Riley could already feel the throbbing that was a usual precursor to a headache, by the time they were transferred up to the Medical Floor for the night.
Maya's blood pressure had finally stabilized into the low nineties over fifties, which was finally on the periphery of what counted for normal, and Maya's coloring had significantly improved since they'd finished off her last bag of fluids.
The fear that had wrapped itself around Riley's heart was finally starting to release and she felt like she could almost breathe again.
"I'm sorry," Maya repeated for what had to be, at least, the fifteenth time since she'd regained consciousness, "You'll tell your mother that I didn't mean to ruin her dinner."
"It's not like this is something you could have controlled, Maya," Riley reminded her, pressing her hands to her temples and rubbing at the tension.
This had to have been the longest Thanksgiving Day that Riley had ever experienced, and she was more than ready to see the day draw to close. Between fighting and making up with Lucas, running into Liam Vaughn, her patient dying, and Maya's emergency room visit, Riley couldn't imagine anything better than hiding under the covers of her childhood bed and pretending that it was all just a very bad dream.
"Your mother's going to take Noah for the night," Lucas informed them, entering the room with his cell phone still clutched in his hand. He'd been fielding calls from well-meaning relatives for most of the night and Riley could see that the lateness of the hour and the pure emotion of the situation had left him just as drained as she was.
"Thank you," Maya offered, allowing herself to sink back into her pillow, and brushing several strands of blonde hair out of her face. It put the IV in her arm on full display and Riley closed her eyes, as she leaned further back in her chair.
The emergent nature of the situation had forced Riley to shove all her own emotions to the side in the necessity of taking care of Maya, but, now, that things were settling down she could feel the discomfort returning full force. It had been their last conversation at the diner that had, finally, allowed Riley to start letting go of some of the anger that she'd been harboring since discovering the truth of what had happened between Maya and Lucas. But that didn't mean that she was ready to see her legitimate feelings just brushed to the side and forgotten.
"Zay said the that the twins went down to bed without any problems," Lucas kept his voice low, as he reached over the back to of her chair to squeeze her shoulder. His hand was warm, and she found herself unconsciously leaning into the contact.
"This is the longest that we've been away from them since they were born," Riley sighed, and Lucas rubbed his thumb along the length of her collar bone in a silent gesture of understanding.
"The two of you should go home and get some rest," Maya suggested, "I'm sure you're both exhausted and I think I can manage one night here by myself."
"Maya?" a new voice interrupted their answer and Riley turned just in time to see Josh make his way through the door and round the bed, "I was in a dead zone. I didn't get any of the messages, until I left the hospital and, then, I turned around and came straight back."
"I'm going to be fine," Maya informed him, as he sunk down on the edge of the hospital bed and cupped her face with one hand, "They admitted me for one night of observation and, then, they'll discharge me tomorrow."
"Is it supposed to make me feel better that they think you need to be observed?" Josh questioned and a smile pulled at Maya's lips as she looked up at him with the kind of adoration that made Riley feel uncomfortable just for watching.
Whatever they had been through, she couldn't doubt how much they loved each other, and she felt a twist in her gut at the idea of what they had being cut short. They deserved to have time together; the same kind of time that she had left with Lucas and with the twins.
"We're going to head out," Lucas informed them, offering a hand to Riley to help her out of her seat.
"Thank you for taking care of her," Josh turned to look at them and Riley settled into Lucas's side without any resistance.
She hadn't realized the full extent of her exhaustion, until she was on her feet, but she felt the ache of it, now, in every muscle in her body.
"Get some rest," Lucas offered, when Riley couldn't quite find the right words to say. There were too many thoughts and feelings, conflicting with each other and running rampant through her head.
Lucas guided her gently, through the partially open door and she felt something in her relax at finally being away from everything going on in that room. The lights had been dimmed for the night, but they still felt entirely too bright, as they started towards the elevator.
"I should call Charlie," Riley sighed, as Lucas reached out to hit the call button. She knew that there had to be night staff tucked away, somewhere, but the quiet halls gave the illusion that the place was completely deserted.
"Not tonight," Lucas's voice held the kind of finality that she knew better than to argue with, and she followed him without comment into the elevator and hit the number for the main floor.
"Lucas," Riley pleaded, uncomfortable with the level of tension they had brought into the enclosed space with them.
