Author's Note: Thank you, Unnamed Guest and vausesandspanishharlem, for the lovely reviews. I highly, highly, appreciate them. They always encourage me to keep writing. Feel free to leave reviews, don't be afraid. They make me happy. Anyway here's the next chapter...there's a heavy amount of comfort so it might be sucky. Sorry. I hope this is okay. Thanks.
Chapter Twenty-One
The subtle creaking of the door has Nicky's eyes avert from the sleeping form of her girlfriend over to what such culprit is. Catching sight of a very over-worried Alex entering cautiously comes as no surprise. Brushing a soft, tender, hand through the brown waves of Lorna's hair, the redhead gives a small smile towards the younger woman—sympathy heavily coming through.
"It's taken me nearly an hour to finally get her to sleep," she quietly murmurs, a slight melancholic vibe seeping into her tone. Taking in all that's happened in only the past two days sits bitterly in her mind. She can't bring herself to imagine what pain—trauma—has been caused to the woman her heart beats for.
Situating herself in a chair near the bed, where both of her friends reside, Alex lets her eyes wander over. The sickly sight of Lorna brings a strong pang to her chest. A lump catches in her throat at the thought of everything she's been put through in such a short span of time. "Is she—is she okay? How do we help her?"
The question forces a sharp breath of air out from Nicky's lungs. It's one she's not entirely sure of a proper response. A hand is stroked affectionately along the outline of her sleeping girlfriend's face while her brown orbs peer uneasily across at Alex. "In all honesty, Alex, I have no clue. Lorna didn't talk much about what happened and there was no way I was going to pry into her about anything…not right now, anyway. The poor girl's been through a lot for three days, she needs to rest and feel safe with the people who love her. The best thing, I think, we can do is show her some compassion and love," her voice gradually drifts into a whisper above the crown of Lorna's head. She brushes it softly with her lips.
"I don't get it," the dark-haired woman grumbles, shaking her head exhaustively. She crosses her arms over her chest and lets out a sharp breath.
Nicky nods intuitively, huffing out a frustrated breath of her own. "Me either. What reason is there for anyone to wanna ever lay a finger on Lorna? Of all fucking people? There's no way in hell someone as sweet as her could ever do something worthy of the vile abuse Vinny's showed her—absolutely no way!" She tries to keep the rage from coming out too heavily, but that's proving to be quite the challenge—thoughts of everything that man's caused her lover has her blood boiling.
The not-so-subtle yelling immediately jolts Lorna worriedly awake. Her eyes widely gaze around the room, terrified she'll find Vinny lurking somewhere near. A strong bout of relief is felt when she only sees Nicky and Alex in her presence. She hopes and prays that he's been found and caught by the police by now. She can't handle his being out on the streets any longer. Not after what she's just experienced, she knows.
"Baby go back to sleep," the redhead murmurs, instantly softening her demeanor when she notices Lorna's doe-brown eyes peering up at her. She nuzzles her chin lovingly against the brown waves that make up the top of her head. "I didn't mean to wake ya, kid."
"I, I was scared that it was Vinny," Lorna whispers, too afraid to speak any louder.
Cupping her head very delicately in her hands, Nicky takes in every inch of her face. She runs a finger softly along the pale skin, paying extra attention to the worry-lines etched above on her forehead. "No Vinny. You're safe now; you're with me. He's not gonna come anywhere near you, my baby, not anymore. I'll be right here, right next to you—I'll slice his head off if he tries to come find you. I mean it, doll."
Watching the two silently from her chair, Alex feels a slight rush of warmth tear through her body. It warms her heart immensely to see how strongly Nicky cares—and loves—for her best friend. She's beyond grateful that the two have met and Nicky's helped Lorna to come so far. Even now, though she has another painful obstacle to face, she knows with the redhead by her side, her friend will come out of this a stronger woman.
"I'm so sorry, kid," her raspy voice whispers as she cautiously reaches over to grab hold of one of Lorna's small hands. She gives it a comforting squeeze, letting her light orbs gaze intently down into dark ones.
The gentle touch that usually calms her makes her flinch slightly. Lorna bows her head, guilty for her own actions, and mumbles an incoherent sentence.
Rubbing a tender hand up and down her back, Nicky peers down at the petite brunette with a warmth radiating from her dark irises. "What'd ya say, sweet girl? It's okay; you don't have to be shy around us…we love you," she softly assures her, combing her fingers lightly through brown wavy hair.
"I didn't mean to."
