21
It didn't happen overnight, but gradually Elphaba and Fiyero felt they were making progress in not been haunted by what happened in March. It wasn't easy, especially when Elphaba had seen what would have been, but slowly, they were healing.
Elphaba and Fiyero were both incredibly grateful for the support of their friends. Galinda instinctively seemed to know when the subject was too sore to mention and when Elphaba wanted to talk about it. Boq did whatever he could, even if he did always feel like he was saying or doing the wrong thing; and Nessa had had a long talk with her sister and apologised when she saw how much genuine pain her sister was going through, promising to put aside her own viewpoints and support Elphaba and Fiyero.
They still weren't perfect however. Elphaba couldn't help herself but keep track of the development the baby girl she had seen would have been experiencing as the weeks went by. Fiyero didn't like it, he found it too painful and wasn't sure it was actually helping her. But when he brought up the subject, Elphaba argued it did help her to deal with it.
"I saw her, Yero," she said quietly. "And reading about this, how she… what would be happening… it helps. I can't explain how, but it helps."
When Fiyero confided in Boq about the situation, Boq suggested that Elphaba following through the pregnancy even through books, was perhaps a way of closure. This way, she was not simply pretending it had never happened. So, Fiyero gave in and didn't argue the matter, and made an effort to get involved and support Elphaba with it. This was how Dr Dillamond learned the truth, one day in May, when he walked into his classroom to prepare for class and found Fiyero comforting Elphaba.
She was having a bad day, she had gotten her period the night before, her first after losing the baby. And then she had read that twenty weeks was the halfway point of a pregnancy, by which stage the mother should be able to feel movement and the baby can recognise its mother's voice.
Elphaba had been more fragile and emotional since March, so when she'd burst into tears after reading that, there was nothing more Fiyero could do than pull her into an empty classroom and hold her as she cried.
"Miss Elphaba?" The Goat asked, startled and concerned to see his student sitting in his classroom, wiping away tears. "Is everything alright, Mister Tiggular?"
Fiyero hesitated. "Er…"
He wasn't sure what to say. He glanced at Elphaba, who gave a small nod, which told him he could tell professor the truth.
"Can we- confide in you, sir?"
Dr Dillamond was startled. He was fond of both Elphaba and Fiyero, but had no wish to play mediator or relationship counsellor with them, as he suspected was the issue. But he looked at Elphaba carefully and saw the pain in her eyes and noticed how different she had been in class lately, although her work ethic had not suffered.
"You may," he answered Fiyero and prepared himself to be regaled with the troubles of young love.
Which meant, of course, he was completely unprepared to hear Fiyero tell him that he and Elphaba had suffered a miscarriage eight weeks ago, without even knowing of the pregnancy in the first place. Fiyero kept a firm hold on Elphaba's hand the whole time as he talked, his voice shaking somewhat. This was the first time they had told anyone, and even as he told the Goat what had caused Elphaba's tears that morning, he couldn't help but reflect it felt good for someone to know the truth.
When Fiyero had finished, Dr Dillamond sighed and placed a trot on Elphaba's shoulder.
"I am so dreadfully sorry, Miss Elphaba," he said sincerely and she managed a weak smile.
"Thank you."
Elphaba wiped her eyes and sighed, leaning forward on the desk and holding her head in her hands.
"I'm sorry… I know I'm just torturing myself by doing this," she said softly and Fiyero placed a supportive hand on her back.
"You're dealing with it, Fae. It's a process," he told her and looked to the Goat for support.
Dr Dillamond nodded. "Fiyero is right, Elphaba," he said gently, forsaking the honorifics. "There is no one way to deal with loss, and if this is helping you to do so, then I see no harm."
"Sometimes it helps… sometimes it just hurts," she replied, a lump in her throat as she lifted her head. "It always hurts," she corrected herself with a grimace and shared a knowing look with Fiyero.
"Sometimes healing does hurt," the Goat agreed. "But it will heal… with time."
Elphaba hesitated and Dr Dillamond knew what she was about to say.
"Healing doesn't mean we forget," he said before she could ask. "It just shows we have strength. And you, my dear, have much of that."
Dr Dillamond's words had meant the world to Elphaba, and with them in mind, she turned her focus to the exams, the last they would sit at Shiz.
One day in early June, Elphaba was leaving the library to return to her dorm room after studying. She and Galinda were going into town to get birthday presents for Fiyero, who would turn twenty-five the next week during the exam period.
"Miss Elphaba!"
Elphaba turned and stifled a groan as she saw Madame Morrible approaching her. "Good afternoon, Madame," she said politely.
"I was just coming to see you. Would you mind stepping into my office for a moment?" she asked and Elphaba hesitated, knowing Galinda was waiting for her.
"Very well," she conceded and half-heartedly followed the HeadShiztress into her office.
