"Hi!" piped Millicent for the third time. It appeared to be her favorite word.
"Awww!" squealed more than half of the assembled school, which was interesting because less than half of the school was female.
Dumbledore had given up trying to get out his explanation, because every time Millicent spoke the students would giggle or squeal at her adorableness. And she was undeniably adorable, even with dark green hair and bright aqua eyes. She was about, as Owena had guessed, fifteen months old. Smiling at everyone with equal delight, Millicent spoke in sweet tones to anyone who ventured a comment in her direction. There was speculation at the staff table as to whether or not Severus had been then same at that age, though this was done in whispers to keep that professor from realizing what was being said.
The only person Millicent was genuinely interested in was Severus, but surprisingly Lana Lionel turned out to be wonderful with babies and Millicent had taken up residence in her lap. From there she held court, doling out smiles to the worthy, which turned out to be anyone and everyone present.
It was, or it was supposed to be, breakfast time in the Great Hall. Muffins and bagels paled in comparison to this unexpected reaction to magic, however. It was a rainy Saturday, without even a Quidditch match to distract the students. On Lana's orders, the students shuffled around so that everyone could get a look at Millicent without shoving or crowding.
There were a few notable absences. Draco Malfoy was pointedly sitting in his usual seat and looking very hard in the opposite direction from the Gryffindor table. Crabbe and Goyle sat with him. A few of the older boys were pretending they were too cool to get excited about some wee kid. And even Ron Weasley had been divested of his usual seat next to Harry when he declared he was not interested in babies. His sister Ginny had ordered him to "budge up, then," and he found himself at the Hufflepuff table. Soothing his injured feelings with an extra pastry, he grumbled to himself about Millicent's amazing luck.
As they shuffled around, the students did not just speak to Millicent. They also asked questions of Lana, wrongly thinking she would have some idea as to what was going on. She tended to deflect them, or else shrug the questions off.
"When do you think she'll change back?" asked Seamus. Hermione, who had a permanent spot on Lana's right, frowned but made no comment.
"Never, I hope," Lavender Brown said cheerfully. "She's much cuter this way."
"Oh yes, very cute," Lana agreed, looking at Ginny sidelong. Ginny, who had Ron's spot next to Harry and was not complaining about it, took her cue effortlessly.
"Smashing. So I guess you'll volunteer for nappy duty then- eh, Lavender?"
"Ugh!" said Lavender, making a face. "Okay, she can grow up again. After a bit."
"Nah," said Fred, giving Millicent an impudent wink, "You stay small and then you can smuggle for us. What do you think of that?"
"Umm, no!" was Millicent's well-timed response, producing gales of laughter. Looking around in wonder at the laughing students, Millicent then said, "Oh." More laughter followed.
"How come her hair isn't the same?" Colin Creevey managed to ask from behind the twins.
"That I don't know," Lana said, "But I'll ask Professor Snape and let you know."
"Don't sacrifice yourself for his sake," George mock-pleaded, down on one knee. "Anything but that!"
More students shuffled around to the front, telling the Gryffindors not to monopolize their fellow student just because she was in their house. Most were too shy to ask any questions of Lana. Instead, they talked to one another about the remarkable magical accident and how Millicent's new state reminded them of home and family.
"She reminds me of my baby sister," remarked a first year Ravenclaw boy to his friend. "Now I can't wait to go see her over the holidays."
"My brother was that sweet," said a sixth year Hufflepuff to her boyfriend. "Why don't they stay cute?"
Harry, who had the privilege of an uncontested seat on Lana's left, had the even greater privilege of being the one who Millicent was holding on to. He had offered her a hand up when she had been trying to get into Lana's lap and Millicent had never let go. While he enjoyed being someone she kept bringing her smile back to, Harry did wonder if Millicent remembered him at all. But because he could not recall ever being so close to someone so young before, he was more fascinated with her physical form. Her tiny hands were shockingly strong, for example.
"Are you all quite finished?" came Snape's growl from the back. Millicent looked up over the students and smiled at him. She was the only one who did. The standing students quickly scattered. Harry braced himself for a stormy tirade.
