These characters are not mine, and I have been in mourning of that fact. But now I'm all better, and my counselor says it's normal to hear voices.

So, change of plan at the last minute, that's why this took so long. I threw out the old one and totally came up with this spur of the moment, and Mikey likes it. C'mon, we're only just shy of seventy thousand words, and very not ready for a happy ending yet. You'll get it, of course, but I think there's some more road rash to be earned. Comments are loved, and help the muse go round.

Seriously, can anyone guess where I'm going with this? Just curious. Candy for those who do.

I would love to say that the last two people on our list, those most responsible for her death, had tons of hired bodyguards and we took them out in a blaze of gunfire and glory. Nope, can't say that. They were each hiding with their families, hoping to continue hiding, or that their family would dissuade us from killing them. Kinda unfulfilling, actually. We went in, killed the guys, and left. The only real work involved was on Logan's part for schmoozing the information out of the utilities lady.

That's something I've put in my list of stuff I don't think about. While I don't think he went all the way, Logan definitely visited a few bases with that chick, and it's kinda made me a mess. I've lost Gambit, still don't know how I'm gonna handle that when we try to go back to New York, and now Logan got some nookie. Why in the fucking hell is it so hard for me to get some action? I mean, sure, I could hire an escort if I wanted it that badly, but I'd rather have one that would actually stick around for more than a few hours. Possibly even for a few weeks before I fucked it up somehow. I'm just not the male hooker type of girl. Or complete stranger type. Logan would probably kill me anyway. So now I'm frustrated, mentally and otherwise, and kinda jealous for more than one reason. Maybe I just need some space from him. We've been living in the same motel room for almost eight months, and that's a long time to live with a friend, much less however you would categorize what Logan is to me. Besides, it would be good for him to spend time with his friends, to get back into the swing of real life. Yeah, we both need a reality check, mine will just be the kind that smarts.

That brought me to my other problem: Gambit. What the fuck was I supposed to do with him? I mean, seriously, how was I supposed to remember what it was like when he was just my best friend, and then actually treat him like that? People progress, their needs increase, and relationships aren't meant to backslide, so how was I supposed to accomplish that when I was still kinda broken? I guess my only option was to take it slow, because I wasn't heartless enough to give up, act like a spoiled little kid because I didn't get my way. No, I had to do the difficult thing and fight to get our friendship back. Maybe that could keep me busy while I got some space from Logan. I still had doubts he would actually return to Canada. Not so much doubts, as serious misgivings about his ability to stay longer than a month. He would be living in their cabin, surrounded by memories of Jubes, and very few men can actually live with that. I knew I wouldn't hold it against him when he left. I had ten backup plans, and had already picked out a name for each of them. I was totally prepared to be the Crazy Cat Lady that lived in the woods and always smelled like milk. Not what I had envisioned when I saw myself all grown up, but my knight in shining armor was a widow, so adjustments had to be made. God, what a fuckin' pity party I am.

We got back to New York in good time, and I think I actually surprised Logan by not trying to get out of talking to Gambit. True, I told Logan to tell Gambit that I would meet him at Harry's, but I think he had a speech all prepared in his head in case I tried to chicken out. There was no way I was even attempting to go back to the mansion, as by now it would be obvious what we had been doing. The FBI investigations into the murders had made national news for six months, and I'm sure they were still looking for us. Anyway, I hung out at Harry's all afternoon, and most of the evening. I ate dinner alone, and had to admit the food was pretty good. Club sandwich, no bacon, on sourdough. Fries were awesome. By ten at night, I was wondering where the hell Gambit was. Logan had to have gotten there around noon, so why was it taking him so long to get away? Maybe they were trying to keep him from seeing me? Maybe Rouge felt funny about Gambit seeing someone he had been dating, because that's what they all thought, remember? I probably would have not wanted him to go, if it had been me. It was sometime after midnight that I gave up, deciding that he wasn't going to show for whatever reason. Part of me really did not want to care what that reason might be, because it gave me an easy out. He had made the first step, I had made the next one, so we were even. Easiest just to leave it there. I bought a bottle of cinnamon whiskey off Harry and headed for Canada. Logan I would call in the morning, let him know I had skipped the country. I would also pressure him into staying there for a while, if possible.

"You're in flamin' where?!"

"Canada, Logan. I'm in Canada."

"I heard ya the first time. Why the hell are ya all the way up there without waitin' fer me or tellin' me ya were takin' off!?"

