Everything started moving very quickly after Steve gave them the okay. Bruce and Tony were working day and night on their respective projects, the doctor spent at least ninety percent of his time in the lab at his desk checking and rechecking Alex's working - with what they were planning there was no place for error, however small. Likewise, Tony occupied an entire room with his work and as he started to put the machine together, Steve began to realise just how much Tony resembled his father - sure he'd always had the Stark attitude, but every so often, when the captain passed the mechanic's workspace he had to remind himself that it wasn't Howard bustling around inside but his grown up (pain in the ass) son.
Unfortunately, when deciding to go ahead with making the serum, Alex hadn't factored in her own part in the preparation which, as it turned out, was essentially nothing. So, instead of having a productive role like the rest of their little team, all she could do was wait and worry, about Bucky, about herself - hell, there probably wasn't a thing that Alex wasn't worried about. Her anxiety levels were soaring so high that some kind of implosion was bound to come sooner or later.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Steve asked for what felt like the billionth time. "Because there's still time to back out, we can find another way." Alex looked him dead in the eye and he knew that they were done talking about this.
She sighed, "We've got to get him back, Steve. He doesn't have much time, for all we know it's already too late."
"You can't think that way."
"I made Bucky a promise that I wouldn't let them take him again, and I went back on that promise."
"Alex, this isn't your fault."
"Isn't it? I should've stopped him leaving, or at least gone after him. But I didn't and now he's gone and we don't know if he's coming back. At least not as the Bucky we know."
They both sat silently as the truth of Alex's last comment weighed heavy on both their minds. Steve had just got Bucky back, his friend was just beginning to return to the man he used to be and if that was taken away, if his best friend was stolen from him again...he couldn't even entertain the thought of it.
But Alex, her life had been turned upside down by Bucky's presence and helping him rediscover the man he used to be had given a purpose when she'd had none. Everything had changed since he came into her life and she had the awful, heavy feeling that if she lost him now, not only would her life never return to 'normal', but she'd be left with a dark, empty hollow inside her that used to be taken up by him and the love they shared. Alex had always loved Jane Eyre growing up and the thought of losing Bucky gave her the same feeling that Rochester had at the thought of losing Jane...
'...it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.'
It was so true of the way she felt for Bucky - that was why she needed to do this.
"Cap?" Sam broke the silence in the room and brought them both back to reality. "Can we talk?"
Steve looked to Alex who nodded her head towards the direction Sam was standing in and though he looked at her for a moment with sympathetic eyes, eventually he stood, giving her hand a light squeeze for comfort before he got up and left.
In the back of her mind, behind all the other worries, was a singular thought in Alex's mind - there was still a chance that her serum might not work. And in that case, bluntly put, she would die. And if, by some miracle, Steve, Sam and Tony managed to recover Bucky from Crossbones without getting themselves killed, she wouldn't be there to explain why she took the chance.
"Are we sure that Alex is ready for this?" Sam spoke in a hushed tone as he and Steve eyed the woman in question from the corner of the room, her back to them. "Like, she's thought this through, right?"
"Yeah, she's thought about it a lot, I don't know whether she'll ever be a hundred percent sure, but I know that if I ask her again she'll probably kill me." Both men smirked, knowing the truth of it, "How's Banner?"
"He's getting there. Dude's worked day and night for days, I practically had to force him to go take a nap yesterday." Sam shrugged, "How's Stark?"
Steve gave him a look that said a lot, "He's making progress." He'd come to learn not to ask Stark what he was doing as the man never seemed to have a serious answer and his blood boiled with every snarky comment that the billionaire made.
The two men watched as Alex quickly got to her feet and walked from the room, Steve moving to follow her, but Sam put a hand on his chest, halting his movement. "Give her space, man. You can't keep watching her like a hawk. What can she do?"
"I don't know," Steve shrugged, before mumbling, "That's what I'm afraid of."