"There are some things that you can't fix, Riley, that you're not meant to fix. You've been through so much in the last year; from the break-in at your practice, to Blake's death, to your emergency C-section. I have come too close to losing you, too many times to let you roll the dice with our lives for this," Lucas argued and she bit her lip, as she struggled to put all of the thoughts flying through her head into words.
He knew her, knew that there wasn't really a choice here. Someday, she would forgive Maya and when that day came, she needed Maya to still be there. She'd spent too much of her life living with regrets to let this become one.
"We don't have to make any decisions tonight," she tabled the discussion, knowing that they weren't going to get anywhere when they were both exhausted and high on emotion.
One of the few things that she'd always treasured about her relationship with Lucas was their ability to compromise. She'd never been someone who liked conflict, often giving in, rather then letting a disagreement drag out, regardless of whether she believed she was right or not. But, with Lucas, they'd always managed to find common ground, never letting one or the other give too much without receiving something in return.
She's not sure where the common ground in this situation is. She knows he's right; knows that she could walk away without judgement and chalk the entire situation up to Maya's own choices. But something written into the very fabric of her being can't let something bad happen to Maya, when she has it within her power to do something.
The elevator doors slid open and Riley followed Lucas out and towards the nearest exit to the street. She'd walked this same journey hundreds of times throughout her time working here, but it feels different, somehow, like she's just another stranger walking through these doors.
She hesitantly stretched her hand out; letting it brush against the back of Lucas's as they descended the steps and on the next pass, he caught her fingers, twining his own through hers.
Isadora Smackle slid the suit jacket from her shoulders and hung it carefully from the silver hook on the back of the door, as she entered her office. She had spent most of the day in mediation across town and was just, now, getting the chance to return to her office.
She flipped on the light and paused, as she took in the figure that was gazing out of her window at the city below.
"Farkle?" Smackle questioned, unable to keep the surprise from leaking into her voice.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," he offered; turning around slowly, until he was facing her.
She had never been good at reading other people's emotions, but she had known Farkle since they were children and it was easy to see that something was bothering him. His face was the overly careful mask he always wore when he didn't want someone to see the extent of what he was feeling.
If there was one thing that she had learned about Farkle Minkus over the years it was that his emotions ran deep, even if he never allowed them to rule him.
"What are you doing here?" Smackle wrapped her arms around herself, unsure when she had ever been so uncomfortable in her own office. They'd always met in neutral locations; keeping the careful illusion that their connection was strictly in the past and separate from the present they had worked so hard to build for themselves.
"The way that I treated you at lunch the other day wasn't fair, and I wanted to apologize," he admitted, running a hand through the hair at the back of his neck. It was Lucas's signature gesture and she marveled, once again, at what he had allowed himself to become.
The Farkle that she had known was ambitious and successful in his education and career. He'd been a worthy adversary in the courtroom and had seemed to thrive off the energy the same way that she always had.
This Farkle was so much less then what he could have been, and she wondered how he couldn't see what he'd let his life become.
"Your apology is unnecessary," she stared intently at the folders stacked neatly across her desk, "You came to me to ask for a professional favor and I chose to make our encounter personal."
"But that doesn't mean that you weren't right. I was about to be made partner, when I decided to leave my firm and work on the congressman's campaign and the campaign was a complete disaster. I'd spent my entire life believing that I had some kind of innate talent for politics and, instead, I made a complete mess of things. And, then, I decided to move to Wyoming of all places and open up a frozen yogurt shop at the beginning of the winter."
"It is not any of my business," Smackle struggled to figure out how she had lost control over the conversation.
"I don't know what I want," he continued, as if she hadn't spoken, perching on the edge of her desk and looking around as if he was seeing her office for the first time, "I've been chasing all of the things that I thought might bring me happiness, but they've all proved to be dead ends and, right now, I have no idea who I am or what I want out of the rest of my life."
"I know who you are," Smackle disagreed, taking a step forward as she found the words she'd meant to say when they'd argued before, "You are brilliant, dedicated, loyal, and someone who sees every failure as an opportunity to learn something. And, just because you have gotten a little lost, does not mean that you won't find that person again."
"Thank you, Smackle," he hesitated half a second, before extending a single hand in what could either be a hug or a handshake depending on her preference.
She had never found anyone who knew her as well as Farkle did and she was starting to doubt that she ever would.
"You ready to try this again?" Lucas gestured for Riley to proceed up the stairs first and she hesitated, shoving her hands deeply into the pocket of her coat.
"My parents are going to be waiting up for us," she pointed out, swaying back and forth in the space that she was standing on, "And they're going to want us to tell them everything that happened."
