Chapter Twenty-One
I get woken up by Effie tapping on my door, reminding me that it is a big, big, big day. She thinks every day is a big, big, big day, I swear. But today is the victor's interview, which will take place in the sitting room of our floor on the training center. I order a quick breakfast of hot grain to my room, and after I finish it, my prep team barges in.
"Let's get you looking handsome!" shrills Finian.
I nod and they immediately help me into a bath, scrubbing me yet again, even though I'm sure I can't get any shinier than I already am. They lotion me, put makeup on me, and style my hair until I look like a perfect little puppet. They put on my red and white outfit that Portia fitted me with last night, and I do admit, I look dashing. After final touches, I am led into the sitting room where cameras are already being set up. Caesar Flickerman is standing nearby, reading over some cards. The set looks beautiful. Our love seat has been moved to the middle of the room and it is being surrounded by hundreds of red and pink roses.
I see Katniss standing next to Caesar, and I walk over to her, pulling her away from everyone.
"I hardly get to see you. Haymitch seems bent on keeping us apart," I say.
"Yes, he's gotten very responsible lately," she shrugs, distracted.
"Well, there's just this and we go home. Then he can't watch us all the time," I say, smiling.
She frowns a little, but before she can reply, we are called to take our places on the love seat. We sit down, and Caesar frowns. "Oh, go ahead and curl up next to him if you want. It looked very sweet."
Katniss pulls her feet up like she did yesterday and cuddles up next to me, which makes me smile, and I put my arm around her and pull her closer. God, I love this girl.
Someone counts back from five, and then the cameras start rolling.
"Caesar Flickerman here, with the world's CUTEST couple!" he gushes, motioning over to us. "You two are so cute, I could just eat you up!"
I smile politely and Katniss tries to smile pleasantly, but I can tell she's ready for this to be over.
"So, let's get to it. How does it feel to be victors?" Caesar asks, crossing his legs.
"I'm so grateful that I got to come out of this as a victor, but more so, I am grateful that Katniss is here with me. I mean, she saved my butt in there," I joke, smiling.
"Katniss, how do you feel?" Caesar asks her.
"I couldn't have done it without Peeta," she says, looking over at me.
"Oh, you two. So modest," Caesar says with a wave of dismissal. "You were both wonderful! I was rooting for the both of you ever since we heard that announcement!"
"I'm sure a lot of people wanted us to win. I mean, did you see how extravagant our sponsor gifts were? That lamb stew was a literal life-saver!" I say, laying on the banter thick, so that he stays focused on me because I know Katniss doesn't want to talk.
Caesar laughs. "Oh, Peeta, you are something else!"
After a few moments, he wipes tears from his eyes and calms his laughter. "Well, Peeta, we know, from our days in the cave, that it was love at first sight for you from what, age five?"
"From the moment I laid eyes on her," I say.
"But, Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?" Caesar asks.
"Oh, that's a hard one..." Katniss trails off, laughing nervously and looking down at her hands.
"Well, I know when it hit me. The night when you shouted out his name from that tree," Caesar says, clearly trying to help her out.
"Yes, I guess that was it. I mean, until that point, I just tried not to think about what my feelings might be, honestly, because it was so confusing and it only made things worse if I actually cared about him. But then, in the tree, everything changed," she says.
"Why do you think that was?" Caesar asks, practically begging for every detail of our love story.
"Maybe... because for the first time... there was a chance I could keep him," she says shyly.
Caesar takes a moment to wipe his tears away because he is so moved. I press my forehead against her temple, wanting so badly to kiss her. "So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" I ask her quietly.
"Put you somewhere you can't get hurt," she says, turning to me. I immediately kiss her because I can't resist when I look into those eyes of hers.
"Speaking of getting hurt, let's talk about the loooong list of wounds you two incurred during your time in the arena, shall we?" Caesar asks. Oh no, my leg.
He quickly talks about the burns and the cuts, but then we get to when the mutt bit my leg.
"So, Peeta, how is your new leg working out? I assume you've been working hard to get used to it?" he asks.
I look over at Katniss, who looks like someone just punched her in the face. "New leg?" she asks, reaching over and pulling my pant leg up, revealing my prosthetic. "Oh, no," she whispers in horror.
"No one told you?" Caesar asks with a hint of remorse for being the one to break the news to her.
"I haven't had the chance," I say, shrugging guiltily.
"It's my fault. Because I used that tourniquet," she says.
"Yes, it's your fault I'm alive," I say sarcastically.
"He's right. He'd have bled to death for sure without it," Caesar says, trying to help me convince this stubborn girl that it is not her fault.
Katniss looks like she is going to burst into tears, and then she buries her face in my shirt, trying to hide from all of the cameras and people.
