Chapter Twenty
They sat either side of her three-seater dove-grey sofa, a bargain someone had been selling in Port Angeles almost brand new for less than a quarter of its original price.
Bella sat with her feet on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest and her gaze on Edward.
He sat with his feet to the floor, turned slightly towards her and she could see the anxiety starting to overtake the happiness they'd shared just a few minutes before.
She watched him for a moment before making her decision. It only took another glance at his clenched fists for her to move, lowering her knees and lifting her skirt enough to be able to manoeuvre herself over to sit beside him. When she was finished, their thighs were pressed against one another and his tightly clenched fists appeared a little looser.
She held out her palm and watched silently as he un-fisted his hand and accepted her invitation, twining their fingers with no hesitation.
"Tell me about being a vampire," she prompted softly.
He breathed in and out before playing along with the game they hadn't played in weeks. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything. Tell me everything."
"I was born Edward Anthony Masen in 1901…" He told her about his parents, the little he admitted he remembered about them, the lawyer and the concert pianist and growing up in Chicago. He told her about the city she and he both now hated for the memories of pain it brought each of them and about the arguments he'd had with his parents about going off to war during his final months of being human.
"I wanted to make a difference, I suppose but I mostly just remember the promise of honor and glory it was supposed to bring."
And then he told her about the Spanish Influenza.
"It claimed my father first. I don't remember much more about it other than the fact that it happened quickly and that my mother refused to leave his side until he was gone. They loved each other and me, a lot but it cost her and when I refused to leave her, it cost me too.
"We met Carlisle at the hospital we'd been taken to. He was there a lot, more than any other doctor and my mother knew there was something about him, something that stopped him getting sick when all of his colleagues started falling ill too. She begged him to save me when she was dying. She made him promise that he'd do anything to make sure I didn't die too."
Bella squeezed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes full of tears for Elizabeth Masen.
"How old were you?" she asked, remembering faintly that the Influenza swept through around the early 1920's and realising that she still didn't know how old he actually was.
"I was seventeen," he admitted, his voice not much louder than a whisper. She took in a quick breath and thought about what he'd just told her. That even now, his body was frozen at seventeen and that hers was still aging, seven years ahead of him.
"Oh," was all she said in reply. She couldn't see his face but she could feel the tension in his shoulders, could sense the anxiety rolling off of him in waves.
"It's harder, because of my age, to claim to be much older than I am now. I use the glasses and clothes and sometimes makeup to hide it but after a while people still notice that I don't have wrinkles, that I could still pass for someone in college. I didn't want to hide my age from you intentionally but I understand if it would be a problem for you," he said and she could feel the sadness in his words, the pain in them.
She remained silent for a few moments, taking the time to think about it, to decide if it truly did bother her. It didn't, she realised. She told him so and he breathed a sigh of relief, nuzzling the top of her head with his.
"Your mother asked Carlisle to change you," she prompted, wanting to get back to what he'd come that day to tell her.
"He nearly didn't do it. He changed his mind a hundred times before he finally bit me and for the longest time, I hated him for that, for being so indecisive. I hated him for nearly letting me die and I hated him for this existence. For years, he tried to make it up to me. He still tries to."
Edward's fingertips caressed their joined hands and he dropped a kiss to her hair before continuing.
"He saved Esme's life in 1921 and it wasn't long after her change that they realised they were mates," his voice is soft and fond but Bella hears hints of something else hidden within them.
"Mates?" she asked, curiously.
He pulled away enough for them to be facing each other and squeezed her hand gently before answering her.
"When we're changed, we're frozen in time. Our likes, dislikes, personalities become practically set in stone. It's why children aren't to be changed, they would remain impulsive and erratic for the rest of eternity. Mates are one of the few changes that can occur after our change and for the longest time I didn't believe in it the way that everyone else in my family did. To have one person be your perfect match after being cursed to this life?" he chuckled darkly and shook his head.
"I didn't even believe I had a soul, how could I believe that I would ever find its mate?" his eyes were sad as they met hers and she reached up to cup his face, her thumb stroking his cheek bone.
"Believed?" she asked, not missing a thing.
He smiled at her sadly. "I found my soul last night, when you rubbed your chest because it ached like mine has since I first saw you."
"It's me? I'm your mate," she stated, her tone disbelieving.
"You're my mate," he told her and she could hear the truth in it but still couldn't quite comprehend.
"I'm human," she said.
Edward smiled, his eyes bright with adoration. "Human or not, Bella, it's you."
"It's me," she whispered and it started to finally dawn on her. She was his mate, she was his match.
"I could never love anyone the way I love you," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her on the nose. "You're it."
"You're it, too," she said, smiling softly, her emotions painted on her face. She lifted their connected hands and dropped a kiss to his before lowering them again. "What happened after Carlisle changed Esme?"
