Chapter 21 :

The proposal :

The next morning Jane woke up around eight O'clock and trying not to wake Maura up, gently extracted herself from her embrace.

After taking a quick shower and jumping in her usual jean/flannel shirt/boots apparel Jane took a minute to sit on the edge of what had become their bed to marvel at her girlfriend's beauty.

Spending the night holding her, feeling her warm body shivering against her every time her fingers brushing her skin had been the most wonderful post-coital experience of her life.

In the past Jane had almost always felt extremely uncomfortable in the moments following a sexual experience with a man. It did not matter if they had had sex for the first time or the tenth time, she never enjoyed cuddling afterwards and was grateful that most men fell asleep once their business finished so she could either go home(she would never bring any of her lovers to her place) or simply flip on her side and fall asleep as well.

With Maura things were different. Not only she had not felt compelled to hide her body by dressing up afterwards but she actually spent the entire night naked holding her, their two bodies tangled almost melting into one.

Kept awake most of the night by the intensity of the imprint of the imprint their afternoon of passion had left on her heart and soul Jane, started to realize that this might be exactly how her life was supposed to be and as far from what she had pictured it as it was, it felt incredibly right.

Sitting on the edge of the bed Jane gently cupped Maura's face with her left hand and tried to wake her up as gently as possible.

"Hey sweetheart, sorry to wake you up." Pouting as she witnessed Maura slowly emerging from her sleep she could not help but wondering how she could look so beautiful with no make up and her hair undone.

"It's alright. What time is it?" Covering her mouth as she let a discrete yawn escape, Maura tried to accustom her eyes to the natural day light. Strangely, after spending most yesterday in bed making love her body wasn't sore and she wasn't tired but instead felt incredibly energized.

"It's half past eight. I'm just waking you up for a few minutes because I'm gonna stop at the store before driving to the airport. Is there anything you need on top of what you wrote down that list?" Jane had little experience with pregnant women but knew that they usually had cravings and was determined to fulfil all her needs to avoid any conflicts that would upset her and compromise the baby's well being.

"Yes. I would not mind some ice cream, chocolate chips/mint and also strawberries . Please make sure it's organic." Now that was an unusual request for a woman like Maura who was usually very careful when it came to her diet and who only indulged her with sweet snacks during their weekly movie nights.

"Alright. Would you like me to bring you some of those crackers? I heard they'e pretty efficient in calming morning sicknesses down." Leaning over as she gently dropped a kiss on her forehead Jane realized something important : Maura is and has always been in touch with her desires and needs and never had any trouble voicing them out loud and she could only hope that she would not change and guide her through this pregnancy.

"Actually no, I strangely haven't felt sick at all up until now." Maura replied as she sat up in bed, pulling the bed sheets to cover herself up.

"Is that common?" If Maura was not having any morning sicknesses then maybe she would not have mood swing either. Now, that would be a true gift because as much as she loved her Jane already had trouble handling Maura rather colourful and stubborn personality and she could only imagine how challenging satisfying her could quickly become if overbearing hormones were added to the mix.

"No. 25 % of pregnant women never experience any nausea or morning sicknesses. I do feel uncomfortable around raw meat though."

"Then I will help Mrs Ryan in the kitchen from now on. Anything to keep you as comfortable as possible." Angela would be proud of her if she could see how much she had changed over the past two months. Not only she was gladly helping in the kitchen but she had found an inner peace that she had never ever contemplating achieving before.

"You're sweet and now that I'm thinking about it, I think you should bring me some fruit, celery sticks and veggies. It's much healthier than ice cream. I have already gained a pound and half and I should really start watching my diet more carefully." Being pregnant did not mean she should neglect her health and diet and she was determined to be as careful as possible as not to take some unnecessary weight.

"Come on Maura. You're pregnant! It's the one time in your life when you're allowed to eat what ever you want. And besides it's not like you're eating or planning on eating burgers and fries or pizza at every meal right?" One of the things Jane had learned over the past two months was that she could not control every single event in her life and that handing some of that control did not make her weak and she had a feeling that it was now Maura's turn to learn that same skill. Unfortunately nothing in Maura's life, especially when it came to her health was delegated and convincing her to be a mother, enjoy her pregnancy and entrust her Doctor with the medical details would probably prove to be a challenge.