"Didn't mean to what? You okay, kid?" Alex decides to cautiously enter the conversation, concerned at her best friend's flinch from her touch. It makes her wonder what all went on during her kidnapping. What has Vinny done to her now?
Lorna peers away from both women. She hides her face in Nicky's chest, the only place she feels completely safe for the time being. "I didn't mean to," she mumbles again, snaking her arms tight around the redhead's neck. The relief of being with people who care for her is almost overwhelming to her. It may have only been days that Vinny kept her locked up in the cottage, but to her it felt like an eternity.
"What, baby, what didn't ya mean to do? What's on your mind? Why do ya think you've done something?" The questions spill rapidly from Alex's mouth as she tries her hardest to refrain from touching her again—not wanting to make her uncomfortable by any means. Yet, the thought alone that her gentle gesture had her best friend of decades flinch away forms an unsettling knot in the pit of her stomach.
"I, I don't know…I can't remember but I-I really didn't mean to."
Taking Lorna's head into her hands, Nicky quirks an eyebrow with a fierce worry flooding her own face. She lets the palms of her hands caress delicately along the sides of her cheeks. "I think it's best ya just go back to sleep, what do ya think? You've had a hell of a rough few days, baby…ya gotta be drained, yeah?"
"I think Nicky makes a good point…it's probably the best thing for ya right now to get some sleep. You shouldn't have to worry about discussing what happened. We'll save that for another day," Alex gently agrees, still keeping her distance from the tiny brunette. It rips the inside of her heart ever so slightly to have to refrain herself from giving her own friend any comfort—yet, she realizes that it's only temporary to keep Lorna from feeling uneasy, so she does her best to not let her emotions show. The last thing she wants is to upset Lorna anymore than she can imagine she already is.
Early the next morning, the sound of someone's messing about with the IV-line that runs through her arm rapidly awakens Lorna from her slumber. Without having knowledge of who the person is, a strong bout of fear begins to build up inside of her. Quickly, her body begins to quiver at the faint touches along her arm. She pops open her eyes and almost feels guilty when she finds the culprit of such actions to only be Gloria.
"I'm sorry," she shakily mumbles, too ashamed to look at either of the other women. She busies her hands with the sheets that lay over her, pulling them all the way up over her shivering shoulders.
Placing a fresh bandage over top of the line, Gloria peers warmly down at her patient and shakes her head fiercely. "Sorry? You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, sweetie. It's okay—I'm not bothered that my touch frightened ya…you've endured hell, I'm sure, while being trapped with that vile monster of a man. That's his fault, Lorna, not yours."
Sitting in the chair right beside Lorna's head, Nicky nods her head agreeably with the Hispanic woman. Brown eyes look softly down into the slightly panicked ones of her girlfriend; she bends close to her so that their lips brush soothingly together. "She's absolutely right, my doll. There's not a damn thing ya need to be sorry for. You're just an innocent little angel—I swear to God the police better find Vinny before I kill him. That man needs to be put through his own line of torture after all the goddamn shit he's put you through," her teeth grind together to stop her voice from raising too much. She lets out a sharp breath while holding the brunette's face in her hands.
Gloria smiles sympathetically at the both of them as she moves along to Lorna's newly-placed feeding tube, very cautiously lifting her shirt just enough to display what she needs. The sight before her leaves a hard lump to sit in the back of her throat; after all the abuse and pain, the young brunette still has quite a pile of baggage to work through. She sighs sadly at the thought, taking the empty bag and replacing it with a full one.
Watching intently, Nicky quirks an uneasy eyebrow up at the Hispanic woman. Her arms continue to keep hold around her girlfriend's head, fingers brushing absently through dark hair. "What's that? Why does she have that?"
"The doctor said it's best Lorna's hooked up to a feeding tube—the blood results showed just how malnourished she is and until that improves, she will need to be tube-fed," the older woman gently answers once she finishes getting her patient properly hooked up again. She looks down at the tiny brunette—easily taking notice in the shame that seeps through her orbs—and pats her comfortingly on the forehead.
"My poor baby," is Nicky's soft whisper, breath trickling soothingly over Lorna's ear. Yet, she's not entirely surprised to hear such—ever since the first day the two met, she could very well see just how unhealthfully skinny the other is. A pang builds in her chest at the apparent embarrassment that is clearly etched on her girlfriend's red face. She shakes her head, pulling Lorna's closer to her and laying it softly in the crook of her neck.
"It's okay, baby, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're not any less of a person just because ya got a piece of plastic attached to ya. Seriously, kid, you're still so special and gorgeous—nothing can ever change that."
