connected with that knowledge.
Also he had vanished faster than she could say goodbye so there hadn't been enough time...
So, she could either take his abrupt leaving as a sign of him wanting to get this Aether and treason matter quickly over with to be able to return to her as fast as possible...
Or it could mean the complete opposite, namely, that he wanted to be back in Asgard without delay and would probably need at least another two years to come back...
She didn't want to think that way but the seeds of doubt had been sown... And she didn't want to get her hopes up only to be dissapointed again...
After all, it had only been two days since he'd been gone... Nothing major. She had told Darcy as much, who despite wanting to reassure her that Thor would be back still didn't hold back any unwanted comments as to the last time he had left...
She reminded her of Loki in that way...
And now her thoughts were back at square one... They always seemed to wander back to him.
Another downside of the inability to do anything else than stay at home and settle back into normalicy was that she got a lot of time on her hand now to think... Which also included thinking about things she'd rather not think about and forget...
And that's was where all these doubt and worries even camefrom in the first place...
All thanks to Loki... and these damned memories...
His hands were gripping her waist, pushing her back against the tree. And then he began trailing kisses down her jaw, her neck and back up to her mouth,
It wasn't a soft kiss. It wasn't gentle, like she was used to from Thor, who kissed her like he was afraid of breaking her. Loki knew that she could take it. That she was no fragile little butterfly...
It was exhilarating. She hadn't thought it possible to even feel the things she did
It wasn't real. No one saw them, no one would know. But she would always remember...
Kissing the god of mischief... Thor's brother... Enjoying it... Preposterous! Traitorous! ...
"Jane! Get down!" he barely managed to push Jane out of harms way and put himself in front of her to shield her. It hadn't even occurred to him to save himself and teleport himself away. His eyes found hers, as he was sucked into the gravitational field, her arm reaching out towards him as if she could manage to drag him out of it. He reached for her too, nevertheless.
"Loki! No!", she cried out and foolishly tried to get up to help him, unmindful of the danger and sure death she would put herself in. Why would she do that? Why would she risk her life for him?
He risked his life to save her, just as she tried to safe him... In the end she couldn't... In the end he died...
"Just let me thank you" he had told her, undeterred, "Thank you for trying to save me before – with the space-disruptor. And thank you for saving me even before that, in ways you'll probably never realise. It was a pleasure to get to know you, Jane. I'm sorry..."
She would have liked to get to know him better, too, now that she had finally gotten a glimpse into the real him... Now that she understood...
She wanted to voice her feelings, to better understand them, to tell someone about Loki and what had happened...
But she couldn't...
No one could ever know... Erik and Darcy they wouldn't understand... especially Eric... She should think of him, what Loki did to him – mind-controlled or not – she had sworn never to forgive him for it... And still she had... still she had indulged this connection between them... talked to him... kissed him... Traitor...
No... they could never get to see who he really was because they damn well wouldn't believe a word she said if she told them anyway... She even doubted whether Thor would believe her... How and where would she even begin to explain? Of course leaving out the kissing part... That would do no one any good... That memory would die with her...
Those where the thoughts that kept her occupied, that had made her only semi-responsive and rather zombielike those previous days...
Just like now as they were all eating breakfast.
Well everyone except for Eric who was just sitting there looking at nothing in particular but seeming rather uncomfortable – he probably remembered the last time, too, when Thor had left her and days grew to weeks and weeks to months and Jane had let herself wallow in heartache and, yes, selfishly also griefed the missed opportunity.
She had so very much wanted to go to Asgard... And with Thor not returning she had thought that maybe everything had just been a dream after all and she would never get to see space, another inhabitable planet and most importantly study the Bifrost-wormhole at all...
Until S.H.I.E.L.D, who had taken their sweet time, had asked her to join them on a project here in London and she had reluctantly agreed. She would work for them, take their money but she swore to still work on her own with Darcy and Eric and if she would discover something groundbreaking that S.H.I.E.L.D would be the last to know...
