Her nails were digging in his neck. Her panting blew in his ear. "Deeper baby, deeper." She moaned so loudly it was distracting him from what he was doing and he had to keep himself from choking her. He pushed his lips against hers to silence her while he kept thrusting inside her. A heavy feeling arose in his chest. He got cramps in his right leg and he sped up his pace, squeezing her tit.
Why did it take so long? What the hell was wrong with him?
His thoughts shot back to the lap dance. To the way Shane's fingers had glided down his face, and how his own hand had grabbed his tight while desire was taking him over. For a moment he imagined it was Shane's tongue moving around in his mouth now, but Shane's kiss had been more tender – and more real.
The memory of the kiss made the blood stream through his veins in a neck breaking pace and before he realized it, his breathing was cut off and he came, moaning. For a moment he kept leaning against the croweater, then he let go of her, hid his stuff in his pants and fastened his belt. He ignored the wronged look of the girl because he left it at that, lighted up a joint and looked around to see where Shane was.
His head was too chaotic to make sense of anything, but he did know he had to apologize. He had no idea what had gotten into him – but Shane's girl had been mad and he didn't want to be the reason of their break-up. And he had to tell Shane he wasn't gay. It just – well, he didn't know. He didn't know how this could have happened. He'd just forgotten Shane was a man, it seemed. The alcohol had clouded all his senses.
That Shane had kissed him back, was also bothering him. Had he felt obliged to do so? A few days ago Tig had told him to suck him. Did he think that was a normal thing for prospects to do? Had Shane felt compelled to grant Juice's wishes because he hadn't earned his top rocker yet? That thought made him feel sick, as if he had misused his power as a full patch member to get what he wanted. He couldn't imagine Shane had wanted to kiss him. Even though he'd been hard as hell when Shane was doing his lap dance, he realized now Shane hadn't been excited at all. Juice hadn't felt the slightest swelling. Unfortunately – for that would have shaken him up immediately. But Shane had just followed orders, nothing more and nothing less.
And now he was afraid he'd also destroyed Shane's relationship.
Mila and Shane however were nowhere to be seen and he hoped they'd gone home to have good make up sex. That thought brought him back to his own quickie, that hadn't exactly worked out as he'd hoped. He had been convinced any random croweater could expel those strange feelings for Shane, but he'd barely felt the girl's touches.
But maybe it wasn't him. Maybe he should have picked a girl he felt at least a bit attracted too. But he'd believed every girl could please him if even a man could do it.
He took a deep breath, turned around and entered the club house again, where he had to go through the laughter of the others. He walked sideways, hoping everybody would think he was drunk so he could claim it had just been a dumb drunken action the next morning. But Shane himself... he wouldn't buy it and Juice was already dreading the moment he had to face him again.
That night Juice drank until he was vomiting, kissed more girls than he could count and woke up next morning with no less than three naked girls in his bed. What he'd done with them, he couldn't remember, nor what his response on them had been. The first images his pounding head was revealing him, where those of the lap dance and the kiss.
Annoyed he pressed his lips together. By now he was sober. He'd hoped those memories had vanished, or at least would leave him indifferent. But there was still a weird feeling in his stomach and he started to doubt himself.
Was there a chance he really had feelings for Shane? The thought to have sex with a man made him feel sick. He moved closer to one of the sleeping girls and wrapped an arm around her. He loved girls. He loved their bodies. Shane had looked like a girl yesterday and that must have messed with his mind, but he should be able to get over it now, right?
With a sigh he turned on his side. His hand glided across the warm skin of the croweater and he hugged her right breast as he pressed his lips to her shoulder.
He just wanted to forget about the feelings Shane called up.
But somewhere deep inside him there was a gnawing feeling that this hadn't started yesterday. Hadn't there been more times his friendship with Shane had felt weird? Different from any other friendship? Eventually he'd told himself Shane kinda felt like the little brother he never had, but after yesterday he could toss that explanation away as well. One didn't kiss his little brother. He tasted bile in his mouth when he realized he had not only kissed a man, but also one that was barely twenty. Shane was thirteen years younger than he was. It never felt that way, but suddenly he was very aware of the age gap between them and he was disgusted with himself.
Without being aware of it, he'd clenched his hand around the girls' breast into a fist. The croweater turned around and looked at him with a sleepy smile. She caressed his cheek and if she could see the lost look in his eyes, she climbed on top of him.
"Just relax," she whispered. Her hand rubbed up and down his member until he got hard and he ran his hands across her large breasts as she led him inside her and started to ride him slowly.
A sigh escaped Juice's lips. He lowered his hands and focused on the hands that moved across his chest, the warmth that surrounded him and that great feeling only women could give him. His eyes started to droop while he surrendered himself to her and his thoughts slowly drifted away from the friendship he might have destroyed the day before.