Nodding, Gloria averts her light-brown eyes down to stare warmly into the youngest woman's. "Don't worry about it, Lorna. Your girlfriend is absolutely right—nothing, especially not this – something you clearly need to get better – is capable of making you anything other than you. A sweet and kind young woman," her faint Spanish accent comfortingly assures her.
She lets a hand comb gently through her hair before she stands back up and heads over to the vitals cart she uses to aide in the checking of each of her patients. "I'll be back this afternoon to check on ya and change the tube again—you two take care, ya hear?" When she receives two nods as her response, a soft smile forms and she deems it okay for her to vacate the room.
The door's clicking shut has an anxious breath of air slowly exhale from Lorna's body. She can feel the tube's sticking out in her skin and it quickly begins to irritate her. A reminder of what she's done to herself, she aggravatingly thinks. "Ya should leave," she finds herself mumbling, eyes focusing on the quite faint vein that runs along the outline of Nicky's neck.
"I should leave? Why's that, my doll?" The redhead arches a concerned eyebrow while stroking a hand tenderly through her short brown waves of hair. A kiss is soothingly dropped atop her head.
Lorna bows her head, her bottom lip almost unnoticeably quivering. "Leave before it's too late," she whispers in a broken voice—one she can't even recognize as her own.
"Leave before what's too late? What're ya talkin' about, baby? You're not making any bit of sense."
"Just leave. You, you shouldn't be trapped here…in a relationship like this, Nicky. It's not fair," sniffles escape after nearly every word that's muttered out of the brunette's tremoring mouth.
Those words crack Nicky's heart to hear. Immediately, she wraps her arms snugger around her waist and pulls her closer. Lips stroke softly over two tear-soaked, bright red, cheeks. Forehead covers over forehead while she lets her eyes examine intently over her girlfriend—trying to search for any emotion that might be terrorizing her. "Baby, I love you. I love you so fucking much. Why the hell wouldn't I wanna stay here with ya? You need me, doll. You need my love and affection more than anything—there's no way in hell I'll leave you. What's making ya say this kinda shit, huh? What's going on in your sweet little head?"
Shaking her head, Lorna continues to keep it tilted down. The pain she feels pulses through her head and veins. As much as it hurts to tell the one woman she loves—who she can't imagine a life without—to walk away from her, she knows this is what's best for both of them. "I'm damaged. You can't be with a damaged person, Nicky. I've been ruined—and I don't wanna damage you or nothin', too."
"That's exactly why you need me, Lorna. You need me to fix ya," Nicky murmurs lovingly, letting her lips press all over her face. She caresses the palms of her hand delicately around Lorna's damp flesh, taking in everything. "Please stop thinking this way; it's not good, kid. Ya can't do this to yourself—why do ya think I can't be with you just because you're "damaged"? Huh? Ya know I doubt there's a person on this entire planet who isn't damaged. You deserve to be loved, sweetie, regardless of what ya've gone through. Please believe that."
"But you—but ya don't understand."
"What don't I understand? Tell me," Nicky lovingly inquiries, peering fiercely into her lover's pained brown orbs. She traces a finger lightly along the flesh of her cheek.
Swallowing thickly, the brunette shutters a tad at the words her doctor used to inform her of what happened the night before. It makes her ill to think that Vinny might have done certain things to her—even more so since she has no recollection of such. "I-I was unfaithful to-to ya, hon," she whispers, her voice noticeably strained and cracked.
"Lorna, what on earth are ya talking about? You were fucking kidnapped by your abusive ex—it's not like ya willingly went with him! For fuck's sake, he threw you in a damn trunk! He's the only one to blame and for me to hate," the older woman angrily cries.
Lorna profusely shakes her head; she timidly lifts it up to look directly at her girlfriend with solemn eyes. A hand is placed shakily over Nicky's shoulder, "The doctor said Vinny raped me and sexually assaulted me, Nicky…but I don't even remember it. I'm not good for you. He ruined me, and you deserve someone better, hon. Someone who isn't as fucked up and damaged as me."
Cheeks quickly turn a dark shade of red—not of embarrassment but of a boiling rage—to hear what her girlfriend's had done to her. It's even worse than she had imagined—the worst possible way to be violated, Lorna's endured. Everything inside Nicky fills with a-hard-to-control anger; just the thought of the woman she loves having to struggle underneath a vile human being like Vinny has her skin crawling.