And then New York had happened and Thor had been there but had not gone looking for her and it had been another major setback from which she had only been about to recover after meeting Richard... Oh crap... She still hadn't called him back to tell him that this thing between them wouldn't work... Even if Thor should really not return, Jane was to messed up to date anyone, much less a nice, innocent guy like Richard...
No she would probably just pick up her work again. And knowing S.H.I.E.L.D, it was only a matter of time till they would show up here and demand to know what happened... It was a wonder that they hadn't been to interrogate them already...
Just then a booming sound split the otherwise quiet atmosphere and a bright flash of light broke through the windows and door that led to the balcony.
Jane instantly turned around, and seeing Thor, still in his – now cleaned and polished – battle regalia, returned on her balcony, grinning broadly at her, she couldn't help but smile back at him too, suddenly giddy with joy and relief.
He hadn't abandoned her! He had come back!
She ran out on the balcony and flew into his arms: "You're back!"
"Of course I am! And I'm here to stay, my dear Jane – if you'll have me", he told her solemnly, after he had sat her down again, stroking her cheek lovingly.
Jane couldn't believe what she'd heard: "You'll stay? – Of course you can stay! But what about Odin? Asgard? Weren't you supposed to become king soon?"
"I told Odin I didn't want the throne. I'd make a bad king anyway... I don't know half as much about politics as I should and making war the solution to every problem would probably not be helpful either" Thor explained to her, "At least for the time being I am unfit to rule, still. Maybe some years down the line I'll reconsider. Maybe you would even like to join me then?"
Jane was totally thunderstruck (almost literally) – did Thor really just propose to her that she could come live with him in Asgard and even become queen one day? This was even more preposterous then what she and Loki had done... Becoming a mortal queen of Asgard... Odin would rebel even from within Valhalla... After all, wasn't she but a goat to him and who knew how many other Asgardians?
Also Midgardian-bashing aside, Jane couldn't really see herself as queen – to be honest she couldn't even see herself living in Asgard for all her life. Of course it had much to offer in case of research and things to discover that she never could on earth. But she also liked the restrictiveness of earth, the hurdels you had to overcome that made you creative and inventive and offered a thrill! She liked scientific adventures and being active herself more than just reading about phenomena in books – though that also had its charms.
And beside that she wanted to travel, especially now that she actually was close to achieving intergallactical travel, because she would like to use her own invention to see and explore other planets!
But would she even be able to do that as queen? Wouldn't she have other sorts of responsibilities? Especially seeing the rather archaic Asgardian mindset she feared that her role would only come down to lets call it domestic issues... And that would break her...
Jane tried to not let any of that show when she replied with a shy smile: "Well, then lets see what happens. Earth will be glad to have you here and maybe it will even teach you some lessons about ruling. You might also want to give Tony and Captain America a call, see what they're up to these days. For the rest, we'll just wait and see."
Thor smiled and kissed her again, she could feel the happiness radiating from him: "Let us do that, my love."
Amazing how a single word or phrase could make you feel instantly uncomfortable. My love might seem or should have seemed like a nice endearment and a sign of Thor's feelings for her, the reassurance that he really wanted her and even planned a future with her...
But it also implied eventually getting married to Thor which would mean taking on a role within the court of Asgard she wasn't entirely comfortable with. It meant that at some point she would have to give something that she loved up to stay together with Thor. Something vital for her happiness... Would she be able to do that? Did she even want to get married? To Thor?
Where was this doubt coming from? She loved Thor! She wanted to be with him – they were meant to be together – weren't they? They had just found each other again after everything that happened... They had defeated Malekith, at the cost of Loki's life, saved the universe and now they deserved this peaceful togetherness, didn't they?
Anything else was just not fair. She would make this work...
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After Loki had checked for any remaining injuries and dusted of his armour, he had used the Tesseract to transport himself to the place Thor, Jane and him had landed. The ship was still there – seeing how battered and broken it was they couldn't have used it to get out of here anyway...
