A/N: Sorry for the delay, I had some computer issues... anyways, here is the next chapter. Enjoy, and keep reviewing!
Chapter Eighteen – Desperation or Love?
"Your Majesty, Queen Lucy has returned."
Peter was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, when a valet came in with this message.
"Tell her I will come see her in her apartments once she has settled back in."
"Yes, sir."
Peter stood up and went to his window. Sure enough, Lucy was being helped out of the carriage by Lord Boklin. She looked tired, but happy. "How lucky," murmured Peter.
Ever since his siblings had left, Peter had felt more and more depressed. He at first attributed it to the impending war, but after a few days, he realized that it was more than that. He felt lost. He no longer had control over his country's fate, over his family, or even over himself. He was at the mercy of foreign Kings. This had never happened to Peter during his time as King. He was the one that people came to for help, not the one relying on the kindness of others to repair the damage he caused.
Peter saw his life falling apart in front of him. The woman he loved was stuck in another country. His sister was in danger of being married against her will. And his little brother and sister were not quite so little. Even when Edmund made decisions, usually financial or international, Peter considered him to be his young brother, and he felt a duty to take care of him. Suddenly, Peter saw Edmund graduate that spot to become the one taking care of someone else, a Prince who looks up to Edmund and treats him almost like a god. This was what had made Edmund become an adult in Peter's mind, and he found himself looking back longingly at the times he had helped a younger Edmund. Those times were gone forever.
And Lucy… there was no denying that Peter felt a special affection for Lucy. She was his baby, and because she had been so young when the war had started in England, he had practically raised her from a little girl into a teenager. He had always known that at one point, she would stop needing him, but this trip was the first time that she had actually gone on imperative business around Narnia with someone else. Also, Lord Boklin had said, "I would protect the Queen with my life." Upon further reflection, Peter had started thinking that perhaps Boklin felt something more than allegiance to Lucy. Could he… could he be her first suitor? The first man in her life other than Peter and Edmund? The thought was unbearable to Peter. Lastly, it had been Lucy who had gotten the basic idea for the plan the siblings had decided to use. This small detail made Peter think of her as someone even older, more intelligent, and more mature than before. Just like Edmund, Lucy was no longer a child.
What did this leave Peter with? He thought about this, but he could not get a good answer. With his family and beloved drifting away from him, and his country no longer firmly secure under him, Peter felt incredibly alone. It had taken a lot of willpower for him to fight through the days of solitude and organize the army. Every time someone came over to him to ask him for something, he felt sick. He wanted to tell them that he was not worthy, that they shouldn't rely on him to lead them because he had gotten them into this mess. He was deceiving them by acting like a King when really he was nothing.
But even worse than this was the nights. During this time, Peter could not push the negative thoughts away. They prevented him from sleeping, and as he tossed and turned in bed, he thought about how no one was thinking about him, wondering if he was doing well, while he was worrying about all those he loved and wishing they were by his side. Peter didn't cry in public. Never. But that week, he wept in bed. He could not keep the emotions in, no matter how hard he tried, and it was only after hours of crying and tossing around that he was able to fall into a tumultuous and nightmare-filled sleep.
Now Lucy was back. Peter didn't know how he could face her. He would be so embarrassed. He was weak, he who had always been so strong. However, nothing could be changed now. Peter slowly got up and left his room. As he crossed the palace, he saw servants bustling around, chatting excitedly about the return of the Queen. "They are happier than me, for they have each other, and I am alone. I am a King, yet I envy servant. What has my life come to?" Peter asked himself, and he shook his head in misery.
He knocked softly of Lucy's door. "Who is it?" asked a voice from inside.
"Peter," he replied.
The door opened, and Lucy appeared, face glowing. "Peter, I'm so glad to see you!" She hugged him. "Oh, come in. I asked my maid to bring tea, it should be here shortly."
Peter followed her into the room. She was as carefree as ever on the surface, but Peter saw a difference in the way she held herself. She stood up taller and held her chin higher. Overall, she had an air of confidence that he had rarely seen in her.
"Sit down, Peter," Lucy continued. "You need to tell me everything that happened during my absence."
It took Peter a few seconds to realize she was waiting for an answer. "Oh, nothing very eventful happened," he said glumly.
"Oh, that can't be true. You've been preparing us for war."
"All I do is make sure they're training and they have enough supplies. It's not much. Anyone could do it."
"Well, maybe anyone could do it, but no one can do it as well as you, Mr. High King." She smiled.
"I suppose," he answered, not convinced.
Lucy didn't notice how uncomfortable her brother was. "Come with me, let's get something to eat, and I'll tell you all about my trip. It was a great success."
As the days passed in Galma, Edmund became happier and happier. He had no responsibilities, because the King had sent him a message saying that they would meet the following week. Therefore, he was able to spend his days doing whatever he wanted. This included roaming around the city with Corin, talking to sailors in the portside taverns, sword fighting with Lord Hayburn. Also, it included seeing Kiara.