"Oh, baby…my sweet baby," Nicky murmurs as she frames her hands delicately around the other's tear-stained cheeks. She soothingly leans their foreheads together and pecks a soft kiss over lightly quivering lips. Brushing the tips of her fingers feathery along her face, Nicky lets out a sad sigh. "You are the last person in this world who deserves to be hurt in such a fucking devilish way—Vinny better pray the cops get to him before me, I'd kill him in ten minutes flat. What the fuck is his problem? Why does he enjoy hurting such a sweetheart like you, huh?"
She stops herself and sucks in a sharp breath to help alleviate some of the building fury. As much as she'd like to let it unleash on the man who's done nothing but terrorize her lover, she knows that's not what Lorna needs. And Lorna is what's important, she sighs. "So, he fucking raped you? And you think you've been 'unfaithful' because of that? Am I right so far, kid?"
Giving a timid shrug, Lorna's brown eyes twitch uncomfortably in their sockets. "That's what I've been told. But I-I don't remember. What if I…I don't know. It don't matter anyway—the point is I cheated on ya and don't deserve to be with you. You're too good for me, hon."
Shaking her head fiercely, a bout of frustration begins to run through the redhead's veins. Her hold on Lorna only tightens, pulling her closer in the process. "It matters, it matters a whole fuckin' lot that Vinny fucking—god, just saying it makes the anger worse. He abused ya in the meanest way he could, Lorna. You didn't do a goddamn thing wrong! You better not think that. I swear to God. You better not put any of the blame on yourself—he's the one that forced ya to have sex with him. It was so traumatic that you can't even remember it—that makes me wanna shoot his brains out. He doesn't deserve to be alive. Lorna, stop. Fucking stop saying that you're not good enough or don't deserve me—that's bullshit. I love you with my whole heart and I'm not going to stop. You need my love and will always fucking have it. Is that understood, baby?"
"I love you too, Nicky. That's why I don't want to be a bother to ya anymore. I don't think I'm fixable…and ya shouldn't have to deal with that. How is that fair?"
"So, what? You shouldn't be with someone who loves you and wants to take care of ya just because you claim you're too broken? Why, baby, do you think you're not worthy of me? What possible reason do ya have to think that? Do you think I'd leave ya just because you have a lotta baggage? Please talk to me; help me understand, sweetie."
Lorna inhales a hard breath; she shakes her head, "Why would ya wanna stick around? I don't get it. Why do ya wanna put up with someone like me?"
Arching an inquisitive eyebrow, Nicky pecks her lips lovingly over the brunette's. She snakes her arms protectively around her small waist and yanks her up against her chest. "Because you're my baby and I love you. I will do anything I can for you, Lorna. Get that through your head, yeah? Put up with you? There's nothing to put up with—you're the absolute sweetest thing I've ever met. It's not your fault you've been through hell many times over. You didn't ask for any a that shit, kid."
"Yeah, well, what if—what if I did? Why else would he do that stuff to me?"
Nicky grits her teeth roughly at hearing such an inquiry. Her eyes darken as they peer fiercely down at her girlfriend. "What the fuck? Why the hell would you even think something like that? Let me make it clear to you—what Vinny did was because he wanted to cause you pain, he liked to see you hurting and suffering. He's a sick, nasty, piece of shit. What he did to you is his doing. You didn't do anything or ask for it. Is that what he put in your head? Did he say that kinda shit to you while he had ya locked away? What's bringing on all this self-hate and negativity so suddenly?" Anger slowly morphs into compassion; she lifts Lorna's chin to face her and feels her chest tighten at the clear anxiety that lurks in her orbs. Softly, she inches closer to brush a comforting kiss against her lips.
"I'm not mad at you, baby, don't worry. I just…I don't like when you get like this. I don't like to hear my baby talk shit about herself—it hurts me when you hurt."
The warmth that encompasses her from being in the older woman's strong embrace has her eyes squeeze shut. Lorna burrows closer, trying to strengthen the secure sensation she's being washed with. "It's not about the abuse and stuff he did before. I don't remember being raped or having any kind of sexual contact with him. I wouldn'ta let it happen, Nicky. I-I was just real scared because he threw me onto the floor and was gonna choke me so I think I hid inside my mind…and that Lorraine person, I-I think she mighta came out."
Stroking a hand softly up and down her back, Nicky nods encouragingly. "Shh, it's okay baby. Keep going. What else can ya remember? Do you know what she did?"
"I don't know what she did, Nicky. I just—I know she had to a come out. And she probably had sex with him…I don't know. I'm sorry," the brunette sniffles, hiding her face in the redhead's chest.
