Chapter 21

(Madge POV)

I make my way to my own room and close the door behind me, leaning against it for a moment. Why can't my life just be simple and stress free? I let out a sigh and go over to sit on my bed. Between Haymitch's warning, the games and not being able to truly be with Gale, my mind is a muddled mess. All of it weighs so heavily on me that I'm not even sure which is stressing me out the most.

Haymitch's warning could end up being nothing more than just a warning that never leads to anything. If the buzz about Katniss and all her kindness settles down, then District 12 will have nothing to worry about. And in the meantime, all I need to do is keep my eyes open and watch for things that seem out of the ordinary. But again, if things don't calm down about the whole kindness stuff, then the district could be in serious trouble. Serious trouble. And the whole plant watering bit doesn't sit so easily either. I've only been inside his house once or twice ever and I certainly don't recall seeing any house plants. I only hope I know what I'm looking for when I see it.

As for Katniss, she has me constantly on edge with the games being down to the final four. She's doing so well but at the same time, I'm still uncomfortable about her not having the gamemakers on her side. She's actually probably lucky that they haven't created a way to eliminate her from the game already. I'm also somewhat concerned about the twist they put on the games about tributes from the same district being allowed to win together. They have never done anything like that before and it seems very out of character for them. I haven't mentioned it to anyone but I think it's a trick. Like a twist that's going to have another twist coming or something. Or maybe they'll find a way to eliminate either Katniss or Peeta so that they don't have to crown them as co-victors. Afterall, they are the last eligible tributes to win together.

And Gale. Oh my heart. He is probably the most complicated of all of it. I want more than ever to be his girlfriend. His official girlfriend. I want to be around him all the time, like I can't get enough of him. But in a few hours we can't even be seen speaking to one another. I want to intervene and let my father know exactly what I think about him and his blackmailing Gale to breakup with me. And I want to be able to do it without Gale's family starving to death. And I want him to stop making me want him so incredibly much. God, when he kisses me like he did in his room, wow, it's unbelievable the way it makes me feel and the way it makes me crave that much more of him. And then we end up at that part I despise so much where we break away and things don't go any further. It's true that initially I'd been the one to want to stop things from progressing but I feel different about him now. Different about us now. I'm certain he's the person I want to be with and I don't doubt how he feels about me. Which is why it's so frustrating when all I want is to feel my skin against his and he somehow finds the strength to make us keep our clothes on.

And now, because of all of these things, I'm alone in my stateroom trying to clear my head and wasting what little time I have left with Gale. If tonight is all I have left with him before we have to become strangers again then I shouldn't be in my room alone trying to clear my head. I should be with him making every second count.

I go back to the dining hall and find an avox. I'll need some help if I want to tonight to count for something. After that's all set, I go back to Gale's room and knock once as I open the door. I find him stretched out on his bed, arms behind his head. As soon as he sees it's me he sits up straight.

"Hey." He says and his voice sounds nervous. I think maybe I freaked him out by leaving like I did earlier.

"Hi."

"You okay?"

"I'm sorry I left like that. I was just overwhelmed and needed to clear my head."

"Overwhelmed about us?" He asks, voice still sounding nervous.

"About us, the games, Haymitch's warning. I thought I needed some time to think and sort things out but then I realized that I was being stupid because I have very little time with you and that clock is ticking and so I came back."

"I'm glad you're back but I am sorry you're overwhelmed." He says.

"It's okay. Right now, you're mine for a few more hours and I plan for both of us to enjoy that time."

A smile breaks across his face. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too. Which is why I arranged to have our dinner brought to your room tonight. We are going to have the best night together starting right now!"

"I can't imagine anywhere else I'd rather be." He says as I come up to him and stand between his legs, my arms around his neck.

We spend the next several hours actually talking, eating food until we're so stuffed we couldn't possibly eat another bite and just enjoying being in each other's company. He sits cross-legged in the floor and I lay with my head in his lap, his hand running through my hair as we talk. We talk for hours. Not about the games. Not about the Capitol. Not about our future together. We just talk.

By the time I can't fight back my yawning for another minute and my eyelids are drooping, I'm too exhausted to go back to my room and I'm seriously debating sleeping in my clothes.

"Let's go to bed." I suggest through a yawn.

"Don't you wanna go change first?"

"I'm too tired. I'll just sleep in my clothes. It's fine." I say as I start climbing into bed.

"Wait a minute." He says as he pulls off his shirt and hands it to me. "Here, take this. There's no way you'll be comfortable in that dress all night."

"Thanks." I say as I take it. I start to pull the zipper on my dress and slip out of my dress when I feel him come up behind me, his hands covering mine and helping me out of my dress. Still standing closely behind me, he brings his shirt down over my head and lets it slide down over me. It's the most sensual changing of clothes I've ever had. His breath tickles my ear and then he kisses me on my neck, just once. We climb into his bed and I curl up against him.