Bucky had barely lifted his head for three days, there didn't seem to be much point. What would he look at? The wall? The array of faceless guards that came to beat him into submission? There was nothing worth seeing in this place. He wasn't a man known for giving up, but right now, Bucky was having a lot of trouble remembering out why.
He wasn't sure whether Alex and Steve would have any way to track him down and after the way he'd spoken to Alex, he didn't know whether she would even try. He stopped right there - of course she would - she would because he knew that if she'd said those things to him, he would still go to the four corners of the earth to try and bring her back.
The room echoed with the metallic sound of the door being unlocked in front of him. Naturally he didn't bother to raise his head, what was the point? Heavy footsteps seemed to shake the ground, moving closer to him. "I gotta give you credit, Barnes. You're tougher than I thought you'd be." A chair scraped along the stone, his captor seating himself against the wall, "But then again, they always said you were the best."
Bucky remained silent, a throaty chuckle coming from the man in front of him, "Not a talker? That's fine. Not a problem, I've always liked the sound of my own voice. You know what else I've always liked?"
Again, silence.
"Your little girlfriend. Alex, is it?" This time, though Bucky made no sound, he did tug hard on the chains the bound him, the mention of Alex from this guy made him seethe with anger. "Oh, did I hit a nerve?"
Bucky lifted his head, eyes hard, staring daggers at his aggressor, "I'll take that as a 'yes'. So, here's the thing, I want you to fight alongside me, ideally as your choice, but I'm not totally against wiping your memory again." Crossbones smirked at the tightening of Bucky's jaw, he stood, taking a step towards his prisoner, gripping his chin and forcing him to meet his eye, "Fight me on this and I pay your girlfriend a visit. And then I'll bring her here and I'll torture her, right here in front of you until you agree."
Crossbones released the soldier from his grip and as his words sank in, Bucky's head once again dropped down, "Just think about it, Soldier."
Alex slipped the folded page into an envelope, writing Bucky's name on it - at least that's one thing sorted. Hearing the door to her room open, she quickly pocketed the letter so no one would see it.
"Alex?" Steve popped his head in, eyes settling on her where she sat. "Doctor Banner wanted to see you."
She nodded with a smile, "I'll be right out."
When she arrived in the lab, the doctor was quick to send Steve away, knowing that he needed to speak with Alex alone. For a while they sat in silence, neither sure that they wanted to broach the subject first.
"It's done," Banner said finally, taking off his glasses, eyes tired from countless sleepless nights he'd stayed up to ensure that he perfected the serum. "As soon as Tony's ready with the machine, we'll be good to go."
"Okay."
"I know that Steve has probably asked you this countless times already - but are you sure you want to do this? Because you can say no, Alex. No one here would think any less of you."
"I would," she sighed, "I know the rest of you guys might not understand why I'm doing this, I'm not entirely sure myself, but I do know that it's not just about my dad and Bucky anymore. My whole life I've never felt like I knew what to do, but now, doing this - it might blow up in my face - but somehow I know I have to do it."
Bruce nodded, "I understand, Alex, I do. I was where you are now once and though the experiment didn't go as planned, I would've regretted not doing it." The doctor stood to face Alex, "So I do understand why you're doing this, and now I'm sure that you know why you're doing this, I have no problem handed over the serum and letting you do this."
"Thank you."
The door of Banner's lab swung open to reveal Tony, dishevelled and wiping his hands of grease, "Well, if there was any doubt before it can be obliterated because I, my friends, am a genius."
"And so humble about it," Steve added from the doorway behind him, "Tony's finished the machine." He clarified, knowing now that the Stark work ethic had to be some genetic thing passed from father to son.
"So we're good to go?" Alex spoke with just a little trepidation, receiving nods from the others.
Bruce turned to her, "Whenever you're ready."
"Okay then," her eyes settled on each man in turn, taking in their various expressions of concern, "Let's do this."