Every day, he would either go to her house in the morning or have her come in the afternoon for tea or dinner. The first and second day, Corin was with them, but after that, he decided that he preferred hanging out with his friends to listening to "boring grown-up talk", as he called it.
As he spent more time with her, Edmund started liking Kiara more and more. Not only was she beautiful, but she was funny and smart. At first, they had only talked about Peter, since he was the only thing they had in common, but as time passed, they found that they also had similar tastes in music and read many of the same books. Kiara was also very interested to hear about his duties as chief judge of Narnia, and she agreed with the motto Edmund firmly believed in: innocent until proven guilty."
Now, it was easy to talk to Kiara. Edmund told her about his fears for Narnia if the plan didn't work. He told her about how he wanted to protect Corin and couldn't bear it if something happened to the young prince. And one night, he had told her about the dark aspects of his past.
That day, neither of them could forget.
Mr. Butler had been home all day, so Kiara had written to Edmund telling him not to come over in the morning. However, she asked if she could possibly come at 8 for a late dinner? "I know it could be considered inappropriate for a young woman to be with a man late at night without her father's consent, but you and I are good friends, and I know that nothing unpleasant could happen between us," she wrote to Edmund. He was pleased that she trusted him, and replied at once that he would be happy to have her.
Corin was not present at dinner. Edmund and Kiara sat next to each other at the small, lamp-lit table. Edmund had tried to cook dinner, a typically Narnian cooked calf on a bed of vegetables. Unfortunately, the vegetables were too mushy and the meat was overcooked, but Kiara didn't seem to mind.
"It was incredibly nice of you to try to cook for me, King Edmund," she said.
As the meal was nearing its end, the topic came up.
"Your family is so close," Kiara said. "I wish that mine were that close. But I lost my mother when I was young, and now, I can't approach my father because he doesn't want me to grow up. He wants me to be with him forever. In your family, you all love each other, and I can't even imagine you fighting."
Edmund shook his head. "Perhaps we seem that way now, but believe me, Miss Butler, my family is nowhere near the perfect one you think."
Kiara smiled. "I don't believe you. Both you and Peter seem to have nothing but good things to say about your siblings."
Edmund stayed silent for a moment. "Would you like to hear a story?"
"Of course."
And so Edmund told Kiara what he hardly ever spoke about, even to his family. His resentment, his meeting with the Witch, his betrayal, he repentance, Aslan's sacrifice, and the battle… it all came out, a torrent of words that Kiara did not interrupt.
He ended by saying, "So you see, I was a stupid fool, I nearly killed my family, and it was all out of spite for my brother."
"But look at the effects of this," Kiara replied. "King Edmund, you became a fantastic ruler who has led Narnia through so much. You and your brother are very close now, and Aslan has forgiven you because you have repented. Everyone has evil in them. Some people can hide it their entire life, some people let it consume them, but most of us are, at one time or another, sucked in by evil against their will. These people need to overcome their evil in a battle against themselves, and not all succeed, but you did. Really, you did what most people have to do in their life, and what all are afraid of. Now, you should be happy that you were able to put evil behind you for you already defeated it."
Edmund had never thought of his story this way. He grinned at Kiara. "Thank you," he said simply.
"I was merely saying the truth. You don't need to thank me."
Then, to alleviate the dreary mood in the room, she said, "Do you hear the music in the distance? I believe your neighbors are having a party."
Edmund nodded. He too heard the sound of flutes and violins.
Kiara stood up and opened the window to let the music in. Then she grabbed Edmund by the hand. "Dance with me, King Edmund."
He obeyed, and even though he was not by any means a good dancer, he felt light and carefree as he twirled around the room with Kiara and they gazed into each other's eyes.
Neither of them knows how long they danced. The next thing they knew, Corin was opening the door and stopped dead, staring at the bizarre scene before him. Ashamed at having been caught so… frivolously… Edmund dropped his hands from around Kiara's waist.
"Ah, you are home late, Corin."
"Um… yes." Corin was confused by what he had seen and didn't know what to say.
Kiara sensed the beginning of an awkward silence and interrupted. "Well, it's about time for me to get home."
"I'll walk you out," offered Edmund.
He helped her put her coat on. "When will I see you again?" he asked.
"Tomorrow, at four o'clock, you can come by my home," she said. "And, King Edmund?"
"Yes?"
"The dancing… it was only a bit of fun between friends." She tried to say it as a statement, but Edmund could sense the question in her sentence.
"Oh, yes, of course. Friends," he replied.
She smiled her stunning smile at him one more time and then walked out.
In short, she was everything that a man could want. Peter was so lucky to have her…
Wait, had he really just thought that? Edmund frowned. He couldn't like Kiara. She was Peter's fiancée. Plus, he was still in love with Emily. Wasn't he?
Or maybe he wasn't. When he thought about it, Emily was no longer the goddess, the model of perfection that she had been. Yes, she was an amazing girl, but Edmund now realized that she was not the only girl out there. He had just met another one capable of throwing him off guard.
Now, however, one question plagued him: what was he going to do? He had just fallen in love with his brother's girlfriend, which could only result in pain for him from a new heartbreak or destruction of his brother's hope.