"Miss Elphaba, a few weeks ago, I received a letter from the Emiliani Orphanage in the Emerald City."
Elphaba was bewildered. Why would Morrible want to talk to her after getting a letter from an orphanage?
"Oh," she said finally, because Morrible seemed to be waiting for a response.
"They wrote to me because they are looking for a teacher for the orphans and wanted to know if I had any recommendations, being that I am so renowned an educator."
Elphaba somehow managed to keep her amusement at that statement from showing on her face.
"I see," she said, although she didn't.
Madame Morrible leaned forward slightly. "Miss Elphaba, I suggested you and they've offered you the post."
Now Elphaba was really surprised. "Me?"
Madame Morrible spread her hands. "Why not? You are our best student we've had here at Shiz in many years, Miss Elphaba. And you've proven yourself to be a fine teacher through your tutoring sessions with Mr Tiggular. I told them all about you, and they were most impressed."
Elphaba didn't know what to say. "I- I appreciate the offer Madame, but I-"
"Oh, I am sorry. I should have asked if you had plans lined up now that you're graduating. I should have assumed that you and Prince Fiyero would have arrangements for your future…"
Elphaba saw Morrible's gaze flicker to her left hand and she unconsciously flexed her fingers.
"No!" she said hastily. "We- we haven't…. no."
Madame Morrible nodded. "I see. Well, why don't you take some time to think it over? You can let me know by the end of the week," she suggested.
Elphaba would have refused right then and there, she knew there was no way she could leave Nessa or Munchkinland. But Morrible insisted and Elphaba found herself leaving the office and promising to give her answer by the end of the week, clutching the letter from the orphanage director in her hand.
Dazedly, she headed to her dorm room, where Galinda was waiting impatiently.
"There you are! You're late!"
"Sorry, Glin. Morrible caught me, she wanted to see me," Elphaba explained.
Galinda's eyebrows rose. "Horrible Morrible? What did she want?"
"It doesn't matter," Elphaba rolled her eyes and tossed the letter carelessly in the trash can.
Galinda watched with narrowed eyes. "Elphie? What is that?"
"Nothing, it's just garbage. Are we going shopping or not?"
Galinda snatched the envelope out of the trash can and opened it.
"Galinda, leave it," Elphaba beseeched her, but Galinda ignored her.
She read the beginning of the letter and squealed. "Elphie! You've been offered a teaching position? In the Emerald City? That's so thrillifying!"
"I'm not taking it Galinda," Elphaba cut her off before she got too excited.
Galinda's face fell. "What? Why not?"
"Finish reading the letter," Elphaba encouraged her.
With a frown, the blonde did so. "Ok… I still don't understand the problem."
Elphaba sighed. "For one thing, my father would never let me accept it. I have responsibilities at home, and to Nessa. Secondly, there's Fiyero."
"Fiyero? You think he wouldn't let you take it?"
"No, I'm sure he would," Elphaba admitted. "Did you miss the part where they say it's a two year contract?"
Galinda's eyes quickly skimmed the letter again and then she grimaced. "Oh."
Elphaba smiled. "Yeah. Oh. Two years is a long time, Galinda."
"It is," the blonde admitted.
"I think you should do it, Elphie," Galinda announced and Elphaba was startled.
"What? Did you not hear the reasons I just said I couldn't?"
"I heard," Galinda replied calmly. "Nessa, your father, and Fiyero. Well, first of all- your father can shove it."
Elphaba grinned at that, it was such an unladylike thing for Galinda to say.
"Secondly, Nessa is twenty years old. Which means you've looked after her for twenty years, pretty much. I know she's your sister and you love her, and you have these stupid guilt issues for something that you had nothing to do with… Your father can find someone else to care for Nessa and run the household."
"I couldn't just abandon her," Elphaba protested.
"Look, Nessa isn't stupid. I think there may have been a time when she thought you would look after her until the day you die. But she knows you and Fiyero are eventually planning on marrying. And considering he's the prince of the Vinkus, it would be pretty impractical for the two of you to live in Munchkinland. You're not abandoning her… you're having your own life, which you are perfectly entitled to."
Elphaba sighed. "What about Fiyero?"
"What about him? Have I missed something? Are you two suddenly planning on getting married right after graduation?"
"No," Elphaba rolled her eyes, recalling how Morrible had asked her the same question.
"Fiyero promised you time, didn't he?"
"Yes," Elphaba admitted.
"So, spending that time in the Emerald City, doing something wonderful and teaching poor little orphaned children- something you will be brilliant at; isn't that better than spending it in Munchkinland doing what you've done your whole life?"
Elphaba hesitated, then met Galinda's gaze solemnly. "Glin, if I gave him any sign I was ready for that, Fiyero would propose now. He'd probably suggest we elope before I have time to change my mind," she laughed.
"And yes, I'm not ready to get married just yet and jump into being a princess… but what would happen to us? He'd still be in the Vinkus."