"Daddy!" squealed Millicent. "Up!"
Harry knew he was not the only one staring as the professor's expression gentled. Snape leaned down and lifted his daughter out of Lana's lap. To everyone's continued amazement, he cradled Millicent while she smiled adoringly up into his face and he smiled back. Then she lifted herself up and announced,
"Kisses!" And she gave the professor a very loud smack on his cheek. Someone in the back of the crowded Gryffindor table gave a suppressed snort.
As Snape's eyes narrowed at Harry suspiciously, Lana leaned in his direction and muttered, "Run for it."
Harry snatched up his bag and scrambled to his feet. The rest of the table followed as fast as they could, with the exception of Lana. Over the thunder of feet, Harry distinctly heard Lana telling Snape,
"You can't yell in front of babies, sir. It frightens them, and that's very bad for their developing psyche, you know."
"That Lana is bloody brilliant," Ron gasped to Harry as they slowed down. "Making up that stuff about Psycheseses- well, whatever it was."
"The psyche," Hermione said to Ron in disgust as she caught up to the pair, "Is a very real part of the human consciousness. And yelling in front of children, particularly when they cannot make a connection between the yelling and the act that caused it, can be very disorienting. Doing it too much can permanently damage a child before they've even learned to walk."
"Millicent's doomed then," Ron said dismissively. "No way Snape can not yell while she's there. Blimey! Do you think she'll be with him all the time?"
Harry envisioned Millicent sitting on Snape's desk during Potions class. It was a definite improvement over current conditions. Before he could decide if it would improve Snape's mood any, Hermione cut in,
"She can't possibly be in classes with him. Haven't either of you ever seen a toddler in action? It's like watching a demolition team."
"Aw, c'mon 'Mione," Ron protested. "She's two feet tall. She can hardly reach anything dangerous."
Harry was suddenly reminded of Dobby, who was not that much bigger than Millicent. "Er, Ron-"
"No, don't you buy it, Harry. No way can someone that small make trouble."
"Glad you think so," Lana said breathlessly behind them. "Because I've just convinced Professor Snape to let me keep her until he finishes his rounds tonight."
Millicent, who was safely installed on Lana's hip, beamed at the trio. Nothing seemed very terrible about the situation, but Harry could see Hermione's look of horror forming. Unlike Ron, he was not surprised when Hermione blurted out,
"But why would you do that?"
"Because I think I'd make a pretty good babysitter until Millicent gets better. Unless you'd rather Snape went with the other candidate?"
"What other candidate?" demanded Ron.
"Draco Malfoy," Lana told him grimly.
"What?" roared Ron. "But he's a boy!"
"Really?" asked Hermione sarcastically, "I never would have guessed."
"But he would see- I mean when he had to change- it's not right," Ron finished in a mumble. Seeing the three of them looking at him with interest, he turned bright red and blurted out, "He'd see her- you know- if he changed her nappies. You can't tell me that's right!"
"I cannot wait for you to have children of you own," Lana remarked. "It will be an education, to say the least. ANYway, I've already fixed it with Professor Snape, and Millicent is going to be with me for the rest of the day. I'd scramble in a minute, though, because he's bringing me a bag and I don't think Ron would live through the instructions he's sure to give me. Could he Milly-willy?"
This last was addressed to the dark-haired baby, who was trying to squirm out of Lana's arms. Millicent looked up at her and demanded, "Down. Milly down."
"Milly-willy?" asked Harry aghast. "Milly is okay, I guess. But Milly-willy sounds like something Peeves would say."
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Gosh, Lana, don't give the Slytherins ideas."
"Good grief, you two. She's a baby," Hermione said in exasperation.
"Not forever," Harry said firmly. "Professor Dumbledore said so- well, he tried to anyway. You are too cute to be upstaged, even by Dumbledore."
Millicent was clearly delighted with this compliment. She held her arms out to Harry and he obliged by taking her from Lana. She was surprisingly heavy. The first thing she did was make a grab for his glasses. While the others laughed at his inept dodges, Millicent got a very determined look on her face and just for a moment, she really did look like Snape.