"Of course not! I want to keep a reasonable and healthy diet. The good thing is I truly do not feel the need to eat any junk food and I doubt I ever will but I do crave for ice cream."

"Then allow yourself to listen to those cravings. I think that as long as you keep a normal and healthy diet there is nothing wrong with indulging yourself with some ice cream from time to time right?" The truth was Jane had no intention of changing her own diet during Maura's pregnancy and convincing her to accept her cravings for ice cream was a way of securing her own eating habits.

"I suppose you're right. It's just that I know that I'm probably looking at a weight gain between 25 and 35 pounds and I just don't want to put on some unnecessary weight because I'm not able to control my urges." As eager as Maura was to finally feel the baby moving inside of her womb and kicking the idea of seeing her body completely deformed and branded by stretch marks was something she was not comfortable with yet.

"And I understand that. I know that your body is going to change in the next few months but it's perfectly normal and it doesn't matter how much weight you gain, you'll always be the most beautiful woman in town." Flattery will lead you no where Detective, especially with a pregnant woman that's terribly doubting her own femininity but a few compliment never hurt.

"In town?" Maura replied, furrowing her eye brows and crossing her arms on her chest.

"In the entire universe. I mean it Maura, just enjoy your pregnancy and like people say: what is good for the baby is good for you. We'll deal with the extra pounds after the baby is born." Biting her bottom lip as those last few words literally slipped out of her mouth Jane feared that Maura would interprete them as her being reluctant to see her wearing extra her extra pounds for longer than necessary.

"You'll help me lose the weight?" Hopefully Maura was not upset or offended by Jane's remark and instead was touched that she actually considered her fears instead of just dismissing them.

"Absolutely. We'll swim, run, go horse riding. We'll what ever you need to get your body back in shape but in the mean time do me a favor and don't worry about it. I'm really sorry but I have to go if I want to go to the store before picking Mrs Ryan up at the airport." Sighing in relief Jane took a quick look at her watch and realized she did not have time to listen to Maura's pitching her the perfect post partum diet and exercising program.

"Yes. Her plane lands at 10 Am. We have all the time in the world to talk about it but before you go allow me to tell you that yesterday was particularly enjoyable." Pulling Jane closer to her and crashing her lips against her Maura immediately felt shivers down her spine and an intense electric wave running through her entire body. Kissing Jane had always had a very powerful effect on her but now that they had made love she could not kiss her without remembering those lips buried deep in her folds.

"Yes, it was but now that Mrs Ryan is coming back you're gonna have to learn to turn the volume down a bit." If anything Maura was a very quiet person as opposed to Angela or the rest of her family who were always yelling and screaming but when it comes to making love and express her pleasure she was indeed very, very vocal.

"Don't worry about that. I know plenty places on this farm we can go if we need some privacy." Maura replied licking her bottom lip as she started to picture them having sex in the barn, at the back of the red pick up or besides the river. This farm as gigantic as it was, was the perfect place for a young couple eager to spice things up by trying exotic and maybe a bit unorthodox places to meet for their sexual encounters.

"That sounds great. Why don't you go back to sleep. We should be back around eleven." Gently escaping from Maura's embrace Jane quickly gave her one last kiss and literally bounced out of bed knowing that if she didn't she would never leave.

"I will see you then but I don't think I will be able to fall back asleep knowing you're having "The" conversation with her. Are you sure you don't want to wait until the three of us are gathered to bring this up? I promise I will let you do that talking." Smiling nervously Maura had a feeling that Jane was as nervous as she was. This conversation and proposal were the most important of their entire lives and things needed to be done the right way, if they wanted it to work.