"Yes, but you'd be in the City, which is a lot closer to the Vinkus than Munchkinland," Galinda pointed out. "I'm still failing to see the problem, Elphie."
Elphaba let out a deep sigh, sitting on her bed dejectedly. "Since… the baby," she said with difficulty and Galinda waited patiently, her face soft.
"We've just…. we're more…"
"You're a lot more intensified," Galinda nodded, finishing the sentence. "I've noticed that too. It didn't feel right to ask why."
Elphaba smiled slightly. "We've really been leaning on each other. It's hard… we know that in another time… if things had been different… I'd be six months pregnant now. And we're just a lot more… aware of things."
Galinda tilted her head. "I'm confusified. What does that mean?"
Elphaba played with her fingers. "Before… sex was… it meant something because we love each other," she tried to explain, blushing slightly.
"But now… knowing that we made a baby… it's a really amazing thought. It means something now because we made life. Even though we lost her…. she had a heartbeat. She was forming into a person. It just makes you think and go about things differently."
Galinda gave her best friend a small smile. "That's really beautiful, Elphie. I never really thought about it, I guess."
Elphaba shook her head. "Yeah… but I don't know what's going to happen now. It was hard last summer, going home and not seeing him for two months. I can't imagine going back to my father after everything's that happened this year and not knowing when I'll see Fiyero next."
"That's why I think you should take this," Galinda said gently, waving the letter at her. "It'll give you something productive to do for a while. A new challenge, a chance to do some good. And I'll bet Fiyero would say the same thing."
To appease her roommate much the same way she had Madame Morrible, Elphaba promised to think about it. But Galinda knew her better, and pulled Fiyero aside at dinner when Elphaba went to the bathroom. Fiyero reacted just as Galinda had expected and promised the blonde he'd talk to his girlfriend about the idea.
She was spending the night in his room that night and Fiyero waited until she was climbing into bed before producing the letter Galinda had given him.
"Hey, Fae?"
When Elphaba saw the letter her eyes widened. "Where did you get- Galinda," she cut herself off with a knowing and exasperated sigh.
Fiyero grinned. "Yep."
Elphaba grimaced. "Let me guess- you think I should take it too?"
"Yep."
She rolled her eyes. "Yero!"
He laughed. "What? I think you should! You're a great teacher, Fae."
Elphaba sighed and slumped against the pillows. "It's an orphanage… I'm not good with children."
"I think you're better than you think you are," he said quietly.
She frowned at him. "Why do you think I should do it?"
Fiyero sighed. "Because you're a great teacher. And I hate the thought of you being stuck in Munchkinland," he said unhappily.
Well that worked out, because Elphaba hated the thought of being stuck in Munchkinland.
"It's a two year contract, Fiyero," she told him.
He nodded. "I know. I read the letter."
"Two years," she stressed.
He took her hand. "Two years isn't that long, Fae. We've been together for two years in August and look how fast it's gone!"
Elphaba was quiet for a long moment, thinking very seriously. Fiyero simply sat there, letting her organise her thoughts.
"Come with me," she said quietly and Fiyero blinked at her.
"Where?"
"To the Emerald City," Elphaba lifted her eyes to him apprehensively. "Would you come with me? I mean, would your parents-"
Fiyero laughed. "Fae, I'm going to be twenty-five next week! I don't have to ask their permission!"
She gave him an exasperated look. "Yes you do. You're a prince, and don't forget- I've been there every time your father's talked to you in the past two years about your responsibilities and duties after graduation."
She had too, and Fiyero groaned. "Fae, I try very hard to repress those talks. Please don't remind me," he grumbled and Elphaba smiled slightly.
"And yes," he added as an afterthought and she frowned at him.
"Yes what?"
He rolled his eyes. "How quickly we forget," he teased her. "Yes, I'll come with you to the Emerald City," he agreed and her whole face lit up.
"You mean that?"
Fiyero's heart melted to see her so genuinely happy at that idea and he nodded, smiling gently as he kissed her.
"Yes. I'll talk to my parents, and I'll work it out," he promised her. "But you have to tell Morrible in the morning that you'll take the job."
"What about Nessa?"
"School won't start until the fall," he pointed out reasonably. "You'll have the summer to find someone you can trust to take care of her."
"But my father," she began and he cut her off.
"We'll deal with him too," he agreed. "But if you've already accepted the job, there's not much he can do about it, is there?"
Elphaba laughed. "Please don't try that tactic with your parents. They like me," she teased and Fiyero grimaced, that had been exactly his plan.
"They love you," he corrected her gently. "Which I plan on using in my favour."
Elphaba rolled her eyes, but smiled brilliantly at him. "So, we're going to the Emerald City?"
Fiyero nodded confidently. "Yes, my darling green girl. We're going to the Emerald City."
Elphaba laughed as she kissed him.