"You can tell them that you're too tired to talk tonight," Lucas suggested, and she nodded absently.
"I'm just not ready to face them," she admitted, sinking down onto one of the stairs and scooting over when Lucas settled himself right next to her. She could feel the length of his body pressed against her and, not for the first time, it donned on her what a soothing and stable presence he had been through this entire day.
Looking back, he had always been there whenever she had allowed him to be and she didn't know how she could have every doubted what a steady presence he was in her life.
"It's going to take me awhile to be completely over everything that happened with you and Maya," Riley stared intently down at the denim covering her knees, "And it's not because I'm trying to punish you, or I don't forgive you. It's because I'm insecure and, as wrong as it is, I've spent a long time measuring myself next to Maya. I've always had a hard time seeing how you could pick me over her."
"There's never been any competition, Riley. I don't know how many more times or ways I can tell you that you're it for me, but I'm willing to keep trying, until you, finally believe me," he sighed, his voice a mixture of frustration and sincerity.
"It's not something that you can fix, Lucas. It's a demon that I have to conquer on my own."
"What are you saying?" Lucas reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose and Riley reached over to squeeze his knee.
"I'm asking you to be patient with me, while I work my way through this and I'm asking you not to give up on me. I know that I'm a mess and that I get jealous and that sometimes I take you for granted, but I want to make this work. I want the life that we've been trying so hard to build and, I don't want to wait, anymore because life is incredibly short, and I don't want something to happen without us ever having been married."
The only sign that Josh hadn't drifted off is the strength of his grip holding her hand, as she studies him in the muted light of the room. His hair is a ruffled mess and his face looks conflicted, despite his attempts to pretend that he's sleeping in the chair next to her bed.
"Do I want to know what she said?" Maya questioned, breaking the silence that had stretched between them since Riley and Lucas had left.
There's a part of her, one so deep down that she hadn't been aware it even existed, that is hoping for some miracle that could tie everything up in a nice bow. However, the bigger part of her had spent a lifetime being conditioned to accept things how they were.
"She didn't say no," Josh replied, his eyes still closed.
"I don't want Olivia to do this because she thinks it will make up for what happened," Maya informed him, shifting on her side, so that she was facing him.
"Maya, it's late and we've had this wonderful argument already once today. So, if you don't want to tell me what horrible sin your sister committed, then can we, at least, pretend that we're sleeping?" he questioned, his patience finally having run out.
"Her family moved to the city the summer right before we started college and she came to find me. I thought, at the time, that she was just curious about the sister that she had never met. I didn't want anything to do with her, at first, but I guess I was curious, too. We got talking and, somewhere along the way, we became friends. I'd made a mess of things with Riley and I don't know what I was doing with Lucas and you were gone, and she was someone to talk to; someone I could share all the parts of my life with, without having to edit myself or worrying about what someone else was going to think."
"You trusted her," Josh paraphrased; one of the few people in the world who would understand just what a big deal that was.
"I trusted her," Maya agreed, "And, then, Kermit found out about it and she started pushing for me to meet with him. I think she was hoping that we could, somehow, put all the fractured pieces of our family back together, again. But the problem was that they had never fit together in the first place. He ambushed me and I said some things that I regret, and he went off on a bender and completely disappeared."
"You're not responsible for someone else's sobriety, Maya," Josh reminded her, his thumb brushing against her wrist.
"Maybe not, but it's not like I haven't made my fair share of mistakes. He was wrong to abandon us, but I understand why he did it. How could I not understand what it's like to worry that you're going to poison the only good things in your life?" she felt a stray tear make it's way down her cheek and she deliberately ignored it.
"You're not poison, Maya," Josh's voice was filled with anger and conviction, "You have a disease and the fact that you've only had one relapse in over a decade is huge."
"I know, I've made my peace, but that doesn't mean that I don't understand what he was feeling. I got into an argument with Olivia and we didn't talk for weeks. In that time, I managed to get my act together. I got myself into a good place emotionally and I went and broke things off with Lucas. The next time that I saw Olivia she wasn't in a good place and all she wanted to do was talk about Lucas. I couldn't figure out what was going on, until she, finally, admitted that Rebecca Friar had promised her an agent and a relocation to California if she kept tabs on me."
The revelation hung in the air and Maya watched as the emotions flickered across Josh's face far to quickly to pick any specific one out.
"And this was the woman that you wanted as a mother-in-law, huh?" Josh questioned and she rolled back until she was facing the ceiling.