"Sweet dreams my love." He whispers.

My heart flutters and I try not to take it for more than a sweet nothing. Try anyway. I can't help but replay it over and over in my head. He called me his love.

The next morning, Gale wakes me up by planting light kisses on my face.

"Mmm, morning." I say as I greet him.

"It's just barely morning. Wanted you to see this sunrise." He tells me as he sits us up and taps the window.

I look out at the early morning sky and see a spectacular blend of pink and orange.

"Are you always awake this early?"

"Creature of habit."

"We'll be home soon."

"Shhh. Not now."

"We can't ignore it now Gale, we'll be there in a few hours."

"No talking during sunrises. It's my rule."

I give him a sleepy smile and curl myself up in his arms as we lay watching the daybreak outside. I love the feeling I get when he's holding me like this. It feels so comfortable. So right. Just thinking about what it'll feel like in a few hours when I can't even talk to him, much less be wrapped up in his arms makes my chest feel tight and makes it difficult to breathe. I'm still completely without a single thought or plan to get us back together. A small tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly go to wipe it away before he can see it.

"Hey, are you crying?" He asks as he lifts me up and shifts so he can see me.

I shake my head. "I'm fine." I lie.

"Don't lie to me. What's wrong? You're upset that we're almost home?"

I nod and the tears start falling and there's nothing I can do about it. I shut my eyes and put my hands over my face, not wanting him to see it. I feel him pull my hands gently away from my face and then I feel his fingers brush over my cheeks as he wipes away my tears.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers. "Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry."

"I just can't stand the thought of going back to the way it was. I can't stand the thought of being all alone and not being able to even talk to you."

"I don't like it either. I swear to you that if I could be with you, I would. I just can't…they need me to take care of them…I can't let them starve."

"I don't want you to choose me over your family. I just don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"You're gonna be just fine."

"I'm going to have to really play it up to my father about how we had to pretend to be a couple for the interview. I'll have to tell him that I had to beg you to go along with it and I'll have to tell him how humiliating it was for me."

"Madge, I'm so sorry." He apologizes with a kiss to my temple.

"If he happens to bring you in, to talk to you about it at all, keep it simple and go along with my story. I came to you on the train and begged you to go along with it. You finally agreed because you were afraid not too." I tell him, wanting to make sure he has it.

"It'll be fine. I'm not worried about your father. Just about you."

"I need to go take a shower and get ready for breakfast." I tell him.

"I guess I should do the same. Get one last shower in."

I lean forward and kiss his lips before I leave. I tiptoe down the hallway and back into my own room, still wearing Gale's t-shirt. When I lift it over my head, I notice how it smells of him and I make a decision to keep it. I fold it up and slip it into my suitcase beneath my other clothes. If I can"t have him, I at least want something to make me feel close to him.

In the shower, more tears fall as my mind continues to dwell on the fact that my time with Gale is running out. I force myself to halt the crying when I get out of the shower. I can't go home with red, swollen eyes.

After I've gotten dressed and put on a little makeup, I go back down the hall to Gale's room. He's still in the shower so I sit down to wait for him. I wonder if he will notice that I'm keeping his shirt. Maybe I'll tell him. His boots sitting on the floor give me an idea. I quickly grab one of them and hurry to unlace it. Then I take my bracelet of and break the wire that holds it together and remove one of the blue glass beads. I thread it onto his shoelace and then wind the laces back through his boot. Now he'll have something of mine to remind him of me.

When he comes out of the bathroom, he's got pants on but no shirt yet. Suddenly I wonder if I just stole his only t-shirt. "Hey, you know that shirt I slept in last night?"

"Yeah?" He asks as he rubs a towel over his hair.

"Would it be alright if I hang on to it for awhile?" I ask nervously and hopefully.

He flashes me a smile and comes over. "So you wanna keep my old tshirt?"

"It smells like you. I thought maybe it would make me miss you less."

"I love the idea of you having my shirt." He tells me through a kiss, his hands resting on my hips.

"Really?"

"Really. It's kinda hot actually, thinking about you sleeping in my shirt. Kinda like it." He smirks.

"Thanks." I say as I look down trying not to blush.

"Ready for some breakfast?"

We go to the dining car one last time and share one last meal together. I find myself not able to eat very much but Gale manages. After that, the train is nearly home so I tell him I need to be in my own room when the train stops at the station and he in his. It's time for goodbye.

(Gale POV)

I walk her all the way to her room and go inside to say goodbye. This may very well be the last kiss I ever get to give her so I have to make it count. As soon as the door shuts behind us, I take hold of her waist and pull her against me, kissing her lips. She knots a fistful of my shirt in her hand and kisses me back. When the kiss breaks, I lean my forehead down against hers and close my eyes again. I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay without her again. I want to tell her that I love her. Want to tell her right now, this very instant but it seems cruel to profess your love for someone when you may never be with them again so I hold back. I think it in my head and feel it in my heart but I don't let the words leave my mouth. I love her but right now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to tell her.