"Well, I got stood up by Gambit, so I just kinda started driving. I figured you'd want to hang out with everyone there for a few days, say hi to Jubes and the kid, and I didn't want to see another motel room, so I went home."

It was a few seconds before he said anything, and his words were spoken deliberately, as though he were telling a child something very important that had to be completely understood.

"Di, I meant it when I said ya were the only family I got left. I'm not gonna pull a Gambit on ya. I will be there soon. Ya believe me, dontcha darlin'?"

"Yeah, no big. Give Hank and Scott a hug for me, let Hank know I'll be ok, I'll still be me?"

"Any message fer Gambit?"

"Nope. I'm leaving it the way it is. Rogue's the jealous type, so it's probably for the best anyways."

"Gumbo didn't stand ya up last night, Di, he-"

"Honestly, Logan, don't give a flying fuck. His phone is practically attached to his mouth, so I see no excuse. He wants to explain, he can call. If he can't, there's no use in trying to be friends with someone I can't talk to anyway. I'll see you when I see you."

"I'll see-- (click) sigh – I will be home, darlin'. Even if ya don't believe me."

It had been six months since he had returned to New York. Six months of something always happening, some emergency or end of the world event that could not be prevented without him. Six months without a word from her to anyone. Christmas had come and gone, and though no one actually expected her to try and show up, the lack of a phone call was surprising. It was like she had stopped existing. Which, he knew he had only himself to blame. It was the usual story on his end: family emergencies, jetting off to other countries to deal with some mutant crisis or another, but after a while, he just lost track of time. True, he had needed time to truly mourn his wife and child, but a small voice kept trying to get his attention, whispering that he was going to lose her. Unfortunately, that voice was consistently drowned out by the here and now, and it became habit to not notice it.

Nightmares were nothing new to him, they had become as normal as regular dreams, but one morning he woke up in a cold sweat and was out of bed and getting dressed before he was awake enough to realize he was on his feet. Trying to remember the dream only made it slip away further, but the cold chill that shuddered down his spine told him something was wrong, somewhere. And then he remembered Di, truly remembered how long it had been since he had promised to go home. That little voice came back with a vengeance, reminding him of their conversation in L.A., where she had told him of her doubts that he would want to see her after they were done, that it would be too hard for him to be around her. He didn't feel that way, but how else was she supposed to see it?

Totally uncaring as to the time difference, he was on the phone to the mansion as fast as his fingers could dial. It took only a moment to be connected to Hank, the one person who wouldn't think of questioning or second-guessing his intuition when it came to her. Offering only his intuition and a request to have Kurt get Hank there immediately, he put the phone back into its' cradle and waited. He knew that if she was ok, was there, he would not get a phone call right away, as the two would get talking and lose track of time, and Hank had a secret craving for long hugs that he only knew about because she had mentioned it once in passing. When the phone rang less than five minutes later, he knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"Logan, Kurt is on his way to come get you. You need to see this."

Logan slammed the phone down as Kurt appeared in the room, and his chest seemed to burn when he remembered the last time Kurt had looked at him like that. A second had him back at her cabin, but he had to look again, realizing that her cabin was gone. Most of it had been burned, only a small section of one wall had escaped. The fire was old, months old, and there was no sign of her being there. He frantically sniffed around, noting that Hank had already been doing the same thing, but he could not get a single whiff of her. He looked to Hank, but his friend sadly shook his head.

"My place. She could be hiding out there."

Kurt bamfed them one at a time, and Hank could not help the gasp that came out of his mouth. Parts of the cabin had been torched, as though someone had tried to set it on fire and had not succeeded. A few bones were strewn around the area, and Hank quickly recognized them as human, but decidedly male. A few large patches of blood on the floor in the cabin was the only other clue as to what had happened. Hank took some samples and looked to Logan.

"Are you going back to Japan or staying here until I know who's blood this is? If it is all hers, I doubt she could have survived, Logan. You know how much blood that would have been." Logan nodded sharply, not wanting to listen.

"I'm goin' ta look fer her. I got my phone on me. Lemme know if it's hers or not. Kurt, thanks." He took off without waiting for them to say goodbye. He had to find her. He had to make sure she knew he hadn't abandoned her. Because he had broken his promise to her without meaning to. Because he was afraid the last of his family was gone, and he hadn't even known to mourn her. He would find her.