"Of course not, at least, not at first. It was months after I became pregnant that I even agreed to go to dinner with them and I told Lucas that I held the right to walk out at any time. But I thought that she had changed. Having Lucas move away for veterinary school and being separated from Lucas's father, she seemed like a different person. And, then, things started to slip through; her obsession with our engagement and the baby. I was so overwhelmed, and I let myself get swept away because it was easier then trying to make decisions on my own."
"That makes me feel a lot better about having Riley involved with their family," Josh sighed, "But it sounds like Olivia got just as swept away with her as you did."
"I don't want her to give me an organ out of guilt," Maya repeated herself, summing up her point.
"I know that you're a gold medalist in the sport of competitive grudge holding, but you haven't faced death, yet, not really. I know you don't remember a lot about Noah's birth, and you were pretty out of it after your drug overdose, but this isn't going to be a quick death. You're not just going to fall asleep and never wake up. You've always talked a big talk, Maya, but you've, also, always been all bark and minimal bite. I know that you're not ready to die and I know that you're not ready to leave our son or me, regardless of what you claim. So, you're, either, incredibly sure that Riley's going to pull through at the last second, which isn't fair. Or, you're going to have to let this go and accept the kidney from your sister, even if it is out of guilt."
"You're that sure that Olivia's going to agree to this," Maya snorted, struggling to play off the feelings that his words had stirred up in her.
"I don't know, but I don't have a lot of choices left."
"Riley?" Lucas called after her, as she slammed her front door shut, securing the lock in place before he could reach it.
"I've waited my entire life for this day," Cory offered, as Lucas's insistent knocks started at the door. He winced as Topanga smacked him with the back of her hand and Riley slowly turned to face them, suddenly feeling incredibly sheepish.
"You want to tell us what that is all about?" Topanga questioned, holding up her phone in amusement as Lucas's number flashed across the screen.
"Don't answer that," Riley demanded, crossing over to the kitchen and grabbing an entire pumpkin pie off the counter. She pulled open a drawer and grabbed a fork, slamming it shut with the side of her hip.
"We have neighbors, Mister Friar, and if you continue to harass my daughter, they will have no choice but to call the police," Cory spoke through the speaker, his tone carrying the same glee he'd held when he'd kicked Lucas out of her room as a teenager.
"Well, tell your daughter that I am prepared to spend the rest of the night sitting outside of this door. And, someone's going to have to leave at some point," Lucas's voice drifted back, and Riley sank down at the table and peeled the tinfoil from the pie.
"We have enough food to last us through the New Year. My will is stronger then yours," Cory returned, securing the dead-bolt and stalking away from the door.
"You're really too old to be pulling this kind of thing," Topanga sighed, grabbing two forks out of the drawer in the kitchen and handing one over to her husband, before joining Riley at the kitchen table.
"He had the nerve to knock-up my daughter," Cory complained, grabbing a can of whipped cream from the fridge before settling into the seat next to Riley.
"He's the reason that you're a grandfather," Topanga countered.
"That's two strikes against him," Cory removed the lid from the whipped cream and sprayed it across the top of the pie, managing to dust both Topanga and Riley in specks of white.
"And, he adores our daughter enough to put up with her completely irrational father," Topanga continued on, turning her attention to Riley, "Now, talk."
"I asked him to marry me," Riley admitted, setting the fork down as she completely lost her appetite, "And he told me that we should sleep on it."
"The audacity," Cory scoffed, shoving a particularly large bite of pie into his mouth.
"That doesn't sound entirely unreasonable, considering the day that you've had," Topanga countered, shaking her head.
"We have the house and the kids. We, even, have a blender."
"It doesn't get much more married then a shared blender, Topanga," Cory offered, sagely, and Topanga let out a sigh of long-suffering.
"Sometimes, marriage is about timing," Topanga forged ahead, "And, that might be the one thing that you and Lucas have never been very good at managing. It's not wrong, for either of you, to take a little time, especially after just resolving the fight that you've had, before you decide to forge ahead with marriage. It isn't like the commitment isn't already there."
"I hate it when you make sense," Riley groaned, sinking her head into her hands, as Cory, carefully stole the pie from in front of her.
"It's been an incredibly long day, Honey. Let Lucas in, so we can all go to sleep," Topanga suggested, rising from the table and confiscating the pie from Cory.