Dropping a small kiss to the top of her head, a small sigh escapes from her throat. Nicky tightens her hold on the quivering Italian, trying her hardest to keep it together for the both of them. The last thing either of them need is for Lorna's illness to be triggered. "Don't. Don't you be sorry, doll-face. It doesn't matter if Lorraine had sex with him or he forced her—either way, baby, it's rape. You have a serious mental condition and Vinny took advantage of that and you. He knows full well what he did is wrong. You didn't do anything. You just—you did the only thing ya could in a terrifying situation. I'm not mad at you for anything that happened; I know it's not your fault. You need to know that, sweetie. You can't fucking control your alters or what other people do."
Lorna meekly lifts her head just enough to be able to gaze up at the other. A large sniffle shakes through her body as she wraps her arms tight around Nicky's neck. "You're a real angel, Nicky. I-I don't know what I'll do without ya," she murmurs, her breath soft against her flesh.
"You will never be without me to find out. I love ya way too much to ever leave you. Please stop thinking this way, Lorna baby, it's nothing but a very bullshit thought. Can you please promise me you'll stop? I swear on everything that's holy that I will never ever leave you. I'm gonna be right here with you and help ya work through everything—the illness, the pain, everything. I love you with all that's inside of me, beautiful girl."
Late that evening, with much reluctance and heavy persuading by Lorna, Nicky finds herself sitting at a local restaurant with Alex and Poussey while slowly picking at the food on her plate. All she wants, after the last agonizing few days, is to be by her girlfriend's side taking care of her. Yet, she knows it's in both of their best interests if she looks after herself as well. That's the only reason she agreed to go out with their friends—or rather the second only reason since Lorna has to spend the next few hours talking with the police department about all that she's endured.
"Ya gonna actually take a bite of it or just keep pushing it around?" Poussey's the first to break the long silence, her dark eyes looking over the table sympathetically at the oldest woman.
Nicky lets out a grunt and stabs the pasta a bit roughly with the fork. She brings it to her mouth, chewing furiously. It seems like a million different emotions are flooding her mind at the moment. Rage, hatred, sorrow—everything all at once. This must be what it's like for many of her patients, who suffer from an array of mental conditions, feel like, she thinks.
Gently reaching over the wooden table, Alex places a soothing hand against the clearly distressed redhead. She sighs, knowing all too well the sensation. It's infuriating to think about everything her best friend's had to go through in only the past few days—yet alone the entire last decade. "You must be exhausted, yeah? I can bet ya stayed up the entire night keeping an eye on Lorna, huh?" She's beyond grateful that Lorna has a woman like Nicky in her life. When Nicky loves, she loves with all of her and that's exactly the kind of love her best friend needs—deserves.
"I had to. Lorna needs me right now, more than anything. I just—she's been through something worse than I coulda ever fucking guessed. I still can't completely process it, Alex. It enrages me so damn much…I wanna fucking pour gasoline over Vinny and watch him burn alive!"
"Whoa," the darkest skin woman exclaims, nearly chocking on her soda. Her brown eyes avert up to stare over at Nicky. "Musta been something pretty evil for ya to wanna kill him so ruthlessly, hmm? I mean I'm sure he deserves it after what I've heard about him from the two a ya. But damn."
Clutching Poussey's hand death-grippingly-tight in her own, Alex inhales a sharp breath in effort to keep herself from getting too worked up. "What the devil do to her now? It can't be worse than forcing her to have her stomach cut into, can it?"
Nicky nods slowly, furiously. "Oh, it is. A thousand times worse," she growls, slamming her fork onto the napkin beside her plate. "According to the doctor, Lorna's been sexually assaulted and raped. By Vinny. The worst way a person can be violated and it's been done to Lorna. The sweetest little angel in the world—how can any fucking person wanna do something so evil to her?"
Hearing that, Alex immediately sees red. Her death-grip on her girlfriend only grows stronger. "Where the fuck is Vinny? He better be in a prison far away from here or I'm gonna pay him a visit. How dare he hurt her in such a sick, perverted, way. I never trusted him with her, not even in the beginning. I knew there was something fucked up about him but I ignored it because Lorna was so happy. So happy to finally have someone love her—or who she thought loved her. Poor thing. She's too sweet and loving for her own good."
"No one is paying a man like Vinny a visit, Alex. He deserves no contact with anyone. That's what he wants—he wants you and Nicky to get mad, to come see him. The best thing is to let him rot there and focus on Lorna. She's got a lotta shit to work through, clearly, and she can't do that if her girlfriend/therapist and best friend are both locked up for committing murder."