"Katniss," I say softly, rubbing her hair. "Katniss, it's okay."
"Katniss, this isn't your fault," Caesar interjects, but I know she isn't going to listen to anyone, so I just keep rubbing her hair until she finally decides to sit back up.
"So, Peeta," Caesar continues, "How was it getting used to this new leg?"
"It was definitely hard to have to learn to stand and walk again," I say, glancing over to Katniss who doesn't appear to be listening. My beautiful girl is lost in her own thoughts again.
Caesar keeps the questions pointed towards me, probably to give Katniss time to recover from finding out about my leg. When he gets to the berries, Katniss stiffens.
"Katniss, I know you've had a shock, but I've got to ask. The moment when you pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind... hm?" he asks.
After a long pause, she finally answers. "I don't know, I just... couldn't bear the thought of... being without him."
"Peeta? Anything to add?" Caesar asks me.
"No. I think that goes for both of us," I say, pulling Katniss closer to me and kissing her forehead.
"Well, folks, we'd better let our victors get home and settled in the Victor's Village, so unfortunately I have to end this interview. Ladies and gentlemen, our victors of the the 74th annual Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark," he says, with a ridiculously big grin on his face.
The cameras turn off and everyone is hugging and clapping. After all of the congratulations, I walk Katniss to her room so she can get her things. I don't have anything I want to take. After this experience, I'm not who I used to be. I am starting fresh, so all I need is Katniss. After she comes out with her mockingjay pin, we are whisked around so we can get to the train station on time. We quickly say goodbye to Cinna and Portia, then we are led to the station, put aboard our train, and in a few minutes we are on our way home.
Once on the train, we have an extravagant dinner to celebrate. Haymitch and Effie are on the train with us. Haymitch lives in the Victor's Village in District 12, but Effie will travel back to the Capitol after we are home. After dinner, Katniss excuses herself, and a few minutes later, she comes back without the makeup and dress, and she looks like the Katniss I grew up with. We sit together on the couch and watch the replaying of our interview. I put my arm around her, but she seems distant.
We are free to do what we want on the train, so I mostly try to spend my time with Katniss, but she continues to be distant, lost in her thoughts. The train stops for fuel, and we are allowed off the train for a few minutes. Katniss and I get off together, walking hand in hand, and when I see a bunch of wildflowers, I stop and pick some for her. I hand them to her, and she tries to put on a smile, but I can tell something is bothering her.
"What's wrong?" I ask, frowning.
"Nothing," she shrugs.
We continue to walk along the track, past the train, but she remains silent. Haymitch comes up behind us a few minutes later, putting his hands on our backs.
"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay," he says, then he heads back to the train.
I look over to Katniss, who is purposefully avoiding my gaze.
"What's he mean?" I ask her.
"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," Katniss explains.
"What? What are you talking about?" I ask, confused.
"It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse," she says.
"Coaching you? But not me," I say, frowning.
"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," she says.
"I didn't know there was anything to get right," I say. "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess... back in the arena... that was just some strategy you two worked out."
"No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?" she says, but I realize something.
"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I say, starting to piece everything together.
Katniss just bites her lip.
"Katniss?" I say sadly, and I drop her hand.
"It was all for the Games. How you acted," I say, finally realizing what has been going on. It was all a lie.
"Not all of it," she says, sadness in her eyes.
"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" I ask, taking a step back from her. I can't believe that this is happening.
"I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get," she says. I stand there, staring into those grey eyes, silently begging for something more, something better than what I'm hearing, but she stays silent.
"Well, let me know when you work it out," I say, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. I turn away from the love of my life, and I walk away. All of what I thought was her falling in love with me was just a survival strategy. She never actually loved me. Those kisses meant nothing. All of the things she said about not being able to live without me was nothing but a strategy she had worked out with Haymitch. My heart hurts too much to be able to function, so I go straight to my room and lay in bed until we get home.
When the train pulls into District 12, I come out of my room. When I see Katniss, I give her an emotionless head nod, because I'm not letting her have another second of my love.
We stand next to each other, staring out the window, watching as District 12's train station comes into view. I remember that we have to keep up the act of being in love for the cameras, so I extend my hand out to her. She looks at my hand, then at me, and seeing those grey eyes look into mine makes me fall in love with her all over again, which also breaks my heart all over again.
"One more time? For the audience?" I say as coldly as I can manage, trying to keep it together.
She takes my hand, squeezing it tightly, and it takes everything I have not to let her hand go. Because every second I hold onto this beautiful girl's hand, the more I break. By the time I finally let her hand go, I am broken into a million pieces.
END OF BOOK ONE