Maybe Heimdall had been able to sneak them back into Asgrad or to Midgard more likely as Malekith planned to start his attack from there. Or maybe they'd found another passageway like the one they'd used to get here.
They were gone either way, because his magic couldn't detect any signs of life and his connection to Jane was silent as could be, and that was good. He hadn't wanted them to immediately know he was alive anyway... Maybe he wouldn't even let them know at all... He could just disappear and live his life in peace somewhere...
If only Thanos wasn't out there... looking for the infinity stones, posing a threat so great that it had even appeared in Frigga's weaving... and also still being out for Loki's blood... he would have... but this way he couldn't really go anywhere with the Tesseract... Asgard was still the safest place to keep it while he would look for the other stones.
He would go back and he would confront Odin. He would tell him his story and about the infinity stones and if Odin wasn't willing to listen to him and his story and pardon him, he'd ultimately have break with Odin.
Sometimes Frigga could also be wrong... And Loki just knew that Odin would never be like Frigga, would never be able to forgive and welcome him back with open arms... But he would try to reason with him – for Frigga's sake... And for his own closure...
But Loki wasn't sure what exactly he'd do if it really came down to Odin being impervious to any explanation and justification... He wouldn't leave Asgard with the Tesseract that was for sure...
What he did know, though, was that he would really not consider Odin to be his supposed father anymore then...
Also, he still had to think up a way of how exactly he wanted to appear in front of Odin without him immediately calling down all guards on him or striking him down himself...
Conveniently enough the perfect oppurtinity arose just then to get back to Asgard plus talk directly to Odin without much fuss: A patrol ship had finally made it to Svartalfheim – probably to check for Thor and the Aether.
With a flick of his hand Loki morphed himself into the guard on that ship. Then he made his Seidr render the guard unconscious and lastly he portaled himself to Asgard, using the Tesseract as his powers were quite depleeted. After this near death and healing himself from it, even the simplest illusions wore on him and using Seidr felt like walking through mud or pitch...
Though he tried to heed Frigga's advice to partner up with the Tesseract, he still didn't feel comfortable using it like that. He feared going under again... After all, the Tesseract could still easily break any truce they might have brokered for now... Loki was lucky that it stayed quiet and cooporative for now...
Loki arrived in a little alcove near the throne room. He made sure the Tesseract was well hidden in his pocket universe and that he actually looked like the guard he was trying to impersonate and the illusion was not shimmering. Then he began walking towards the throne room with purpose. The few guards that were stationed nearby or hurrying from the throne room didn't pay him any notice or just nodded in gretting.
And then he was standing in front of Odin, who was facing his broken throne all but lost to his surroundings, immobile as a statue. Loki's heart was beating fast and he damned himself for this reaction. Seeing Odin just brought back all the bitterness, the feeling of betrayal, all the hate and the pain for sentencing him to lifelong imprisonment, being cruel enough to forbid Frigga to see him or let him be there at her funeral... discarding him in that manner... and also because he had to realise that Odin had really never loved him in the first place...
The Tesseract flared in his mind but he shut it out. This was between him and Odin only...
Loki made his voice low, full of humility and sounding unsure and apologetic for interupting the Allfather in his thoughts: "Forgive me my liege, I return from the Dark World with news."
Odin did not so much as turn around, he just gave him a quick glance to the side and quietly asked: "Thor?"
Of course his first thought would be of Thor... His golden boy... At least, he hadn't asked for the Aether first and by which he would have proven to be completely heartless...
"There was no sign of Thor or..." Loki replied and caught himself wanting to say Jane, but guards wouldn't know nor care for her name. As far as they were concerned she was just an insignificant Midgardian and all they were after was the Aether, thus, they and Odin would be interested in its whereabouts not Jane's – „or the weapon." – he chose to say.
Odin did not look upset but also not relieved – he just looked resigned and like he wasn't even really listening or had expected this news already. However, he didn't inquire about Loki at all... Did he not know that he had been released from his cell and gone with Thor?