"I bet you did the same thing to your dad," Lana said, getting her giggles under control. "Just tell her no, firmly."
"No Millicent," Harry said weakly as she made another grab. "No, don't do that."
"For heaven's sake," Hermione grumbled. She caught Millicent's chin in her hand and made the baby look at her. "No, Millicent. That is a no."
Millicent pouted, and Harry was very tempted just to give her his spectacles. What could she possibly do that was worse than what had already been done to them? But Lana saw his look and shook her head at him sharply.
"Once you tell her no, you can't change your mind. Otherwise, she won't ever listen to you. Consistency is key to building a good relationship with children. They want to know they can trust you. And you have to set boundaries, or they won't feel safe."
"How do you know all that?" Ron demanded. "Is there a book or something?"
"Hundreds," the girls said together and they shared a grin.
"You really have to learn from experience, though. And from mums and dads. My mum has been making me baby-sit since I turned ten," Hermione explained.
"And I've been doing it ever since I could boss other kids," Lana said cheerfully. "Since my mum and dad traveled a lot as magical ambassadors, I'd get left with all the other foreign kids and somebody would have to be in charge or else we would have overrun the au pairs they hired. Poor girls didn't know they were going to be stuck with ten to twelve little kids who maybe didn't understand their language at all."
"That sounds horrible," said Ron, who was clearly envisioning ten Fred and Georges.
"I never had much trouble," said Lana with a shrug. "Oops, there's Professor Snape."
And as the boys turned, Snape came striding up, making hardly any noise in spite of his large stride and rippling robes. The only abnormality in the picture was the somewhat dusty nappy bag he was holding at arms-length. It had storks on it. Millicent once again squealed as she spotted him. Apparently Snape had a fan, Harry thought. Only the one, but she was clearly devoted.
"Here is the bag you requested, Miss Lionel," Snape said tightly. Apparently unwilling to glare in Millicent's direction, he was avoiding eye contact with Harry entirely.
"Thank you Professor. When can I expect you to pick her up?"
"I will be finished at midnight. But you will be in bed-"
"Oh, that's no problem, sir." Lana's tone was completely businesslike. "Millicent and I will just camp out in the common room until you're ready for her. Would you like her to sit with you at meals, or would you prefer that I take care of that as well?"
"She will sit with me, if that is not a problem," Snape said with less tightness. Harry thought that Lana's seriousness was working. He wondered if calming anxious parents was something else she had learned.
"Of course it isn't a problem. Do you allow snacks between meals? Or was she not usually hungry? And, she's certainly too young for peanut butter, milk and grapes, but does she have any allergies that you know of? I wouldn't forgive myself if I accidentally gave her something she can't take."
"She has no allergies that I am aware of. And she may eat lightly between meals, but only if she is hungry."
"Naturally," Lana said smoothly, as though she were writing all of this down. "And what was the usual procedure if she fell down, or got a bump? Kisses and band-aids? Or would you just ignore the minor bumps so as not to upset her?"
"Ravena preferred kisses," Snape admitted, looking a bit overwhelmed. Ron was gaping, and Harry could guess that his own eyes were round. He determined to get down to the library as soon as possible to find a book of instructions. There had to be a manual for children somewhere.
"Very good. Reassurances are very good for children her age. Are there any taboo subjects you feel she is too young to hear about that might be out of the common? Obviously I wouldn't swear or use inappropriate gestures in her presence, or talk about certain intimate acts, but would it upset you if I used the proper term for parts of her body, or described for her in general what I was doing while I changed her nappies?"
Ron had gone beet red and put his hands over his ears. Hermione gave him a scathing look, but Harry was beginning to understand what Ron had been so upset about when he had heard Draco had volunteered for this job. Also, Harry was starting to feel a little panicked. How on earth were they going to remember all these things and why was Lana even asking them?
He glanced down at Millicent who gave him another sweet smile. Ron may just have been wrong when he said toddlers could not be any trouble. She had not even done anything yet and Harry's head was spinning. What would she be like when they let her feet touch the floor?