"Don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine. I spent hours in interrogations rooms trying to convince criminals to confess their crimes so convincing Mrs Ryan to trust her with her farm should be a piece of cake. I'm grateful for your support but I really want to have a one to one conversation with her. Don't worry though, if she agrees we're probably gonna talk about it in more details very soon. Now please just lie down and relax." Jane replied as she grabbed her jacket on the back of the chair sitting next to the door. As scared as she was to come out to Mrs Ryan with her idea she needed to do it one her own. She needed to prove to Maura and to herself that she could take care of their family by making decision and doing everything in her power to concretise their projects.

An hour and a half later Jane was driving back from the airport, Mrs Ryan sitting in the passenger seat.

"So how was your vacation?" Nervously tapping her fingers on the steering wheel Jane was torturing herself not knowing if she should bring things up or not. Maura was counting on her but she had no idea how to do it without being offensive or making it look like she was pushing her out of her own farm.

"It was great, the kids grew at least two inches each since the last time I saw them. What about you? Anything you want to tell me?" If there was something Mrs Ryan had in common with Angela was her curiosity. Over the past couple of months she had become the girls confident and was following the ups and downs of their relationship as faithfully as her favorite soap operas and she could not wait to hear about the last developments, knowing that a lot of things must have had happened during her absence.

"You don't need to be so careful. I know Maura told you that she was pregnant and it's okay. I get that she couldn't talk to me about it and I'm glad she had you to confide into. Thank you for helping her." Well one quality she had that Angela did not possess was her diplomacy. She would never force them to confide in her if they were willing or ready to do so and that was a drastic change for Jane. Not feeling pressured or forced to talk about her issues truly relieved the pressure of her shoulders and made it easier to do so.

"So how do you feel about it?" Mrs Ryan remembered the first time she got pregnant and her husband reaction when she told him but this was different, Maura and Jane's had just started facing their feelings and talking about it and throwing a baby into a still fragile relationship could possibly cause more damage than good.

"I feel scared to death but I'm happy. I mean I spent years listening to my mother telling me I should get married and have kids and every time she introduced me to a new guy I felt ambushed but strangely I don't not feel like that at all. Sure I would have preferred if we had waited a few years and actually discussed it before starting a family but what can I do? I love her and I think we wasted enough time already. So I'm going to stop running and take responsibility for this child and be the best parent I can possibly be." Jane replied as she slightly shrugged her shoulders. Said like that things seemed easier but she knew they weren't but right now simplifying things was her way of progressively getting used to the idea of being a parent.

"Does that mean you're going to stop running from your mother?" During the many conversations they had shared regarding Jane's inability to proudly come out as a lesbian one component always emerged : Angela. Mrs Ryan knew that Jane was scared of losing the respect of her male colleague and of being more bullied than she already was by the few that had no respect for her but ultimately her biggest scare was her mother's reaction. As she had just mentioned her mother, a devoted catholic, had spent years trying to push her to get married and to have children and she feared that make her accept her choice of lifestyle might be one of the biggest challenge she would ever have to face.

"Actually yes. Maura and I decided to fly back to Boston to make an official announcement. I think we waited long enough and if we want to live a constructive and happy life free of lies and resentment we not only to finally come clean about what has been going on but our family and friends deserve some closure too."

"Does that mean you are planning on staying in Boston?" Her voice slightly higher Mrs Ryan suddenly realized that by facing their fears and confronting them Jane and Maura might decide to go back to Boston and considering the proposal she had been working on, that thought was everything but enjoyable, regardless of how proud of them she was.

"No, no thank god no. Actually Maura and I have a proposition for you." Taking a deep breath Jane slightly turned her face to her right and tried to quickly come up with the most appropriate and sincere words possible.

"I'm listening." Was it possible that the three of them had the same idea? She was certainly hoping so.

"Well, we talked about it and what made me run away was not only my feelings for her but how I felt about my life in general. I think that after years of being this brave, loyal, heroic police officer and devoted daughter and sister I just could not take the pressure anymore. It might sound selfish but I could not be every body's hero and care taker anymore and now that I have tasted a different and simpler way of living I don't see myself going back. Ever." Now that was an understatement. As much as she loved her friends and family Jane had found her inner peace and she was grateful that Maura felt the same way and neither of them were willing to go back to a life that had made them so miserable that they almost missed on the chance to be together.