Edward grimaced comically. "Rosalie."
"She was hurt, dying and Carlisle saved her but it wasn't his only motivation. He had hoped that she and I…" he trailed off but she understood what he meant. Edward looked at her and smiled a little sheepishly.
"Oh," was all she said in reply.
"There was no way in the world though," he assured her. "Rosalie's mind is not something I could spend all day, every day listening to."
Her head tilted at his choice of words and he noticed, biting his lip, waiting for her to ask.
"Listening?"
"I can...read minds," he admitted rather sheepishly.
Her cheeks immediately flamed in response as she thought about every embarrassing thought she'd ever had around him. "What?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.
"Not yours," he interjected quickly and her face flamed impossibly hotter. "I can't read yours." His words were an attempt at soothing her but had the opposite effect.
"That's almost more embarrassing!" she exclaimed with a groan. "Is there something wrong with me?"
Edward shook his head and pulled her further into his side. "You don't know how wonderful it is to be around you and just hear your voice, to hear what you want me to hear. I don't get that kind of peace with anyone else."
She almost sagged as the tension in her body left her. "Well I suppose that's okay," she almost huffed and she smiled as she felt his body shake with silent laughter.
"So, Rosalie?" she prompted, desperately wanting to change the subject.
"She and I fought, a lot after she was changed and Carlisle and Esme tried and failed to mediate between us every day but she was angry, so angry and she didn't want to listen to reason. She hated more than anything that I could read her mind."
"Why was she so angry?"
"Rosalie always wanted to be a mother. Her entire life, she pictured having children and when Carlisle saved her, she survived but she lost that dream, that life. It wasn't until Emmett that she really believed she had any reason to live."
Edward didn't speak for a few minutes after that and she was glad he was giving her time to process all of this new information, including the fact that she and Rosalie had each had their chances at having children taken from them.
"What happened with Emmett?" she asked when she was done processing and she leaned up to kiss his cheek for recognising that she needed time to do so.
"Emmett was mauled by a bear, the only fight he's ever lost with one. Rosalie found him and brought him to Carlisle. I was angry with her for it, for taking away Emmett's choice after hating Carlisle for taking away hers but I didn't understand it then, that she would have felt it."
"Felt this?" Bella asked, touching her free hand to that spot in his chest where the ache appeared.
"Felt that," he confirmed, looking at her so softly that she blushed.
"What about Alice and Jasper?" she asked, wanting to know more about her favourite student, her new friend.
"They joined us in 1950. Jasper was changed during the Civil War and Alice, we believe, was changed in the 1920's but we don't know who her sire was or why they changed her. She woke alone, with no memory and only her visions to keep her company," his voice was soft as he spoke about Alice, like she was more than just his sister, she was his friend too. When he'd spoken about Rosalie, it reminded her of the way that big brothers often spoke about little sisters, with exasperation, irritation but always with a hint of affection.
"Alice has visions?" Bella asked curiously.
"Of the future," he said. "Some of us, when we're changed, develop abilities. Jasper is an empath, I can read minds and Alice can see the future, to a degree. It's subjective, so if someone changes their mind, the vision usually changes. Decisions need to be made for her to see what could happen," he explained and she wasn't sure what question she could possibly start with.
But a second later, she did.
"Did she see me?" she asked slowly, feeling like she already knew the answer.
Edward nodded. "She saw you twice. Once when you decided to take the job here and once in 2005, when we had originally planned to move here. We had planned once before, a few years before but Carlisle had decided to spend another year in London, so we'd waited."
Bella sucked in a breath, counting back, realising she would have been seventeen at the time. "Why didn't you come?" her voice was sad and her heart ached, knowing how much time they'd lost and at the thought of everything that had happened in the time between.
"Because when Alice saw you, she saw two possible futures," he breathed, his voice taught with tension. "In one, you were like us and in the other you were dead. In the other, I had killed you."
She let out a low gasp and gripped his hand tighter. "Edward," she whispered sadly, knowing how much it must have plagued him.
"I made them wait until you were gone and it was safe to come but I didn't realise what would happen to you because of that decision. I just knew that I didn't want to be the end of you, this girl I'd never met. I still don't want to be the end of you," he breathed, the pain on his face making her heart ache painfully.
That was it, she realised, that was why he'd pushed her away for so long. Because he'd known that there had been a future in which he'd killed her and he still feared it, that possibility from nearly a decade before.
She moved, pulling her skirt up and manoeuvring herself onto his lap, straddling his legs so that they were eye to eye and she cupped his face in her hands.
"It wasn't your fault, what happened to me. It wasn't mine either but it was the hand I was dealt and I survived and I pushed through, even when all of the misery threatened to pull me under. You have to know, Edward, that you cannot possibly be the end of me, because you're the beginning."
He replied by pressing his mouth against hers, in a kiss that neither of them would ever forget.