He thought they had been quite obvious about his prison-break, judging by the countless guards that had chased them and witnessed their escape to report it back to Odin... Also The Warrior's Three had probably been caught and brought to the dungeouns already, whereupon his empty cell would surely have been discovered at the latest...
Loki wanted to know: If Odin had been informed, did he just not care that Loki had escaped with Thor? And what would news of his death then mean to Odin? Would he realise that it happened because he had helped Thor, that he had proven to be selfless and brave and not been the villain after all? Or would he also not care?
So Loki added: "But..."
Odin turned to face him: "What?"
"We found a body", Loki said, moving closer, eyes trained on Odin to see his every reaction and emotion.
That information seemed to startle him, judging by the quick shock in his darting eyes.
"Loki...," he breathed – but other than that he betrayed no further emotion.
At the guards silent confirmation he just nodded and seemed to retreat back into himself once again without even dismissing him.
Loki finally took a good look at him then. Odin looked drawn and exhausted and so incredibly old in that instant. Not at all strong and determined and fear-inspiring like he had been throughout Thor's and his childhood and when he'd seen him last – when he had imprisoned Loki with all the ferocity and viciousness of Jörmungandr. All that energy had left him and he seemed only a broken shell of his former self. Pathetic...
The Alfather all but broken... He would not be able to maintain his rule that much was obvious... And therefore the infinity stones would not be safe here on Asgard either, should word get known that Odin was weak and unfit to rule... Which it would soon enough judging by his state of being right now...
And even, suppose, Odin was still rational enough to abdicate and let Thor rule, Thor's reign would certainly have a rocky start – a change after a long state of sameness and familarity – and we were talking about more than 5000 years of Odin's rule here – was always going to be unsettling. People needed to get used to the new ruler, gain hope and trust in him first. But before that happened, there would be much scepsis and hardship to maintain this trust of the Asgardians and all the other worlds looking up to or fearing Asgard. Rebellions could very likely break out and there could well be traitorous oppositions rising in the court of Asgard, too...
Loki couldn't afford that to happen. He needed things to stay stable, at least in Asgard, to have a safe place for the Tesseract and any other Infinity Stones he sought to collect... There was only one way to go about this... He had come here to confront Odin, to plead his case and get him to pardon Loki so that he would be free to live here again or elsewhere. But he would also take Odin's throne in the process. It was the only way...
„No, tears over your son's death?" Loki scoffed, abandoning his role, „But, of course, why would you, he wasn't even really your son, wasn't he? He was only ever a piece in your schemes, nothing to be truly loved... He was a monster. A filthy Jotun. A selfish, lying, overly ambitious psychopath!
„Actually, you should rather be relieved and joyous about his death! One problem removed from this world! One sore thorn less in your side! Right? So where's the victorious smile? The delighted laughter?"
Odin had turned around again to look at him incredulosuly, at this „simple guards" outburst or maybe even his perceptievenss. But Loki could also see the wheels turning, the dawning understanding that only truly broke through when Loki shed his disguise fully.
„Loki..." Odin looked at him shocked and even... scared. Odin actually was afraid of him. And as well he should be! Loki could overpower him in an instant, make him pay for his unjust sentencing, for the withheld information and using and misleading Loki... But he thought of Frigga, of his mother's imploring eyes, begging him to give Odin a chance to understand and see the truth and forgive Loki and apologize in turn for his unfair treatment...
„Yes, father" Loki almost spat the word, „You know I thought maybe deep down there I would still have meant something to you. That maybe a part of you has loved me once and didn't just see me as a pawn and lovely experiment... But my death it seems doesn't hit you too hard, in fact you might have felt glad you don't have to deal with me anymore...
Tell me, now that mother is dead, would you have just let me rot down there in my cell? Or would you finally have had me killed?
Don't look so shocked! Not letting me attend the funeral and only telling me about her death afterwards was already a pretty clear sign of your opinion of me...
