My mind was a million miles away as I slipped into the back of the O2 Arena in London, England. I was still spinning from the events of the past 48 hours. My life as I knew it had been turned upside down and my marriage as I had come to know it, seemed to be falling apart. In such a short time I had experienced every emotion possible. I was confused, shocked, angry, hurt, frustrated and finally numb. For the first time, I hadn't thrown myself into work to cope. Instead I had hidden out. I had never lied before to Kevin Dunn because I'd never had a reason to but as I sent him a text message feigning terrible illness complete with a fever and stomachache, it had set the ball rolling for an unfortunate chain of events. I had delegated my many responsibilities to a few of the senior PAs I knew I could trust and did most of my other business over the Blackberry.
All this happened as I hid out in the hotel room of PJ Lloyd. We had been friendly from the beginning but the moment my life had fallen apart, I had turned to a man who had been a virtual stranger. We got to know each other in a hurry through my grief and in a matter of hours he had proved to be a strong shoulder to cry on. He listened when I needed to talk, he offered words of comfort when I needed to be consoled. And sometimes he was just there, a gentle and caring presence. Fred had eventually returned after a night of partying but one look at my tear stained cheeks and he knew right away something serious was up. PJ had explained as much as he could without divulging too much of my business and Fred had taken the hint. He had willingly given up his bed and place in the room and made himself scarce. He too had been just another new co-worker and casual acquaintance but quickly I knew he too was someone I could trust. I could only hide from the world for a short amount of time and I was grateful the two men facilitated my way.
When I could no longer remain holed up in the hotel room, I had put on enough make-up to conceal my physical troubles. I dressed in jeans, black boots, and threw on a grey jacket over my black shirt. I wore sunglasses inside and a grey wool Kangol hat. I moved through the crowds of perhaps imagined eyes that seemed to stare relentlessly. I grabbed my handy clipboard and began the usual work of checking with Catering, making sure the crew had everything set up, and answering any questions the production team and wrestlers may have had. The first elimination in NXT was fast approaching and the guys were flying high from their time overseas.
The matches for the evening were to be Pro Christian versus Rookie Wade Barrett, Pro William Regal against Rookie Daniel Bryan and finally Darren Young's infamous hair on the line when he took on Luke Gallows. In addition to the matches, the Rookies would have plenty of camera time with a new challenge. The winner would be determined by the live audience and the prize was their very own entrance theme. They would be given random topics and then have 30 seconds to talk about them. It seemed easy enough but when I saw that the topics included everything from cereal to flowers, I knew the FCW Eight had their work cut out for them.
"Claudia, everything is ready to go," a PA told me. "Matt Striker has all the topics and he'll be getting audio feed into his earpiece for the spot. The guys have no idea what their topics are because Kevin wants it to be as real as possible."
"Good deal," I nodded. "Thanks."
I scanned some production notes when I felt a presence looming over me. I looked up and saw that it was Mike. He looked like hell, like he hadn't slept in days. Large bags, identical to my own, hung underneath his eyes. He looked worried, different.
"Claudia, I need to talk to you," he said in a quiet voice.
"There's nothing to talk about," I refused to meet his gaze.
He shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I know you're upset but I need to explain."
"Mike…"
"Please, Claud."
His voice had an unfamiliar pleading tone.
"Mike, I do not want to do this with you right now. It's not the time or the place."
"Then what is?" he demanded. "You walked out on me and I haven't seen you in a day and a half. I had no idea where you were, if you were even okay."
"Really?" I shot back. "Welcome to my world. Now you know how I felt all those times you did it to me."
He closed his eyes.
"I deserve that."
"That and a lot more."
"You have a right to be upset. I know how you must feel."
I felt my anger mounting.
"Don't you proceed to tell me how I feel. You have no idea. You can't Mike because if you did, maybe you would have thought twice before you hurt me like this, before you shit all over our wedding vows."
"I can explain."
"Explain? Explain what? Are you kidding? What part do you want to explain? The fact that you've screwed every Diva employed by the company or the fact that you've rekindled your storybook romance with your precious little Caitlin."
Heads were beginning to turn.
"God, will you lower your voice?" he tersely whispered.
"Why? You embarrassed?"
"Claud…"
"You should be."
"Calm down. I just want to talk, okay? I get that you're mad but we'll never get through this if we don't talk it out. Yeah, maybe backstage isn't the ideal place to handle all this but what am I supposed to do when you won't even talk to me? I've been worried sick the past two nights. You won't even answer your phone. Where were you, baby?"
I laughed out loud at his sheer nerve.
"Baby? Where was I? Are you high, Mike? Or just stupid? Where I go and what I do is no longer of your concern. Those days are over."
"Despite what has happened, what I have done or how you may feel, we are still married."
"Don't remind me and don't you dare throw the sanctity of marriage in my face. I did everything for you. I was a good wife. I loved you. I took care of you. I put your needs before my own. What did that get me? Huh, Mike? All you did was talk to me like dirt and treat me worse than crap. You stayed out all night and ignored me. You had no respect for me or any consideration for my feelings. Worst of all after you promised before God, our family and our friends to love, honor and always be faithful to me, you had sleazy affair after affair with any and everything that had two legs and a vagina in between them. How do you think that makes me feel?"
Now any and everyone within earshot was focused on us.
"Don't do this," he begged.
"I didn't do anything. You did this. You did this to us and to yourself. If this isn't the fairytale ending you expected, then you have only yourself to thank."
He ran his fingers through his perfectly sculpted hair and took a breath.
"The show is about to start. We have a busy schedule ahead but I think we really need to talk. Just…can you meet me in the hotel before tomorrow? We're all taking a shuttle to the next location."
"No," I emphatically stated.
"Claud, don't be like this!" his voice rose in anger and frustration. "Come on!"
He pounded his fist into the wall and everyone stopped immediately what they were doing but I didn't flinch. At that moment I didn't care. All the caring had been drained out of me thanks to his undoing.
"I have nothing more to say to you, Mike. You have hurt me and betrayed me for the last time and I can't take it anymore. I won't take it anymore. I am done crying over you and hating myself because of you. It seems like all you've wanted lately is your freedom, the chance to be single again. Well, congratulations because I'm about to give you what you want."
He looked in my eyes and saw a deep, profound pain he had never witnessed before. Accompanied with that pain was a renewed seriousness. The mood had definitely changed.
"What are you saying?" he asked.
One could almost see the lump forming in his throat.
"I'm saying it's over. We're done, Mike."
I turned to walk away. I spoke the words out loud and I couldn't have imagined how actually saying them would feel. Scary? Sad? In actuality, I didn't feel either emotion. All I felt was relief.
"What?"
"You heard me. I'm through. I want a divorce."