Chapter 21: Brain Surgery
THE MISSING LINK
"Oh, man," I wailed. "Oh man oh man oh man..."
Jake's head had been popped open by a powerful swing from Frick, the scrag troll. His brain was exposed, and a hand-sized gold-plated beetle was crawling around on the surface of it.
"Oh man," I continued. "I don't know what I'm doing here. Help me out."
"Relax, Link," Dr. Cockroach said over my communicator. "Don't panic. It's not like you're doing brain surgery."
I blinked. "Well, that's not helpful, Doc. I am doing brain surgery."
"You really aren't," Dr. Cockroach assured me. "This doesn't need to be nearly as contemplative. Just reach in and lift the bug out."
"My fingers are all dirty," I said.
"His healing powers should get you around that," Edward advised. "Your fingers won't damage him too badly, certainly not compared to what that beetle will do if you don't get it out quickly."
As if to emphasize Ed's point, the beetle pulled out a proboscis and began to drink Jake's cerebral fluids. Screaming in terror and revulsion, I reached in and plucked the bug out, smashing it to pieces in my strong hands.
"I did it," I breathed. "It's out."
"Way to go, Link!" Nudge said.
"Now try to put his skull back together," Edward said. "He should heal fairly quickly after you've done that."
I reached over to do so, then found myself horrified again. "The bottoms of its feet are still in there!" I screamed. "There are six little bug claws digging into his brain."
"Link," Dr. Cockroach said. "Panic won't help Jacob right now. You need to be calm."
"Okay," I muttered.
"Try pretending it's a video game," Doc suggested. "Pretend it's the last level of a video game, and you don't have any extra lives, and all you have to do to win is perform a quick combo move to remove the feet from Jacob's brain."
"Right," I said.
I took a deep breath, and as fast as I could, I plucked the six beetle claws out of Jake's brain one by one, then pressed the two halves of his open skull together.
I felt like fainting, but I knew I shouldn't. Jake would die if I didn't make absolutely sure that he was fine. Once I could say positively that his skull was back together, once I was sure that he would regain consciousness... then I could faint. But not yet.