And you didn't even once hear me out! You didn't even bother to ask and dig further! You didn't care! You just wanted me off the table, and if Frigga had not been there you would have had it your way already back then... Is it not so?"
Odin had sunken back against the throne, supporting himself by one of the remaining armrests and having his other arm stretched out towards him as if to ward him off that way: „Thor should have never let you out of your cell! Was this your plan all along? Here to finally get your throne? Your birthright?"
Taunting him with the things he'd accused him of so callously one year ago... It didn't help with Loki's mood, but only made him angrier: „See? You aren't even willing to see me as anything other than the trickster and the villain! No, I didn't want to take the throne! I only wanted you to hear the truth! To hear me out!"
„What is there to know that will change anything? Nothing will justify or make good what you did Loki!" Odin scoffed and spat at him, some of his fomer spirit returned, but still looking pathetically weak.
„What will ever justify your own filthy actions and foul murders! History isn't as easily covered up as you'd like it to be... I know some bits and pieces of before – as in pre-golden-Age times. Your bloody conquests, your subjugation of the nine realms? Hela?"
If it was possible to look any more shocked and paler than the whitest bed linen than Odin surely managed that now. His mouth opened and closed but he was at a loss for words.
„Beneath all this glorious facade you're just like what you make me out to be – a monster. And I'm here to hold you accontable for your actions now!" Loki told him, „You know, at first, I really just wanted to talk to you, to maybe get you to realize that I am not the bad guy here and to get you to pardon me. Mother wanted me to. She trusted you to be wise and hear me out and give me a chance... But I knew you'd never do that... No you never would have pardoned me. You just never trusted and believed in me enough to be able to give me the benefit of the doubt... I'm not Thor... I guess...
Well, and now seeing you so weak and unable to defend yourself, much less this kingdom... I just can't let Asgard and the nine realms fall into chaos and ruin... The times to come are dark and a stong leader is needed to face them, but you are unfit, your time is up, and Thor's heart is not in the right place to rule yet... Consider this a mercy..."
„I always told Frigga to not get attached to you... It was her delusion, her error... I should never have let her get away with visiting you despite my degree... Who knows with what words you poisened her mind! This – you taking the throne – is no mercy... This is ruin and chaos! " Odin huffed and tried to lift Gungnir to strike him down but Loki was faster. He let Gungir vanish before Odin could grab it and teleportd it to his hands.
„I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but if you're not willing to listen and believe in me just for once in your life then I see no other choice...", Loki sighed, looking at Odin pleadingly, a part of him was still hoping for him to relax and say „Ok let's talk" – oddly enough he imagined Jane saying it, with her warm but firm voice, curious enough to try and understand what she couldn't grasp – but it was a foolish hope to hold onto... Odin would never care to understand, especially when his eyes remained seething with hatred and disgust...
Loki gripped Gungnir tighter and summoned the Tesseract to his hands: „I am sorry... I really am. But I have a mission. And you are going to have to retire now. There's a lovely place on Midgard where you can stay, enjoy your life and rest from all those tiring years of ruling. You will not remember Asgard and your rule – as far as you're concerned you're just a normal retired Midgardian with no family... But should I need ruling advice you will still remember the one or other suggestion."
While Loki spoke he centred all his inherent magical gift, Gungnir and the Tesseracts power to weave an illusion with his words and cast it on Odin. He had feared that maybe he would still be to weak to perform such a feat but Gungir and the Tesseract where brimming with power and making it easy. And Odin's weakened state was to thank as well. Otherwiese he probably would have put up a lot more of a fight to get out of the illusion. But like this he even seemed to just accept it.
Once the illusion was complete he send Odin to Midgard. To New York of all places. But he thought that the more unlikely the choice the less easily it would be noticed.
Then came the difficult part. He made himself look like Odin and would have to remain that way now for an extended amount of time... While also upholding his other illusions that made sure Heimdal could not pervceive him or the real Odin's whereabaouts. For now with Heimdal contained and barred freom using the Bifrost, it was easier to do that but once he was back at his job as gatekeeper, Loki would have to be careful. But he couldn't and also didn't want to get rid of Heimdal. He was an useful asset and necessary to keep an eye out for Thanos or other threats.