"You're not selfish Jane, you're human and as strong as you are, both physically and emotionally, you can not bare the weight of the entire city of Boston on your shoulders and that includes your friends and family. "

"Exactly. It's funny because I wanted to be a cop since I was ten or so and I never imagined myself doing something else but today all I can see myself doing is continue to learn everything about the production or maple syrup and how to run a farm but most importantly I want to build a family with Maura and I know that the only way we can provide our child with the kind of life that we want is if we stay here and fortunately Maura agrees with me and is very kin on staying here as well." Shaking her head Jane realized how lucky she was that Maura felt so strongly about staying here as well and refused to imagine what would have happened if she had not felt the same way.

"Berlin is the perfect environment to raise a child, very peaceful but also very busy and challenging. I'm sure you, Maura and the baby will be very happy here while I enjoy my retirement in Florida with my children."

"Does that mean you made your decision?" Jane replied unable to keep herself from smiling.

"Yes I did. I had been considering it since my husband passed away but as you can imagine the idea of selling my farm was more than I could possibly bare and there was nobody I knew I could trust to leave it to. Well that was until I met the two of you."

"I'm flattered and as I said Maura and I wanted to offer you to take care of the farm for as long as you and your children wish but it looks like we had the same idea... Which is a shame since I'm sure Maura probably already had a speech prepared to convince you." Nervously laughing Jane realized that she would not have to convince Mrs Ryan to trust her and frankly she couldn't be more relieved.

"You don't have to convince me. How about you go back to Boston, sort things out with your family and we'll talk about it when you girls come back?" Mrs Ryan replied as she gently starting to pat Jane's back, seeing how nervous she was and must have been the past few days.

"That sounds like a very good idea. Oh god, how am I tell my mother that I'm settling here?" Suddenly brought back to the painful reality Jane realized that making Angela accept her new life choices would be harder than convincing Mrs Ryan to trust her with her farm.

"What do you think she will have more trouble with : accepting that you're leaving Boston than to accept that you are a lesbian?" Mrs Ryan was also a devoted catholic and was even a bit older than Angela but had no trouble accepting Maura and Jane's relationship and could not imagine that a loving mother could disown her own children over something they had no choice or control with, especially when this relationship was going to produce her first grand child.

"Well, I don't know how she's going to react to Maura and I being together and to the baby but I know for a fact that she won't digest our decision to stay here. Up until now she respected my choice because she thought it was only temporary and that once things sorted out I would come back. This is going to be a though one." This conversation Jane and Maura needed to have to Angela would need, and Jane was well aware of it, to be thoroughly thought through and every possible reaction considered and they needed to prepare themselves to be violently rejected by Angela.

"Well luckily you have a very supportive and loving girlfriend."

"Yes I do, a girlfriend who's willing to leave her life and that career she spent 20 years building to be with me." She could not, would not fail, not after everything Maura had sacrificed for her, for them.

"Trust me Jane, she's not sacrificing anything. As much as she loves you I'm pretty certain that if she had not felt comfortable staying here she would have tried to convince you to move back to Boston once your issues worked out, which she did not do. This life you are building now building here for her and the baby is as appealing for her and it is for her, don't worry about it."

"I know, but still. I' m very lucky to have her and I intend to take good care of her and the baby." Just like that Jane Rizzoli became a mother, the head of her house, the care taker but in a much better way than she was in Boston.

"I know you will Jane." Mrs Ryan's work was done, after two months playing on both sides and trying to help the two women everything was right where it was supposed to be.

"Well as long as you don't leave before the baby is born I should be fine, God knows handling an hormonal Maura is gonna be challenging."

"I'm not going anywhere." Or maybe her work wasn't done after all.

Hello my dear readers. I know this was a completely transitional chapter with no big event but it was necessary for me to have Jane and Maura talk about the ups and downs of her pregnancy and to show how supportive Jane intended to be and also to have Jane have a serious talk with Mrs Ryan regarding their project.

Next chapter : Jane and Maura fly back to Boston. Prepare yourself for some drama!