The only thing that could be heard in the hospital room was the ticking of the clock on the wall and Jen swore that it was going to drive her crazy. She hadn't left the room in what felt like an eternity and she hadn't eaten anything in longer than that.
"I've got good news," an overly cheerful nurse offered, as she swung open the door and entered the room, "Doctor Rector has you first in the cue for tomorrow morning. We could be rolling you back as early as five."
"In three hours?" Jen repeated, her hand moving to the curve of her stomach.
In a lot of ways this pregnancy still didn't feel real. She'd convinced herself that if she didn't tell anyone, if people didn't start treating her differently, that, maybe, it was just a figment of her overactive imagination. Never mind, that she'd seen the ultrasounds and heard the heartbeat.
Surgery, that was as real as it was going to get.
"It will be here before you know it," the nurse agreed, securing a blood pressure cuff around her arm and hitting a button on the machine.
"Is my mother still waiting outside?" Jen questioned, cursing herself for how weak her voice sounded.
"As far as I know. They've stopped trying to contact anyone, they've just been sitting there and waiting," the nurse replied, typing the numbers on the machine into the computer, before unhooking her from the cuff, "Do you want to see them?"
"I don't know," Jen admitted, covering her face with her hands.
"You don't have to decide, right now. Get some sleep and see how you're feeling in the morning," the nurse assured her.
Jen waited until the door had closed again to reach for her phone and quickly scrolled through her numbers until she found Farkle. She'd expected him to want nothing to do with her when he discovered that she was pregnant, but he'd been nothing but supportive since the plane had landed.
The phone rang endlessly, before she was sent to voicemail and she left a hesitant message mentioning that she was expected to go to surgery early the next morning before hanging up the phone and letting it rest against her chest.
It had been easy to lean on him, though, in some ways, she wondered what he expected out of the entire arrangement. She was pregnant with another man's baby and she wasn't blind to the discomfort between him and Riley, though she'd never quite managed to work up the courage to ask.
Almost on autopilot she picked up her phone and dialed another number that she knew by heart, listening to the same ringing before she was given a robotic offer to leave a message, "If you weren't getting these messages, I know that your box would be full right now. I know that you thought you were protecting me by leaving and, maybe, you think that I'll somehow find a way to move on if you never answer. But I don't see that happening anytime soon. I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you in person, but by the time that I tracked you to Daybreak, you had cleared out of town. I kept hoping that you would come back or that I would find clue to where you went, but I've come up empty. There's something wrong with the baby's lungs and I'm having surgery tomorrow at a hospital in New York. I just wanted to tell you, while it was still true; while we were still having a baby. Wherever you are, Liam, we're waiting for you and we love you."
"I thought I might find you here," Riley commented, quietly shutting the door to her bedroom behind her and turning to face where Lucas was patiently waiting in the window seat.
"I figured you'd have a harder time leaving me outside of your window in the cold, but luckily for me you still don't keep it locked," Lucas returned, his hands tracing along the cushions beneath him.
"At least, not while I'm in the city," Riley smiled, "You never know who might turn up."
"I'm getting a little old to keep climbing up the fire escape. It's not as easy as it was when I was fifteen," Lucas informed her, and Riley's gaze dropped to the floor.
"I'm exhausted, Lucas," Riley breathed, "And I'm so tired of arguing with you."
"We're not arguing," Lucas countered, standing up and crossing the room, until he was directly in front of her, "We've both known for a while, now that we were going to get engaged. It's just a matter of when we do it. And, I don't want our proposal story to be on the stairs after we'd just made up from a fight and survived the longest Thanksgiving that I've ever experienced. And, I don't want it to be after you finished telling me how much I've hurt you."
"That wasn't the point," Riley took a step back and Lucas closed his eyes as he struggled to find the right words.
"I don't understand how you could ever look in the mirror and see anything less than the beautiful, accomplished, smart, kind, and infinitely incredible woman that I see every time that I look at you. But it makes me sick to think that I ever contributed to this struggle that you have."
"Not everything is about you, Lucas," Riley informed him, and he let out a surprised laugh, "We're going to be okay."
"I know," he agreed, pulling her into his chest, "And that's one of the biggest things that I have to be grateful for this year."
Thank you to everyone who took the time to leave an encouraging review last chapter! I haven't had a chance to respond to them, but I figured you would probably rather have another chapter, anyway. This one is much heavier on the Riley/Lucas, so hopefully you enjoyed it. I have a test next week and, then, finals week after that, so it will probably be another two weeks before you see anything new from me. Thanks again!