That would be his first order: Re-instate Heimdall as Gatekeeper and then he would address the defeat of Malekith and start repairs of all the buildings destroyed and crafting a stronger security veil. But for now he would just rest for a minute...
He had barely set down when the Tesseract spiked and his Seidr noticed Thor's familiar aura approaching. Loki who had slumped into the throne, quickly stood up again and used Gungnir to support him. He tried to stand straight and as regally as Odin always had but his abdomen still hadn't fully healed yet and it was paining him so his posture lost some of it's power...
He really hoped that Thor wouldn't be long, and more importantly that he wouldn't suspect a thing. Loki really needed to finally get the rest he needed to fully recover...
Thor had fully approached the throne now, bowed and got down on one knee: "Father, I come to you seeking forgiveness for my actions. I know what I did was wrong and I committed treason in doing what I did – as did my Warrior's three and Sif. But I believe you as Allfather and wise king will see reason and pardon us for we have ultimately defeated Malekith and returned the Aether!"
Loki had a hard time not rolling his eyes at Thor's little speech, but of course it was only fitting to appear with such humility in front of Odin – the king – after defying him thus – no matter if it had been the wiser and better choice to begin with...
Loki lifted his arm and waved down his hand to make Thor stop any further attempts at pleading his case and also as a sign of truce and forgiveness between them.
"You need not beg for my forgiveness any further! The Warrior's Three will also face no charges and Heimdall is still Gate-Keeper! I perceived what you did and I had time to think, my son. While anger and grief addled my mind, your thoughts were sharp and clear. You once said there would never be a wiser king than me. But you were wrong... You're defeat of Malekith shows that.
Loki knew that what he was going to say next was a risky play of chance again, but the Tesseract gave him a reassuring push that this was the right direction to go:
"Furthermore, the Convergence has brought all the realms together so that every one of them saw you offer your life to save them and prove yourself worthy! So, I now ask you: What can Asgard offer it's new king?"
Thor averted his eyes to the ground and sighed. When he looked back up at Loki he looked sad and troubled but also determined.
"My Life," he said "Father, I cannot be king of Asgard... Yes, I will protect Asgard and all the realms, with my last and every breath, but I cannot do so from that chair."
And he wasn't finished with that but went on: "Loki for all his grave imbalance understood rule as I know I never will. The brutality... the sacrifice... It changes you. I'd rather be a good man than a great king."
This little speech caught Loki of guard for a second but he managed to hide it well enough for Thor not to notice. So much perception and self-reflection! He wouldn't have thought Thor capable of it... He really had changed a lot in that past year... But Loki suspected it wasn't just his work within the nine realms or joining the Avengers in New York... He couldn't help but think that maybe a certain, little, brunette Midgardian had something to do with his sudden change of heart...
He really couldn't recognize the Thor that was so sure he would be king, bragging about it all day long, even going up against the Jotuns unprepared in a petty tantrum to show Odin he was worthy of it... No this Thor was greatly changed...
"Is this really my son speaking or the women he loves?" Loki couldn't completely hide the sneer on the last word. He still wasn't convinced that his brother really loved Jane... That he would really give up the throne – his birthright – for a mortal Midgardian... After he had all but forgotten about her for two years... He di know her what? Three days total? The again what had he to show... And why did it even matter for however long he knew her? It was inconsequential... She didn't mean anything now...
"When you speak, do I never hear mother's voice?" Thor suddenly replied and brought Loki back to attention before he could drift off thinking about that Midgardian that haunted his mind any further...
Instead now his thoughts were of Frigga. Of her soothing words in times of trouble, her reprimands if Thor and him had been naughty and her words in that in between place... He really fought to stay in control and to not break down right here and now...
"This is not for Jane, Father! She does not know what I came her to say..."