When I leave her room and the door closes leaving me alone in the hallway, I actually find myself choked up and having to fight back tears. It actually hurts right now knowing we're finished. Finished unless we can find a way to be together.

In my room, I pack up my belongings into my small leather satchel and on a whim decide to take all the pears that fill the bowl on my night table. I hadn't eaten any of them and there's just enough for me to take one to each of my family members. They'll enjoy having a treat.

As I go to put on my boots, I notice something on the laces. I hold my boot up closer to my face to inspect it and find a bright blue bead woven through the laces. Madge. It's like the ones on that bracelet she wears. She must have put that here for me. I run my fingertips over it and swallow back the lump forming in my throat. I love her so damn much.

The train lurches to a stop just as I get my boots on and I grab my satchel and head out the door. I want to get off and leave the station as quickly as I can because I can't stand the thought of seeing Madge again right now. I hightail it out of there and head straight for the Seam. Maybe seeing my family will make me miss her less for the moment.

Posy nearly tackles me the minute I walk through our front door. Rory and Vick seem like they missed me too. My mother smiles and hugs me but I can tell something isn't right that she's not telling me.

I pull the pears out of my bag and pass them out. I was right, they love them. I should've thought to smuggle more food off the train and I kick myself for being so wrapped up in Madge that I didn't think about that sooner.

My mother goes outside to work on her laundry and I follow, leaving the kids inside to enjoy their fruit.

"What's the matter?" I ask her not beating around the bush.

"Our tesserae didn't come this month. At first, I thought it was a mistake so I went into town to ask about it but they said no one's arrived. Something about a problem with shipping."

"Did they say when it would get here?"

She shakes her head.

"I'm sure it'll come soon. How low are we? Can we wait a few days?"

"Really low. You'll have to get a decent haul and do some trading today."

"I can do that. I'll go right now and set some snares. See if I can get anything with the bow that I can trade today for."

"Gale?" She calls after me. I turn and she continues. "Why were you and Madge together in the interview? Won't her father be angry?" She asks and it only now occurs to me that the people of 12 who think Madge and I broke up won't understand.

"We had to pretend. For the Capitol. Don't worry, we aren't back together, her father will be fine." I explain, my voice cracking as I say to her that we aren't together.

In the woods I manage to collect a few squirrels with the bow. I'm not as good of a shot as Catnip is but I can still kill them, just not through the eye like she can. I set a couple snares and hope they catch me something to collect later.

At the Hob, I trade a all but one of the squirrels for some oil and grain. When I go by the Everdeen's house, Prim gives me a small cloth of goat's cheese. She has this goat named lady that she manages to get a decent amount of milk from and occasionally she makes cheese out of it. She tells me they're doing okay on food but takes a little bit of the oil and grain.

Back at home, I get cleaned up for the viewing while my mother works her magic in the kitchen. She manages to make a soup with the one squirrel I saved her and the oil and grain lets her make some tesserae crisps. They're kind of like crackers but taste horrible. In the Seam we're all used to them though and they'll be sufficient dinner for my mother and the kids. Seeing as how I've spent the past several days shoveling myself full of free Capitol food, I think I'll skip dinner tonight. They'll need it much more than I would.

At the viewing, I can't help but look over at Madge regardless of how many times I tell myself not to. She's got that look about her again. That pleasing one. She's smiling politely and chatting up people, doing what she does all the time. Our eyes never meet but part of me thinks she knows I watching anyway.

The viewing shows us that the gamemakers are getting restless. It's been too long since there was any action. They talk about how they're going to push the remaining tributes together. My stomach churns. They've created something called lava. Said it used to occur naturally inside mountains that erupted fire. They're starting it at the far edges of the arena and all the ground turns into this fiery water like stuff. The only way to keep safe is too move towards the center of the arena where the cornucopia is. They tells us that one touch of this lava stuff will melt you, skin and bone. It flows, creeping slowly towards all the tributes. As they notice it, they move inward. The announcers further tell us that it'll take at least a day for the lava to make it to the center of the arena. That gives Kantniss one day to try to figure out what she's gonna do when she gets there. She and Peeta haven't even seen it yet so they don't know it's coming for them. Actually, the only person to see it so far is Thresh and he's moving quickly in the exact direction they want him too. Hopefully, he'll make it to the center of the arena and meet up with Cato and the two of them can battle it out before Katniss and Peeta get there. And hopefully Cato wins that battle. I'm worried that Katniss won't be able to kill Thresh since he spared her at the feast. I don't want her to have a moment where she hesitates.

After the viewing ends leaving us all on edge wondering who will run into who first, I glance back at Madge once more. She happens to look my way too and I wish she hadn't. It only makes it hurt that much more as I turn and walk back to the Seam alone.