Chapter 21: Zombie

Edward POV

It's been three months since Bella and I shared the kiss on the patio. If it were a normal relationship, I would say we are boyfriend and girlfriend, but Bella and I are anything but normal. It's amazing how well we have been able to hide our dysfunctional relationship. The side glances at dinner, our knees accidentally touching while we are watching TV, the signs are all there. Bella and I are just very good at hiding secrets. We haven't gone any further than having our secret make out sessions on the patio. It's not that I haven't thought about going further, it's just that, for once, I'm okay with not going further. I've finally become aware of Bella's nights. Most nights, she wakes up screaming, it's like the recurring dream I have about the night her parents died, where I cant do anything. All I can do is sit by my door, and wait for them to end. Of course, after they do end, I cant get to sleep after that. I wish I could read her mind just once, and find out what she has nightmares about.

Winter had passed, and spring had arrived. Everyday seemed to be getting more green. School was school. Bella and I are still act the same, hardly acknowledging the other's existence. But that works for us, and it's how we want it to stay. If it did come out that we were in some sort of relationship, I don't think people would approve. Alice wouldn't approve, because, well, my track record with woman isn't a good one. By no means. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't approve one, because we live together, two, because we aren't good for each other. Both of us coming from broken pasts, can only lead to more destruction. Emmett would be hesitant to accept it, because he would want to protect Bella from bad guys. Ergo, me. Knowing how people would react, didn't change the fact that there was an undeniable pull I felt towards Bella whenever we were in the same room, or even apart from each other, the pull was still there. It didn't make the electricity I felt whenever I touch her go away. In the back of my head, I know. I know this relationship isn't a good one, I know it can only lead to more bad things, I know it wont last. At some point, I just have to end it, saying it was a mistake, that we aren't good enough for each other. To tell her to move on, as if I never existed. Cause what needs to happen, for Bella to overcome whatever happened in her past, she needs to forget about me. Live her life.

That was exactly what I did. I figured out how I would do it too. It was all planned. I told her to meet me out the patio, at eleven last night.

"Hey." Bella said, walking out on the patio, joining me. "Bella," I sighed. "We need to talk." Worry crossed her face, but then there was another expression, almost like she was expecting something like this. "Okay. What's up?" She asked, her voice, strong. "I've been thinking a lot lately. And I think that this, us, has to end. Face it, we aren't good for each other, and I don't think we ever will be." I told her. I could feel it, this wasn't just like every other break up I've been through. This was bigger, worse. But I was doing it for Bella, all for Bella. "Oh." She said. "I'm not sure what we were, maybe something fun, a distraction, to take our mind away from the fucked up lives we live in. but I know it cant go on, you deserve someone who can give you everything you want Bella, cause you deserve everything. And face it, I'm not that guy. Just live your life. It will be as if I never existed." I said. Bella was quiet for a moment, then she let out a breath. "Guess this is goodbye, in a way." She said. I nodded. "I'll see you around Edward." She whispered, then walked back the way she came. I stood, watching her go. When I was sure she couldn't see me, I punched the wall.

"So, Bella rejected you. It's not the end of the world." Jasper said, annoyed. We were in my room, listening to music. "What?" I asked him. "You got that Bella look." He said. "What Bella look?" I asked. What is he talking about? He sighed. "Whenever you are thinking about Bella, you get this look." He explained. "I do not." I snapped. "Guys get rejected by girls all the time. Suck it up, and get over it." Jasper said. I rolled my eyes, he didn't know what he was talking about. For the six months that I have known Isabella Swan, her secrets are still just that. Secrets. She hasn't told me anything her past, or the foster families she's had before us. Especially that, if by chance someone asks her about other families, she completely just shuts down. The only things I know about her, are that her parents died, she has nightmares every night, she tried to kill herself, and Rose told Alice that she and Bella are a lot alike. It's not like I will ever know what her secrets are, not now anyway. I find that hard to believe, no one is like Bella. Something that is interesting about Bella is, that whenever someone says 'trust me' to her, she says she doesn't trust people who say trust me. Weird.

It was Saturday, Bella, Alice, and Rose were out shopping, and should be home at one. Which is in a few minutes. As if on cue, the front door opened, and people entered. Jasper pretty much ran out of my bedroom, I kept less excited, and to keep up the façade, I calmly walked out of my room, putting a bored expression on my face. Jasper was standing next to Alice and Rose, the three of them were watching Bella walk up the stairs, a confused expression on their faces. When I passed Bella, I glanced at her face. She looked like a zombie, her eyes were focused on something far away, that wasn't really there. Her expression was dead, like the Bella I know wasn't there anymore. My hand instinctively moved to touch her cheek, but I quickly caught the movement, and stuck my hand in my pocket. I did not have the right to do that anymore. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, standing next to Alice, and watched Bella disappear up the stairs.

"What's up with her?" I asked, it took a lot to mask the concern in my voice. I repeated to myself that I shouldn't care. "I have no freaking clue. The three of us were in the mall, actually having a good time. When Bella just shuts down, just like that. Her mood swiftly ended the shopping trip, so we left, and she hasn't said a word in over an hour." Alice asked, confusion and worry in her voice. The rest of the afternoon was awful. Bella stayed in her room until around six when she finally graced us with her presence. She was in her room for five hours, I don't even stay in my room that long at one time. I watched as she entered the living room, her arms were wrapped tight around her chest, almost like if they weren't there, she would fall apart. Her eyes were still unfocused, and her expression dead. Where did my Bella go? I really should get my thoughts straight. I cant have it both ways. "Bella? You okay?" Alice asked her. Bella's eyes flickered to her face, acknowledging that fact that she heard her, then they flickered to mine. I didn't recognize the person I was looking at. Her eyes were no longer innocent, they weren't the lively brown that looked around her surroundings, taking it all in. Something, or someone took her from me.

Her eyes left my face, and focused on the TV. Alice got up from the couch and went towards Bella. Alice went to put her hand on Bella's shoulder, but Bella flinch away. Something she hasn't done since we got back from the cruise. "Bella, we're not going to hurt you. We just want to help. Trust me." Alice said. Oh, great. Alice said those two words. Now she's going to get it. Bella grimaced, and her face went to stone. "Trust me." She said, it sounded like she was mimicking someone, but that someone wasn't Alice. "The last person that told me to trust them, ending up sticking his hand down my pants, so excuse me if I'm not so welcoming with the concept of trusting people." Bella said, her eyes unfocused. The room went completely silent. My stomach twisted, and it felt like I was going to throw up. I'm a jerk, a complete and utter bastard. Everything I touch get's ruined, destroyed, damaged. What ever words you want to use, feel free to. So many emotions were on Alice's face, that I couldn't pin point one, Jasper looked at me, and Rose looked at Bella. Her eyes beginning to water. Bella looked at Rose. "A year, right Rose?" She asked, obviously meaning for it to be rhetorical.

Playlist-

The Kill- 30 Seconds To Mars

The Scientist- Coldplay