Did she now? Well, she would be in for a pleseant surprise if he got back to really stay this time. But just not really really as he'd still be off defending the nine realms which would allow him to go home every other week if he was lucky? He doubted that Jane would be happy with that either... Well, but she would be ten times happier than if Thor had accepted the throne... He just knew that Jane wasn' the domestic type...
Thor, of course unaware of Lokis thoughts went on: "Now forbid me to see her or say she can rule at my side, It changes nothing." – And all of a sudden his abdomen flared up again and Loki just barely managed to slip down onto the throne in what at least seemed like a merely shock-insinuating manner.
His breathing a bit shallow he tried for a reminiscing,regretful tone: "One son who wanted the throne too much, anther who will not take it. Is this my legacy?"
"Loki died with honour. I shall try to live the same. Is that not legacy enough?", Thor defended him, again shocking him with his sentimentality. It was difficult for Loki to understand how this could be hois brother. How he could suddenly care so much after there had been a year of radio silence from him before all this.
And then he actually offered up his hammer!
But even if he could have, Loki would not have taken it. He had learned a long time ago that it was Thor's and he was the only one truly worthy of it... So when he said Thor should keep it it was only half for show.
Loki shook his head supporting supposed-Odin's exasperated, hurt and shocked reaction: "I can neither give you my blessing, nor can I wish you good fortune."
But those words rang true on another level entirely as well... He would not give Thor his blessing because a part of him didn't want him to be with Jane... To have this happily ever after... It was the part he had tried to quench out but failed at again and again... The part that had enjoyed talking to Jane, that had found her intriguing and that he had laid down his life for... that had kissed her and enjoyed it... And it was also that part that would always be jealous of Thor for getting everything he wanted so easily, even that which Loki coveted...
Part of him wanted exactly that happily ever after, too... He had thought that with the Aether expelled from Jane and the Tesseract detained those feelings would just vanish... But doors once opened didn't let themselves be closed easily again he realized...
This was all just one huge incredible mess he'd gotten himself into...
Thor jarred him out of his treacherous thoughts again then by acknowledging his words with a simple bow and turning to go. Loki, gaining back his senses and rationality, quickly tried to search for at least one way to tell Thor that despite all their differences and what happened between them, and Jane aside, he still was glad to be his brother. He wanted him to know that he'd also sacrificed himself mainly for Thor and if it wasn't for the Infinity Stones and the threat of Thanos he would gladly let him have the throne... But he couldn't really say that, as it was not him speaking and Thor would not understand. So the best thing he could come up with that instant was:
"If I were proud of the man my son had become" he started and Thor tunred around again, givign him a small, regretful smile, "even that I could not say... It would speak only from my heart. Now, go, my son!" – my brother...
"Thank you father!" Thor nodded towards him and then he finally started to leave down the throne hall towards the balcony and from there on towards the Bifrost.
Loki watching him leave only now let himself relax and after checking that the throne room was clear and no one would notice he let the illusion slip and took a dep breath: "No, thank you, Thor..." – For making this fairly easy for me, and for not calling this bluff... And for leaving in time because I would not have been able to uphold this illusion a second longer...
Loki closed his eyes for a second and sighed. He would have to transform one more time only to get to his chambers and then he could shed this disguise for good and finally get some rest...
And that was what he did. Telling the guards to not disturb him till the morning and advicing them to take the night off and get some rest themselves. He didn't even register the glances of shock and confusion to think about whether Odin would even order something like that or allow guards some reprieve? But he was just too tired and they could all put it down to Odin's grief and exhaution over loosing Frigga and now Thor as well... No harm done – yet...
He somehow dreaded the day when it would... But that day would have to wait till tomorrow. For now he would sleep...
Sorry for any mistakes my autocorrection isn't working anymore and it doesn't show me what words are written the wrong way because it marks everything as red and incorrect now... Stupid office... Also I wanted to quickly post that chapter and get one with it so I didn't want to waste time on proof-reading ^^ Alright, see you around in a bit!